Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

One school of thought holds that we only study a new language for travelling or occupation purpose, while the others believe that there are more benefits we can earn when we learn a foreign language. In this essay, I will discuss both perspective about these statements and I give my personal idea about these topics.
On one hand, it is understandable why some people think that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a different country. The rational key behind this is that for some specific circumstances, you are only required to have an English certificate and pay a considerable fare to move to a foreign country. For instance, some pupils only need to accomplish an English course and achieve a band score in an English test to be able to study overseas. Moreover, the educational system in many countries also has not successfully explained the need to study a new language to their population. As a result, some students or even adults have not found a particular reason to spend time studying another country’s language and culture.
On the other hand, studying a new language may have many appealing advantages to people who dedicate their time and effort. Firstly, it is obvious to see that by learning a new language, you are also expanding your own knowledge about cultures and traditions around the world that might be helpful in some specific situations. Secondly, you make friends with more people from other countries, further increasing the number of relationships you have. On the social level, widely acknowledgement of other countries will give communities from all over the world the opportunities to connect with each other.
In conclusion, while the school of thought that believes studying a new language is only for travelling or working, I would like to contend that there are many benefits you can get by thoroughly understanding other countries’s languages. In my opinion, both statements should be carefully considered so that each person can find their optimum option.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"One school of thought holds that" -> "One perspective suggests that"
Explanation: "One perspective suggests that" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase, enhancing the formal tone of the introduction.
"we only study a new language for travelling or occupation purpose" -> "we only study a new language for travel or professional purposes"
Explanation: "travel or professional purposes" is more specific and formal than "travelling or occupation purpose," aligning better with academic style.
"the others believe" -> "others believe"
Explanation: Removing "the" before "others" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone of the essay.
"there are more benefits we can earn" -> "there are additional benefits we can derive"
Explanation: "derive" is more precise and formal than "earn" in this context, fitting the academic style better.
"both perspective about these statements" -> "both perspectives on these statements"
Explanation: "perspectives" should be plural to match the plural subject "statements," and "on" is the correct preposition for discussing viewpoints.
"I will discuss both perspective" -> "I will discuss both perspectives"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error by making "perspective" plural to match the plural subject "statements."
"The rational key behind this" -> "The primary rationale for this"
Explanation: "primary rationale" is more precise and formal than "rational key," which is awkward and unclear in this context.
"you are only required to have an English certificate and pay a considerable fare" -> "you are only required to possess an English certificate and pay a significant fee"
Explanation: "possess" is more formal than "have," and "significant fee" is more appropriate than "considerable fare" in this context, which is typically used for transportation.
"some pupils only need to accomplish an English course" -> "some students only need to complete an English course"
Explanation: "complete" is more commonly used in academic contexts than "accomplish" when referring to finishing a course.
"achieve a band score in an English test" -> "achieve a band score on an English proficiency test"
Explanation: "proficiency test" is more specific and academically appropriate than "English test," which is vague.
"the educational system in many countries also has not successfully explained" -> "the educational systems in many countries have not successfully conveyed"
Explanation: "conveyed" is more precise than "explained" in this context, and "systems" should be plural to match the plural subject "countries."
"some students or even adults have not found a particular reason" -> "some students or even adults have not identified a compelling reason"
Explanation: "identified a compelling reason" is more formal and precise than "found a particular reason," enhancing the academic tone.
"you make friends with more people from other countries" -> "you form connections with individuals from other countries"
Explanation: "form connections" is a more formal and precise way to describe building relationships than "make friends," which is informal and vague in this context.
"widely acknowledgement of other countries" -> "widespread recognition of other countries"
Explanation: "widespread recognition" is the correct phrase, replacing the incorrect "acknowledgement" with "recognition" and correcting the adverb "widely" to "widespread."
"the opportunities to connect with each other" -> "the opportunities for mutual connection"
Explanation: "for mutual connection" is more formal and precise than "to connect with each other," aligning better with academic style.
"there are many benefits you can get by thoroughly understanding other countries’s languages" -> "there are numerous benefits that can be derived from thoroughly understanding the languages of other countries"
Explanation: "numerous benefits that can be derived" is more formal and precise than "many benefits you can get," and "the languages of other countries" is grammatically correct and clearer than "other countries’s languages."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the reasons for learning a foreign language. The first paragraph outlines the perspective that learning a language is primarily for travel or work, providing relevant examples such as the requirement of an English certificate for studying abroad. The second paragraph presents the opposing view, discussing additional benefits like cultural understanding and social connections. However, the essay could have more explicitly stated the reasons for both perspectives in a more balanced manner, as the discussion of the second viewpoint is less detailed.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both views are discussed with equal depth. This could involve providing more specific examples or elaborating on the implications of each viewpoint. Additionally, a clearer structure that separates the discussion of each view into distinct paragraphs could improve clarity.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a personal opinion in the conclusion, indicating that both perspectives should be considered. However, the position could be clearer throughout the essay. The phrase "I would like to contend that there are many benefits" is somewhat vague and does not strongly assert the writer’s stance. The position seems to waver between agreeing with both sides rather than firmly supporting one.
