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Some people say that technology is harmful for people. What is your opinion? What are some measures?

Some people say that technology is harmful for people. What is your opinion? What are some measures?

In recent years, technology has become a board issue to the general public. Some people believe that it has negative impacts on people life while others think that it brings positive effects. In my opinion, I totally agree with the former idea. Diccused below are serveral reasons supporting my perspective.
First and foremost, people should recognize that technology brings many harmful effects. Firstly, Internet is the most popular source of spreading viruses. These viruses create different problems in your computer. Viruses that can attack your privacy and get some information about you. It’s hard to predict what will happen if you were hacked the account information. Secondly, internet can have a bad effect to our health risks. We can suffer from many health problems such as backache, obesity and many other diseases due to using the internet for long hours. The worse of all, it directly or indirectly influences to formimg and developing of children’s manner. It is widely seen bad progams on internet like violent or sexual films , and action films, they are very harmful to children’s mind. Therefore, measures to minimize the drawbacks of technology is very important. Firstly, users should protect by being mindful of the information you share online. Secondly, limit screen time is also important. Limiting screen time can help you avoid the negative effects of technology overuse, such as headaches, eye strain, and poor sleep. Last but not least, you should spend more time doing tasks yourself like washing dishes, sweeping the floor, and cleaning the house instead of just using modern machines to do your work.
In conclusion, I think technology can have both positive and negative impacts. However, we can easily. However, we can still minimize its negative effects by taking specific actions.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "board issue" -> "broad issue"
    Explanation: Replacing "board issue" with "broad issue" corrects the typo and ensures that the intended meaning of a widespread or general concern is conveyed.

  2. "people life" -> "people’s lives"
    Explanation: Correcting "people life" to "people’s lives" ensures grammatical accuracy by using the possessive form and maintains a formal tone.

  3. "I totally agree" -> "I strongly agree"
    Explanation: Substituting "I totally agree" with "I strongly agree" adds emphasis and elevates the strength of the agreement, aligning with a more formal expression.

  4. "Diccused below are serveral reasons" -> "Discussed below are several reasons"
    Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of "Diccused" to "Discussed" and "serveral" to "several" ensures proper spelling and grammar, adhering to academic writing standards.

  5. "harmful effects" -> "negative impacts"
    Explanation: Replacing "harmful effects" with "negative impacts" maintains formality and precision in describing the adverse consequences of technology.

  6. "Firstly, Internet is the most popular source" -> "Firstly, the Internet is the most prevalent source"
    Explanation: Adding the definite article "the" before "Internet" and substituting "popular" with "prevalent" enhances formality and accuracy, emphasizing the widespread use of the Internet.

  7. "Viruses that can attack your privacy" -> "Viruses that can compromise your privacy"
    Explanation: Replacing "attack" with "compromise" provides a more nuanced and accurate description of the impact of viruses on privacy.

  8. "It’s hard to predict what will happen if you were hacked the account information." -> "It’s challenging to predict the consequences of a hacked account."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and changing "were hacked the account information" to "a hacked account" improves grammatical correctness and readability.

  9. "internet can have a bad effect to our health risks" -> "the internet can pose health risks"
    Explanation: Adjusting the sentence to "the internet can pose health risks" improves clarity and formality by specifying the subject and verb relationship.

  10. "formimg and developing of children’s manner" -> "formation and development of children’s behavior"
    Explanation: Correcting "formimg" to "formation" and "manner" to "behavior" enhances precision and aligns with formal language usage.

  11. "bad progams" -> "negative programs"
    Explanation: Substituting "bad programs" with "negative programs" conveys a more neutral and formal tone, emphasizing the detrimental nature of certain content.

  12. "measures to minimize the drawbacks of technology is very important" -> "It is crucial to implement measures to minimize the drawbacks of technology."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and changing "is very important" to "It is crucial" enhances formality and emphasizes the significance of taking measures.

