Some people say that what children watch on television influences their behavior, while others say the amount of time children spend watching television influences their behaviors. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that what children watch on television influences their behavior, while others say the amount of time children spend watching television influences their behaviors.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some researchers argue that the content of TV programs significantly influences children's behaviors. In contrast, others believe that the duration of time spent watching has a more significant impact. Although both schools of thought are valid, I agree more with the former perspective.

On the one hand, there are several reasons that explain why many people believe that children’s behaviors may be influenced by the content of TV programs. They contend that exposure to violence, aggression, and criminal behavior that are prevalent in many TV programs may desensitize children to these acts, potentially leading to imitation. However, educational content in many TV programs can expand children's understanding, providing valuable knowledge that can enrich their social and academic development. According to a recent study published in Educational Research, around 30% of children’s knowledge is derived from TV programs.

On the other hand, others emphasize the role of watching time rather than the content. In order for children to develop optimally, they must engage in regular physical activities, acquire enough knowledge, and be socially engaged with their parents and friends. Unfortunately, watching television can be highly addictive, causing them to miss out on time intended for other activities. As a result, they become physically inactive and socially isolated, which can significantly affect their behavior.

In conclusion, although there are mixed opinions on determining whether the content or the time spent watching influences children’s behavior more significantly, I believe that these factors interact. While content may either positively or negatively influence children's behavior after a long time of exposure, the duration of watching may diminish children's physical and mental capabilities and hinder their optimal development.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Some researchers argue" -> "Certain scholars contend"
   Explanation: Replacing "Some researchers argue" with "Certain scholars contend" elevates the formality and specificity of the language, aligning better with academic style by using a more precise term for academic professionals and a verb that conveys a stronger assertion.

2. "children’s behaviors" -> "children’s behavior"
   Explanation: The singular form "behavior" is more appropriate when referring to the general concept of behavior in children, rather than the plural "behaviors," which could imply multiple specific behaviors.

3. "In contrast, others believe" -> "Conversely, others maintain"
   Explanation: "Conversely" is a more formal transitional phrase than "In contrast," and "maintain" is a more academic term than "believe," which is often seen as too casual for formal writing.

4. "I agree more with the former perspective" -> "I concur more strongly with the former perspective"
   Explanation: "Concur more strongly" is a more formal expression than "agree more," enhancing the academic tone of the statement.

5. "They contend that exposure to violence, aggression, and criminal behavior" -> "They argue that exposure to violence, aggression, and criminal behavior"
   Explanation: "Argue" is a more precise verb in this context, as it implies a more formal and academic discussion, whereas "contend" can sometimes imply a more personal or emotional stance.

6. "may desensitize children to these acts" -> "may desensitize children to such behaviors"
   Explanation: "Such behaviors" is more precise and formal than "these acts," which is less specific and slightly informal for academic writing.

7. "educational content in many TV programs can expand children’s understanding" -> "educational content in many television programs can broaden children’s understanding"
   Explanation: "Broaden" is a more precise term than "expand" in this context, as it specifically refers to the widening of knowledge or perspectives, which is more suitable for academic discourse.

8. "According to a recent study published in Educational Research" -> "As reported in a recent study published in Educational Research"
   Explanation: "As reported" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "According to," which can be seen as less formal and slightly casual.

9. "watching television can be highly addictive" -> "viewing television can be highly addictive"
   Explanation: "Viewing" is a more formal synonym for "watching," aligning better with the academic style of the essay.

10. "they become physically inactive and socially isolated" -> "they become physically inactive and socially isolated"
    Explanation: This is a correction to ensure consistency in verb tense, aligning with the past tense used throughout the essay.

11. "which can significantly affect their behavior" -> "which can significantly impact their behavior"
    Explanation: "Impact" is a more formal and precise term than "affect" in this context, enhancing the academic tone of the statement.

