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Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

Some people say that in the modern world it is very difficult for people to have a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, say that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

In the modern day, it is easy to live unhealthily due to multiple factors. Besides, it is considered to be possible to stay fit and healthy, however, it can be challenging if we do not figure out how to take action in the correct ways. The following paragraphs will discuss what leads to harmful lifestyles and how we can improve ourselves.
One of the main reasons for being unfit is a lack of regular exercises. A large number of people of all ages may have hectic lives surrounded by work, school, relationships, etc. We could devote great efforts in order to be successful and achieve our goals, yet many of us might forget health is the top priority. Moreover, we spend a big portion of energy into other main tasks and end up being completely drained right the moment back home. Thus, there is a low chance that we would be willing to take some exercises and work out on a daily basis.
Furthermore, uncontrollably consuming junk-food is another factor which could reduce our life expectancy. It is impossible to be healthy if we do not have a balanced diet. Many people assume that being healthy means we should stop eating sugar, fast foods, or drinking alcohol. In fact, we could stay healthy by scientifically adjusting our diet, which means it is acceptable to consume a little amount of junk-food.
In conclusion, it is effortless to have a healthy lifestyle. Remember to do regular exercises by setting small goals for fitness everyday, and gradually fall in love with real foods which are rich in vitamins and nutrition. Adopting these habits would positively change ourselves from the outside to the inside after a period of time.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "In the modern day" -> "In contemporary times"
    Explanation: "In contemporary times" is a more formal and precise phrase that enhances the academic tone of the essay, replacing the colloquial "In the modern day."

  2. "it is easy to live unhealthily" -> "it is increasingly common to lead unhealthy lifestyles"
    Explanation: "It is increasingly common to lead unhealthy lifestyles" is more specific and formal, avoiding the vague and informal "easy to live unhealthily."

  3. "Besides, it is considered to be possible" -> "Furthermore, it is feasible"
    Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Besides," and "feasible" is more precise than "considered to be possible," which is redundant.

  4. "figure out how to take action in the correct ways" -> "determine the appropriate actions"
    Explanation: "Determine the appropriate actions" is more direct and formal, avoiding the colloquial "figure out how to take action in the correct ways."

  5. "A large number of people of all ages" -> "a significant proportion of individuals across various age groups"
    Explanation: "A significant proportion of individuals across various age groups" is more precise and formal, replacing the vague "A large number of people of all ages."

  6. "We could devote great efforts" -> "We may dedicate considerable effort"
    Explanation: "We may dedicate considerable effort" is more formal and avoids the less formal "devote great efforts."

  7. "spend a big portion of energy into other main tasks" -> "allocate a substantial amount of energy to other primary tasks"
    Explanation: "Allocate a substantial amount of energy to other primary tasks" is more precise and formal, replacing the informal "spend a big portion of energy into other main tasks."

  8. "completely drained right the moment back home" -> "exhausted upon returning home"
    Explanation: "Exhausted upon returning home" is more formal and clearer than the awkward and informal "completely drained right the moment back home."

  9. "uncontrollably consuming junk-food" -> "unrestrained consumption of junk food"
    Explanation: "Unrestrained consumption of junk food" is more formal and precise, avoiding the awkward construction "uncontrollably consuming."

  10. "It is impossible to be healthy if we do not have a balanced diet." -> "Maintaining a balanced diet is essential for overall health."
    Explanation: "Maintaining a balanced diet is essential for overall health" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express the idea, replacing the informal and absolute "It is impossible to be healthy."

  11. "stop eating sugar, fast foods, or drinking alcohol" -> "abstain from consuming sugar, fast food, and alcohol"
    Explanation: "Abstain from consuming sugar, fast food, and alcohol" is more formal and precise, replacing the casual "stop eating."

  12. "it is effortless to have a healthy lifestyle" -> "maintaining a healthy lifestyle is relatively effortless"
    Explanation: "Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is relatively effortless" corrects the awkward and incorrect "it is effortless to have a healthy lifestyle," which is grammatically incorrect and informal.

  13. "by setting small goals for fitness everyday" -> "by setting daily fitness goals"
    Explanation: "By setting daily fitness goals" is more concise and formal, replacing the informal "everyday."

