Some people say that when deciding how taxes should be spent, governments should prioritize health care. Other people believe that there are more important priorities for taxpayer’s money. Discuss

While one school of thought holds that the government's primary duty is increased health care funding when deciding to spend taxes, others are of the opinion that they should prioritize other industries.
This essay will first closely examine both viewpoints before concluding that which sector to invest more in depends on each country's budget and policies.

On the one hand, it is understandable why some people propose that government funding should be directed towards health care. The primary reason behind this thinking is that unless the residents have a good well-being, they cannot work more productively and contribute to the development of a country. This can be seen in African countries where their people have to suffer from the serious lack of medical facilities, which prevents people from receiving appropriate and timely treatment when facing significant health challenges. As a result, these countries cannot develop strongly because there is not a plentiful workforce with good health. Therefore, investing in safeguarding public health can also ensure national security and defense economic crises due to epidemics. In other words, when medical quality is good, citizens will have better resistance to avoid getting sick easily.
On the other hand, in developed countries, the government often emphasizes sectors that yield long-term benefits for society and drive economic activity such as education, infrastructure and technology. Prioritizing investment in these sectors can help in increasing public living standards which contributes to the overall national development.

In conclusion, there are some reasons for advocating both views. I contend that each government should have its own investment policies which are suitable for the progress and target towards each nation.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"increased health care funding" -> "increased healthcare funding"
Explanation: Removing the space between "increased" and "healthcare" corrects a typographical error, aligning with standard English usage.
"others are of the opinion that" -> "others believe that"
Explanation: "Believe" is more direct and formal than "are of the opinion that," streamlining the expression while maintaining academic tone.
"This essay will first closely examine" -> "This essay will first examine"
Explanation: Removing "closely" simplifies the phrase without losing meaning, as "examine" already implies a thorough analysis.
"which sector to invest more in" -> "which sector to prioritize"
Explanation: "Prioritize" is more precise and formal than "invest more in," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"it is understandable why some people propose" -> "it is reasonable that some argue"
Explanation: "Reasonable" is more academically appropriate than "understandable," which can sound too colloquial in this context.
"unless the residents have a good well-being" -> "unless residents enjoy good health"
Explanation: "Enjoy good health" is a more precise and formal way to describe the condition of well-being.
"they cannot work more productively" -> "they are less productive"
Explanation: "Are less productive" is a more concise and formal expression than "cannot work more productively."
"cannot develop strongly" -> "cannot develop robustly"
Explanation: "Robustly" is a more precise and formal term than "strongly" in this context, fitting better in academic writing.
"there is not a plentiful workforce" -> "there is a limited workforce"
Explanation: "Limited" is more accurate and formal than "not plentiful," which is awkward and less precise.
"due to epidemics" -> "due to the risk of epidemics"
Explanation: Adding "the risk of" clarifies the relationship between the government’s actions and the potential consequences.
"when medical quality is good" -> "when healthcare quality is high"
Explanation: "High" is a more precise and formal adjective than "good" in this context, aligning better with academic standards.
"will have better resistance to avoid getting sick easily" -> "will be less susceptible to illness"
Explanation: "Less susceptible to illness" is a more formal and precise way to express resistance to disease.
"Prioritizing investment in these sectors can help in increasing" -> "Prioritizing investment in these sectors can help increase"
Explanation: Removing "in" after "help" corrects a grammatical error and streamlines the sentence.
"which contributes to the overall national development" -> "which contributes to national development"
Explanation: Removing "the overall" simplifies the phrase without losing meaning, making it more concise and formal.
"each government should have its own investment policies" -> "each government should develop its own investment policies"
Explanation: "Develop" is more specific and appropriate than "have," indicating the process of creating policies rather than simply possessing them.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both viewpoints regarding government spending on health care versus other sectors. The first paragraph outlines the argument for prioritizing health care, citing the impact of health on productivity and national development, particularly in African countries. The second paragraph discusses the importance of investing in sectors like education and infrastructure in developed countries. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit discussion of the implications of these viewpoints and a clearer comparison between them.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each viewpoint is not only presented but also critically evaluated against the other. Including specific examples or statistics to support claims would strengthen the argument. Additionally, a more explicit discussion of the potential consequences of prioritizing one sector over another would provide depth.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay concludes with a statement that suggests a balanced approach, indicating that investment policies should be tailored to each country’s needs. However, the position could be clearer; the phrase "depends on each country’s budget and policies" may leave readers uncertain about the writer’s personal stance on the issue. The lack of a definitive position throughout the essay can lead to ambiguity.
- How to improve: The writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. Using phrases like "I strongly believe" or "In my opinion" can help clarify the writer’s stance. Additionally, summarizing the main argument in the conclusion can provide a stronger sense of closure.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both health care and other sectors, but the development of these ideas could be more robust. For instance, while the argument for health care is supported with a relevant example, the discussion of other sectors lacks similar depth and specific examples. The essay mentions "education, infrastructure, and technology" but does not elaborate on how these sectors contribute to national development.