  13. "Last but not least, you should spend more time doing tasks yourself like washing dishes, sweeping the floor, and cleaning the house instead of just using modern machines to do your work." -> "Finally, allocate more time to manual tasks such as washing dishes, sweeping the floor, and cleaning the house, rather than relying solely on modern machines."
    Explanation: Rewording the sentence for clarity and formality, and replacing "Last but not least" with "Finally," enhances the overall structure and tone of the paragraph.

  14. "we can easily. However, we can still minimize" -> "we can easily minimize. However, we can still"
    Explanation: Removing the unnecessary period after "easily" and adjusting the following sentence improves the flow and coherence of the concluding statement.

In conclusion, I believe technology can have both positive and negative impacts. However, we can easily minimize its negative effects by taking specific actions.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. While it acknowledges both positive and negative impacts of technology, the discussion lacks depth and fails to fully explore the measures needed. The essay could benefit from a more comprehensive analysis of the potential harms of technology and a more detailed explanation of the suggested measures.
    • How to improve: To improve, ensure that each aspect of the prompt is thoroughly addressed. Provide specific examples and details to support the points made, and consider dedicating more space to discussing the measures needed to mitigate the negative effects of technology.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay’s stance is clear: the author agrees that technology has negative impacts. However, the expression of this position could be strengthened by providing more specific examples and reasoning. Additionally, there is a slight inconsistency in the conclusion where the author repeats a sentence, affecting the overall clarity.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the clarity of your position by offering more detailed examples and reasoning throughout the essay. Also, ensure that the conclusion does not contain repetitive statements, maintaining a consistent and clear stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas, but they are not extensively developed. For instance, the harmful effects of the internet are mentioned, but there is limited elaboration or support. Providing specific examples and expanding on each point would enhance the overall development of ideas.
    • How to improve: Extend and support your ideas by incorporating concrete examples, statistics, or real-life scenarios. This will make your arguments more compelling and provide a stronger foundation for your perspective.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but occasionally deviates, such as in the repetition found in the conclusion. The discussion of the negative effects of technology could be more focused, with a deeper exploration of specific aspects.
    • How to improve: Maintain a more focused discussion by avoiding repetition and delving deeper into specific aspects of the negative impacts of technology. Ensure that every point made directly relates to the topic without straying.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a reasonable understanding of the prompt but would benefit from a more thorough exploration of ideas, increased clarity in expressing the position, and a more focused discussion on the negative impacts of technology. Strengthening these aspects will contribute to an improved overall response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction presents the opposing views on technology, followed by a clear thesis statement indicating agreement with the negative perspective. The body paragraphs discuss various harmful effects of technology. However, there is a slight issue with the organization within the body paragraphs. For instance, the transition from discussing computer viruses to health risks could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure a seamless transition between ideas within each paragraph. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to connect different aspects of the harmful effects of technology. This will contribute to a more coherent and connected argument.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but there is room for improvement. While the introduction and conclusion are distinct, the body paragraphs could be more clearly structured. The second paragraph, for example, addresses multiple aspects of the harmful effects of the internet without a clear separation.
    • How to improve: Aim for more clearly defined paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect or idea. In the body paragraphs, focus on one harmful effect at a time to maintain clarity and coherence. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as linking words like "firstly," "secondly," and "last but not least." However, the variety and effectiveness of cohesive devices could be improved. The connection between ideas within paragraphs, especially in the body, can be strengthened for a smoother progression of thought.
    • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices to create a more sophisticated and connected structure. Consider incorporating a variety of transition words (e.g., furthermore, consequently, however) to enhance coherence at both the paragraph and essay levels. Ensure that each cohesive device strengthens the logical flow of ideas.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and demonstrates coherence and cohesion, refining the organization within paragraphs and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and connected piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a limited range of vocabulary. The use of vocabulary is often repetitive, and there’s a reliance on basic or generic terms. For instance, the frequent use of words like "technology," "effects," and "Internet" suggests a lack of variety. Additionally, there are missed opportunities to incorporate more sophisticated or nuanced vocabulary to enhance expression.
    • How to improve: To improve the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms, exploring more diverse language choices, and avoiding repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "technology," consider alternatives such as "digital advancements," "innovations," or "electronic devices." Also, strive to include more precise and context-appropriate vocabulary to convey ideas more vividly.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates imprecise vocabulary usage. There are instances where words are not used accurately or are vague, diminishing the clarity of the message. For example, the phrase "board issue" may be a typographical error, but it introduces ambiguity. Additionally, the term "bad progams" is imprecise and could be clarified for better communication.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, carefully select words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Proofread to catch typographical errors, and ensure that each word contributes to the clarity of your expression. Instead of "board issue," consider using "broad concern" or "widespread issue." For "bad progams," specify the nature of the programs, such as "inappropriate content" or "harmful media."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays noticeable spelling errors, affecting the overall coherence and professionalism of the writing. For example, "board" should likely be "broad," "Diccused" is a misspelling of "Discussed," and "progams" should be "programs." These errors detract from the reader’s confidence in the writer’s language proficiency.
    • How to improve: Improving spelling accuracy requires diligent proofreading. Utilize spelling and grammar check tools, read the essay aloud, and consider seeking feedback from others. Create a personal list of commonly misspelled words to review during the proofreading process. Additionally, practice spelling words that frequently pose challenges. Regular practice and attention to detail will contribute to enhanced spelling accuracy.

