Some people think adults should learn practical skills by themselves, while others think they should learn with teachers in the classroom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the contemporary era, practical skills and exễpriences play vital roles in not only personal life but also career progressions. While a school of thought holds that mature people should equip these mentioned skills by self-studying, another claims that learning in the traditional way with teachers and classrooms is much more effective. Personally, I incline to the former view.
It is understandable why some people advocate the opinion that studying with mentors is what is needed to achieve hands-on abilities. The key rationale here is that these courses provide adults personalized curriculums, also better supervision. Adding to that, success in gaining practical skills is attributed to the opportunity of learning from mistakes made by their classmates. Therefore, it seems sensible for the advocacy of traditional way being the key to aforementioned problems in development of essential knowledge.
However the idea that learning with instructions is the optimal approach to practical skills adoption is, I still believe that self-learning actually exerts a more profound influence. This is largely due to the situation where adults have work commitments, some are occupied with their jobs all day from night time. The implication of this is the shortage of time for getting engaged in classes. Another primary reason behind could be the flexibility coming from learning on their own that offer better planned schedules as well as less serious financial problems which various common courses are unable to supply.
In conclusion, while it is justifiable that getting involved in teacher-based classes is capable of acquiring its student necessary skills in life, I still believe that it is more beneficial for the matured individuals when applying self-study plans.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"practical skills and exễpriences" -> "practical skills and experiences"
Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of "experiences" improves the overall readability and professionalism of the text.
"mature people" -> "mature individuals"
Explanation: Using "individuals" instead of "people" is more formal and aligns better with academic language.
"equip these mentioned skills" -> "acquire these essential skills"
Explanation: The suggested change replaces informal language with a more precise and formal expression, enhancing the academic tone.
"self-studying" -> "self-directed learning"
Explanation: "Self-directed learning" is a more formal and accurate term, maintaining the professionalism of the essay.
"traditional way" -> "conventional approach"
Explanation: Substituting "traditional way" with "conventional approach" adds sophistication to the language without sacrificing clarity.
"advocacy of traditional way" -> "endorsement of the conventional approach"
Explanation: The term "endorsement" is more formal than "advocacy," and "conventional approach" is a more refined alternative to "traditional way."
"The key rationale here is that" -> "The primary reasoning behind this is that"
Explanation: The suggested change introduces a more formal phrase, "primary reasoning," instead of "key rationale," contributing to the academic style.
"made by their classmates" -> "committed by their peers"
Explanation: Replacing "made by their classmates" with "committed by their peers" enhances formality and precision in describing the learning process.
"However the idea" -> "However, the notion"
Explanation: The addition of a comma after "However" and the use of "notion" instead of "idea" contribute to a more polished and formal expression.
"actually exerts a more profound influence" -> "exerts a more profound impact"
Explanation: Substituting "influence" with "impact" maintains the intended meaning while using a more formal term.
"all day from night time" -> "throughout the entire day and night"
Explanation: Expanding the phrase to "throughout the entire day and night" provides a more precise and formal description of the time commitment.
"serious financial problems which various common courses are unable to supply" -> "significant financial constraints that many conventional courses cannot address"
Explanation: The suggested change replaces informal language with a more formal expression, improving the overall academic tone of the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay appropriately addresses both sides of the argument, discussing the advantages of learning practical skills with teachers in the classroom and presenting the opposing view of self-study. The writer states a clear personal opinion on the matter.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that the discussion of each perspective is more balanced. Provide additional examples or details to strengthen the analysis of each viewpoint.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer maintains a clear and consistent position throughout the essay, expressing a preference for self-learning. The stance is evident in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
- How to improve: To further improve clarity, consider explicitly stating the position in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion for emphasis.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas, such as the benefits of personalized curriculums and the flexibility of self-learning. However, some ideas are underdeveloped, and examples lack specificity.
- How to improve: Elaborate on each point with specific examples and provide more details to enhance the depth of the argument. This will make the essay more convincing and thorough.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the pros and cons of learning practical skills with teachers and through self-study. However, there are instances of unclear connections between ideas.
- How to improve: Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas to maintain a more cohesive flow. Clearly link each supporting point back to the overall discussion of learning methods.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, effectively presenting and supporting ideas. To further enhance the response, the writer should aim for a more balanced discussion of both perspectives, provide specific examples to bolster arguments, explicitly state their position in the introduction and conclusion, and improve the overall coherence and flow of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable level of logical organization. It begins with a clear introduction, presents the two perspectives in separate paragraphs, and concludes with a concise summary of the author’s opinion. However, there are instances where the flow could be smoother. For example, the transition between the first and second paragraphs is somewhat abrupt, and the progression of ideas within paragraphs could be improved.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing smoother transitions between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph logically follows the previous one, creating a seamless flow of ideas. Additionally, review the progression of ideas within paragraphs to ensure a clear and coherent development of arguments.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively to separate distinct ideas. Each paragraph is dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to overall clarity. However, some paragraphs could benefit from a more refined structure. For instance, the second paragraph is lengthy and encompasses multiple points, making it less effective in conveying ideas cohesively.
- How to improve: Aim for more concise and focused paragraphs. Break down complex ideas into smaller units and ensure that each paragraph revolves around a central theme. This not only enhances clarity but also makes the essay more reader-friendly. Consider dividing the second paragraph into two or more smaller paragraphs to improve overall readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices such as linking words and phrases (e.g., "while," "also," "therefore"). These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there is room for improvement in terms of diversifying the range of cohesive devices used. Overreliance on a few connectors might hinder the essay’s overall sophistication.
- How to improve: While the essay uses cohesive devices effectively, consider introducing a wider array of connectors to enhance variety and sophistication. Experiment with a mix of conjunctions, transitions, and pronouns to add richness to the text. This can contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of coherence and cohesion. To improve, focus on refining the logical organization, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying the range of cohesive devices used. These adjustments will contribute to a more cohesive and well-structured essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While some complex words and phrases are used, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further. For instance, the repeated use of phrases like "practical skills" and "traditional way" could be substituted with synonyms or alternative expressions to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To expand the vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms, idiomatic expressions, or specific terminology related to the essay topic. For instance, instead of consistently using "practical skills," you might employ alternatives such as "hands-on abilities," "applied knowledge," or "real-world competencies." This will add richness and depth to your expression.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay sometimes uses vocabulary imprecisely, leading to a lack of clarity in certain expressions. For example, the phrase "exerts a more profound influence" could benefit from a more precise term, as "profound influence" is somewhat vague. Precision in vocabulary enhances the essay’s overall coherence.
- How to improve: Aim for precision by choosing words that accurately convey your intended meaning. In the mentioned instance, you might consider a term like "has a more significant impact" or "exercises greater influence." This adjustment adds clarity to your message and avoids potential ambiguity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally acceptable level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few spelling errors, such as "exễpriences" (experiences) and "curriculums" (curricula). These errors, while not pervasive, slightly detract from the overall polished impression of the essay.
- How to improve: Proofread your essay carefully to catch and correct spelling errors. Additionally, consider using writing tools with spell-check features to enhance accuracy. Paying attention to specific words that might pose spelling challenges will contribute to a more polished final draft.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences are prevalent, with occasional complex structures. For example, the introductory sentence uses a complex structure ("In the contemporary era, practical skills and experiences play vital roles…"). However, there’s a need for more variety, as several sentences follow a predictable pattern. The use of rhetorical questions or conditional sentences could enhance the essay’s structural diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex structures, such as inversion or parallelism. Introduce rhetorical questions or employ varied sentence lengths for added dynamism. For instance, instead of consistently beginning sentences with "The key rationale here is," experiment with different introductory phrases.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally accurate use of grammar and punctuation, with few noticeable errors. However, there are instances of grammatical issues, such as "exễpriences" in the introductory paragraph (likely a typographical error) and "less serious financial problems which various common courses are unable to supply," where the phrasing is awkward. Punctuation is generally correct, but a few sentences could benefit from clearer punctuation for enhanced readability.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to typographical errors, as they can distract from the overall coherence of the essay. In the mentioned phrase, consider rephrasing for clarity, perhaps breaking it into two sentences or using punctuation more effectively. Ensure that commas, periods, and other punctuation marks are appropriately placed for smooth comprehension.

