Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In today’s fast-paced world, it is argued that the loss of specific plants and animals is the most important problem of human’s time. Whereas some believe that there are more crucial issues need considering. From my perspective, I support the former than the latter because of the following reasons.
On the one hand, there are two main reasons why people need consider other serious environmental problems. Firstly, there are some kinds of issues have profound impacts on human’s lives such as global warming and pullution. The consequences of global warming is unpredictable because it causes natural disasters or phenomenons namely extreme weather events, ice melting and raising sea levels. These would affect all living things not only human life but also the economy . For example, drought is the result of global warming that affect crops when there are not enough water for usage. Additionally, pullution such as air or water pollution from various resources have detrimental effects on entire ecosystems, endangering the health and well-being of both humans and wildlife.
On the other hand, loss of certain animals and plants are the main environmental crisis in modern times argue. To begin with, biodiversity plays an important role in maintaining healthy ecosystems, and the loss of a single species can have a profound effect throughout an entire ecosystem. Because the each of species involve in food chain and if they are lost, there can be food storage for other individuals. For example, fish is an important food source for fox and other mamal animals. Moreover, the extinction of a particular specie could lead to serious consequences in the future because they have useful implications in medicine and agriculture . For example, agriculture will experience detrimental effects if the bees are extinct as they help pollinate plants.
In conclusion, while there are certainty pressing environmental issues people have to be concern, dying out of specific species are still human’s priority preservation. It is suggested that the government should implicate pratical strategies to tackle this problem in the future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "the loss of specific plants and animals is the most important problem of human’s time" -> "the decline of specific flora and fauna is a paramount concern in contemporary society"
   Explanation: Replacing "loss" with "decline," and "plants and animals" with "flora and fauna," elevates the language to a more formal and precise level. The use of "paramount concern" emphasizes the significance of the issue.

2. "there are more crucial issues need considering" -> "there are more critical issues that require consideration"
   Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. By restructuring the sentence and using "that require consideration," the statement becomes grammatically accurate and more formal.

3. "From my perspective, I support the former than the latter because of the following reasons." -> "From my perspective, I endorse the former over the latter due to the following reasons."
   Explanation: The phrase "support the former than the latter" is less formal. The use of "endorse the former over the latter" provides a more formal and sophisticated expression of preference.

4. "there are two main reasons why people need consider other serious environmental problems" -> "there are two primary reasons why people need to consider other significant environmental issues"
   Explanation: The original sentence lacks proper structure and uses informal language. The revised version introduces better structure and replaces "serious" with "significant" for a more formal tone.

5. "some kinds of issues have profound impacts on human’s lives" -> "certain issues exert profound impacts on human lives"
   Explanation: The term "some kinds of issues" is vague and informal. Replacing it with "certain issues" enhances precision, and "exert" adds a more formal touch.

6. "it causes natural disasters or phenomenons namely extreme weather events, ice melting, and raising sea levels" -> "it leads to natural disasters or phenomena, namely extreme weather events, ice melting, and rising sea levels"
   Explanation: The original sentence contains grammatical errors. The revised version corrects these errors and maintains a formal tone with improved word choices.

7. "drought is the result of global warming that affect crops when there are not enough water for usage" -> "drought is a consequence of global warming that affects crops when there is insufficient water for irrigation"
   Explanation: The original sentence is awkward and imprecise. The revised version clarifies the cause-and-effect relationship and uses more formal language.

8. "loss of certain animals and plants are the main environmental crisis in modern times argue" -> "the loss of specific animals and plants constitutes the primary environmental crisis in modern times, argue"
   Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and has grammatical issues. The revised version improves structure and uses the verb "constitutes" for a more formal expression.

9. "Because the each of species involve in food chain and if they are lost, there can be food storage for other individuals." -> "Each species plays a role in the food chain, and if lost, it disrupts the food supply for other organisms."
   Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. The revision addresses these issues, using proper structure and formal language.

