Some people say that what children watch on television influences their behavior, while others say the amount of time children spend watching television influences their behavior. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In fact,some people argue that children Their behavior can be affected by watching too much TV sush as cartoon ,hornor or maybe Violence . some people believe that Watching TV helps children develop intellectually and quickly .I believe that Watching TV has its good and bad parts for children.
On the one hand, many TV shows and movies can cause negative behavior in children. The main cause of children's negative behavior when watching TV TV is false information or bad influences brought by movies.According to a study conducted by scientists,watching tv can improve knowledge and intelligence of children which information they can absorb on tv such as dangerous scene terrorism, encourage crime and even or foreign films that present content that distorts history .will influenced the children behavior children's perceptions as they mature.This can be seen in the case of drawback action or cognition switch.
On the other hand,mankind think the amount of time when children spend on television would be effected on their behavior.If young people spend lots of time on smart devices,they will be dependent on the devices.Besides, children are exposed to television or smart devices early, they cannot develop communication skills, social skills, and even increased cognition ability. Moreover, when young people spend most of their time in front of the screen, they do not have enough time to take care of or talk together with their families, which facilitates understanding and mental nourishment in each person.
Overall, these two opinions bring us many plural insights about the drawbacks of accessing television early. In earnest, what children watch on television would impact their behaviour. They are still too small and young to perceive the exact amount of information to access.
In conclusion, the above two ideas both have the same negative effect of watching TV early. I think that we should spend time talking with children and improve their social skills early and show children negative behaviour about tv.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"some people argue that children Their behavior can be affected by watching too much TV sush as cartoon ,hornor or maybe Violence" -> "Some argue that children’s behavior can be influenced by excessive exposure to television, including cartoons, horror, or violent content."
Explanation: Simplifying the sentence structure and correcting the grammar enhances clarity and aligns with academic standards. "Influenced" is more appropriate than "affected" in this context.
"some people believe that Watching TV helps children develop intellectually and quickly" -> "Some argue that television viewing enhances children’s intellectual development at a rapid pace."
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for coherence and formality. Replacing "believe" with "argue" adds academic nuance, and "intellectual development" is more precise than "develop intellectually."
"I believe that Watching TV has its good and bad parts for children" -> "I contend that television viewing has both positive and negative implications for children."
Explanation: Substituting "believe" with "contend" elevates the language, and "implications" is a more formal term than "parts."
"many TV shows and movies can cause negative behavior in children" -> "Numerous television programs and films have the potential to induce negative behavior in children."
Explanation: Enhancing formality by using "numerous" instead of "many," and "induce" instead of "cause negative behavior."
"The main cause of children’s negative behavior when watching TV TV is false information or bad influences brought by movies" -> "Primary contributors to children’s negative behavior during television viewing include misinformation and negative influences portrayed in movies."
Explanation: Clarifying the sentence structure and avoiding repetition. "Contributors" is a more formal term than "cause," and "portrayed" is more precise than "brought."
"According to a study conducted by scientists,watching tv can improve knowledge and intelligence of children which information they can absorb on tv such as dangerous scene terrorism, encourage crime and even or foreign films that present content that distorts history" -> "Research conducted by scientists suggests that television viewing can enhance children’s knowledge and intelligence through exposure to various types of content, including depictions of dangerous situations, terrorism, criminal behavior, and historical inaccuracies often presented in foreign films."
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and precision. Replacing "which information they can absorb on tv such as" with "through exposure to various types of content, including" streamlines the expression.
"will influenced the children behavior children’s perceptions as they mature" -> "will influence children’s behavior and perceptions as they mature."
Explanation: Correcting grammatical errors and simplifying the sentence structure for clarity.
"On the other hand,mankind think the amount of time when children spend on television would be effected on their behavior" -> "Additionally, there is concern among experts that the duration of children’s television exposure may impact their behavior."
Explanation: "On the other hand" is replaced with "Additionally" for variety. "Mankind" is replaced with "experts" for clarity and specificity.
"If young people spend lots of time on smart devices,they will be dependent on the devices" -> "Excessive usage of smart devices by young people may lead to dependency."
Explanation: Simplifying the sentence structure and avoiding colloquial terms like "lots of" in favor of "excessive."
"Moreover, when young people spend most of their time in front of the screen, they do not have enough time to take care of or talk together with their families" -> "Furthermore, prolonged screen time may detract from opportunities for familial care and communication among young people."
Explanation: Enhancing formality and precision by substituting "prolonged" for "most of" and restructuring the sentence for clarity.
"Overall, these two opinions bring us many plural insights about the drawbacks of accessing television early" -> "Overall, these differing viewpoints offer valuable insights into the adverse effects of early television exposure."
Explanation: Refining the language for coherence and formality. "Differing viewpoints" is substituted for "these two opinions" to encompass a broader scope.
"In earnest, what children watch on television would impact their behaviour" -> "In essence, the content children watch on television can significantly influence their behavior."
Explanation: Enhancing formality and clarity by replacing "In earnest" with "In essence" and rephrasing for coherence.
"They are still too small and young to perceive the exact amount of information to access" -> "Children are not yet equipped to discern the appropriate amount of information to consume."
Explanation: Simplifying and clarifying the expression while maintaining formal language.
"In conclusion, the above two ideas both have the same negative effect of watching TV early" -> "To conclude, both perspectives share a common concern regarding the adverse effects of early television exposure."
Explanation: Streamlining the conclusion for conciseness and coherence.
"I think that we should spend time talking with children and improve their social skills early and show children negative behaviour about tv" -> "It is imperative to engage in meaningful conversations with children, foster their social skills from an early age, and educate them about the potential negative impacts of television."
Explanation: Enhancing formality and specificity. Replacing "I think that we should" with "It is imperative to" adds authority to the statement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both aspects of the prompt by discussing how both the content and the amount of time spent watching TV can influence children’s behavior. It acknowledges differing perspectives but falls short in fully exploring how these factors impact behavior.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should delve deeper into the implications of both content and duration of TV watching on children’s behavior. It should provide more specific examples and evidence to support the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that both the content and the duration of TV watching can have negative effects on children’s behavior. However, the clarity is hindered by grammatical errors and lack of coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay should use clear and concise language, maintain consistent grammatical structure, and organize ideas in a logical sequence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks development and support. It mentions negative influences of TV content and excessive screen time without providing sufficient elaboration or evidence.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, each idea should be expanded upon with relevant examples, statistics, or research findings. This will enhance the credibility and persuasiveness of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to address the topic of how television influences children’s behavior, it occasionally veers off topic with unclear or irrelevant points.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should stick to discussing the direct impact of TV content and duration on children’s behavior, avoiding tangential discussions or vague statements.

