Some people say that what children watch on television influences their behavior, while others say the amount of time children spend watching television influences their behavior. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that what children watch on television influences their behavior, while others say the amount of time children spend watching television influences their behavior.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some individuals are of the opinion that the content of programs projected on television have the most impact on youth’s responses. However, others disagree, the quantity of timing is regarded as the primary influence. Personally, both schools of thought are feasible as owning its reasons.

On the one hand, children behave conversely resulting from observing different matters on television. To be more specific, youth have a tendency to imitate similar things they witness on television since they find these content impressive, upholding them to behave in the same way with the character they see. For instance, famous cartoon characters erecting with positive prototypes inspire younger spectators by their meaningful actions, children referring to these kinds of content invariably perform more softly rather than children affected by pessimistic programs, discouraging them from gentleness. Thus, what children prefer to watch depends on their personalities, also inferring their next behavior.

On the other hand, it can be claimed that children’s behavior does not actually suffer from what they observe, but the timing they spend. In particular, youth become inactive and unsociable resulting from addiction to television since they spend a huge amount of time on online recreation instead of enjoying physical-related entertainment. In the long term, both mental and physical health of them will be devoured, behaving vaguely and performing inefficiently in school. Because of spending time mostly only on television, these children do not experience practical circumstances to expand their knowledge, being more unconfidently when responding to practical challenges compared to active children who allocate their time equally.

In conclusion, although there are ongoing opinions on determining which factors affect children totally, amount of time being spent or the content they prefer, I strongly approve of both statements that youth’s action is linked with their character which is combined and decided both by the things they witness and their timing schedule. It is fundamental for parents to strictly manage the timing and the content of their offspring's view.

---

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Some individuals are of the opinion that" -> "Some individuals believe that"
   Explanation: "Believe" is more direct and academically appropriate than "are of the opinion that," which can sound overly formal and less natural in this context.

2. "the content of programs projected on television have" -> "the content of television programs has"
   Explanation: "Television programs" is a more natural and precise term than "programs projected on television," and "has" agrees with the singular subject "content."

3. "the quantity of timing is regarded as the primary influence" -> "the amount of time spent is considered the primary influence"
   Explanation: "Amount of time spent" is a clearer and more specific phrase than "quantity of timing," which is awkward and unclear.

4. "owning its reasons" -> "owing to its reasons"
   Explanation: "Owing to its reasons" is the correct idiomatic expression, whereas "owning its reasons" is incorrect and unnatural.

5. "children behave conversely resulting from observing different matters on television" -> "children behave differently as a result of observing various content on television"
   Explanation: "Differently" is more precise than "conversely," and "various content" is more specific than "different matters."

6. "they find these content impressive" -> "they find this content impressive"
   Explanation: "This" is the correct demonstrative pronoun to use with "content," not "these."

7. "upholding them to behave in the same way with the character they see" -> "encouraging them to behave similarly to the characters they see"
   Explanation: "Encouraging" is more accurate than "upholding," and "similarly to" is grammatically correct compared to "in the same way with."

8. "famous cartoon characters erecting with positive prototypes" -> "famous cartoon characters portraying positive prototypes"
   Explanation: "Portraying" is the correct verb for describing how characters are depicted, not "erecting," which is incorrect in this context.

9. "children referring to these kinds of content invariably perform more softly" -> "children exposed to such content often behave more gently"
   Explanation: "Exposed to such content" is more precise than "referring to these kinds of content," and "behave more gently" is grammatically correct compared to "perform more softly."

10. "children’s behavior does not actually suffer from what they observe, but the timing they spend" -> "children’s behavior is not directly influenced by what they observe, but rather by the time they spend"
    Explanation: "Is not directly influenced by" is a clearer and more formal way to express the idea than "does not actually suffer from."

11. "become inactive and unsociable resulting from addiction to television" -> "become inactive and unsociable due to their addiction to television"
    Explanation: "Due to their addiction" is more direct and formal than "resulting from addiction."

