Some people say that tourism has many negative effects on the countries that people travel to. How true is this statement? What can tourists do to reduce the harmful effects of tourism on local cultures and environments? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience.

Some people say that tourism has many negative effects on the countries that people travel to.
How true is this statement? What can tourists do to reduce the harmful effects of tourism on local cultures and environments?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience.

Tourism is one of the leading industries in the world. It is known as a smokeless industry that brings great profits. On the contrary, the tourism industry also has a negative impact on a country. And together we will find plans and solutions to reduce these negative impacts

First of all,we will talk about two aspects culture and environment.Culture is something we cannot help but mention when going to a certain country.The fact that culture is subject to negative influences is remarkable such as tourists bring different culture that fade the culture os other countries.Imported cultures have both positive and negative directions, but if local people absorb them without selection, they will be hybridized and forget their original values.An example shows that when another culture is introduced, the people there will be negatively affected by changing their lifestyle. So why do they change? The purpose is to follow needs and trends. The direction of traveller is only because they want to bring profit.Besides,tourist activites can lead to grown up society's vices.Bringing a new culture does not mean that what is brought is good. That will lead to unhealthy travel situations such as drugs, gambling or, more specifically, sexual abuse.

The environment is equally affected as tourism grows.Increase tourism activities also increase the urbanization process, changing the natural landscape.The process of urbanization occurs quickly with negative impacts. Local people have to relocate and lose their homes to plan and build areas to serve industry, especially tourism.Not only does it affect human life, but it also affects the common home of animals.Littering in improper places, illegally cutting forests, affecting the tourist landscape and wild animals.
To prevent and innovate the tourism industry, let's turn negative things into positive things. Change local people's perception of other cultures, quit their money-chasing lifestyle. Let's propagate to local people that each country's culture has two sides, but how we accept it is important. Remember that we integrate but do not dissolve.The effective solution we can do is to change people's travel perspective. Traveling does not mean going to luxurious, expensive places, but we can travel in the form of eco-tourism close and have interesting experiences with nature

Im summary,The tourism industry does not bring bad things, but especially how we absorb the benefits of the tourism industry. Be a travel lover, love to travel in a civilized way. Let's join hands to protect "food fishing rods" is not only of people but also of industry.

