SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT WHEN DECIDING HOW TAXES SHOULD BE SPENT, GOVERNMENTS SHOULD PRIORITISE HEALTH CARE. OTHER PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT PRIORITIES FOR TAXPAYERS’ MONEY. DISCUSS BOTH THESE VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION. GIVE REASONS FOR YOUR ANSWER AND INCLUDE ANY RELEVANT EXAMPLES FROM YOUR OWN KNOWLEDGE OR EXPERIENCE.

SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT WHEN DECIDING HOW TAXES SHOULD BE SPENT, GOVERNMENTS SHOULD PRIORITISE HEALTH CARE. OTHER PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT PRIORITIES FOR TAXPAYERS' MONEY. DISCUSS BOTH THESE VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION.
GIVE REASONS FOR YOUR ANSWER AND INCLUDE ANY RELEVANT EXAMPLES FROM YOUR OWN KNOWLEDGE OR EXPERIENCE.

A number of people believe that the authorities of a country should pay taxes for health care as a priority. However, many others contend that different categories also need the support of government taxes. While both viewpoints are valid, I prefer towards the latter.
There are convincing reasons why some people opine that taxes should be spent on healthcare prioritize. Firstly, many countries witnessed a dramatic shortage of medical infrastructure and facilities in the countryside. The main reason for this is that taxes are used more to develop the urban area such as by building new roads, towers, or environmental projects…. As a result, patients who come from rural areas have to take a lot of time to approach the city hospital because the place where they are living does not have any hospital, or if it does, it will not have enough treatment facilities. Furthermore, taxes are also spent as a fund for excellent doctors. This is due to the fact that some newbie doctors have good performances during the time of internship but they do not have a chance to do their new research due to lack of money. This can result in a shortage of medical professors in the future. Without government funds or scholarships, most intern doctors will not have the ability to gain new skills and experiences through research.
However, I would argue that there are also more vital concerns that governments should spend taxes on. One of these is education. It can be seen easily that children in many areas do not have the opportunity to go to school, and they have to work to make money for their families instead. As a result, they may not get over their present lives due to lacking knowledge, which leads to an imbalance in the development of countries. Another more pressing priority than healthcare is the military issue. Governments have to pay a particular amount of money for either military force such as soldiers or equipment and weapons. Unless taxes are spent on this category, it will see a diminishing in military force which threatens the country’s security.
In conclusion, although both views are valid to some extent, I still opine that there are other important priorities that need government taxpayer money.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "pay taxes for health care as a priority" -> "allocate taxes to healthcare as a priority"
   Explanation: "Pay taxes for health care" is somewhat informal. "Allocate taxes to healthcare" is more suitable for formal writing, emphasizing the distribution and prioritization of tax funds.

2. "However, many others contend" -> "However, many others argue"
   Explanation: "Contend" is slightly less common in academic contexts compared to "argue," which is a more direct and standard term for presenting opposing viewpoints.

3. "prefer towards the latter" -> "favor the latter"
   Explanation: "Prefer towards" is awkward and non-standard. "Favor" is a concise and appropriate term for expressing a preference.

4. "There are convincing reasons why some people opine that taxes should be spent on healthcare prioritize" -> "There are compelling reasons why some advocate for prioritizing tax expenditure on healthcare"
   Explanation: This revision clarifies the idea by using more precise language and corrects the grammatical structure.

5. "witnessed a dramatic shortage of medical infrastructure and facilities" -> "experienced a significant shortage of medical infrastructure and facilities"
   Explanation: "Witnessed" is less formal; "experienced" is a more appropriate choice. Also, "dramatic" can be replaced with "significant" for a more measured tone.

6. "urban area such as by building new roads, towers, or environmental projects" -> "urban areas, such as infrastructure projects like roads, buildings, or environmental initiatives"
   Explanation: The revised phrase is clearer and more concise, maintaining academic formality.

7. "they do not have a chance to do their new research due to lack of money" -> "they lack opportunities to pursue new research due to financial constraints"
   Explanation: The revised sentence avoids informal phrasing ("do their new research") and uses more precise language.

