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some people think certain old buildings are more woth preserving than other ones. To wthat extent do you agree or disagree?

some people think certain old buildings are more woth preserving than other ones. To wthat extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowaday, there are various schools of thought about the preservation of historical landmarks. Some people said that historical sites offer little advantages, especially when land is valuable and scarce in city scale, while others emphasize that the crucial of them is an indispensable feature in national heritage, so they must be maintained. While both perspectives are justifiable to a certain extent, I gravitate towards the latter standpoint, for the reasons listed below.
On one hand, it is reasonable why some individuals prioritize the allocation of national budget on building new constructions instead of maintaining historic buildings. Their way of thinking is based on the reality that in the modern day, the megacities have encountered many issues associated with housing. These headaches comprise accommodation insufficiencies, real estate inflation and unhygienic living conditions. The said problems take a heavy toll on urban citizens, especially low – income individuals. Therefore, authorities need to demolish the deteriorated ones to make room for constructing new houses to meet the demands. This yields more accommodation for inhabitants, eases the demand on houses, and brings about the deflation of the real estate bubble, paving the way for low wage individuals opportunities to foot the bill on housing.
On the other hand, I strongly believe that the maintenance of historical landmarks must be the top priority. The first reason for my belief is that these buildings have economic value, exemplified by many historical sites, such as Duc Ba church, Ho Chi Minh mausoleum or the Memorial of Literature, which has attracted many holiday makers to come to Ha Noi every year. It not only generates substantial profit for local service business but also spur job growth in the tourism industry. The other compelling reason is that these buildings ensure the continuity throughout generations. These historic landmarks serve as a connection with the past, reminding us that what we have today is built on the foundation of the past.Therefore, preserving these landmarks is the honor way to give credit to seniors, ensuring that youth will establish their personal national identity in the globalization era.

To sum up, in my opinion, it is important to maintain historical buildings as these are our country’s prosperity and signifies our history. However, some old structures need demolishing because of the danger of collapse or the cost of maintenance.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Nowaday" -> "Nowadays"
    Explanation: The correct term is "nowadays" to indicate the current time. "Nowaday" is not a standard English word.

  2. "Some people said that" -> "Some argue that"
    Explanation: Replacing "Some people said that" with "Some argue that" adds a more formal and academic tone to the statement.

  3. "especially when land is valuable and scarce in city scale" -> "particularly in urban areas where land is both valuable and scarce"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative provides a more precise and formal expression, avoiding the informal use of "city scale" and improving the flow of the sentence.

  4. "the crucial of them is an indispensable feature" -> "their significance as an indispensable feature"
    Explanation: The replacement enhances clarity and formalizes the language by specifying that it is the significance of historical landmarks that is indispensable.

  5. "While both perspectives are justifiable to a certain extent" -> "While both perspectives have merit to some extent"
    Explanation: The suggested change maintains the idea while presenting it in a more sophisticated and formal manner.

  6. "gravitate towards" -> "lean towards"
    Explanation: "Lean towards" is a more formal alternative to "gravitate towards," aligning better with academic writing conventions.

  7. "Their way of thinking is based on the reality" -> "Their perspective is grounded in the reality"
    Explanation: The replacement introduces a more formal term, "perspective," and improves the flow of the sentence.

  8. "megacities have encountered many issues associated with housing" -> "megacities face numerous housing-related challenges"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative uses more formal language to convey the idea of challenges faced by megacities in the housing sector.

  9. "These headaches comprise accommodation insufficiencies" -> "These challenges include housing shortages"
    Explanation: The term "headaches" is informal, and replacing it with "challenges" maintains a more academic tone.

  10. "yield more accommodation for inhabitants" -> "provide additional housing for residents"
    Explanation: The replacement phrase is more formal and aligns with academic language norms.

  11. "brings about the deflation of the real estate bubble" -> "contributes to the stabilization of the real estate market"
    Explanation: The alternative phrase is more formal and accurately conveys the impact on the real estate market.

  12. "foot the bill on housing" -> "afford housing costs"
    Explanation: The replacement uses a more formal expression for covering housing expenses.

  13. "I strongly believe that" -> "I am convinced that"
    Explanation: "I am convinced that" is a more formal expression than "I strongly believe that," enhancing the academic tone.

  14. "the maintenance of historical landmarks must be the top priority" -> "prioritizing the maintenance of historical landmarks"
    Explanation: The suggested change maintains the idea but presents it in a more concise and formal manner.

