Some people say that tourism can help to bridge cultural gaps among different cultures. Others claim that it is tourism that contributes to the loss of cultural identity. Write an essay in about 250 words, discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that tourism can help to bridge cultural gaps among different cultures. Others claim that it is tourism that contributes to the loss of cultural identity.
Write an essay in about 250 words, discuss both views and give your opinion.

In the discourse surrounding tourism, there is a prevalent debate over whether this sector can aid in bridging cultural gaps among different cultures or lead to the loss of cultural identity. This essay will elaborate on both perspectives and demonstrate the writer’s viewpoint, which advocates for the former position.
On the one hand, tourism serves as a catalyst for cultural exchange among diverse communities. Through traveling experiences, tourists can acquire a profound understanding of different regions’ culture, clothing, cuisine, and religions, thereby alleviating culture shock and communication breakdown. Moreover, by engaging with locals and experiencing various cultural features firsthand, they can challenge stereotypes, promoting a more nuanced understanding of different cultures. Consequently, tourism can facilitate close relations among various nations, such as the bilateral relationship between the US and Vietnam.
On the other hand, tourism may have adverse consequences for many countries’ cultural identities. Firstly, this sector can lead to the commodification of local culture, where traditions and practices are modified or staged for tourist consumption. This can dilute the authenticity of various cultural features, specifically at Christmas, when tourists are enticed to overspend and neglect traditional values. Secondly, the influx of global tourists can result in the adoption of globalized practices, causing a decline in traditional customs and diminishing cultural uniqueness. This is exemplified in cosmopolitan metropolises like New York or Paris, where large numbers of foreigners may contribute to uncontrolled melting pots.
Overall, despite various negative effects on cultural identity, the positive aspects of tourism are undeniable, thereby inclining my stance towards its optimistic outcomes. Governments should, therefore, endeavor to minimize its adverse influences on the uniqueness of cultural features so that the advantages will far outweigh the disadvantages.

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Errors and Improvements:

"In the discourse surrounding tourism" -> "In discussions pertaining to tourism"
Explanation: "In the discourse surrounding" is a bit wordy and less direct. "In discussions pertaining to tourism" is more concise and maintains a formal tone.
"this sector can aid in bridging cultural gaps among different cultures" -> "this industry can facilitate the bridging of cultural divides between diverse societies"
Explanation: "Aid in bridging cultural gaps" is somewhat informal. "Facilitate the bridging of cultural divides between diverse societies" offers a more sophisticated expression, aligning better with academic language.
"This essay will elaborate on both perspectives" -> "This essay will elucidate both viewpoints"
Explanation: "Elaborate on" is adequate but "elucidate" adds a touch of formality and precision.
"advocates for the former position" -> "advocates the former stance"
Explanation: "Advocates for" is less concise than "advocates," making the sentence more streamlined.
"tourism serves as a catalyst" -> "tourism acts as a catalyst"
Explanation: "Serves as" is slightly informal. "Acts as" maintains formality and clarity.
"acquire a profound understanding" -> "attain a profound comprehension"
Explanation: "Acquire" is fine, but "attain" adds variety and sophistication. "Understanding" is appropriate but "comprehension" enhances the formality.
"clothing, cuisine, and religions" -> "attire, culinary traditions, and faiths"
Explanation: "Clothing, cuisine, and religions" are perfectly acceptable terms, but "attire, culinary traditions, and faiths" offer a more varied vocabulary, enriching the expression.
"challenging stereotypes" -> "challenging preconceptions"
Explanation: "Challenging stereotypes" is acceptable, but "challenging preconceptions" adds a layer of depth and formality.
"Consequently, tourism can facilitate close relations" -> "Thus, tourism can foster close relations"
Explanation: "Consequently" is slightly informal. "Thus" maintains formality and adds coherence to the sentence.
"may have adverse consequences" -> "may entail adverse ramifications"
Explanation: "May have adverse consequences" is perfectly acceptable, but "may entail adverse ramifications" adds variety and sophistication.
"the commodification of local culture" -> "the commercialization of indigenous culture"
Explanation: "Commodification" is suitable, but "commercialization" adds a different shade of meaning and is slightly more formal.
"dilute the authenticity" -> "erode the authenticity"
Explanation: "Dilute" is appropriate, but "erode" adds variety and is slightly more formal.
"enticed to overspend" -> "tempted to overspend"
Explanation: "Enticed to overspend" is acceptable, but "tempted to overspend" is a more common and formal expression.
"contribute to uncontrolled melting pots" -> "contribute to unregulated cultural blending"
Explanation: "Uncontrolled melting pots" is a metaphorical expression. "Unregulated cultural blending" offers a more precise and formal description.
"despite various negative effects" -> "despite the myriad negative effects"
Explanation: "Various negative effects" is fine, but "the myriad negative effects" adds a layer of specificity and formality.
"endeavor to minimize" -> "strive to minimize"
Explanation: "Endeavor to minimize" is suitable, but "strive to minimize" is more commonly used in academic writing and maintains formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay thoroughly addresses both perspectives presented in the prompt. It discusses how tourism can bridge cultural gaps by facilitating cultural exchange and challenging stereotypes. Additionally, it acknowledges the argument that tourism may contribute to the loss of cultural identity by discussing the commodification of local culture and the adoption of globalized practices. The writer’s opinion is clearly stated in the conclusion.
- How to improve: While the essay adequately covers both viewpoints, providing more specific examples to illustrate each perspective could enhance the depth of analysis. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph is directly linked to addressing a component of the prompt can further strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, advocating for the positive impact of tourism on bridging cultural gaps. The writer consistently supports this stance by providing examples and arguments that emphasize the benefits of cultural exchange facilitated by tourism.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, the writer could reinforce their position by explicitly stating it in the introduction and ensuring that each subsequent paragraph aligns with this viewpoint. Additionally, reiterating the position in the conclusion can reinforce the coherence of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas related to both perspectives on tourism. Each viewpoint is elaborated upon with specific examples and logical reasoning. The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of how tourism impacts cultural exchange and cultural identity.
- How to improve: To improve further, the writer could consider elaborating on the potential solutions to mitigate the negative impacts of tourism on cultural identity. Providing concrete suggestions for governmental or societal actions would strengthen the essay’s depth and breadth of analysis.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the two contrasting views on the impact of tourism on cultural identity. There are no significant deviations from the prompt, and the arguments presented are directly relevant to the discussion of cultural exchange and cultural identity in the context of tourism.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer could ensure that each paragraph directly relates to either supporting one of the perspectives or presenting their opinion. Additionally, avoiding tangential discussions or unrelated examples can further enhance the essay’s coherence.