12. "behaving vaguely and performing inefficiently" -> "behaving aimlessly and performing ineffectively"
    Explanation: "Aimlessly" and "ineffectively" are more precise and academically appropriate than "vaguely" and "inefficiently."

13. "being more unconfidently when responding to practical challenges" -> "feeling more uncertain when responding to practical challenges"
    Explanation: "Feeling more uncertain" is a more accurate description of the emotional state than "being more unconfidently," which is awkward and incorrect.

14. "It is fundamental for parents to strictly manage the timing and the content of their offspring’s view" -> "It is essential for parents to closely monitor both the timing and content of their children’s viewing"
    Explanation: "Closely monitor" is more precise and formal than "strictly manage," and "children’s viewing" is more appropriate than "their offspring’s view."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the influence of television on children’s behavior. It discusses the impact of content in the first body paragraph and the effect of time spent watching television in the second. However, the discussion could be more balanced, as the first view is elaborated upon more extensively than the second. The conclusion reiterates the importance of both factors but lacks a clear preference or a well-defined opinion on which factor is more significant.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim for a more balanced treatment of both views. This could involve providing more examples or evidence for the second viewpoint and clearly stating a preference in the conclusion. A more definitive stance would strengthen the overall argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that acknowledges both sides of the argument, but the clarity of this position is somewhat muddled. Phrases like "both schools of thought are feasible" suggest ambivalence rather than a strong opinion. The conclusion attempts to clarify the author’s stance but does not decisively favor one argument over the other.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. Using phrases like "I believe" or "In my opinion" can help clarify the writer’s stance. Additionally, the conclusion should summarize the main points and clearly indicate which argument the writer finds more compelling.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both viewpoints, with some supporting examples, such as the influence of positive and negative characters on children’s behavior. However, the development of these ideas is inconsistent. The first paragraph provides a good example of how content influences behavior, while the second paragraph lacks specific examples or detailed explanations of how excessive viewing time leads to negative behaviors.
  • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should include more specific examples and elaboration in the second body paragraph. For instance, citing studies or statistics about the effects of screen time on children’s health could strengthen the argument. Additionally, ensuring that each idea is fully developed before moving on to the next will enhance clarity and coherence.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the influence of television content and viewing time on children’s behavior. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the discussion of "practical circumstances" and "active children" feels somewhat tangential to the main argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points directly relate back to the main question. Avoid introducing new concepts that do not directly support the argument. Each paragraph should clearly link back to the influence of television, whether through content or time spent watching.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements can be made in balancing the discussion, clarifying the writer’s position, extending and supporting ideas more thoroughly, and maintaining a strong focus on the topic. By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. The arguments are logically sequenced, with the first body paragraph addressing the influence of content and the second focusing on the impact of time spent watching television. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing the influence of content to the influence of time could be more explicit to guide the reader through the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For instance, after discussing the impact of content, a sentence like "Conversely, another perspective suggests that the duration of viewing may play a more significant role" could help clarify the shift in focus.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and supporting details are provided. However, the first body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the prompt. The conclusion, while summarizing the main points, could also be more definitive in stating the writer’s opinion.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences in each paragraph to ensure they clearly reflect the main argument being discussed. For example, in the first body paragraph, a topic sentence like "The content of television programs significantly shapes children’s behavior" would provide a clearer focus. Additionally, ensure the conclusion reiterates the writer’s opinion more assertively, perhaps by stating a preference for one side while acknowledging the other.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which help to delineate contrasting views. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be improved. For example, phrases like "to be more specific" and "in particular" are used, but more varied devices could enhance the overall cohesion.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "however." This will not only improve the flow of ideas but also demonstrate a greater command of language. For instance, when transitioning from discussing the impact of content to time, using "Moreover" or "Additionally" could strengthen the connection between the two points.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments. By focusing on enhancing transitions, strengthening topic sentences, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further improve the coherence and cohesion of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "influence," "behavior," "content," and "timing." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with the terms "children" and "television," which appear frequently without much variation. Phrases like "youth’s responses" and "online recreation" show some attempt at variety but could be expanded further.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "children," you could alternate with "youngsters," "youth," or "minors." Similarly, instead of "television," consider "TV," "broadcast media," or "screen time." This will make the writing more engaging and demonstrate a broader vocabulary range.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage in the essay. For example, the phrase "quantity of timing" is awkward and unclear; "amount of time" would be more appropriate. Additionally, the expression "perform more softly" is vague and does not clearly convey the intended meaning. The phrase "behaving vaguely" also lacks clarity and could confuse readers.
  • How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. For example, replace "quantity of timing" with "amount of time spent" and clarify "perform more softly" to something like "exhibit gentler behavior." When in doubt, choose simpler, more direct expressions to ensure clarity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "timing" instead of "time," "unsociable resulting from addiction" which should be "unsociable as a result of addiction," and "unconfidently," which is not a standard form; "unconfident" would be more appropriate. These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review your work with fresh eyes. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help catch errors. Regular practice with spelling exercises and reading more can also enhance your spelling skills over time.

