Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In this modernized era, humans are conscious of having a fresh way of living. Nevertheless, some others believe that it is arduous to stay healthy owing to people’s bad habits. Therefore, having a good lifestyle is essential not only for the individuals but for the social community.
In terms of discussing why most people do not maintain a healthy life, it is believed that they have less time to keep healthy. Today, many people are always rushing to business, whether at work officer or anywhere to have financial stability. Consequently, good health is not a concern. Also, there are too many unfinished tasks at work, they stay up late to complete responsibilities. Many studies have shown that lack of sleep is an unwholesome issue, and even leads to death. Furthermore, being busy with work can make people consume tinned food which often contains less nutrition, and even skipping meals is the worst way to decrease health’s quality.
Particularly, the reasons behind unfitness people is that being lazy to do exercise and eating junk food. People always use their own vehicles instead of walking. As a result, they get very little movement and form a routine of not exercising. On the other hand, single people tend to have meals with fast food because of its convenience, and this is bad for them.
Thus, it would be a mistake to think that it is not easy to get fit. However, people can manage time properly to work out in gym centers every day. Additionally, there are many health counselors who can ask what to eat freshly without being time-consuming. As a result, many people will find it easy to balance between a job and a good lifestyle.
In summary, harmful habits can affect health and cause medical outcomes. To avoid this problem, I think people should spend a little time taking care of their health by working out more and eating nutritious foodstuff, health will improve better.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this modernized era" -> "In this contemporary era"
Explanation: "Modernized" is not typically used to describe an era, and "contemporary" is more precise and academically appropriate for referring to the current time period.
"fresh way of living" -> "new approach to living"
Explanation: "Fresh way of living" is vague and informal. "New approach to living" is more specific and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"arduous to stay healthy" -> "challenging to maintain health"
Explanation: "Arduous" is somewhat informal and less precise in this context. "Challenging" is more commonly used in academic writing to describe difficulties in maintaining health.
"people’s bad habits" -> "individuals’ unhealthy habits"
Explanation: "People’s bad habits" is informal and imprecise. "Individuals’ unhealthy habits" is more formal and specific.
"having a good lifestyle" -> "maintaining a healthy lifestyle"
Explanation: "Having a good lifestyle" is vague and informal. "Maintaining a healthy lifestyle" is more precise and appropriate for an academic context.
"less time to keep healthy" -> "insufficient time to maintain health"
Explanation: "Less time to keep healthy" is awkward and informal. "Insufficient time to maintain health" is more formal and clear.
"rushing to business" -> "rushing to work"
Explanation: "Business" is too broad and informal in this context. "Work" is more specific and appropriate for the discussion of employment.
"office" -> "office work"
Explanation: "Office" is not a verb and is not the correct term in this context. "Office work" is the correct phrase.
"good health is not a concern" -> "health is not a priority"
Explanation: "Good health is not a concern" is informal and vague. "Health is not a priority" is more direct and formal.
"unwholesome issue" -> "unhealthy issue"
Explanation: "Unwholesome" is less commonly used and can be confusing in this context. "Unhealthy" is straightforward and universally understood.
"consume tinned food" -> "consume canned food"
Explanation: "Tinned" is less commonly used in American English, whereas "canned" is more widely accepted and understood.
"decrease health’s quality" -> "deteriorate health"
Explanation: "Decrease health’s quality" is awkward and informal. "Deteriorate health" is a more precise and formal expression.
"unfitness people" -> "unhealthy individuals"
Explanation: "Unfitness people" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Unhealthy individuals" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"being lazy to do exercise" -> "being reluctant to exercise"
Explanation: "Being lazy to do exercise" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Being reluctant to exercise" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"fast food because of its convenience" -> "fast food due to its convenience"
Explanation: "Because of" is less formal than "due to," which is preferred in academic writing.
"bad for them" -> "adverse for their health"
Explanation: "Bad for them" is informal and vague. "Adverse for their health" is more specific and formal.
"health will improve better" -> "health will improve"
Explanation: "Will improve better" is redundant and informal. "Will improve" is sufficient and maintains the formal tone.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the difficulty of maintaining a healthy lifestyle in the modern world. The first part discusses the challenges people face, such as time constraints and unhealthy eating habits, which aligns with the prompt. The second part presents the opposing view, suggesting that with proper time management and access to health resources, maintaining a healthy lifestyle is feasible. However, the discussion could be more balanced, as the essay leans slightly more towards the challenges rather than equally weighing both perspectives.
- How to improve: To enhance the balance of the discussion, the essay could include more specific examples or statistics supporting the argument that it is easy to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Additionally, a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing view in the conclusion would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear opinion that while there are challenges to maintaining a healthy lifestyle, it is ultimately manageable. This position is articulated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. However, the clarity of the position could be improved, as some sentences are convoluted, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should use straightforward language and structure their arguments more logically. For instance, clearly delineating the discussion of each viewpoint before stating their opinion would help reinforce their stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the challenges of maintaining a healthy lifestyle, such as time constraints and unhealthy eating habits. However, some points lack depth and specific examples. For instance, while the essay mentions that lack of sleep can lead to serious health issues, it does not elaborate on how this directly affects lifestyle choices or provide supporting evidence.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples. Incorporating relevant data or studies to support claims about health impacts would strengthen the arguments. Additionally, each idea should be clearly linked to the overall thesis to enhance coherence.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the challenges and solutions related to maintaining a healthy lifestyle. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing "lazy to do exercise," which could be articulated more clearly in relation to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point directly relates back to the prompt. Using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help keep the discussion aligned with the main ideas. Additionally, avoiding vague phrases and ensuring each sentence contributes to the overall argument will enhance topic adherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents relevant arguments, improvements in balance, clarity, depth of ideas, and focus will help elevate the score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the difficulty of maintaining a healthy lifestyle in the modern world. It begins with an introduction that sets the stage for the discussion, followed by paragraphs that address the reasons for unhealthy habits and counterarguments. However, the organization could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the challenges of maintaining health to the counterargument about the ease of achieving fitness is somewhat abrupt. The ideas could be more clearly delineated, with a more structured approach to presenting each viewpoint.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that directly relate to the essay prompt. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "On the contrary" or "Conversely" can help signal shifts between contrasting viewpoints more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but the structure could be refined. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the discussion; however, some paragraphs are overly long and contain multiple ideas that could be separated for clarity. For example, the second paragraph discusses both time constraints and unhealthy eating habits, which could be split into two distinct paragraphs for better focus.