  14. "and gradually fall in love with real foods" -> "and gradually develop a preference for whole foods"
    Explanation: "Develop a preference for whole foods" is more formal and scientifically accurate than "fall in love with real foods," which is overly colloquial and emotional for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on the difficulty of maintaining a healthy lifestyle. The first part emphasizes the challenges posed by busy lifestyles and unhealthy eating habits, which aligns with the perspective that it is difficult to be healthy. However, the essay lacks a more explicit discussion of the opposing view that it can be easy to maintain a healthy lifestyle if one desires to do so. The mention of "it is effortless to have a healthy lifestyle" in the conclusion is somewhat vague and does not sufficiently explore the reasons why some people believe it is easy.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should include a more balanced examination of both perspectives. This can be achieved by dedicating a paragraph to discussing how individuals can easily adopt healthy habits, perhaps by mentioning access to resources like gyms, healthy food options, or community support. Including specific examples or statistics could strengthen this section.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position that it is challenging to maintain a healthy lifestyle, but it becomes muddled in the conclusion. The phrase "it is effortless to have a healthy lifestyle" contradicts the earlier discussion of challenges, leading to confusion about the author’s stance. The inconsistency in the position affects the overall clarity of the argument.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and ensure that all paragraphs support this viewpoint. If the intention is to argue that it is challenging to live healthily, the conclusion should reinforce this perspective rather than introduce a conflicting idea. A clear thesis statement at the end of the introduction can help guide the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the challenges of a healthy lifestyle, such as lack of exercise and poor diet. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while the essay mentions the hectic lives of individuals, it does not delve into how these challenges can be overcome or what specific actions can lead to a healthier lifestyle. The support for the ideas is also minimal, lacking concrete examples or evidence.
    • How to improve: To improve this aspect, the author should aim to elaborate on each point made. For example, when discussing the lack of exercise, the author could provide examples of how individuals can incorporate physical activity into their daily routines. Additionally, citing studies or providing statistics about the benefits of a balanced diet or regular exercise would strengthen the argument and provide a more compelling case.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the challenges of maintaining a healthy lifestyle. However, the conclusion introduces a somewhat off-topic notion of "falling in love with real foods," which could distract from the main argument. While it is related to health, it does not directly address the prompt’s request to discuss both views and give an opinion.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all parts of the essay directly relate to the prompt. The conclusion should summarize the main points discussed and clearly restate the author’s opinion without introducing new ideas. It may also be beneficial to include a brief mention of the opposing view in the conclusion to reinforce the balanced discussion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the difficulty of maintaining a healthy lifestyle, outlining reasons for unhealthy living and suggesting improvements. However, the organization could be enhanced. For instance, the introduction mentions both views but does not clearly delineate them in the body paragraphs. The first body paragraph focuses solely on the challenges, while the second introduces a solution without explicitly contrasting it with the opposing view. This lack of clear organization may confuse readers about the overall argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider explicitly stating both perspectives in the introduction and ensuring that each body paragraph addresses one view. For instance, dedicate one paragraph to discussing the difficulties of maintaining a healthy lifestyle and another to the ease of achieving health if one takes the right actions. This structure will help readers follow the argument more easily.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific idea. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing the lack of exercise to the consumption of junk food feels abrupt and could benefit from a linking sentence that connects the two concepts.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, use transition sentences at the end of paragraphs to lead into the next point. For example, after discussing exercise, a sentence like "In addition to exercise, dietary choices also play a crucial role in our health" would create a smoother transition to the next paragraph.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "besides," "moreover," and "in fact," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and their usage can feel repetitive. For example, "Moreover" is used in the second paragraph, but similar devices could be introduced to enhance variety and sophistication.
    • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases such as "on the other hand," "conversely," or "in contrast" when discussing opposing views. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help maintain cohesion without sounding repetitive. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "people," you could use "individuals" or "many" to avoid redundancy.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to an improved band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "unhealthily," "hectic lives," "life expectancy," and "balanced diet." However, it tends to rely on common phrases and lacks more sophisticated vocabulary that could elevate the argument. For instance, instead of "big portion of energy," a more varied expression could be "significant amount of energy."
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more varied and advanced synonyms and phrases. For example, instead of "stay fit and healthy," consider using "maintain optimal health and fitness." Engaging with a thesaurus or reading more academic texts could help in discovering new vocabulary.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "it is effortless to have a healthy lifestyle" contradicts the earlier discussion about the challenges of maintaining health. Additionally, "we could stay healthy by scientifically adjusting our diet" could be clearer; the term "scientifically" is vague in this context.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that vocabulary aligns with the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "effortless," a term like "challenging yet achievable" would better reflect the nuanced argument. Clarifying terms and ensuring they fit the context will enhance overall clarity.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances where spelling could be improved, such as "exercises" (used correctly) and "everyday" (should be "every day" in this context). The phrase "fall in love with real foods" is also slightly awkward; "whole foods" might be a more appropriate term.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on commonly confused words and phrases. Utilizing spell-check tools or writing practice exercises can also help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. Engaging more deeply with language through reading and writing practice will help the writer achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "it is easy to live unhealthily due to multiple factors" and "it is considered to be possible to stay fit and healthy" showcases an ability to construct sentences that convey nuanced ideas. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence openings and transitions, which can enhance the flow and coherence of the argument.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more introductory phrases or clauses, such as "Despite the challenges," or "In contrast to this view," to begin sentences. Additionally, incorporating more complex structures, such as conditional sentences (e.g., "If people prioritize their health, they can easily maintain a healthy lifestyle"), could further enhance the range of grammatical structures.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some noticeable errors that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "we could devote great efforts in order to be successful" should be "we could devote great effort in order to be successful." Additionally, the use of commas could be improved; for instance, "it is considered to be possible to stay fit and healthy, however, it can be challenging" should use a semicolon or a period instead of a comma before "however" to separate the two independent clauses.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to review subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Practicing sentence combining and breaking down complex sentences can also help in identifying and correcting errors. Furthermore, revisiting punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas and conjunctions, will improve clarity and coherence in writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation skills will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary times, it is increasingly common to lead unhealthy lifestyles due to multiple factors. However, some argue that it is feasible to stay fit and healthy if individuals are willing to take the right actions. The following paragraphs will discuss the reasons behind harmful lifestyles and how we can improve our health.

One of the main reasons for being unfit is a lack of regular exercise. A significant proportion of individuals across various age groups may have hectic lives filled with work, school, and relationships. We may dedicate considerable effort to be successful and achieve our goals, yet many of us might forget that health should be our top priority. Furthermore, we allocate a substantial amount of energy to other primary tasks and end up feeling exhausted upon returning home. Thus, there is a low chance that we would be willing to engage in exercise and work out on a daily basis.

Moreover, the unrestrained consumption of junk food is another factor that can reduce our life expectancy. It is impossible to maintain a healthy lifestyle without a balanced diet. Many people assume that being healthy means they must abstain from consuming sugar, fast food, or alcohol entirely. In fact, we can stay healthy by scientifically adjusting our diet, which means it is acceptable to consume a small amount of junk food occasionally.

In conclusion, maintaining a healthy lifestyle is relatively effortless. By setting daily fitness goals, we can gradually develop a preference for whole foods that are rich in vitamins and nutrition. Adopting these habits would positively transform our health from the inside out over time.

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