8. "This can result in a shortage of medical professors in the future" -> "This could lead to a future shortage of medical professors"
   Explanation: Changing "can" to "could" adds a conditional tone appropriate for discussing potential outcomes in academic writing.

9. "there are also more vital concerns that governments should spend taxes on" -> "there are more pressing priorities that governments should allocate tax revenues to"
   Explanation: This revision improves clarity and formality, using "allocate tax revenues to" instead of "spend taxes on."

10. "As a result, they may not get over their present lives due to lacking knowledge" -> "As a result, they may be unable to transcend their current circumstances due to educational limitations"
    Explanation: The revised phrase is more precise and avoids colloquial language.

11. "Unless taxes are spent on this category" -> "Without sufficient allocation of taxes to this area"
    Explanation: This change enhances clarity and maintains a formal tone by rephrasing the sentence.

12. "which threatens the country’s security" -> "thus posing a threat to the country’s security"
    Explanation: Adding "thus posing" provides a more structured academic expression of cause and effect.

In conclusion, these revisions aim to enhance the clarity, formality, and precision of the essay’s vocabulary and structure, aligning with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both viewpoints presented in the prompt: the perspective advocating for prioritizing healthcare spending and the viewpoint suggesting other important priorities for taxpayer money. It provides reasons for both sides and also includes the writer’s own opinion. However, the explanation for each viewpoint could be more thorough, and some parts of the essay lack specificity.
  • How to improve: To improve, ensure each viewpoint is fully developed with specific examples and reasoning. Additionally, explicitly reference relevant sections of the prompt to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the question.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance that the author favors prioritizing other concerns over healthcare spending. This position is consistently expressed throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity, reinforce the chosen stance by providing stronger, more persuasive arguments and examples. Additionally, ensure that the introduction clearly states the author’s position and previews the main points to be discussed.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks in-depth development and support. For instance, while discussing healthcare, it mentions the shortage of medical infrastructure and the need for funding for doctors’ research but lacks specific examples or data to strengthen these points.
  • How to improve: To extend and support ideas, incorporate specific examples, statistics, or case studies to bolster arguments. Provide detailed explanations and evidence to substantiate claims and make the essay more persuasive and convincing.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by addressing the issue of how taxes should be spent, although it occasionally deviates into tangential points, such as discussing the shortage of doctors.
  • How to improve: To stay more focused, ensure that all arguments and examples directly relate to the prompt and the main topic of tax allocation. Avoid introducing new ideas or tangents that do not directly contribute to the central argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and presents a clear position, it could benefit from more thorough development of ideas and stronger support through specific examples and evidence. Additionally, maintaining a tighter focus on the main topic would further improve coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a discernible structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint, and a conclusion. However, the logical organization could be improved for better coherence. The introduction clearly presents both viewpoints but lacks a clear thesis statement, which would help guide the reader through the essay. Additionally, the body paragraphs could benefit from a more consistent and explicit transition between ideas to enhance the overall logical flow. For instance, the shift from discussing healthcare to education and then military issues could be smoother.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. Use transitional phrases or sentences between paragraphs to signal shifts in focus and maintain coherence. Revising the body paragraphs to ensure a more seamless transition between topics would also improve the essay’s logical structure.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, which is essential for readability and organization. However, the paragraphing could be more effective in conveying distinct ideas. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas, making them slightly convoluted. For example, the second paragraph discusses both the lack of medical infrastructure and the issue of funding for doctors’ research, which could be better presented as separate points.
  • How to improve: Aim for clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single point and provides adequate explanation and support. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to enhance clarity and readability, particularly when discussing multiple subtopics within a broader theme.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transition words like "however" and "furthermore," to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied and strategic to improve coherence further. Some transitions feel abrupt, and there is a lack of variety in connecting words and phrases.
  • How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices, including conjunctions, transitional phrases, and pronouns, to create smoother connections between ideas. Use cohesive devices not only to indicate relationships between sentences but also to reinforce the overall argumentative structure. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices to ensure they enhance rather than disrupt the flow of the essay. Practice incorporating cohesive devices naturally to maintain coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in organizing information more logically, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the clarity and coherence of the essay, ultimately contributing to a stronger overall argumentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary with some attempts at varied word choice. For instance, the writer employs phrases like "prioritize," "witnessed a dramatic shortage," "treatment facilities," "excellent doctors," "intern doctors," and "imbalance in the development." However, there is repetition of certain terms such as "taxes," "government," and "healthcare," which limits the diversity of vocabulary. Additionally, some phrases lack precision and could be expressed more concisely for clarity and effectiveness.
  • How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader array of vocabulary, including synonyms and advanced terminology related to the topic. Avoiding repetition and refining expressions for precision can also elevate the lexical quality of the essay. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "taxes," consider alternatives like "government revenue" or "fiscal contributions."