  15. "exemplified by many historical sites" -> "as evidenced by numerous historical sites"
    Explanation: The replacement provides a more formal and precise way of introducing examples.

  16. "which has attracted many holiday makers" -> "drawing numerous holidaymakers"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative uses a more formal term, "holidaymakers," and improves the overall formality of the sentence.

  17. "It not only generates substantial profit" -> "It not only generates significant revenue"
    Explanation: "Significant revenue" is a more formal expression than "substantial profit."

  18. "but also spur job growth" -> "but also stimulates job growth"
    Explanation: The replacement phrase is more formal while maintaining the intended meaning.

  19. "continuity throughout generations" -> "continuity across generations"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative provides a more precise and formal expression.

  20. "Preserving these landmarks is the honor way to give credit to seniors" -> "Preserving these landmarks is a honorable way to pay tribute to our predecessors"
    Explanation: The suggested change maintains the sentiment while using more formal language and improving clarity.

  21. "establish their personal national identity in the globalization era" -> "forge their distinct national identity in the era of globalization"
    Explanation: The replacement provides a more formal and precise expression of the idea.

  22. "To sum up" -> "In conclusion"
    Explanation: "In conclusion" is a more formal way to signal the end of the essay.

  23. "it is important to maintain historical buildings as these are our country’s prosperity and signifies our history" -> "It is crucial to preserve historical buildings as they represent our country’s heritage and symbolize our history"
    Explanation: The suggested alternative enhances formality, clarity, and precision in expressing the importance of historical buildings.

  24. "some old structures need demolishing" -> "certain aged structures require demolition"
    Explanation: The replacement uses a more formal expression for conveying the idea of demolishing old structures.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the prompt, discussing the viewpoint that prioritizes new constructions due to modern urban challenges and presenting a strong personal stance in favor of preserving historical landmarks. Relevant examples, such as Duc Ba church, Ho Chi Minh mausoleum, and the Memorial of Literature, support the argument for preservation.
    • How to improve: To enhance task response, consider delving deeper into the counter-argument. While the essay mentions the need for demolishing some old structures, providing more nuanced reasons or potential compromises would strengthen the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position in favor of preserving historical landmarks. The stance is evident from the introduction to the conclusion, providing a strong backbone for the essay.
    • How to improve: To further enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph aligns explicitly with the chosen position. Avoid any statements that may introduce ambiguity.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The ideas are presented logically, with a clear structure in each paragraph. The examples provided effectively support the points made, especially the economic value and cultural significance of historical landmarks.
    • How to improve: To extend ideas, consider providing more depth in the analysis. For instance, elaborate on how specific historical sites contribute to the economy and job growth in the tourism industry. Providing more details and examples would enrich the essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the preservation of historical landmarks. However, there is a brief mention of demolishing old structures due to the danger of collapse or maintenance costs, which slightly deviates from the main focus.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph contributes directly to the central theme. If mentioning the demolition of old structures, tie it back explicitly to the preservation debate, perhaps by discussing criteria for selecting structures to demolish.

