some people say that students should not be exposed to teacher’s opinions on social and political issues in the classroom. others, however, think that it is helpful for students to hear various perspectives. discuss both views and give your own opinion.

some people say that students should not be exposed to teacher's opinions on social and political issues in the classroom. others, however, think that it is helpful for students to hear various perspectives.
discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is widely held that teachers sharing their viewpoints on sensitive topics can expose students to diverse perspectives, fostering dynamic classroom discourse. However, a more compelling argument suggests that teachers refraining from discussing their personal beliefs could better facilitate students' development of critical thinking skills through articulating their viewpoints.

On one hand, some argue that teachers expressing their opinions can demonstrate how to engage in constructive debate. One of the most effective methods to solidify personal viewpoints is through constructive challenge from others. In-class discussions, such as those commonly seen in Korea, encourage students to express different perspectives, stimulating lively discourse. Consequently, this facilitates students' comprehension of divergent viewpoints and encourages deeper contemplation of various topics.

However, there is concern that students might be negatively impacted if subjected to their teachers' personal viewpoints. Students often perceive their teachers' opinions as factual and inherently correct, potentially hindering the development of independent perspectives. According to a recent study conducted in the United States, over 75 percent of students assimilated their teachers' ideas as their own, with many showing reduced inclination to develop their own critical perspectives.

In conclusion, while exposing students to a variety of ideas is important, teachers should refrain from discussing their viewpoints on political and social issues in the classroom. This ensures that students have the opportunity to develop their own independent perspectives without being unduly influenced by authority figures.

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "It is widely held that" -> "It is widely believed that"
   Explanation: "Widely held" is slightly informal for academic writing. "Believed" maintains the meaning while sounding more formal.

2. "expose students to diverse perspectives" -> "expose students to a range of viewpoints"
   Explanation: "Diverse perspectives" is appropriate, but "a range of viewpoints" offers a more varied and formal expression.

3. "fostering dynamic classroom discourse" -> "cultivating dynamic classroom discourse"
   Explanation: "Fostering" and "cultivating" have similar meanings, but "cultivating" is slightly more formal and academic in tone.

4. "However, a more compelling argument suggests that" -> "However, a more persuasive argument contends that"
   Explanation: "Compelling" is slightly informal. "Persuasive" maintains the meaning while sounding more formal. "Contends" is a stronger verb choice.

5. "articulating their viewpoints" -> "articulating their perspectives"
   Explanation: "Viewpoints" and "perspectives" are synonymous, but "perspectives" sounds slightly more formal and precise.

6. "demonstrate how to engage in constructive debate" -> "illustrate how to engage in constructive debate"
   Explanation: "Demonstrate" is appropriate, but "illustrate" adds a touch of formality and clarity to the sentence.

7. "solidify personal viewpoints" -> "solidify individual perspectives"
   Explanation: "Personal viewpoints" is clear but slightly informal. "Individual perspectives" maintains clarity while sounding more formal.

8. "In-class discussions, such as those commonly seen in Korea" -> "In-class discussions, typical in educational settings such as those observed in Korea,"
   Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat casual. Replacing it with "typical in educational settings" maintains clarity while sounding more formal.

9. "stimulating lively discourse" -> "stimulating vigorous discourse"
   Explanation: "Lively" is slightly informal. "Vigorous" adds formality and intensity to the discourse.

10. "Consequently, this facilitates students’ comprehension" -> "Consequently, this enhances students’ comprehension"
    Explanation: "Facilitates" is appropriate, but "enhances" adds a touch of formality and strength to the sentence.

11. "However, there is concern that" -> "However, there is a concern that"
    Explanation: Adding "a" before "concern" clarifies the sentence structure and makes it more formal.

12. "negatively impacted" -> "negatively affected"
    Explanation: "Impacted" is informal in this context. "Affected" is a more suitable choice for academic writing.

13. "assimilated their teachers’ ideas as their own" -> "adopted their teachers’ ideas as their own"
    Explanation: "Assimilated" is slightly informal. "Adopted" maintains the meaning while sounding more formal.

14. "many showing reduced inclination" -> "many displaying diminished inclination"
    Explanation: "Reduced" and "diminished" have similar meanings, but "diminished" is more formal and precise.

