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Some people say that it is necessary to use animals for testing medicines intended for human use. Others, however, think it is cruel and unnecessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that it is necessary to use animals for testing medicines intended for human use. Others, however, think it is cruel and unnecessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is a belief that experiments on animals whose aim is to test medicines are crucial while others support that animals shouldn’t be used for medical research. Personally, I firmly advocate that testing medicines on animals is inhumane.
On the one hand, society can gain some medical and biological achievements when carrying out trials on creatures. Firstly, it is the experiments on animals that plays a significant role in navigating infectious diseases between human and wild species.In fact, tests on wild bats in Wuhan, China reveal why the virus is called Covid-19 and how they cause community transfer, which is the fundamental base that leads the scientists to formulate a vaccine. In addition, the distribution of testing on animals to the genetic biological field is undeniable because it provides biologists with foundations to create creatures with better physical conditions. For example, Dolly, the first sheep to be cloned from an adult somatic cell by associates of the Roslin Institute, whose life expectancy is longer than its peers is a new type of sheep .

On the other hand, testing on animals to serve the healthcare is not a humanitarian activity. Initially, the more the scientists conduct experiments on creatures, the more the animals suffer from mental and health problems. Put simply, animals will be likely to face diseases if they are confined in low-quality facilities and undergo enormous tests for a long time. Secondly, using animals for research in the medical field leads to the decrease of their population because they are poached by hunters on a large scale in order to sell to researchers working in the healthcare services. For instance, there has been a sharp decrease in the number of California sea lions due to the indiscriminate exploitation of hunters since the scientists conducted experiments on the lions and came to the conclusion that the sea lion’s brain can cure epileptic.
In conclusion,the testing on animals is said to be essential for the medical area although some individuals find it brutal to use animals for testing the medicines. Nevertheless , I strongly support that creatures shouldn’t be used for medical trials.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "There is a belief that experiments on animals whose aim is to test medicines are crucial while others support that animals shouldn’t be used for medical research." -> "There is a prevailing belief that experiments on animals conducted to test medicines are crucial, while others argue against the use of animals in medical research."
    Explanation: The revised sentence introduces a more formal tone by using "prevailing belief" and rephrasing to specify the purpose of the experiments more precisely. It also avoids contractions for formality.

  2. "Personally, I firmly advocate that testing medicines on animals is inhumane." -> "Personally, I strongly contend that subjecting animals to medical testing is inhumane."
    Explanation: Replacing "firmly advocate" with "strongly contend" enhances the formality of expression. Additionally, the use of "subjecting animals to medical testing" is more precise and formal than "testing medicines on animals."

  3. "it is the experiments on animals that plays a significant role" -> "experiments on animals play a significant role"
    Explanation: Correcting subject-verb agreement by changing "plays" to "play" and simplifying the sentence for clarity without altering the intended meaning.

  4. "tests on wild bats in Wuhan, China reveal why the virus is called Covid-19 and how they cause community transfer" -> "tests on wild bats in Wuhan, China reveal the origins of the Covid-19 virus and how it can be transmitted within communities."
    Explanation: Clarifying the sentence by specifying that the tests reveal the origins of the virus and improving the description of community transmission.

  5. "distribution of testing on animals to the genetic biological field is undeniable because it provides biologists with foundations to create creatures with better physical conditions." -> "integration of animal testing into the genetic biological field is undeniable as it provides biologists with the foundations to create organisms with improved physical traits."
    Explanation: Substituting "distribution" with "integration" for a more accurate term and rephrasing for precision and formality.

  6. "Dolly, the first sheep to be cloned from an adult somatic cell by associates of the Roslin Institute, whose life expectancy is longer than its peers is a new type of sheep." -> "Dolly, the first sheep cloned from an adult somatic cell by researchers at the Roslin Institute, represents a new breed with a longer life expectancy than its counterparts."
    Explanation: Rearranging the sentence for better flow and specifying that Dolly represents a new breed with a longer life expectancy.

  7. "the more the scientists conduct experiments on creatures, the more the animals suffer from mental and health problems." -> "With an increase in the number of experiments conducted by scientists on animals, there is a corresponding rise in the animals’ mental and health problems."
    Explanation: Improving clarity and formality by restructuring the sentence and avoiding repetition.