In summary, this essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and presents a well-structured argument in favor of preserving historical landmarks. To improve, consider deeper exploration of the counter-argument and provide more detailed analysis and examples to support the presented ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction sets the stage by presenting contrasting views, and the body paragraphs follow a clear structure, with one paragraph discussing the perspective against preservation and another supporting it. However, there are moments where the logical flow is interrupted, such as the abrupt transition between discussing the drawbacks of preserving historical landmarks and the positive aspects in the second paragraph.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure a smoother transition between ideas. Develop a more gradual shift between the negative and positive aspects of preservation, providing a clear bridge that guides the reader through the change in focus.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: Paragraphing is generally effective, with distinct sections for the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the second paragraph is lengthy and covers both the drawbacks and benefits of preserving historical buildings, making it less effective in conveying a specific point.
    • How to improve: Consider breaking the second paragraph into two distinct paragraphs—one discussing the drawbacks and the other focusing on the benefits. This will help maintain clarity and coherence, allowing each idea to be developed more effectively.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices such as transition words (e.g., "On one hand," "On the other hand," "To sum up") to connect ideas. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the range of cohesive devices, especially within paragraphs to create smoother intra-paragraph transitions.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider variety of cohesive devices, including pronouns, synonyms, and parallel structures within and between sentences. This will contribute to a more seamless and varied flow, enhancing the overall cohesion of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid organizational structure and effective paragraphing, there is room for improvement in ensuring a smoother logical flow between ideas and diversifying the range of cohesive devices for a more polished and cohesive presentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied terms and expressions, such as "megacities," "accommodation insufficiencies," and "real estate inflation." However, there is room for improvement as certain phrases are repeated, and more sophisticated vocabulary could be incorporated.
    • How to improve: To enhance your score, consider introducing more diverse and nuanced vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "historical landmarks," try alternatives like "cultural heritage sites," "architectural treasures," or "monuments of antiquity." Explore synonyms and experiment with different word choices to elevate the richness of your expression.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, the phrase "take a heavy toll" effectively conveys the negative impact, while "holiday makers" might benefit from a more formal term like "tourists."
    • How to improve: To improve precision, pay attention to the context and audience. In a formal essay, prefer terms like "tourists" over more colloquial expressions. Additionally, aim for precision in conveying ideas. Instead of "a heavy toll," consider specifying the exact challenges faced by urban citizens, such as "exacerbating housing shortages" or "aggravating living conditions."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout. However, there are a few minor errors, such as "Nowaday" (should be "Nowadays") and "the crucial of them" (should be "the cruciality of them").
    • How to improve: Continue proofreading your work to catch and rectify minor spelling errors. Utilize spelling and grammar tools available in word processing software, and take the time for a thorough review before finalizing your essay. Pay specific attention to common errors like subject-verb agreement and word forms.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of lexical resource, refining vocabulary choices and ensuring precise usage can contribute to an enhanced overall score. Keep practicing varied word selection, pay attention to formality, and consistently proofread to maintain impeccable spelling and grammar.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, but the complexity is somewhat limited. For example, the use of conditional sentences or more intricate sentence constructions could enhance the overall variety.
    • How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating a wider range of sentence structures. Introduce complex sentences, compound-complex structures, and varied sentence lengths to add sophistication and depth to the writing. Utilize conditional sentences or other advanced structures to convey ideas more elaborately.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits overall good grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement issues arise, such as "Nowaday" instead of "Nowadays." Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors, like missing commas before introductory phrases.
    • How to improve: Focus on improving subject-verb agreement, ensuring consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay. Pay close attention to punctuation, particularly the use of commas before introductory phrases. Proofread carefully to catch and correct such errors, enhancing overall grammatical precision.

Overall, the essay presents a solid command of grammar and structure, but refining these aspects will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, opinions diverge on whether certain historical buildings should be preserved, especially in urban areas where land is both valuable and scarce. Some argue that historical sites offer limited advantages, particularly when faced with challenges like housing shortages, real estate inflation, and unsanitary living conditions in megacities. In contrast, others emphasize the significance of these landmarks as an indispensable feature in national heritage, advocating for their maintenance. While both perspectives have merit to some extent, I lean towards the latter standpoint for the reasons outlined below.

On one hand, it is understandable why some individuals prioritize allocating the national budget to construct new buildings rather than maintaining historical ones. This perspective is grounded in the reality that megacities face numerous housing-related challenges, including accommodation shortages, real estate inflation, and poor living conditions. These issues disproportionately affect urban citizens, especially those with lower incomes. Consequently, authorities may need to demolish deteriorated structures to create space for new housing, addressing the demand and contributing to the stabilization of the real estate market. This, in turn, provides more housing options for residents and opens opportunities for low-income individuals to afford housing costs.

On the other hand, I am convinced that prioritizing the maintenance of historical landmarks is crucial. The first reason for my belief is the economic value that these buildings hold, exemplified by landmarks like Duc Ba church, Ho Chi Minh mausoleum, or the Memorial of Literature, which draw numerous holidaymakers to Ha Noi every year. Preserving these landmarks not only generates significant revenue for local service businesses but also stimulates job growth in the tourism industry. The second compelling reason is that these buildings ensure continuity across generations. Serving as a connection with the past, they remind us that our present achievements are built on the foundation of the past. Preserving these landmarks is a honorable way to pay tribute to our predecessors and forge a distinct national identity in the era of globalization.

In conclusion, it is crucial to preserve historical buildings as they represent our country’s heritage and symbolize our history. However, certain aged structures may require demolition due to the danger of collapse or the high cost of maintenance.

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