Overall, this essay effectively addresses the prompt’s requirements by presenting both viewpoints on tourism’s impact on cultural identity, maintaining a clear position, providing well-developed ideas supported by examples, and staying on topic. With some enhancements in providing specific examples, reinforcing the writer’s position, elaborating on potential solutions, and ensuring coherence in paragraph structure, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong logical organization overall. It effectively introduces the topic, presents both perspectives on tourism and cultural identity, and concludes with a clear stance. Each paragraph follows a logical progression, transitioning smoothly between ideas. For instance, it begins by outlining the debate over tourism’s impact on cultural gaps versus cultural identity loss, then discusses each viewpoint separately before offering a balanced conclusion.
- How to improve: While the essay maintains logical coherence, enhancing transitions between paragraphs could further improve clarity. Using cohesive devices like transition words or phrases (e.g., "on the one hand," "on the other hand," "consequently," "overall") can help guide the reader through the essay’s flow more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to organize its content. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, such as the positive effects of tourism on cultural exchange or the negative impacts on cultural identity. Topic sentences introduce each paragraph’s main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. This structure enhances readability and comprehension.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, some paragraphs could benefit from stronger topic sentences to provide clearer guidance on the paragraph’s focus. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph develops its main idea fully before transitioning to the next can enhance coherence and cohesion further.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Examples include transitional phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which signal shifts between viewpoints, as well as pronouns ("this sector," "tourists") and demonstratives ("this is exemplified in") to reference previously mentioned concepts. These cohesive devices contribute to the essay’s overall cohesion.
- How to improve: While cohesive devices are used effectively, diversifying the range of connectives could enhance cohesion further. Introducing additional transitional phrases and conjunctions can create a more sophisticated flow between ideas. Additionally, ensuring consistent pronoun reference and clarity in demonstrative usage can prevent ambiguity and strengthen coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary throughout, encompassing terms such as "discourse," "catalyst," "alleviating," "stereotypes," "nuanced," "commodification," "cosmopolitan," and more. These words effectively convey nuanced meanings and enhance the clarity and sophistication of the argument.
- How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more specialized vocabulary related to cultural dynamics and tourism, such as terms specific to cultural anthropology or tourism management. Additionally, strive for a balance between sophisticated vocabulary and clarity to ensure accessibility for all readers.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary precisely, such as in the distinction between "commodification" and "authenticity," elucidating the nuanced effects of tourism on cultural identity. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise or contextually fitting, such as the use of "cosmopolitan" to describe cities like New York or Paris. While technically accurate, a term like "cosmopolitan" might not fully capture the cultural dynamics being described.
- How to improve: Continuously refine word choice to ensure that each term used precisely captures the intended meaning within the essay’s context. Utilize synonyms or related terms to express ideas with even greater precision where appropriate. For example, instead of "cosmopolitan," consider alternative descriptors that more accurately convey the specific cultural blending or dilution being discussed.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally high, with no glaring errors observed. The writer effectively maintains spelling consistency and correctness throughout the essay, contributing to its professionalism and readability.
- How to improve: While spelling accuracy is commendable, it’s always beneficial to remain vigilant and utilize tools such as spell checkers and proofreading techniques to catch any potential errors. Additionally, expanding vocabulary and reading extensively can further solidify spelling skills and familiarity with diverse word forms.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including compound and complex sentences. For example, it employs compound sentences like "On the one hand, tourism serves as a catalyst for cultural exchange among diverse communities," and complex sentences such as "Through traveling experiences, tourists can acquire a profound understanding of different regions’ culture." These structures enhance coherence and readability.
- How to improve: To further enrich the essay’s expressiveness, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as parallelism, conditional clauses, and inverted sentences. For instance, integrating conditional sentences like "If governments implement stricter regulations on tourism, cultural authenticity could be better preserved" can add depth to your arguments.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with few errors detracting from overall clarity. However, there are instances where minor grammatical inaccuracies occur. For example, in the phrase "where traditions and practices are modified or staged for tourist consumption," the verb "are" could be replaced with "are being," providing a clearer indication of ongoing action. Additionally, punctuation is generally used correctly, but occasional errors, such as missing commas after introductory phrases, could be rectified to enhance readability.
- How to improve: Continuously review your essays for grammatical accuracy, paying close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and proper use of articles. Additionally, practice using punctuation marks effectively to convey your intended meaning clearly. For instance, familiarize yourself with the appropriate placement of commas in complex sentences to avoid ambiguity. Additionally, consider utilizing tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct errors effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

In discussions pertaining to tourism, there is an ongoing debate regarding its role in bridging cultural divides between diverse societies or contributing to the loss of cultural identity. This essay will elucidate both viewpoints and advocate the former stance.

On one hand, tourism acts as a catalyst for cultural exchange among diverse communities. Through travel experiences, tourists can attain a profound comprehension of different regions’ attire, culinary traditions, and faiths, thereby alleviating culture shock and communication breakdowns. Moreover, by engaging with locals and experiencing various cultural features firsthand, they can challenge preconceptions, promoting a more nuanced understanding of different cultures. Thus, tourism can foster close relations among various nations, such as the bilateral relationship between the US and Vietnam.

On the other hand, tourism may entail adverse ramifications for many countries’ cultural identities. Firstly, the commercialization of indigenous culture can erode the authenticity of various cultural features, tempting tourists to overspend and neglect traditional values, especially during festive seasons like Christmas. Secondly, the influx of global tourists can contribute to unregulated cultural blending, leading to a decline in traditional customs and diminishing cultural uniqueness, as seen in cosmopolitan cities like New York or Paris.

Despite the myriad negative effects on cultural identity, the positive aspects of tourism are undeniable. Thus, my stance inclines towards its optimistic outcomes. However, it’s crucial for governments to strive to minimize its adverse influences on the uniqueness of cultural features, ensuring that the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.