12. "the duration of watching may diminish children’s physical and mental capabilities" -> "the duration of viewing may diminish children’s physical and mental capabilities"
    Explanation: Replacing "watching" with "viewing" maintains consistency with the earlier choice of "viewing" and enhances the formality of the language.

These changes refine the vocabulary to better suit an academic essay, ensuring precision, formality, and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the influence of television on children’s behavior. The first paragraph introduces the two perspectives clearly, while subsequent paragraphs delve into each viewpoint. The writer discusses the potential negative effects of violent content and the positive aspects of educational programming, as well as the implications of excessive viewing time. This balanced approach demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the prompt.
  • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the essay could benefit from a more explicit comparison between the two views. For instance, after discussing each perspective, the writer could summarize the key points of comparison before stating their opinion. This would provide a clearer connection between the views and reinforce the discussion.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear position by expressing a preference for the influence of content over time spent watching television. This stance is articulated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion, providing consistency. However, the phrase "I agree more with the former perspective" could be strengthened by elaborating on why this viewpoint is prioritized over the other.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and conclusion, ensuring it is unmistakable. Additionally, integrating more personal reasoning or examples to support their opinion would enhance the persuasiveness of their argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, particularly in discussing the negative impacts of violent content and the benefits of educational programming. The use of a study to support the claim about educational content adds credibility. However, the discussion on the effects of time spent watching television is less developed, lacking specific examples or evidence.
  • How to improve: To strengthen this area, the writer should provide more detailed examples or statistics regarding the effects of excessive television viewing. Including studies or expert opinions on the consequences of reduced physical activity or social engagement would bolster the argument and provide a more rounded discussion.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, with each paragraph contributing to the discussion of how television influences children’s behavior. The writer does not deviate from the main question, which is commendable. However, the conclusion introduces the idea of interaction between content and time, which, while relevant, could be more clearly tied back to the original prompt.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all concluding remarks directly relate back to the two perspectives discussed. Instead of introducing a new idea, reinforcing the main points about content and time would provide a stronger closure to the argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and effectively communicates the writer’s views. By enhancing the comparison of perspectives, clarifying the position, providing more supporting evidence, and maintaining focus in the conclusion, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two perspectives on the influence of television on children’s behavior. The body paragraphs are organized to discuss each viewpoint separately, which helps in maintaining clarity. For instance, the first body paragraph effectively outlines the arguments supporting the influence of content, while the second paragraph addresses the impact of viewing time. This logical separation aids in understanding the contrasting views. However, the conclusion could have better synthesized the arguments presented, as it somewhat reiterates points rather than drawing a cohesive conclusion.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using a more explicit transition between the two body paragraphs, such as a sentence that directly compares the two views before delving into the second perspective. Additionally, the conclusion should aim to summarize the main points discussed and clearly state your opinion in relation to the arguments presented, rather than simply stating that both factors interact.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the discussion. The introduction sets the stage, the body paragraphs explore the two perspectives, and the conclusion wraps up the discussion. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from further development, as it presents valid points but lacks depth in explanation and examples.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each body paragraph not only introduces a viewpoint but also provides specific examples or evidence to support the claims. For instance, when discussing the negative impacts of excessive television watching, including statistics or studies that reinforce the argument would strengthen the paragraph. Additionally, consider using topic sentences that clearly state the main idea of each paragraph to guide the reader.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which effectively signal the contrasting viewpoints. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are moments where transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition from discussing the content of TV programs to the amount of time spent watching could be more fluid to enhance coherence.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "conversely," and "therefore." This will help in creating smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to avoid repetition and maintain cohesion throughout the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, there are opportunities for improvement in logical organization, paragraph development, and the use of cohesive devices. By focusing on these areas, the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay can be enhanced, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "desensitize," "educational content," "socially engaged," and "physically inactive" effectively conveying the writer’s points. The use of phrases such as "significantly influences" and "valuable knowledge" shows an ability to articulate complex ideas. However, there are instances where more varied vocabulary could enhance the essay. For example, the repeated use of "influence" and "behavior" could be replaced with synonyms or paraphrased to avoid redundancy.