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "known as a smokeless industry" -> "recognized as a sustainable industry"
   Explanation: "Smokeless" is an informal term that may not be widely understood in this context. "Sustainable" is a more formal and precise term commonly used in discussions about industries that have minimal environmental impact.
2. "fade the culture os other countries" -> "diminish the cultural heritage of other countries"
   Explanation: "Fade" is too informal and vague in this context. "Diminish" is a more formal and precise term that conveys the idea of cultural loss more effectively. Additionally, "os" should be corrected to "of".
3. "Imported cultures have both positive and negative directions" -> "Foreign cultures have both positive and negative implications"
   Explanation: "Directions" in this context is unclear and informal. "Implications" is a more precise term suitable for academic writing.
4. "they will be hybridized" -> "they will undergo hybridization"
   Explanation: "Hybridized" is an awkward and less formal term. "Undergo hybridization" provides a clearer and more academically appropriate expression.
5. "traveler is only because they want to bring profit" -> "traveler is primarily driven by profit motives"
   Explanation: "Only because" is overly simplistic and informal. "Primarily driven by profit motives" is a more formal and precise expression.
6. "vice’s" -> "vices"
   Explanation: The use of an apostrophe in "vice’s" is incorrect. "Vices" is the correct plural form.
7. "unhealthy travel situations such as drugs, gambling or, more specifically, sexual abuse" -> "negative phenomena such as substance abuse, gambling, and, more specifically, sexual exploitation"
   Explanation: "Unhealthy travel situations" is too informal and lacks specificity. "Negative phenomena" is a more formal and precise term. Additionally, the list of examples is better organized and more academically appropriate.
8. "urbanization process" -> "urbanization phenomenon"
   Explanation: "Process" is too general in this context. "Phenomenon" is a more precise term that better captures the nature of urbanization.
9. "common home of animals" -> "natural habitat of animals"
   Explanation: "Common home" is overly simplistic and informal. "Natural habitat" is a more precise and formal term.
10. "quit their money-chasing lifestyle" -> "abandon the pursuit of material wealth"
    Explanation: "Quit" is too casual for academic writing. "Abandon" is a more formal and appropriate term. "Money-chasing lifestyle" is colloquial; "pursuit of material wealth" is a more academic expression.
11. "Im summary" -> "In summary"
    Explanation: "Im" is a typographical error. "In" should be used instead to begin the phrase.
12. "Be a travel lover" -> "Embrace a passion for travel"
    Explanation: "Be a travel lover" is too informal. "Embrace a passion for travel" is a more sophisticated and appropriate expression.
13. "protect ‘food fishing rods’" -> "protect the resources of both people and industry"
    Explanation: "Food fishing rods" is unclear and possibly a mistranslation. Replacing it with "protect the resources of both people and industry" clarifies the intended meaning in a more formal manner.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both parts of the prompt. It discusses the negative impacts of tourism on local cultures and environments and suggests ways tourists can mitigate these effects.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, provide more specific examples of how tourism negatively impacts cultures and environments, and offer more detailed suggestions for tourists to reduce these harmful effects.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, arguing that while tourism has negative impacts, these can be mitigated through changes in perception and behavior.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the clarity of the position by explicitly stating it in the introduction and conclusion, and ensuring that each paragraph supports this position with coherent reasoning and evidence.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on the negative impacts of tourism and provides some support through examples. However, some points lack depth and could be further developed.
  • How to improve: Extend ideas by providing more detailed explanations and evidence to support arguments. Utilize real-world examples and statistics to strengthen the credibility of the points made.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, addressing the negative effects of tourism on cultures and environments and suggesting ways to mitigate these effects.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the topic and avoids tangents. Clearly connect each point back to the overall discussion of tourism’s impact.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and effectively addresses the key points. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples, strengthening the argumentation, and maintaining coherence throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 9