10. "they have useful implications in medicine and agriculture" -> "they hold valuable implications for medicine and agriculture"
    Explanation: The phrase "useful implications" is somewhat informal. Replacing it with "valuable implications" maintains the meaning while achieving a more formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally addresses both views, discussing the importance of considering other environmental issues like global warming and pollution before focusing solely on the loss of specific species. However, the explanation could be more detailed, and there is room for improvement in connecting the points back to the prompt.
  • How to improve: The essay should provide a more comprehensive analysis of why other environmental issues are considered crucial. Ensure that each reason is explicitly connected to the prompt and that the essay consistently ties back to the main question throughout.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay takes a clear stance in favor of the importance of addressing the loss of specific species. However, there are instances where the language is a bit vague, and the reasoning could be strengthened for a more convincing argument.
  • How to improve: Enhance the clarity and strength of the essay’s position by using more precise language and providing stronger evidence to support the chosen perspective. Avoid vague statements and ensure that each supporting point reinforces the main argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the impacts of global warming and pollution, as well as the importance of biodiversity. However, the development of these ideas lacks depth in certain areas. Specific examples are provided, but more elaboration on the consequences of losing species would enhance the overall argument.
  • How to improve: Expand on each idea by providing more details and examples. For instance, when discussing the consequences of global warming, provide specific examples of extreme weather events and their impact on ecosystems. Elaborate on the interconnectedness of species in a food chain to strengthen the argument on biodiversity.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic but could improve in terms of focus and organization. There are moments where the connection between ideas is not entirely clear, and some sentences could be more concise.
  • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph and sentence contributes directly to the main argument. Avoid unnecessary details that may distract from the central theme. Use clear transitions between ideas to improve overall coherence and maintain a stronger connection to the essay prompt.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, clarity of language, and overall organization. Strengthening the support for the chosen perspective and refining the structure will contribute to a more compelling and effective essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate level of logical organization. There is an introduction that presents the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by two distinct body paragraphs presenting opposing views. The points within each paragraph are generally clear and relevant, contributing to the overall coherence. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and minor disruptions in the flow, impacting the overall logical structure.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining sentence structures for clarity and coherence. Ensure a smooth transition between ideas to create a more seamless flow. For instance, in the introduction, rephrase the sentence "Whereas some believe that there are more crucial issues need considering" for improved clarity.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs to separate different ideas and viewpoints. Each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. However, there are instances where the structure could be strengthened for more effective communication.
  • How to improve: Pay attention to the organization within paragraphs, ensuring that ideas progress logically. For instance, in the second paragraph, the point about global warming and pollution could be better structured by separating the discussion of each issue into distinct sentences or paragraphs. This would enhance the readability and coherence of the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices to connect ideas and facilitate the reader’s understanding. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used. The writer relies mainly on transitional phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," and there is limited use of other devices such as pronouns and conjunctions.
  • How to improve: Broaden the range of cohesive devices to enhance the essay’s overall cohesion. Experiment with the use of pronouns (e.g., "these," "those") and conjunctions (e.g., "furthermore," "additionally") to create a more varied and engaging writing style. This will contribute to a smoother and more cohesive flow between sentences and paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to incorporate varied terms related to environmental issues, such as "global warming," "pollution," "biodiversity," and "extinction." However, some repetition is noticeable, and there is a reliance on common words and phrases. For instance, the repetitive use of "environmental problems" and "serious consequences" limits the diversity of vocabulary.
  • How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, the writer should explore synonyms and alternative expressions. Instead of frequently using general terms like "environmental problems," strive for specificity. For example, specify the type of pollution or particular environmental challenges. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary related to the topic would elevate the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage varies throughout the essay. While some terms, such as "global warming" and "pollution," are used appropriately, there are instances of imprecise language, like "pullution," which is a spelling error. Additionally, the phrase "consequences of global warming is unpredictable" could be more precisely expressed, as the consequences are not unpredictable, but rather diverse and complex.
  • How to improve: A careful proofreading to correct spelling errors is essential. To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using words with clear meanings and ensure that each term is used in the correct context. In the case of the mentioned phrase, consider rephrasing it as "the consequences of global warming are diverse and complex."

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is a concern in the essay. The word "pullution" is a noticeable spelling error, and there may be other instances that could affect the overall coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: Employing spell-check tools and proofreading carefully before submission is crucial. Additionally, developing a habit of reviewing written work for spelling accuracy can contribute to improved performance. Regularly consulting a dictionary for unfamiliar words will also aid in avoiding common spelling mistakes.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and complex sentences are used, but there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further. For instance, there is a tendency to start sentences with similar introductory phrases, and the essay lacks more intricate structures such as conditional sentences or parallel structures.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating complex sentences with varied clauses. Additionally, explore the use of different introductory phrases to avoid repetition. For example, instead of frequently starting sentences with "On the one hand" or "On the other hand," experiment with alternative transitions like "Moreover," or "Furthermore."

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several grammatical and punctuation errors that impact overall accuracy. Examples include subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "there are some kinds of issues have profound impacts"), incorrect verb tense usage (e.g., "it causes" instead of "it can cause"), and misspelling ("pullution" instead of "pollution"). Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and improper use of conjunctions, also affect clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay careful attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Proofreading for spelling errors, such as "pollution," is crucial. Additionally, work on using commas effectively to improve the flow of ideas. For instance, consider revising sentences like "In conclusion, while there are certainty pressing environmental issues people have to be concern" to ensure grammatical correctness and clarity.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of grammar and a moderate range of sentence structures, there is room for improvement. To achieve a higher band score, focus on diversifying sentence structures and addressing grammatical and punctuation errors. Proofreading and revising for clarity and accuracy will contribute significantly to enhancing the overall quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s fast-paced world, there is a debate over whether the loss of specific plants and animals is the most critical environmental issue of our time, or if there are other more important problems that demand consideration. From my perspective, I support the former over the latter due to the following reasons.

On the one hand, some argue that there are two primary reasons why people need to consider other significant environmental issues. Firstly, certain issues exert profound impacts on human lives, such as global warming and pollution. The consequences of global warming are unpredictable, causing natural disasters like extreme weather events, ice melting, and rising sea levels. These phenomena not only affect human life but also impact the economy. For instance, drought, a consequence of global warming, adversely affects crops when there is insufficient water for irrigation. Additionally, pollution from various sources, whether in the form of air or water pollution, has detrimental effects on entire ecosystems, endangering the health and well-being of both humans and wildlife.

On the other hand, the loss of specific animals and plants constitutes the primary environmental crisis in modern times. Biodiversity plays a crucial role in maintaining healthy ecosystems, and the loss of a single species can have a profound effect throughout an entire ecosystem. Each species plays a role in the food chain, and if lost, it disrupts the food supply for other organisms. For example, fish, an important food source for foxes and other mammals, could face scarcity if certain species go extinct. Moreover, the extinction of a particular species could lead to serious consequences in the future, as they hold valuable implications for medicine and agriculture. For instance, agriculture would experience detrimental effects if bees become extinct, as they play a crucial role in pollinating plants.

In conclusion, while there are certainly pressing environmental issues that people have to be concerned about, the extinction of specific species remains a priority for human preservation. It is suggested that the government should implement practical strategies to tackle this problem in the future.