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mixture of precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, phrases like "medical infrastructure and facilities," "dramatic shortage," and "military force" convey specific meanings effectively. However, there are instances of imprecise language, such as "categories" instead of "areas" or "sectors" and "more vital concerns" rather than specifying other priorities explicitly. These imprecise word choices can diminish the clarity and impact of the writer’s arguments.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should strive for specificity in word choice, selecting terms that accurately convey the intended meaning. Instead of general terms like "categories" or "more vital concerns," use precise language such as "sectors" or "paramount priorities." Consulting a thesaurus or engaging in vocabulary expansion exercises can aid in acquiring more precise terminology.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mixed level of spelling accuracy. While the majority of words are spelled correctly, there are several instances of spelling errors, such as "opine" instead of "opinion," "witnessed" instead of "witness," "over" instead of "overcome," and "diminishing" instead of "diminishment." These errors, while sporadic, detract from the overall professionalism and coherence of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should prioritize proofreading and editing their work meticulously. Utilizing spell-check tools and seeking feedback from peers or educators can help identify and rectify spelling errors effectively. Additionally, practicing spelling through activities like word drills or incorporating new words into writing exercises can reinforce accurate spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in lexical resource, there is room for improvement in expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and ensuring consistent spelling accuracy. By actively engaging in vocabulary enrichment activities and refining proofreading techniques, the writer can elevate the lexical quality of their writing and convey their ideas with greater clarity and impact.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there is limited use of complex sentences or varied sentence beginnings. For instance, the essay frequently starts with subject-verb-object constructions, lacking variety in sentence structure which can make the writing feel monotonous.
  • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures such as complex sentences, conditional sentences, and passive voice constructions. Introducing subordination and coordination can add depth and complexity to your writing, making it more engaging and sophisticated.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a fair level of grammatical accuracy, but there are several instances of errors throughout the text. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("…many others contend that different categories also need the support of government taxes.") and incorrect word usage ("…I prefer towards the latter.").
  • How to improve: Focus on improving accuracy by paying closer attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and word choice. Proofreading carefully can help catch and correct errors in grammar and punctuation. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or tutors to identify recurring mistakes and areas for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some argue that governments should prioritize allocating taxes to healthcare, while others believe there are other pressing needs that require funding. While both perspectives have merit, I lean towards the latter viewpoint.

There are compelling reasons why some advocate for prioritizing tax expenditure on healthcare. Many countries have experienced a significant shortage of medical infrastructure and facilities, particularly in rural areas. This is partly because taxes are often directed towards urban development projects such as roads, buildings, or environmental initiatives. Consequently, patients from rural areas face challenges accessing adequate healthcare, as they must travel long distances to reach hospitals with sufficient treatment facilities. Additionally, funding for medical research is crucial for nurturing future healthcare professionals. Without financial support, aspiring doctors may be unable to conduct research or pursue further education, potentially leading to a shortage of medical experts in the future.

However, I believe there are more pressing priorities that governments should allocate tax revenues to. One such priority is education. Many children in disadvantaged areas lack access to schooling and are forced to work to support their families, perpetuating a cycle of poverty and limiting their opportunities for personal development. Investing in education is essential for fostering the growth and prosperity of nations.

Furthermore, military expenditure is another crucial area that requires adequate funding. Governments must allocate resources to maintain a strong military force to ensure national security. Neglecting investment in this area could leave a country vulnerable to external threats and compromise its safety.

In conclusion, while healthcare is undeniably important, I believe there are other vital priorities that warrant government investment. Education and national security are fundamental pillars of societal development and should be given due consideration in budget allocation decisions.