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable level of logical organization. Each paragraph is dedicated to discussing a specific aspect of the negative effects of tourism on local cultures and environments, followed by proposed solutions. The introduction sets the stage by briefly mentioning both positive and negative aspects of tourism, providing a clear roadmap for the subsequent discussion. Within each paragraph, ideas progress logically from introducing the problem to elaborating on its implications and suggesting remedies.
  • How to improve: To further enhance logical coherence, consider refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure a seamless flow of ideas. Additionally, providing a stronger thesis statement in the introduction could succinctly outline the main points of the essay, aiding both coherence and cohesion.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs to organize its content. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the topic, such as the impact on culture, the environment, and proposed solutions. Clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph facilitate understanding and navigation through the essay. However, some paragraphs could benefit from further development and elaboration of ideas to strengthen their impact.
  • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph unity by providing more detailed examples and analysis to support the main points. Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its respective topic and avoids straying into unrelated discussions.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates adequate use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Transition words and phrases, such as "first of all," "besides," and "in summary," help guide the reader through the essay’s argumentative structure. Additionally, pronouns and demonstrative adjectives effectively reference previously mentioned concepts, enhancing overall cohesion.
  • How to improve: To further enrich cohesion, consider incorporating a wider variety of cohesive devices, such as synonyms, parallel structures, and subordinating conjunctions. This will diversify the essay’s linguistic elements and create a more engaging reading experience while reinforcing logical connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure consistent use of cohesive devices throughout the essay to prevent any disruptions in flow or clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempt to use varied language to express ideas. For instance, it employs terms like "urbanization," "hybridized," and "perception" to discuss the impacts of tourism on culture and the environment. However, there’s room for improvement in the diversity and sophistication of vocabulary usage. Some phrases, such as "tourist activities can lead to grown-up society’s vices," could be articulated more precisely.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, strive to incorporate a broader array of vocabulary, including more nuanced and specific terms where appropriate. For instance, instead of "grown-up society’s vices," consider employing terms like "social ills" or "undesirable behaviors." Additionally, utilizing idiomatic expressions or academic terminology related to tourism and its effects can elevate the lexical richness of the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally employs vocabulary with precision, such as in discussing the consequences of urbanization and cultural hybridization due to tourism. However, there are instances of imprecise usage, where certain terms lack specificity or clarity. For example, the phrase "quit their money-chasing lifestyle" could be more precisely articulated to convey the idea of prioritizing cultural preservation over materialism.
  • How to improve: Aim for greater precision in word choice to convey ideas accurately and effectively. Consider utilizing synonyms or more descriptive language to express concepts with clarity. Additionally, ensure that the vocabulary used aligns closely with the intended meaning of the text, avoiding vague or ambiguous terms that may obscure the message.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally correct spelling throughout, with few instances of misspelled words or typographical errors. However, there are a few minor spelling mistakes, such as "activites" (activities) and "Im summary" (In summary), which detract slightly from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing proofreading techniques such as spell-checking software or manually reviewing the text for errors before submission. Additionally, practice identifying common spelling mistakes and familiarize yourself with the correct spelling of frequently encountered words to minimize errors in future writing endeavors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a decent range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. It effectively utilizes conjunctions to connect ideas and employs varied sentence beginnings. For instance, it employs complex sentences such as "The fact that culture is subject to negative influences is remarkable…" alongside simpler constructions like "The environment is equally affected as tourism grows." However, there is a tendency towards simpler structures, and more complex sentence structures could be integrated for greater sophistication and coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of structures, strive to incorporate more compound-complex sentences and utilize advanced grammatical structures such as relative clauses, participial phrases, and appositives. This will contribute to a smoother flow and elevate the overall quality of writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy with few errors. However, there are instances of grammatical inconsistencies and punctuation errors that slightly impede readability. For example, "First of all,we will talk about two aspects culture and environment" lacks a space after the comma, and there are minor subject-verb agreement issues such as "culture is subject" instead of "culture are subject." Additionally, there are punctuation errors like missing commas in compound sentences.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and punctuation rules. Proofread the essay thoroughly to identify and correct errors. Additionally, consider using more complex sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical proficiency.

Overall, while the essay displays a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision to achieve a higher band score. Strive for clarity, coherence, and precision in expression to elevate the quality of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Tourism is widely recognized as a sustainable industry worldwide, generating substantial revenue while being relatively eco-friendly. However, it’s essential to acknowledge that alongside its benefits, tourism can also have adverse effects on host countries. In this essay, we will explore these negative impacts and propose strategies to mitigate them.

Primarily, let’s examine how tourism affects local cultures and environments. Cultural exchange is an inherent aspect of travel, yet it can lead to the erosion of indigenous traditions. When tourists bring their customs, there’s a risk of diluting local cultures. For instance, adopting foreign practices without discernment may lead to the loss of authentic values. Moreover, the pursuit of profit can sometimes lead to undesirable behaviors such as substance abuse and exploitation.

Similarly, the environment bears the brunt of tourism expansion. Increased tourist activities often result in rapid urbanization, altering natural landscapes and displacing local communities. This process not only disrupts human habitats but also jeopardizes wildlife and ecosystems through littering and deforestation.

To address these challenges, a paradigm shift is imperative. Local communities need to embrace cultural diversity while safeguarding their heritage. Understanding that cultural exchange enriches rather than diminishes identity is crucial. Additionally, promoting responsible tourism practices, such as eco-tourism, can minimize environmental degradation while offering unique nature-based experiences.

In conclusion, while tourism is a lucrative industry, its sustainability hinges on responsible practices. By fostering cultural appreciation and environmental stewardship, we can mitigate the negative impacts of tourism and ensure its long-term viability. Let us embrace travel as a means of cultural exchange and environmental preservation, safeguarding both our heritage and our planet for future generations.