  8. "animals will be likely to face diseases if they are confined in low-quality facilities and undergo enormous tests for a long time." -> "Animals are more likely to contract diseases when confined in substandard facilities and subjected to extensive testing over an extended period."
    Explanation: Enhancing formality and precision by rephrasing and specifying the conditions under which animals may contract diseases.

  9. "using animals for research in the medical field leads to the decrease of their population" -> "utilizing animals for research in the medical field contributes to a decline in their population."
    Explanation: Substituting "using" with "utilizing" for a more formal tone and improving the wording for precision.

  10. "there has been a sharp decrease in the number of California sea lions due to the indiscriminate exploitation of hunters since the scientists conducted experiments on the lions and came to the conclusion that the sea lion’s brain can cure epileptic." -> "The population of California sea lions has sharply declined due to indiscriminate exploitation by hunters, following experiments by scientists who concluded that the sea lion’s brain has potential in treating epilepsy."
    Explanation: Clarifying the cause of the population decline and improving the connection between the experiments and their conclusions.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument. It presents the viewpoint that advocates for the necessity of using animals for medical research and provides arguments against it. Relevant examples, such as the testing on wild bats in Wuhan and the case of Dolly, the cloned sheep, support the discussion.
    • How to improve: To further enhance this aspect, consider expanding on the ethical considerations of using animals in medical research. Discussing potential alternatives to animal testing and acknowledging counterarguments to the stance taken would add depth to the analysis.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear and consistent position against the use of animals for medical trials. This stance is evident from the beginning, and the essay effectively argues against the necessity of such testing.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the personal opinion in the introduction. This will provide a clear roadmap for the reader and set the tone for the rest of the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, with specific examples such as the connection between animal testing and the development of a Covid-19 vaccine. However, some ideas could be extended further for a more comprehensive discussion.
    • How to improve: Elaborate on the ethical concerns associated with using animals in medical research. Discuss the potential consequences of relying solely on animal testing and explore the advancements in alternative methods.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the pros and cons of using animals for medical research. However, there are minor deviations, such as the mention of poaching and the exploitation of California sea lions, which, while related, slightly divert from the main focus.
    • How to improve: Maintain a tighter focus on the primary topic by avoiding tangential details. If introducing related issues, ensure they are directly tied back to the central theme of using animals for medical testing.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively communicates a clear position. To enhance its quality, consider refining the introduction to explicitly state the personal opinion, expanding on ethical considerations, and maintaining a more focused discussion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization. It begins with a clear introduction that presents both sides of the argument and the writer’s opinion. The body paragraphs discuss the pros and cons of testing medicines on animals. However, the essay lacks a clear and structured progression of ideas. The transition from discussing benefits to drawbacks is abrupt, affecting the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider a more structured approach. Group similar ideas together within paragraphs, ensuring a smooth transition between paragraphs. A more gradual transition between the positive and negative aspects of animal testing would improve the essay’s overall flow.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but their structure is somewhat inconsistent. The second paragraph is overly lengthy and contains multiple ideas, affecting clarity. The third paragraph, on the other hand, is too short. There’s a need for better organization to ensure each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument.
    • How to improve: Aim for clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that introduce the main idea. Ensure each paragraph develops a single point coherently. Consider breaking down lengthy paragraphs into smaller ones to improve readability, and ensure that all paragraphs contribute meaningfully to the overall argument.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand." However, the essay could benefit from a wider variety of cohesive devices for better connectivity between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, the use of pronouns for coherence needs improvement.
    • How to improve: Incorporate a diverse range of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions (e.g., furthermore, however), pronouns (to avoid repetition), and transitional expressions to establish clearer relationships between ideas. Ensure that the choice of cohesive devices contributes to a smooth and coherent flow of information.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of coherence and cohesion, but improvements in organization, paragraphing, and the use of cohesive devices would elevate the essay to a higher band score. Focus on creating a more structured and cohesive presentation of ideas to enhance overall clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It touches upon medical and biological terms such as "infectious diseases," "community transfer," "genetic biological field," and "somatic cell," which contributes to the lexical variety. However, there is room for improvement as the vocabulary could be more expansive and diverse.
    • How to improve: To enhance the vocabulary range, consider incorporating a broader array of synonyms, exploring more nuanced expressions, and incorporating specialized terms related to the topic. For instance, instead of frequently using "experiments on animals," one could vary the phrasing with terms like "biomedical trials," "animal testing," or "scientific investigations involving living organisms."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with reasonable precision, but there are instances where more precise word choices could strengthen the expression. For example, the phrase "experiments on animals whose aim is to test medicines" could be refined for greater specificity.
    • How to improve: Focus on selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Instead of using broad terms like "experiments," consider specifying the nature of the experiments, such as "clinical trials" or "pharmaceutical tests." This precision can elevate the clarity and sophistication of the essay.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate, with only minor issues like "plays" instead of "plays a" and "conducted" instead of "conducing." However, these do not significantly impede understanding.
    • How to improve: Continue to pay attention to details in spelling. Proofread the essay carefully to catch minor errors. Additionally, consider using tools like spell-check to minimize the risk of oversight. Developing a habit of revising work with a focus on spelling will contribute to overall accuracy.

