Some people say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In this day and age, one school of thought holds that sports play a vital part in our society and human life. Meanwhile others tend to underestimate sport as a recreational activity. From my perspective, sports have certain merits including promoting overall well-being and generating substantial income via events and competition.

To begin with, obviously, some people consider sports in a trivial way due to the ignorance about sports benefits and more focus on other aspects of life. First and foremost, some people do not fully understand the potential benefits of playing sport, which leads to their limited awareness. This can be explained by the fact that people have a tendency to play sports because of its interestingness while not aware of its advantages on their health and life. As a result, sports are regarded as nothing more than an entertaining activity. Another reason worth mentioning is the fact that many adults may focus more on other things rather than sports. For example, children caring and earning money is a familiar aspect of life since adults often spend a large proportion of their time on these tasks.

However, it is certainly true that playing sports help improve overall health and generate tremendous financial success. First and foremost, sports contribute to the improvement of overall well-being. To be specific, playing sports is proven to help avoid many health problems such as cardiovascular disease, obesity and joint problems. According to a recent study conducted by an American researcher, exercise levels have a profound impact on human health. 52% of people surveyed who show their regular practice with sports can reduce the risk of heart disease and stress and prolong life expectancy. In addition, the sports industry has been generating huge financial sources through sports events and competition. Take Australia as a typical example, it can be seen that the 2000 Sydney Olympics provided Australia with 3 billion USD and the numbers of tourists took a hike of 1.6 million.

