Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language.

In the contemporary world, many people are likely to learn various foreign languages apart from mother tongues. It is believed that the sole reason is in order to travel or move to work in other nations, whereas there are also reasons why foreign languages should be learned. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on my perspective on this topic.
Travelling and having opportunities to work in new countries are one of the main reasons why people learn other languages. For travel enthusiasts, learning foreign languages is essential and convenient that can help them communicate easily with the local people and not face with languages barriers issues. What is more, a wide range of people have intention to live and pursue their career paths in foreign countries so they need to learn new languages and use proficiently. For instance, celebrities who move to other countries frequently to perform often try to learn new languages to socialize fundametally with their fans.
By contrast, many youngsters have a tendency to learn foreign languages because they have dreams of studying abroad or simply want to try different languages around the world. If they are interested in studying abroad, they often access to foreign languages early. Besides, some who usually have aspirations to know a little bit of everything try a lot of languages that help them get intriguing experiences in their own lives.
In brief, I agree traveling, working in other nations, studying abroad or just making their lives more interesting are the reasons of learning new tongues.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In the contemporary world" -> "In the modern world"
Explanation: "Contemporary" can be replaced with "modern" to simplify the phrase while maintaining an academic tone, as "contemporary" might imply a slightly more nuanced or dated connotation.
"many people are likely to learn" -> "many individuals choose to learn"
Explanation: "Choose to learn" is more precise and active, indicating a deliberate decision, which is more suitable for academic writing than the passive "are likely to learn."
"It is believed that the sole reason" -> "It is primarily believed that the primary reason"
Explanation: "Primary" is more specific and academically appropriate than "sole," which can imply exclusivity that might not be entirely accurate. "Primary" suggests a main or dominant reason without excluding other possible reasons.
"apart from mother tongues" -> "in addition to their native languages"
Explanation: "In addition to their native languages" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial "mother tongues."
"It is believed that" -> "It is argued that"
Explanation: "Argued" is more appropriate in academic discourse, as it implies a more nuanced and debated perspective rather than the more general "believed."
"For travel enthusiasts, learning foreign languages is essential and convenient that can help them" -> "For travel enthusiasts, learning foreign languages is both essential and convenient, enabling them"
Explanation: Removing the comma after "convenient" corrects the grammatical structure, and "enabling them" is more formal and precise than "can help them."
"not face with languages barriers issues" -> "not face language barriers"
Explanation: "Language barriers" is the correct term, and removing "issues" simplifies the phrase without losing meaning.
"a wide range of people have intention to" -> "a wide range of individuals intend to"
Explanation: "Intend to" is grammatically correct and more formal than "have intention to," which is awkward and less commonly used.
"use proficiently" -> "use proficiently"
Explanation: This is a typographical error; the word "use" should not be repeated.
"celebrities who move to other countries frequently to perform often try to learn new languages to socialize fundametally with their fans" -> "celebrities who frequently move to other countries to perform often attempt to learn new languages to facilitate fundamental interactions with their fans"
Explanation: "Attempt to learn" is more precise than "try to learn," and "facilitate fundamental interactions" is more formal and accurate than "socialize fundametally."
"many youngsters have a tendency to learn foreign languages" -> "many young individuals have a propensity to learn foreign languages"
Explanation: "Propensity" is a more formal term than "tendency," and "young individuals" is more precise than "youngsters."
"they often access to foreign languages early" -> "they often gain access to foreign languages early"
Explanation: "Gain access to" is the correct phrase, and "often" should be used before "gain access to" for grammatical correctness.
"some who usually have aspirations to know a little bit of everything try a lot of languages" -> "some individuals who aspire to learn various languages attempt to study multiple languages"
Explanation: "Aspire to learn various languages" is more specific and formal than "have aspirations to know a little bit of everything," and "attempt to study multiple languages" is more precise than "try a lot of languages."
"help them get intriguing experiences in their own lives" -> "enhance their lives with intriguing experiences"
Explanation: "Enhance their lives with intriguing experiences" is more formal and flows better in academic writing than "help them get intriguing experiences in their own lives."
"are the reasons of learning new tongues" -> "are the reasons for learning new languages"
Explanation: "For learning new languages" is grammatically correct and more formal than "of learning new tongues," which is awkward and less commonly used.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both perspectives of the prompt, acknowledging that learning a foreign language can be motivated by travel and work opportunities, while also presenting alternative reasons such as studying abroad and personal interest. However, the treatment of these points is somewhat superficial. For instance, the essay mentions "travel enthusiasts" and "youngsters" but does not delve deeply into why these motivations are significant or how they compare to the primary reasons mentioned. The introduction sets up the discussion well, but the conclusion could be more explicit in summarizing the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each reason is explored in more depth. This could involve providing more examples or elaborating on the implications of learning a language for personal growth, cultural understanding, or cognitive benefits. Additionally, a more structured approach that clearly delineates the two sides of the argument in separate paragraphs could improve clarity.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position that there are multiple reasons for learning a foreign language. However, the position could be more assertively stated and consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For example, the phrase "I agree" in the conclusion is somewhat weak and does not strongly reaffirm the writer’s stance. The essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences that reflect the writer’s position in each paragraph.
- How to improve: To present a clearer position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and reiterate it in each body paragraph. Using phrases like "In my opinion" or "I believe" at the beginning of key points can help reinforce the position. Additionally, summarizing the main argument in the conclusion with a strong statement would enhance the overall clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are relevant but lack sufficient development and support. For instance, the mention of celebrities learning languages is an interesting point but is not fully explored or connected back to the main argument. Similarly, the discussion on youngsters learning languages could include more specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. The essay feels somewhat rushed, with ideas introduced but not fully fleshed out.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. This could include personal anecdotes, statistical evidence, or references to studies that highlight the benefits of learning languages for various reasons. Expanding on each point with a few sentences can help to create a more robust argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for learning foreign languages. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened. For example, the phrase "try a lot of languages that help them get intriguing experiences" is vague and could be more directly tied to the topic of language learning. The transitions between ideas could also be smoother to maintain a clear focus on the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the prompt. Using clear topic sentences and transitional phrases can help guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, avoiding vague language and ensuring that each point is directly relevant to the reasons for learning foreign languages will help keep the essay on track.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and presents relevant ideas, it would benefit from deeper exploration of those ideas, clearer articulation of the writer’s position, and a more structured approach to ensure all parts of the question are thoroughly addressed.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the two perspectives on learning foreign languages, setting the stage for the discussion. The body paragraphs are organized to first discuss the reasons for learning languages related to travel and work, followed by contrasting reasons related to education and personal interest. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother, as the shift from travel/work to studying abroad feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing travel and work, a sentence like "In addition to these practical reasons, there are also personal motivations that drive individuals to learn foreign languages" could provide a clearer transition to the next paragraph.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic. The first paragraph discusses travel and work, while the second addresses studying abroad and personal interest. However, the conclusion is somewhat vague and does not effectively summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs, which could leave the reader wanting more clarity.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by briefly summarizing the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs. This could involve reiterating the key reasons discussed and emphasizing the importance of learning foreign languages beyond just travel and work, thus reinforcing the essay’s overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "by contrast" and "in brief," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "What is more" could be replaced with a more formal cohesive device to enhance the academic tone of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "additionally," and "on the other hand." Additionally, ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one, which can be achieved by using phrases that clarify relationships between ideas, such as "This is particularly important because…" or "As a result of this…"