- How to improve: The writer should state their position more definitively in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. Using clear language to express agreement or disagreement with the views discussed would help maintain a consistent stance. For example, explicitly stating "I believe that learning a foreign language is essential not only for travel and work but also for cultural enrichment" would clarify the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the benefits of learning a foreign language, such as cultural understanding and social connections. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, while the essay mentions "expanding your own knowledge about cultures," it does not provide specific examples or elaborate on how this knowledge can be beneficial in practical terms.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to extend and support their ideas with more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, discussing how learning a language can lead to better job opportunities or enhance travel experiences would provide more depth. Additionally, integrating statistics or studies related to language learning could further substantiate the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s requirements. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper. For example, the mention of the educational system’s failure to explain the need for language learning, while relevant, diverts slightly from the core discussion of reasons for learning a language.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate to the reasons for learning a foreign language as outlined in the prompt. Avoiding tangential discussions and ensuring that each sentence contributes to the main argument will help keep the essay on topic. A good practice is to regularly refer back to the prompt while writing to ensure alignment with the task requirements.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph addresses a distinct viewpoint regarding the reasons for learning a foreign language. The first body paragraph discusses the perspective that learning a language is primarily for travel or work, while the second paragraph highlights the broader benefits of language learning. However, the transition between these two viewpoints could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the other hand" effectively signals a shift, but the connection between the two paragraphs could be strengthened by explicitly linking the arguments.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that not only indicate a shift but also summarize the previous point before introducing the new one. For example, you might say, "While many believe that the primary motivation for learning a foreign language is for travel or work, it is important to recognize the additional benefits that language acquisition can provide."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the discussion, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. The conclusion also lacks a strong summary of the arguments presented, which can leave the reader wanting more clarity.
- How to improve: Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. For example, the first body paragraph could begin with, "One common perspective is that the primary motivation for learning a foreign language is to facilitate travel and employment opportunities." Additionally, ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the key points discussed in the essay and reiterates your opinion more clearly.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to delineate contrasting viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be more explicit. For example, the phrase "the rational key behind this is that" could be replaced with a more straightforward connector that clarifies the relationship between the ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely," to enhance the connections between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition and improve the flow of the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "foreign language," you could use "it" or "such a language" in subsequent references.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents coherent arguments, addressing the suggestions above will enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the writing, potentially raising the coherence and cohesion band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "occupation," "perspective," "accomplish," and "acknowledgement." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive and lacks variety in expression. For instance, the phrase "foreign language" is used multiple times without synonyms or variations, which can make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or paraphrasing. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "foreign language," you could use terms like "second language," "new language," or "non-native language." Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary or idiomatic expressions could elevate the essay’s overall quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its ideas, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the rational key behind this" is awkward and unclear; a more precise phrase could be "the main rationale for this viewpoint." Additionally, "accomplish an English course" is not the best choice of words; "complete" or "finish" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. Consider revisiting phrases that seem awkward or unclear and replacing them with more precise alternatives. Engaging with a thesaurus can help find suitable synonyms that fit the context better.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "travelling" (which is correct in British English but should be "traveling" in American English), "perspective" (used as "perspective about these statements" which is awkward), and "countries’s" (which should be "countries’"). These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools can also help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Engaging with a wider variety of vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy will significantly strengthen the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "On one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduces contrasting viewpoints, which adds to the coherence of the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive structure, particularly in the way points are introduced and elaborated upon. For example, the phrases "it is understandable why some people think" and "it is obvious to see that" follow a similar pattern, which could be diversified further.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that combine ideas or use different conjunctions. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "it is," you could use participial phrases or relative clauses to create more dynamic sentences. Additionally, varying the placement of adverbial phrases could also contribute to a more engaging writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "the others believe" should be "others believe" to avoid redundancy. Additionally, the phrase "the educational system in many countries also has not successfully explained" is awkwardly constructed; a more natural phrasing would be "the educational systems in many countries have not successfully explained." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are some missing commas that could help clarify meaning, such as before "while" in the first sentence of the conclusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and awkward phrasing. Practicing sentence restructuring can also help in identifying and correcting these issues. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. For example, ensure that introductory clauses are followed by a comma to separate them from the main clause.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

One school of thought holds that we only study a new language for travel or professional purposes, while others believe that there are additional benefits we can derive from learning a foreign language. In this essay, I will discuss both perspectives on these statements and give my personal opinion about these topics.

On one hand, it is understandable why some people think that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a different country. The rationale behind this is that for some specific circumstances, you are only required to possess an English certificate and pay a considerable fee to move to a foreign country. For instance, some students only need to complete an English course and achieve a band score on an English proficiency test to be able to study overseas. Moreover, the educational systems in many countries have not successfully conveyed the need to study a new language to their populations. As a result, some students or even adults have not found a particular reason to spend time studying another country’s language and culture.

On the other hand, studying a new language may have many appealing advantages for people who dedicate their time and effort. Firstly, it is obvious that by learning a new language, you are also expanding your own knowledge about cultures and traditions around the world, which might be helpful in some specific situations. Secondly, you form connections with individuals from other countries, further increasing the number of relationships you have. On a social level, the widespread recognition of other countries will give communities from all over the world the opportunities for mutual connection.

In conclusion, while there is a perspective that believes studying a new language is only for travel or work, I would like to contend that there are numerous benefits that can be derived from thoroughly understanding the languages of other countries. In my opinion, both statements should be carefully considered so that each person can find their optimum option.