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Some people suggest that the government should spend money putting more works of art like paintings and statues into towns and cities to make them attractive places. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250

Some people suggest that the government should spend money putting more works of art like paintings and statues into towns and cities to make them attractive places.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250

It is believed that the state budget should be invested into creating more artworks and erecting statues in towns or cities to enhance these places’ attractiveness. From my perspective, I agree that national fund should be allocated to producing more of such works of art and statues as it can help to promote cities’ beauty and attract more tourists.

To begin with, government expenditures on drawing more paintings or other types of artworks may help to make the cities more visually tempting. Visual arts, with appealing visuals and vibrant colours, can improve the cities’s beauty as it can make these places more colourful. For example, Vietnamese national financial resources has been poured into designing fine art, such as pictures and paintings, reflecting the beauty and energy of the cities. Such artful paintings, added with beautiful landscapes, historical heritage, and vivid colours, may help to make Vietnamese cities more vibrant and engaging, potentially bolstering their aesthetic appeal in front of the tourists.

Furthermore, using the state budget to construct more statues also can help the towns attract more visitors. Building statues is often an act of paying respect to a city or country’s heroes, who have greatly contributed to the historical progression of a town or nation in the history. For instance, many historical statues are built in Hanoi, a capital city in Vietnam, to represent many historical figures in this city. Such statues have become popular tourists attractions as observing these statues can be an ideal way to gain valuable insights about the local history, assisting tourists to learn more about the Vietnamese army generals who have won many battles in protecting the city in the past. Therefore, thousands of tourist often flock to this city to discover the local history by visiting these statues.

In conclusion, I completely agree with the idea that national financial resources should be spent on installing more artworks and statues into cities and towns as this not only can help to enhance the cities’ appearance but also these towns can attract more travellers.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "national fund" -> "public funds"
    Explanation: Replacing "national fund" with "public funds" adds formality and specificity, aligning with a more formal tone commonly used in academic writing.

  2. "works of art and statues" -> "artistic creations and sculptures"
    Explanation: Substituting "works of art and statues" with "artistic creations and sculptures" introduces more precise and elevated language, contributing to a more sophisticated and formal expression.

  3. "may help to make the cities more visually tempting" -> "can enhance the visual allure of cities"
    Explanation: Changing "may help to make the cities more visually tempting" to "can enhance the visual allure of cities" maintains clarity while employing a more formal and assertive tone.

  4. "vibrant colours" -> "vivid hues"
    Explanation: Replacing "vibrant colours" with "vivid hues" introduces a more sophisticated term, enhancing the formal quality of the language.

  5. "cities’s beauty" -> "cities’ aesthetic appeal"
    Explanation: Correcting "cities’s beauty" to "cities’ aesthetic appeal" ensures proper possessive form and employs a more academically appropriate term.

  6. "national financial resources has been poured into" -> "public funds have been allocated to"
    Explanation: Changing "national financial resources has been poured into" to "public funds have been allocated to" improves accuracy and adopts a more formal and precise expression.

  7. "such artful paintings" -> "these artistic representations"
    Explanation: Substituting "such artful paintings" with "these artistic representations" maintains clarity while using a more elevated term suitable for academic style.

  8. "vibrant and engaging" -> "dynamic and captivating"
    Explanation: Replacing "vibrant and engaging" with "dynamic and captivating" introduces more sophisticated and varied language, contributing to a more formal tone.

  9. "Building statues is often an act of paying respect" -> "Erecting statues is often a gesture of reverence"
    Explanation: Changing "Building statues is often an act of paying respect" to "Erecting statues is often a gesture of reverence" offers a more refined and formal expression.

  10. "historical progression" -> "historical development"
    Explanation: Substituting "historical progression" with "historical development" maintains the intended meaning while employing a more formal and precise term.

  11. "a capital city in Vietnam" -> "the capital city of Vietnam"
    Explanation: Adjusting "a capital city in Vietnam" to "the capital city of Vietnam" enhances accuracy and aligns with formal language conventions.