In conclusion, some people don’t take sports seriously because they aren't fully aware of its merits on overall health and life as well as not spend much time playing sport. However, I hold a belief that playing sports should be appreciated for its practical benefits including boosting overall health and work productivity.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a somewhat colloquial expression. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.
"one school of thought holds" -> "one perspective suggests"
Explanation: "One school of thought holds" is a bit verbose and less direct. "One perspective suggests" is more concise and maintains academic tone.
"tend to underestimate sport" -> "often undervalue sports"
Explanation: "Underestimate" is correct but "undervalue" is more precise in this context, emphasizing the devaluation of sports rather than just the estimation.
"obviously" -> "clearly"
Explanation: "Obviously" can sound too informal and presumptuous in academic writing. "Clearly" is more neutral and appropriate.
"do not fully understand the potential benefits" -> "fail to recognize the potential benefits"
Explanation: "Do not fully understand" is somewhat informal and vague. "Fail to recognize" is more precise and formal.
"interestingness" -> "entertainment value"
Explanation: "Interestingness" is not a standard term in academic writing. "Entertainment value" is a more precise and commonly accepted term.
"children caring and earning money" -> "childcare and financial support"
Explanation: "Children caring and earning money" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Childcare and financial support" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"playing sports help" -> "playing sports helps"
Explanation: "Help" should be singular when referring to the general action of playing sports.
"generate tremendous financial success" -> "yield significant financial gains"
Explanation: "Generate tremendous financial success" is somewhat informal and vague. "Yield significant financial gains" is more precise and formal.
"playing sports is proven to help" -> "research has shown that playing sports helps"
Explanation: "Playing sports is proven to help" is somewhat informal and lacks specificity. "Research has shown that playing sports helps" provides a more academic tone and attribution.
"avoid many health problems" -> "prevent various health issues"
Explanation: "Avoid" is less formal than "prevent," and "health problems" is less specific than "health issues."
"joint problems" -> "joint issues"
Explanation: "Problems" is less formal than "issues" in academic writing.
"Take Australia as a typical example" -> "Consider Australia as an exemplar"
Explanation: "Take" is too informal and conversational for academic writing. "Consider" is more formal, and "an exemplar" is a more precise term than "a typical example."
"the numbers of tourists took a hike" -> "the number of tourists increased"
Explanation: "Took a hike" is an idiom and too informal for academic writing. "Increased" is straightforward and appropriate.
"I hold a belief" -> "I believe"
Explanation: "I hold a belief" is redundant. "I believe" is sufficient and more direct.
"boosting overall health and work productivity" -> "enhancing overall health and productivity"
Explanation: "Boosting" is slightly informal and less precise than "enhancing," which is more commonly used in academic contexts to describe improvements.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the role of sports in society. It presents the perspective that sports are trivial and merely a leisure activity, followed by a counterargument emphasizing their importance in promoting health and generating income. However, while both views are discussed, the treatment of the first perspective is somewhat less developed compared to the second. For instance, the explanation of why some people underestimate sports lacks depth and could benefit from more concrete examples or evidence.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, consider providing more detailed examples or statistics that illustrate the viewpoint that sports are merely a leisure activity. This could involve discussing cultural attitudes towards sports in different societies or citing studies that show a lack of engagement in sports among certain demographics. This would create a more balanced discussion of both perspectives.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that sports should be valued for their benefits to health and the economy. This position is stated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing the two perspectives could be smoother, as the shift from the first view to the second feels abrupt. The phrase "However, it is certainly true that…" could be perceived as dismissive of the first viewpoint.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, use transitional phrases that acknowledge the validity of the opposing view before presenting your own. For example, you could say, "While some may view sports as merely a leisure activity, it is important to recognize their significant contributions to health and economic growth." This approach would help to maintain a balanced tone throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the importance of sports, particularly in relation to health benefits and economic impact. The use of statistics, such as the 52% figure regarding heart disease, adds credibility to the argument. However, the support for the first viewpoint is less robust, with fewer examples and less elaboration on the reasons why some people might undervalue sports.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, consider expanding on the reasons why some individuals may see sports as trivial. This could include discussing societal values that prioritize work over leisure or mentioning specific groups that may lack access to sports facilities. Additionally, integrating more varied examples for both views would provide a richer discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the role of sports in society and addressing the prompt effectively. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For instance, the mention of "children caring and earning money" seems somewhat tangential and could confuse the reader regarding its relevance to the topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that every point made directly relates to the question posed. Consider revising or removing any statements that do not clearly support the main argument or that stray from the central discussion about sports. Additionally, outlining the essay before writing could help in organizing thoughts and ensuring that all points are relevant to the prompt.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could potentially achieve a higher band score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the two perspectives on sports in society. The first body paragraph addresses the viewpoint that underestimates sports, while the second body paragraph supports the argument that sports are beneficial. However, the transition between the two perspectives could be smoother; for instance, the shift from discussing the negative perception of sports to the positive aspects could be more explicitly connected.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly indicate a shift in perspective, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely." Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with distinct sections for the introduction, opposing views, supporting arguments, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the discussion. However, the first body paragraph could be more effectively structured; it contains multiple ideas that could be split into separate sentences for clarity.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down complex sentences into simpler ones to enhance readability. For example, the first body paragraph could be divided into two sentences: one discussing the ignorance of sports benefits and another addressing the focus on other life aspects. This would create a clearer separation of ideas and make the argument more accessible.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "however," and "to be specific." These devices help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, which can lead to a repetitive feel in the writing. For instance, the phrase "first and foremost" appears multiple times, which could detract from the overall fluidity of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "furthermore," "on the contrary," and "for instance." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a more sophisticated command of language. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to clarify relationships between ideas, which can further strengthen the coherence of the argument.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By focusing on these aspects, the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument can be significantly enhanced.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "vital," "recreational," "tremendous," and "financial success." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "sports" and "overall health," which appear multiple times without variation. For instance, the phrase "playing sports" is used frequently, which could be diversified with synonyms or related terms like "athletics," "physical activities," or "competitive games."
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related expressions to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "sports," they could use "athletic pursuits" or "competitive sports." Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to the topic could elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "interestingness" is awkward and not commonly used in English; a more precise term would be "appeal" or "attractiveness." Furthermore, the phrase "huge financial sources" could be better articulated as "significant revenue" or "substantial financial resources."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to use vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. They could benefit from reviewing common collocations and phrases related to sports and health. For instance, instead of saying "the fact that many adults may focus more on other things rather than sports," they could say, "many adults prioritize work and family obligations over sports."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only a few minor errors. However, the phrase "its interestingness" could be considered a spelling error in terms of word choice, as "interestingness" is not a standard term in English. Additionally, "52% of people surveyed who show their regular practice with sports" could be clearer if rephrased for grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling and overall writing accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on word choice and grammatical structures. Utilizing spell-check tools or reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases or potential spelling issues. Furthermore, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words and practicing their correct forms can be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and carefully proofreading, the writer can enhance the quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of "In this day and age," and "From my perspective," effectively introduces the writer’s viewpoint. However, there are instances where sentence variety could be improved. For instance, the sentence "This can be explained by the fact that people have a tendency to play sports because of its interestingness while not aware of its advantages on their health and life" is somewhat convoluted and could benefit from restructuring for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses effectively. For example, instead of saying "many adults may focus more on other things rather than sports," you could say, "While many adults may focus more on work and family obligations, they often overlook the benefits of engaging in sports." Additionally, varying the sentence openings (e.g., starting with adverbial phrases or dependent clauses) can create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from its overall effectiveness. For instance, the phrase "the ignorance about sports benefits" should be revised to "the ignorance of the benefits of sports" for clarity and correctness. Additionally, the sentence "52% of people surveyed who show their regular practice with sports can reduce the risk of heart disease and stress and prolong life expectancy" is awkwardly constructed; it would be clearer as "52% of people surveyed who regularly practice sports can reduce their risk of heart disease and stress, thereby prolonging their life expectancy." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are areas where commas could enhance readability, such as before "however" in the second sentence of the second paragraph.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review subject-verb agreement and the correct use of prepositions. Practicing sentence restructuring can also help clarify complex ideas. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors, especially in longer sentences, can improve overall readability. Consider using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In this day and age, one perspective suggests that sports play a vital role in our society and human life. Meanwhile, others tend to undervalue sports as merely a leisure activity. From my perspective, sports have significant merits, including promoting overall well-being and generating substantial income through events and competitions.

To begin with, it is clear that some people consider sports trivial due to their failure to recognize the potential benefits of participating in sports and their focus on other aspects of life. First and foremost, many individuals do not fully understand the advantages of playing sports, which leads to their limited awareness. This can be explained by the fact that people often engage in sports for entertainment value without recognizing its positive impact on their health and life. As a result, sports are regarded as nothing more than an entertaining activity. Another reason worth mentioning is that many adults prioritize other responsibilities over sports. For example, childcare and financial support are familiar aspects of life, as adults often spend a large proportion of their time on these tasks.

However, it is certainly true that playing sports helps improve overall health and yield significant financial gains. First and foremost, sports contribute to enhancing overall well-being. Specifically, research has shown that playing sports helps prevent various health issues such as cardiovascular disease, obesity, and joint problems. According to a recent study conducted by an American researcher, exercise levels have a profound impact on human health. Fifty-two percent of those surveyed who regularly engage in sports reported a reduced risk of heart disease and stress, as well as an increased life expectancy. In addition, the sports industry has been generating substantial financial resources through events and competitions. Consider Australia as an exemplar; the 2000 Sydney Olympics provided the country with 3 billion USD, and the number of tourists increased by 1.6 million.

In conclusion, some people do not take sports seriously because they are not fully aware of its merits for overall health and life, as well as not spending much time participating in sports. However, I believe that playing sports should be appreciated for its practical benefits, including enhancing overall health and productivity.