Overall, while the essay meets some criteria for lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying word choice, ensuring precise language, and focusing on spelling, the essay can achieve a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For example, complex sentences such as "Personally, both schools of thought are feasible as owning its reasons" show an attempt to use varied structures. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors, such as "the quantity of timing is regarded as the primary influence," which could be more clearly expressed as "the amount of time is considered the primary influence." Additionally, the use of conjunctions and transitions is somewhat limited, which affects the overall flow and coherence of the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex and compound sentences. For instance, instead of relying heavily on simple sentences, the writer could combine ideas to form more nuanced arguments. Additionally, using a wider range of linking words (e.g., furthermore, moreover, however) can help in transitioning between ideas more smoothly.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors. For example, the phrase "the content of programs projected on television have the most impact" should use "has" instead of "have" to agree with the singular noun "content." Additionally, the sentence "children referring to these kinds of content invariably perform more softly rather than children affected by pessimistic programs" is awkwardly constructed and could be clearer. Punctuation issues are also present, such as the lack of a comma before "but" in "it can be claimed that children’s behavior does not actually suffer from what they observe, but the timing they spend," which could lead to confusion in reading.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and sentence clarity. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors before submission can help catch mistakes that may disrupt the flow of the essay. Reading more academic texts can also provide exposure to correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and presents both sides of the argument, enhancing grammatical range and accuracy will significantly improve the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals are of the opinion that the content of programs projected on television has the most impact on youth’s responses. However, others disagree, stating that the amount of time spent watching television is regarded as the primary influence. Personally, both schools of thought are feasible owing to their reasons.

On the one hand, children behave differently as a result of observing various content on television. To be more specific, youth have a tendency to imitate similar things they witness on television since they find this content impressive, encouraging them to behave similarly to the characters they see. For instance, famous cartoon characters portraying positive prototypes inspire younger spectators with their meaningful actions; children exposed to such content invariably behave more gently compared to those affected by pessimistic programs, which discourage gentleness. Thus, what children prefer to watch depends on their personalities, also influencing their subsequent behavior.

On the other hand, it can be claimed that children’s behavior does not actually suffer from what they observe, but rather from the amount of time they spend watching television. In particular, youth become inactive and unsociable due to their addiction to television, spending a huge amount of time on online recreation instead of enjoying physical activities. In the long term, both their mental and physical health will be affected, leading to aimless behavior and ineffective performance in school. Because they spend most of their time only on television, these children do not experience practical situations to expand their knowledge, feeling more uncertain when responding to practical challenges compared to active children who allocate their time more evenly.

In conclusion, although there are ongoing opinions on which factors affect children the most—whether it is the amount of time spent or the content they prefer—I strongly believe that youth’s behavior is linked to their character, which is shaped by both what they witness and their viewing schedule. It is essential for parents to closely monitor both the timing and content of their children’s viewing.