In summary, the essay exhibits a commendable level of lexical resource, but there is potential for improvement in broadening vocabulary range, refining precision, and ensuring consistent spelling accuracy. As the writer aims for a higher band score, incorporating a more diverse and sophisticated vocabulary, choosing precise terms, and refining spelling will contribute to an enhanced lexical performance.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable variety of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are used effectively. For instance, the essay employs complex sentences like "In fact, tests on wild bats in Wuhan, China reveal why the virus is called Covid-19 and how they cause community transfer," demonstrating an ability to convey complex ideas.
    • How to improve: While the range of structures is generally good, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures to elevate the sophistication of the writing. Introduce varied sentence beginnings and experiment with different syntactic structures to add depth to the prose.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the grammar and punctuation are sound, with correct usage of tenses and consistent punctuation marks. However, there are a few instances where sentence structure could be refined for clarity. For example, the sentence "Initially, the more the scientists conduct experiments on creatures, the more the animals suffer from mental and health problems" could be rephrased for better clarity.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to sentence construction to avoid potential confusion. In the mentioned sentence, consider rephrasing to something like "As scientists conduct more experiments on creatures, the animals increasingly suffer from mental and health problems." Additionally, double-check the use of articles (a, an, the) to ensure precision in expression.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical structures and punctuation. To enhance the score further, focus on refining sentence structures for greater sophistication and clarity, while maintaining the grammatical accuracy already exhibited.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a prevailing belief that experiments on animals conducted to test medicines are crucial, while others argue against the use of animals in medical research. Personally, I strongly contend that subjecting animals to medical testing is inhumane.

On one hand, experiments on animals play a significant role in medical and biological advancements. Firstly, such experiments contribute to our understanding of infectious diseases that can transfer between humans and wild species. For example, tests on wild bats in Wuhan, China, revealed the origins of the Covid-19 virus and how it can be transmitted within communities, forming the foundational knowledge that led scientists to develop a vaccine. Additionally, the integration of animal testing into the genetic biological field is undeniable, providing biologists with the foundations to create organisms with improved physical traits. Take Dolly, for instance, the first sheep cloned from an adult somatic cell by researchers at the Roslin Institute. Dolly represents a new breed with a longer life expectancy than its counterparts.

On the other hand, utilizing animals for medical research raises ethical concerns. With an increase in the number of experiments conducted by scientists on animals, there is a corresponding rise in the animals’ mental and health problems. Animals are more likely to contract diseases when confined in substandard facilities and subjected to extensive testing over an extended period. Moreover, the exploitation of animals for research purposes contributes to a decline in their population. The population of California sea lions, for instance, has sharply declined due to indiscriminate exploitation by hunters, following experiments by scientists who concluded that the sea lion’s brain has potential in treating epilepsy.

In conclusion, while some argue that testing medicines on animals is essential for medical advancements, others find it brutal and unnecessary. Nevertheless, I strongly support the view that creatures shouldn’t be used for medical trials, considering the ethical implications and the potential harm to animal populations.

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