Overall, while the essay acknowledges the dual influence of TV content and duration on children’s behavior, it lacks depth, coherence, and sufficient supporting evidence. To improve, the writer should provide clearer arguments, develop ideas more thoroughly, and stay closely aligned with the essay prompt throughout. Additionally, attention to grammar and clarity of expression would enhance the overall effectiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present both views on the influence of television on children’s behavior. However, the organization lacks coherence due to frequent shifts in focus and abrupt transitions between ideas. For instance, the introduction and conclusion briefly touch on both sides of the argument, but the body paragraphs lack a clear, consistent progression of ideas. The discussion on negative influences from TV and the amount of time spent watching TV could be more effectively structured with clearer topic sentences and supporting details.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay should adopt a clearer structure. Begin with a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines both viewpoints. Each body paragraph should focus on one aspect (e.g., influence of content vs. influence of time spent) with supporting examples and transitions that guide the reader through the argument. Ensure each paragraph has a topic sentence that clearly relates to the thesis and provides supporting evidence and analysis. Use transition words to smoothly connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay makes an attempt to use paragraphs, but they are often underdeveloped and lack coherence within themselves. Some paragraphs combine multiple ideas without clear breaks, making it challenging to follow the line of reasoning. For example, the second paragraph tries to discuss negative behavioral influences from TV, but it merges several ideas without sufficient elaboration or organization.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by focusing on one main idea per paragraph. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that relates directly to the thesis statement. Provide specific examples or evidence to support each idea, ensuring coherence within the paragraph. Consider using transitions between paragraphs to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next. In revision, review each paragraph to ensure it contributes clearly to the overall argument and maintains a cohesive structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices such as conjunctions (e.g., "on the one hand", "on the other hand", "in conclusion"), pronouns ("this", "these", "they"), and transitional phrases ("in fact", "however", "besides"). However, their use is inconsistent and often interrupts rather than enhances the flow of ideas. For instance, transitions between paragraphs are sometimes abrupt, and the essay lacks a smooth progression of arguments.
- How to improve: Increase the variety and effectiveness of cohesive devices by using them more purposefully. Ensure transitions between paragraphs and ideas are seamless and logically connect to the thesis statement. Use cohesive devices not just to signal shifts in thought, but also to reinforce the relationships between ideas. Consider using cohesive devices within paragraphs to clarify relationships between sentences and ideas. Review the essay to remove unnecessary transitions and strengthen those that contribute to the overall coherence and cohesion of the argument.