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "influence," alternatives like "affect," "shape," or "impact" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more descriptive adjectives for "content" or "behavior" could add depth to the analysis.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, with phrases like "exposure to violence" and "academic development" clearly conveying the intended meaning. However, there are moments where the precision could be enhanced. For instance, the phrase "the duration of time spent watching" could be simplified to "the amount of time spent watching" for clarity and conciseness. Additionally, the phrase "mixed opinions on determining" could be more directly stated as "mixed opinions on whether."
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and conciseness. Reviewing sentences for potential simplifications or rephrasing can help. For example, rather than saying "the duration of time spent watching," simply stating "the amount of time watching" maintains the meaning while improving clarity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the text. Words such as "research," "behavior," and "knowledge" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of English spelling conventions. This accuracy contributes positively to the overall readability of the essay.
  • How to improve: While spelling is strong, the writer should continue to proofread their work to maintain this standard. Engaging in regular spelling practice, such as using flashcards for commonly misspelled words or utilizing spelling apps, can help reinforce this skill. Additionally, reading widely can expose the writer to correct spelling in various contexts, further solidifying their spelling accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, with strengths in vocabulary range and spelling accuracy. By focusing on expanding vocabulary variety, improving precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for an even higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "Although both schools of thought are valid, I agree more with the former perspective," which effectively conveys contrast and personal opinion. Additionally, the essay employs conditional structures, such as "In order for children to develop optimally, they must engage in regular physical activities," showcasing an understanding of how to express necessity and conditions. However, there are instances of simpler structures that could be enhanced for greater complexity, such as the repetitive use of "may" in discussing potential influences.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the use of modal verbs. For example, instead of repeatedly using "may," try using "could" or "might" to introduce different shades of meaning. Additionally, integrating more relative clauses, such as "which can lead to imitation," can add depth to your sentences and enhance the overall sophistication of your writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. For example, the phrase "the content of TV programs significantly influences children’s behaviors" is grammatically correct and clearly articulated. Punctuation is also used effectively, as seen in the use of commas to separate clauses, such as in "In contrast, others believe that the duration of time spent watching has a more significant impact." However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "the duration of time spent watching" which could be simplified to "the time spent watching," avoiding redundancy.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on eliminating redundancy and ensuring clarity in expression. Review sentences for unnecessary repetition, as seen in the phrase mentioned above. Additionally, consider practicing punctuation rules, particularly with complex sentences, to ensure that clauses are correctly separated and that the overall flow of ideas is smooth. Regularly reading high-quality writing can also help reinforce correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision, the writer can aim for an even higher level of proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some researchers argue that the content of TV programs significantly influences children’s behavior. In contrast, others believe that the duration of time spent watching has a more significant impact. Although both schools of thought are valid, I concur more strongly with the former perspective.

On the one hand, there are several reasons that explain why many people believe that children’s behavior may be influenced by the content of TV programs. They contend that exposure to violence, aggression, and criminal behavior that is prevalent in many TV programs may desensitize children to these acts, potentially leading to imitation. However, educational content in many television programs can broaden children’s understanding, providing valuable knowledge that can enrich their social and academic development. As reported in a recent study published in Educational Research, around 30% of children’s knowledge is derived from TV programs.

On the other hand, others emphasize the role of viewing time rather than the content. In order for children to develop optimally, they must engage in regular physical activities, acquire enough knowledge, and be socially engaged with their parents and friends. Unfortunately, viewing television can be highly addictive, causing them to miss out on time intended for other activities. As a result, they become physically inactive and socially isolated, which can significantly impact their behavior.

In conclusion, although there are mixed opinions on whether the content or the time spent watching influences children’s behavior more significantly, I believe that these factors interact. While content may either positively or negatively influence children’s behavior after a long time of exposure, the duration of viewing may diminish children’s physical and mental capabilities and hinder their optimal development.