- How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, the writer should provide specific examples or case studies that illustrate the benefits of investing in education, infrastructure, and technology. Additionally, expanding on how these sectors interact with health care could create a more integrated argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt effectively. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For instance, the mention of "national security and defense economic crises due to epidemics" could be seen as slightly tangential to the main argument about prioritizing spending.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the prompt. To maintain focus, it may be helpful to outline the main points before writing the essay. Regularly revisiting the prompt during the writing process can also help ensure that all content remains relevant.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents relevant arguments, there are areas for improvement in clarity, depth of analysis, and focus. By addressing these aspects, the writer can enhance their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two viewpoints. The body paragraphs are logically organized, with the first paragraph discussing the importance of healthcare funding and the second addressing the significance of investment in other sectors. This logical progression helps the reader follow the argument easily. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of the second body paragraph to signal a shift in focus. For example, phrases like "Conversely" or "In contrast" can help clarify the relationship between the two viewpoints. Additionally, reiterating the main argument at the beginning of the conclusion can reinforce the essay’s overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct viewpoint. The introduction and conclusion are also clearly defined. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from further subdivision, as it combines multiple ideas (education, infrastructure, and technology) without clear delineation.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, consider breaking down the second body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on education and another on infrastructure and technology. This would allow for a more detailed exploration of each point and improve clarity. Each paragraph should ideally start with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. However, there is a limited range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay, which may affect the overall fluidity of the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Furthermore" or "Moreover" to add information, and "However" or "Nevertheless" to introduce counterarguments. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance cohesion. For example, instead of repeatedly using "government," you could refer to it as "authorities" or "administrations" in subsequent mentions.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, further enhancing its overall effectiveness in communicating the argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "prioritize," "funding," "well-being," and "national security." However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "good well-being" is somewhat redundant, as "well-being" alone suffices. Additionally, the use of "develop strongly" could be enhanced by opting for synonyms like "prosper" or "thrive."
- How to improve: To elevate the lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "government" or "health care," consider using "administration" or "medical services." This will not only enrich the vocabulary but also demonstrate a broader lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "timely treatment" and "economic activity." However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "defense economic crises," which is unclear and awkwardly phrased. The phrase "good health" could also be more effectively expressed as "optimal health" or "robust health."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choice. Reviewing phrases for clarity and ensuring they convey the intended meaning accurately is crucial. For example, replacing "defense economic crises" with "economic crises related to national defense" would enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays good spelling, with no glaring errors. However, the phrase "taxpayer’s money" should be written as "taxpayers’ money" to indicate that the money belongs to multiple taxpayers. This minor error reflects a need for careful proofreading.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a habit of proofreading their work, focusing on common pitfalls such as apostrophe usage and plural forms. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can also help catch errors that may be overlooked during the writing process.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy can help elevate the lexical resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, the phrase "while one school of thought holds that the government’s primary duty is increased health care funding when deciding to spend taxes" showcases a complex structure that effectively introduces contrasting viewpoints. However, some sentences are overly long and could benefit from clearer segmentation. For example, the sentence "This can be seen in African countries where their people have to suffer from the serious lack of medical facilities, which prevents people from receiving appropriate and timely treatment when facing significant health challenges" is quite lengthy and could be broken down for better clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and lengths. For example, use introductory phrases or clauses, and mix simple sentences with more complex ones to enhance readability. Additionally, practice using different conjunctions and transition words to create smoother connections between ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "taxpayer’s money" should be pluralized to "taxpayers’ money" to accurately reflect the plural possessive form. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could be used to improve clarity, such as before "which prevents people from receiving appropriate and timely treatment" to separate the clauses more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it would be beneficial to review common grammatical rules, particularly regarding possessives and clause separation. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on these areas can help solidify understanding. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors before finalizing the essay can help catch and correct mistakes that may detract from the overall quality.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on sentence clarity and grammatical precision will further enhance the writing quality and potentially elevate the band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

While one school of thought holds that the government’s primary duty is to increase healthcare funding when deciding how to allocate taxes, others believe that there are more pressing priorities for taxpayer money. This essay will first examine both viewpoints before concluding that which sector to prioritize depends on each country’s budget and policies.

On the one hand, it is reasonable that some argue government funding should be directed towards healthcare. The primary reason behind this perspective is that unless residents enjoy good health, they are less productive and cannot contribute effectively to the development of a country. This can be observed in many African nations, where people suffer from a severe lack of medical facilities, preventing them from receiving appropriate and timely treatment for significant health challenges. As a result, these countries cannot develop robustly due to a limited workforce in good health. Therefore, investing in safeguarding public health can also ensure national security and mitigate economic crises due to the risk of epidemics. In other words, when healthcare quality is high, citizens will be less susceptible to illness.

On the other hand, in developed countries, the government often emphasizes sectors that yield long-term benefits for society and drive economic activity, such as education, infrastructure, and technology. Prioritizing investment in these sectors can help increase public living standards, which contributes to national development.

In conclusion, there are valid reasons for advocating both views. I contend that each government should develop its own investment policies that are suitable for the progress and goals of each nation.