In summary, while the essay expresses a clear stance on the impact of technology, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will elevate the overall quality of the writing. Consider these specific suggestions for enhancement in subsequent compositions.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple and lack complexity. For instance, the essay heavily relies on basic sentence structures like subject-verb-object. While some sentences attempt to vary structure, the overall variety is insufficient. There is a lack of complex sentences, compound sentences, or varied sentence beginnings.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, introduce a variety of sentence structures. Experiment with complex sentences, incorporating subordination and coordination. For instance, instead of relying solely on simple sentences, try combining ideas using conjunctions. Additionally, pay attention to sentence beginnings and avoid repetitive patterns. Introducing a mix of short and long sentences will add dynamism to your writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several grammatical and punctuation errors that impact clarity and coherence. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., "technology has become a board issue") and article use (e.g., "a board issue"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas and inconsistent spacing around punctuation marks. These errors impede the overall accuracy of the essay.
    • How to improve: Focus on honing grammar skills, paying attention to issues such as subject-verb agreement and proper article usage. Proofread carefully to identify and correct punctuation errors, ensuring consistent and appropriate use of commas, periods, and spacing. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-check tools to enhance accuracy. Practice will contribute to a more polished and error-free writing style.

In summary, while the essay adequately conveys the writer’s opinion on the prompt, improvements in grammatical range and accuracy are essential for achieving a higher band score. Incorporating diverse sentence structures and refining grammar and punctuation skills will elevate the overall quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, technology has become a broad issue for the general public. Some people believe that it has negative impacts on people’s lives, while others think that it brings positive effects. I strongly agree with the former idea. Discussed below are several reasons supporting my perspective.

First and foremost, it is crucial to recognize that technology brings many harmful effects. Firstly, the Internet is the most prevalent source of spreading viruses. These viruses create different problems on your computer, compromising your privacy. It’s challenging to predict the consequences of a hacked account. Secondly, the internet can pose health risks. We can suffer from various health problems, such as backache, obesity, and many other diseases due to using the internet for long hours. The worst of all, it directly or indirectly influences the formation and development of children’s behavior. Negative programs on the internet, like violent or sexual films and action films, are very harmful to children’s minds. Therefore, it is crucial to implement measures to minimize the drawbacks of technology.

Firstly, users should protect themselves by being mindful of the information they share online. Secondly, limiting screen time is also important. It can help avoid the negative effects of technology overuse, such as headaches, eye strain, and poor sleep. Finally, allocate more time to manual tasks such as washing dishes, sweeping the floor, and cleaning the house, rather than relying solely on modern machines.

In conclusion, I think technology can have both positive and negative impacts on people’s lives. However, by implementing specific actions, we can easily minimize its negative effects.

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