  12. "observing these statues can be an ideal way to gain valuable insights" -> "Contemplating these statues provides an ideal means to acquire valuable insights"
    Explanation: Changing "observing these statues can be an ideal way to gain valuable insights" to "Contemplating these statues provides an ideal means to acquire valuable insights" offers a more formal and articulate expression.

  13. "thousands of tourist often flock" -> "thousands of tourists often flock"
    Explanation: Correcting "thousands of tourist often flock" to "thousands of tourists often flock" ensures grammatical accuracy.

  14. "not only can help to enhance" -> "can not only enhance"
    Explanation: Adjusting "not only can help to enhance" to "can not only enhance" improves the parallel structure and maintains a formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt. It discusses the suggestion that the government should invest in creating artworks and erecting statues in towns and cities. The writer expresses agreement and provides reasons for this stance. Relevant examples are used to support the argument, illustrating an understanding of the task.
    • How to improve: While the essay successfully addresses all elements, it could benefit from a slightly more nuanced exploration of counterarguments or alternative perspectives. This can enhance the depth of analysis and demonstrate a broader understanding of the topic.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. The writer expresses agreement with the idea that the government should spend money on artworks and statues to enhance cities’ attractiveness. The position is evident in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
    • How to improve: To further enhance clarity, consider explicitly stating the stance in the introduction to provide a clear roadmap for the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. Examples from the writer’s knowledge and experience are provided to illustrate the points made. There is a logical progression of ideas, with each paragraph contributing to the overall argument.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the essay, consider providing more in-depth analysis and elaboration on specific examples. This can add depth to the argument and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the allocation of government funds for artworks and statues to enhance cities. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as the mention of "Vietnamese national financial resources" and specific examples related to Vietnam. While these examples contribute to the argument, ensure that the discussion remains closely tied to the broader theme of government spending on art for city enhancement.
    • How to improve: Maintain a strong connection to the central theme by consistently linking examples and ideas back to the overarching concept of government investment in art for city attractiveness.

Overall Comments:
The essay demonstrates a strong command of language and effectively addresses the prompt. To enhance the essay further, consider providing a nuanced exploration of counterarguments, explicitly stating the stance in the introduction, offering more in-depth analysis of examples, and maintaining a consistent focus on the central theme. Overall, a well-constructed response that meets the criteria for an 8 band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the topic and the author’s position. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect (visual arts and statues), contributing to the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider providing a brief roadmap of the essay’s structure in the introduction. This can give the reader a clearer expectation of the upcoming arguments.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs, with each one devoted to a specific aspect of the argument. Transitions between paragraphs are clear, aiding the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: While the paragraph structure is generally effective, ensure that each paragraph has a strong topic sentence that succinctly introduces the main idea. This can further enhance the reader’s understanding of the essay’s progression.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, including transitional phrases (e.g., "To begin with," "Furthermore," "In conclusion"). These devices contribute to the overall cohesion and guide the reader through the essay.
    • How to improve: While cohesive devices are well-used, consider integrating more sophisticated transition words and phrases to further refine the essay’s coherence. This can include words like "Moreover," "Nevertheless," or "Consequently" for a nuanced connection between ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of coherence and cohesion. To further improve, focus on providing a clearer roadmap in the introduction, ensuring strong topic sentences in each paragraph, and incorporating more varied cohesive devices for a polished and sophisticated expression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, incorporating words such as "invested," "vibrant," "aesthetic appeal," and "bolstering." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further. The repetition of phrases like "more of such works of art" and "more artworks and statues" could be replaced with synonyms or varied expressions to enhance the lexical variety.
    • How to improve: To enrich the vocabulary, consider using synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly mentioning "more works of art," try alternatives like "additional artistic creations" or "diverse masterpieces." This will contribute to a more nuanced and sophisticated use of language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances where more precise language could be employed. For example, the phrase "fine art, such as pictures and paintings" is somewhat redundant, as paintings are a subset of fine art. Utilizing more specific terms, such as "canvas paintings" or "sculptures," would eliminate ambiguity.
    • How to improve: Aim for precision by carefully choosing words that accurately convey your intended meaning. In this case, specifying the type of art, such as "canvas paintings" or "sculptures," would eliminate redundancy and enhance clarity.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a commendable level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where minor errors occur, such as "cities’s" (should be "cities’") and "expenditures" (could be replaced with "investment" for better clarity).
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread the essay attentively. Focus on possessive forms (e.g., "cities’") and choose words carefully to avoid potential confusion (e.g., replacing "expenditures" with "investment" for clearer phrasing).