Overall, the essay demonstrates competence in grammatical range and accuracy but would benefit from incorporating more varied sentence structures and fine-tuning certain expressions for clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary era, practical skills and experiences play vital roles not only in personal life but also in career progressions. While some argue that mature individuals should acquire these essential skills through self-directed learning, others endorse the conventional approach of learning with teachers in classrooms. Personally, I lean towards the former view.

It is understandable why some people advocate the opinion that studying with mentors is necessary to achieve hands-on abilities. The primary reasoning behind this is that these courses provide adults with personalized curriculums and better supervision. Additionally, success in gaining practical skills is attributed to the opportunity to learn from mistakes made by their peers. Therefore, it seems sensible to endorse the traditional way as the key to addressing the aforementioned problems in the development of essential knowledge.

However, the notion that learning with instructions is the optimal approach to practical skills adoption is not without its challenges. I still believe that self-directed learning exerts a more profound impact. This is largely due to the situation where adults have work commitments, with some being occupied with their jobs throughout the entire day and night. The implication of this is a shortage of time for getting engaged in classes. Another primary reason behind this could be the flexibility that comes from learning on their own, offering better-planned schedules and addressing significant financial constraints that many conventional courses cannot address.

In conclusion, while it is justifiable that getting involved in teacher-based classes is capable of acquiring necessary skills in life, I still believe that it is more beneficial for mature individuals to apply self-study plans.