- How to improve: Aim to keep each paragraph focused on a single main idea. This can be achieved by starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and ensuring that all subsequent sentences support that idea. For instance, one paragraph could focus solely on the time constraints that hinder a healthy lifestyle, while another could address the impact of convenience foods.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "nevertheless," "consequently," and "on the other hand," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some transitions feel forced or repetitive. For example, the phrase "as a result" is used multiple times, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use alternatives like "furthermore," "in addition," or "moreover" to introduce additional points. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help maintain cohesion without repetitive phrasing. For example, instead of repeatedly stating "people," you could use "individuals" or "they" to vary the language.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "modernized era," "arduous," "unwholesome," and "nutritious." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or lacks variation. For example, the phrase "healthy lifestyle" appears multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which could enhance the richness of the language.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "healthy," alternatives like "wholesome," "fit," or "well-being" could be employed. Additionally, varying sentence structures and using idiomatic expressions could further enhance the essay’s lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, but there are also instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "bad habits" is vague; it could be more specific by identifying particular habits such as "sedentary lifestyle" or "poor dietary choices." Additionally, the phrase "health’s quality" is awkward and could be more clearly expressed as "the quality of health."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should aim to use more specific terms that convey exact meanings. For example, instead of saying "consuming tinned food," the writer could specify "processed foods" or "canned goods," which would provide clearer context. Furthermore, reviewing the essay for phrases that could be rephrased for clarity will help improve overall precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, but there are a few errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, "officer" should be "office," and "health’s quality" could be better phrased as "quality of health." Such errors can confuse the reader and affect the credibility of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, possibly reading it aloud to catch mistakes. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, keeping a list of frequently used vocabulary and their correct spellings can help reinforce learning.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, enhancing the range and precision of vocabulary, as well as ensuring spelling accuracy, will contribute to achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and some complex sentences. For example, the use of "Nevertheless, some others believe that it is arduous to stay healthy owing to people’s bad habits" showcases a complex structure with a subordinate clause. However, there is a tendency to rely on simpler structures, particularly in the latter parts of the essay, such as "People always use their own vehicles instead of walking." This limits the overall variety and complexity of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include multiple clauses and varied conjunctions. For instance, instead of stating "People always use their own vehicles instead of walking," the writer could say, "Although many people prefer using their vehicles for convenience, this choice significantly reduces their physical activity levels." This not only adds complexity but also improves the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "whether at work officer or anywhere to have financial stability" contains a typographical error ("officer" should be "office") and lacks clarity. Additionally, the sentence "Also, there are too many unfinished tasks at work, they stay up late to complete responsibilities" is a run-on sentence that should be separated into two distinct sentences or connected with a conjunction for better coherence. Punctuation is generally correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "and" in lists.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread their work to catch typographical errors and ensure clarity. Practicing sentence combining techniques can help avoid run-on sentences. For example, the problematic sentence could be revised to: "Moreover, many people have unfinished tasks at work; as a result, they often stay up late to complete their responsibilities." This not only corrects the grammatical issue but also improves the overall flow of the argument.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical structures and punctuation, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this contemporary era, humans are conscious of having a new approach to living. Nevertheless, some others believe that it is arduous to stay healthy owing to individuals’ unhealthy habits. Therefore, maintaining a healthy lifestyle is essential not only for individuals but for the social community.

In terms of discussing why most people do not maintain a healthy life, it is believed that they have insufficient time to maintain health. Today, many people are always rushing to work, whether at the office or anywhere else to achieve financial stability. Consequently, good health is not a priority. Also, there are too many unfinished tasks at work, so they stay up late to complete their responsibilities. Many studies have shown that lack of sleep is an unhealthy issue and can even lead to death. Furthermore, being busy with work can make people consume canned food, which often contains less nutrition, and skipping meals is the worst way to deteriorate health.

Particularly, the reasons behind unhealthy individuals are being reluctant to exercise and eating junk food. People often use their own vehicles instead of walking. As a result, they get very little movement and form a routine of not exercising. On the other hand, single people tend to have meals with fast food due to its convenience, and this is adverse for their health.

Thus, it would be a mistake to think that it is not easy to get fit. However, people can manage their time properly to work out in gym centers every day. Additionally, there are many health counselors who can advise on what to eat freshly without being time-consuming. As a result, many people will find it easy to balance between a job and a good lifestyle.

In summary, harmful habits can affect health and cause medical outcomes. To avoid this problem, I think people should spend a little time taking care of their health by exercising more and eating nutritious food; their health will improve.