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "contemporary," "enthusiasts," "proficiently," and "aspirations." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "foreign languages" and "learn." The use of synonyms or varied expressions could enhance the richness of the text.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "foreign languages," you might use "second languages," "additional languages," or "new tongues." This will not only diversify the vocabulary but also keep the reader engaged.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are also instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "not face with languages barriers issues" is awkward and unclear. A more precise expression would be "avoid language barriers." Additionally, the phrase "socialize fundamentally with their fans" is vague and could be better articulated.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. Review phrases for clarity and conciseness. For instance, instead of "socialize fundamentally," consider "interact meaningfully." This will enhance the overall clarity of your arguments.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "fundametally" (should be "fundamentally") and "languages barriers" (should be "language barriers"). These errors detract from the professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, practice proofreading your work before submission. Utilize tools such as spell checkers or grammar apps, and consider reading the essay aloud to catch errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words in English to reduce mistakes in future essays.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will help elevate the Lexical Resource band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For example, the author employs complex sentences such as "It is believed that the sole reason is in order to travel or move to work in other nations," which showcases the ability to use subordinate clauses effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of simple sentences. For example, "For travel enthusiasts, learning foreign languages is essential and convenient that can help them communicate easily with the local people" could be restructured for variety.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more compound and complex sentences, as well as varying the placement of clauses. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "For," the author could use introductory phrases or clauses, such as "While many travel enthusiasts find it essential to learn foreign languages, others may have different motivations." This would enhance the overall flow and complexity of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally good command of grammar, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "not face with languages barriers issues" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "not face language barrier issues." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the missing comma in "For instance, celebrities who move to other countries frequently to perform often try to learn new languages to socialize fundametally with their fans," can lead to run-on sentences and confusion. The misspelling of "fundamentally" further highlights the need for careful proofreading.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly with prepositions and articles. Additionally, practicing sentence combining and ensuring that clauses are correctly punctuated can help improve clarity. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying and correcting these issues before finalizing the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary world, many individuals choose to learn various foreign languages in addition to their mother tongues. It is primarily believed that the sole reason is to travel or move to work in other nations; however, there are also other reasons why foreign languages should be learned. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on my perspective on this topic.

Traveling and having opportunities to work in new countries are among the main reasons why people learn other languages. For travel enthusiasts, learning foreign languages is both essential and convenient, enabling them to communicate easily with local people and not face language barrier issues. What is more, a wide range of individuals intend to live and pursue their career paths in foreign countries, so they need to learn new languages and use them proficiently. For instance, celebrities who frequently move to other countries to perform often attempt to learn new languages to facilitate fundamental interactions with their fans.

By contrast, many young individuals have a propensity to learn foreign languages because they dream of studying abroad or simply want to try different languages around the world. If they are interested in studying abroad, they often gain access to foreign languages early. Besides, some individuals who aspire to learn various languages attempt to study multiple languages that help them enhance their lives with intriguing experiences.

In brief, I agree that traveling, working in other nations, studying abroad, or just making their lives more interesting are the reasons for learning new languages.