15. "develop their own critical perspectives" -> "cultivate their own critical perspectives"
    Explanation: "Develop" is appropriate, but "cultivate" adds a touch of formality and sophistication to the sentence.

16. "exposing students to a variety of ideas" -> "exposing students to a variety of perspectives"
    Explanation: "Ideas" is slightly general. "Perspectives" is more specific and suitable for academic writing.

17. "refrain from discussing their viewpoints on political and social issues" -> "refrain from discussing their stances on political and social issues"
    Explanation: "Viewpoints" is appropriate, but "stances" is more precise and formal in this context.

18. "ensures that students have the opportunity" -> "ensures that students are afforded the opportunity"
    Explanation: "Ensures that students have" is slightly informal. "Ensures that students are afforded" adds formality and clarity to the sentence.

19. "unduly influenced" -> "unduly swayed"
    Explanation: "Influenced" is appropriate, but "swayed" adds variety and a touch of formality to the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both perspectives outlined in the prompt. It discusses the benefits of teachers sharing their opinions on social and political issues in the classroom, as well as the drawbacks associated with this practice. However, the analysis could be more nuanced. While it acknowledges the potential benefits of exposing students to diverse perspectives, it primarily focuses on the negative consequences of teachers expressing their opinions. More balanced consideration of both viewpoints would enhance the response.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay should dedicate equal attention to discussing the advantages and disadvantages of teachers sharing their opinions in the classroom. Providing specific examples or research findings to support each perspective would strengthen the argumentation and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the issue.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position favoring teachers refraining from discussing their viewpoints on social and political issues in the classroom. This stance is evident from the introductory paragraph through the conclusion. However, while the position is consistent, the essay lacks depth in explaining why this perspective is preferred over the alternative. Enhancing the clarity of reasoning behind the chosen position would strengthen the essay’s overall argumentation.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the essay should provide more detailed reasoning and evidence to support the chosen position. This could involve exploring the potential negative impact of teachers’ opinions on students’ critical thinking skills in greater depth and providing additional examples or research to reinforce the argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and extends ideas related to the topic, offering analysis and examples to support the arguments made. It discusses how teachers’ opinions can influence students and impact classroom dynamics, providing relevant examples and referencing studies to substantiate claims. However, some ideas could be further developed to strengthen the overall argumentation.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and extension of ideas, the essay could delve deeper into the potential benefits of exposing students to diverse perspectives, particularly in fostering critical thinking skills and promoting open-mindedness. Additionally, providing more detailed examples or case studies to illustrate the points made would enrich the discussion and provide a more robust foundation for the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, addressing the issue of whether teachers should share their opinions on social and political issues in the classroom and discussing the implications of this practice for students. However, there are moments where the connection to the topic could be clearer, particularly in the discussion of constructive debate and students’ perceptions of their teachers’ opinions as factual.
  • How to improve: To ensure greater relevance and coherence, the essay should maintain a more direct focus on the topic throughout. This could involve explicitly linking each point back to the central question of whether teachers’ opinions should be shared in the classroom and avoiding tangential discussions that detract from the main argument. Additionally, providing transitions between ideas to guide the reader through the essay’s structure would enhance overall coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure, starting with an introduction that presents both views, followed by two body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint in turn, and concluding with a clear summary of the author’s opinion. Each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its respective argument without veering off topic.
  • How to improve: While the organization is generally effective, ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next could further enhance coherence. Using transition phrases or sentences to connect ideas between paragraphs can create a more seamless flow of thought.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction clearly presents the essay’s purpose and the two opposing views, while the body paragraphs delve into each viewpoint in detail. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and presents the author’s opinion.
  • How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, consider ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea of the paragraph. Additionally, maintaining consistency in paragraph length can help create a visually balanced essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices such as transition words ("However," "On one hand," "In conclusion") and cohesive phrases ("On the other hand," "In addition," "Consequently") to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. These cohesive devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay by guiding the reader through the argumentative structure.