This feedback provides a detailed assessment of the essay’s coherence and cohesion based on the given IELTS Task 2 criteria. Each section highlights strengths and weaknesses observed in the essay’s structure and offers specific advice for improvement, aiming to guide the writer towards a more organized and coherent presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, but there are instances where more diverse and precise word choices could enhance the clarity and sophistication of expression. For example, while the essay discusses the influence of television on children’s behavior, it often repeats common words such as "children," "TV," and "behavior" without introducing more varied synonyms or related terms. Additionally, the essay could benefit from the use of more specialized vocabulary related to the topic, such as terms specific to child psychology, media influence, or cognitive development.
- How to improve: To improve the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and domain-specific terminology related to child psychology and media influence. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "children," explore alternatives like "youngsters," "juveniles," or "adolescents" to vary the language. Introduce terms such as "cognitive development," "media literacy," or "social cognition" to provide more nuanced discussions on the topic.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally lacks precision in vocabulary usage, leading to moments of ambiguity or imprecise expression. For instance, phrases like "mankind think" and "children Their behavior" could be clearer with more precise language. Furthermore, some sentences suffer from wordiness or awkward phrasing, which detracts from the overall clarity of the message.
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, focus on selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Avoid vague terms or generalizations that may obscure the message. Additionally, strive for clarity and conciseness in sentence structure to improve readability and coherence. Consider revising sentences for clarity and removing unnecessary words or phrases to streamline the expression.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors throughout, which detract from the overall professionalism and clarity of the writing. Examples include misspellings such as "hornor" instead of "horror," "sush" instead of "such," "drawback" instead of "detriment," and "mankind" instead of "many people." These errors undermine the credibility of the essay and may impede reader comprehension.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, utilize spelling and grammar check tools to identify and correct errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, consider proofreading the writing carefully or seeking feedback from peers or educators to catch any overlooked mistakes. Building a habit of reviewing and editing written work for spelling errors can contribute to improved accuracy over time. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words and their correct spellings can help prevent recurring errors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of sentence structures, albeit with occasional errors. Simple sentences, compound sentences, and complex sentences are all utilized. However, some sentences lack clarity due to awkward phrasing or grammatical errors.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, focus on constructing clear and concise sentences. Avoid run-on sentences by using appropriate punctuation and conjunctions. Experiment with different sentence structures, such as using introductory phrases or clauses to add complexity and sophistication to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally maintains grammatical coherence, there are several instances of grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes throughout the text. Errors include missing articles, subject-verb agreement issues, and inconsistent punctuation usage.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, review fundamental grammar rules, paying particular attention to articles, verb forms, and sentence structure. Proofread your writing carefully to identify and correct errors in punctuation, ensuring consistency and clarity. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify areas for improvement.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates proficiency in using a variety of sentence structures and maintains overall grammatical coherence, there is room for improvement in terms of clarity and accuracy. By refining sentence structures, addressing grammatical errors, and improving punctuation skills, you can elevate the quality and effectiveness of your writing. Keep practicing and seeking feedback to continue developing your language proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

In fact, some people argue that children’s behavior can be affected by watching too much TV, such as cartoons, horror, or violent content. On the other hand, others believe that watching TV helps children develop intellectually and quickly. I believe that watching TV has its good and bad parts for children.

On one hand, many TV shows and movies can cause negative behavior in children. The main cause of children’s negative behavior when watching TV is false information or bad influences brought by movies. According to a study conducted by scientists, watching TV can improve the knowledge and intelligence of children, with information they absorb on TV such as dangerous scenes, terrorism, criminal behavior, and even foreign films that present content that distorts history. This will influence children’s behavior and perceptions as they mature. This can be seen in cases of behavioral actions or changes in cognition.

On the other hand, some people think the amount of time children spend watching television can affect their behavior. If young people spend a lot of time on smart devices, they will become dependent on the devices. Additionally, children exposed to television or smart devices early may not develop communication skills, social skills, or increased cognitive ability. Moreover, when young people spend most of their time in front of a screen, they do not have enough time to take care of or talk with their families, which promotes understanding and mental nourishment in each person.

Overall, these two opinions provide many diverse insights about the disadvantages of early access to television. In essence, what children watch on television can significantly impact their behavior. They are still too young to perceive the appropriate amount of information to access.

In conclusion, both perspectives share a common concern regarding the adverse effects of early television exposure. I believe that we should spend time talking with children, improving their social skills early, and educating them about the potential negative impacts of television viewing.