In summary, while the essay displays a reasonable command of vocabulary and spelling, incorporating a wider range of synonyms and striving for greater precision would elevate the Lexical Resource score. Additionally, meticulous proofreading can help eliminate minor spelling errors and ensure a polished final product.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences. However, the complexity could be further enhanced by incorporating compound and compound-complex sentences. For instance, the essay relies on straightforward sentence structures such as "Building statues is often an act of paying respect," and while these are grammatically correct, introducing more varied structures would elevate the overall quality of expression.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating compound and compound-complex sentences. This can be achieved by combining related ideas into a single sentence, using conjunctions appropriately. For example, instead of separate sentences, try connecting ideas to create more intricate structures: "Building statues is not only an act of paying respect but also a means of preserving and showcasing the rich history of a city."
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and minor grammatical issues that slightly impact the flow. For example, "it can make these places more colourful" might be improved as "it can add vibrancy to these places." Also, there is a small number of singular/plural agreement issues, such as "expenditures on drawing more paintings."
    • How to improve: To enhance accuracy, pay close attention to sentence structure and subject-verb agreement. Additionally, aim for clarity by avoiding awkward phrasing. For instance, rephrasing sentences like "Visual arts, with appealing visuals and vibrant colours, can improve the cities’s beauty" to "Visual arts, characterized by appealing visuals and vibrant colors, can enhance the beauty of cities" can improve both accuracy and readability.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally used correctly, but there are occasional instances where it could be refined for improved clarity. For example, the sentence "Such artful paintings, added with beautiful landscapes, historical heritage, and vivid colours, may help to make Vietnamese cities more vibrant and engaging" could benefit from clearer punctuation: "Such artful paintings, combined with beautiful landscapes, historical heritage, and vivid colors, may help make Vietnamese cities more vibrant and engaging."
    • How to improve: Focus on refining punctuation for clarity and precision. Review the use of commas, semicolons, and colons to ensure they are used appropriately. For instance, use commas to separate items in a list and to set off introductory elements. Additionally, consider varying sentence structures to reduce the need for excessive punctuation.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is believed by some that the government should invest public funds in creating more artworks and erecting statues in towns or cities to enhance their attractiveness. From my perspective, I agree that public funds should be allocated to producing more such works of art and statues, as it can help promote the beauty of cities and attract more tourists.

To begin with, government expenditures on creating more paintings or other types of artworks may help make the cities more visually tempting. Visual arts, with appealing visuals and vivid hues, can improve the beauty of cities, making them more colorful and engaging. For example, public funds have been allocated to designing fine art in Vietnam, such as pictures and paintings that reflect the beauty and energy of the cities. These artful representations, combined with beautiful landscapes, historical heritage, and dynamic colors, may help make Vietnamese cities more vibrant and captivating, potentially bolstering their aesthetic appeal in front of tourists.

Furthermore, using public funds to construct more statues can also help towns attract more visitors. Erecting statues is often a gesture of reverence to a city or country’s heroes who have greatly contributed to historical development. For instance, many historical statues are built in Hanoi, the capital city of Vietnam, to represent various historical figures. These statues have become popular tourist attractions, as contemplating these statues provides an ideal means to acquire valuable insights about the local history. Tourists often flock to this city to discover the local history by visiting these statues, gaining valuable insights about Vietnamese army generals who have won many battles in protecting the city in the past.

In conclusion, I completely agree with the idea that public financial resources should be spent on installing more artworks and statues in cities and towns. This not only can enhance the cities’ appearance but also make them more appealing to travelers.

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