  • How to improve: While the essay effectively uses cohesive devices, incorporating a wider variety of transitions and synonyms can further enhance coherence. Additionally, ensuring that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay can reinforce the logical flow of ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing ideas, utilizing paragraphs, and employing cohesive devices to create a cohesive and logically structured argument. To improve further, focus on refining transitions between paragraphs and expanding the repertoire of cohesive devices used.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary throughout. Phrases such as "fostering dynamic classroom discourse," "articulating their viewpoints," "constructive challenge," "lively discourse," "deeper contemplation," and "independent perspectives" exhibit a nuanced grasp of vocabulary. These terms contribute to the clarity and sophistication of the essay’s arguments.
  • How to improve: While the essay effectively employs diverse vocabulary, there is room for further enhancement by incorporating more specialized or domain-specific terminology related to education and critical thinking. For instance, instead of using "constructive challenge," the essay could utilize terms like "dialectical engagement" or "socratic inquiry" to add depth to the discussion.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally utilizes vocabulary with precision, accurately conveying the intended meanings. However, there are instances where certain terms could be more precisely employed. For example, the phrase "assimilated their teachers’ ideas as their own" could be replaced with a more specific term like "internalized," which would convey the concept more succinctly.
  • How to improve: To further enhance precision, consider using synonyms or alternative phrases that capture the nuances of the intended meaning more accurately. Additionally, consulting a thesaurus or academic resources can help identify precise vocabulary choices that align closely with the essay’s arguments and themes.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a high level of spelling accuracy overall. However, there are a few minor instances of typographical errors, such as "constructive challenge" instead of "constructive challenges." These errors do not significantly detract from the clarity or coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: To maintain consistent spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission, paying close attention to commonly misspelled words and typographical errors. Utilizing spell-checking tools and seeking feedback from peers or educators can also help identify and rectify any spelling mistakes effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, compound sentences, and simple sentences. For instance, complex structures such as "One of the most effective methods to solidify personal viewpoints is through constructive challenge from others" and compound structures like "However, there is concern that students might be negatively impacted if subjected to their teachers’ personal viewpoints" contribute to the sophistication of the essay. The writer effectively employs these structures to convey ideas clearly and logically.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more parallel structures or utilize rhetorical devices like parallelism and chiasmus. Additionally, varying the lengths of sentences can add rhythm and flow to the essay, creating a more engaging reading experience.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy and proficient use of punctuation. However, there are a few instances where minor errors occur, such as in the phrase "On one hand, some argue that teachers expressing their opinions can demonstrate how to engage in constructive debate," where a comma after "argue" would enhance clarity. Additionally, in the sentence "Consequently, this facilitates students’ comprehension of divergent viewpoints and encourages deeper contemplation of various topics," a semicolon could replace the comma to better link the related independent clauses. Despite these minor issues, the essay maintains a strong level of grammatical correctness throughout.
  • How to improve: To further improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, the writer should pay close attention to sentence structure and ensure consistency in punctuation use. Proofreading for punctuation errors and grammatical inconsistencies before finalizing the essay can help eliminate any remaining issues. Additionally, studying advanced grammar concepts, such as complex sentence structures and punctuation rules, can enhance overall writing proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely believed that teachers sharing their viewpoints on sensitive topics can cultivate dynamic classroom discourse. However, a more persuasive argument contends that teachers refraining from discussing their personal beliefs could better facilitate students’ development of critical thinking skills through articulating their perspectives.

On one hand, some argue that teachers expressing their opinions can illustrate how to engage in constructive debate. One of the most effective methods to solidify individual perspectives is through constructive challenge from others. In-class discussions, typical in educational settings such as those observed in Korea, stimulate vigorous discourse. Consequently, this enhances students’ comprehension of divergent viewpoints and encourages deeper contemplation of various topics.

However, there is a concern that students might be negatively affected if subjected to their teachers’ personal viewpoints. Students often adopt their teachers’ ideas as their own, potentially hindering the cultivation of their own critical perspectives. According to a recent study conducted in the United States, many students display diminished inclination to develop their own critical perspectives, with over 75 percent assimilating their teachers’ ideas as their own.

In conclusion, while exposing students to a variety of perspectives is important, teachers should refrain from discussing their stances on political and social issues in the classroom. This ensures that students are afforded the opportunity to cultivate their own critical perspectives without being unduly swayed by authority figures.