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Some people think if students are afraid of the teacher it is better. Others say that having a friendly relationship is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think if students are afraid of the teacher it is better. Others say that having a friendly relationship is better.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the context of education- based society, a school of thought assumes that teaching threateningly should be better for children, while others believe that students should be educated in a positive and calm tone in the classroom environment. Although, I admit the bright side of the former schooling, I still believe that setting a construct plays a crucial role in studying.
On the one hand, it is reasonable for some people to believe that teachers should teach children a strict discipline environment. Firstly, children who fear their teacher are more likely to follow rules and behave in class. To be more specific, pupils are less likely to disrupt the class and cause distractions, allowing the teacher to teach effectively. Hence, they will achieve high scores in final exams by concentrating in class lessons. Moreover, in the real world, there are many situations where people must respect and follow rules set by authority figures. Being afraid of the teacher may prepare children for such situations and provide them with the opportunity to enhance the strictness in their lives.
On the other hand, despite the aforementioned advantages, I still hold my opinion that children reap more advantages from being educated in a supportive environment by an approachable teacher. In reality, when children are not afraid of their teacher, it promotes a positive relationship based on trust and mutual respect. Evidently, students are more likely to feel comfortable asking questions and seeking help when they needed. Furthermore, fear-based discipline may work in the short term, but it does not promote long-term positive behavior among students, so when children are not afraid of their teacher, they are mor bn e likely to internalize the reasons behind rules and regulations and follow them willingly. For instance, when I have a struggle with my homeworks, I still connect with my school teacher in order to solve this problem effectively and have a positive connection with my teachers.
In conclusion, a fear-based relationship and students would enhance compliance in the classroom and equip students with the skills necessary to thrive in the future professional environment, whereas a harmonious one may help both teachers and students to enjoy better teaching and learning experience. In my view, pursuing a combination of second approach is needed to create a positive learning environment that promotes discipline, respect, and comfort.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "teaching threateningly" -> "employing a strict teaching approach"
    Explanation: "Teaching threateningly" is too informal and lacks precision. "Employing a strict teaching approach" maintains a formal tone while clearly expressing the idea of a disciplined teaching method.

  2. "Although, I admit the bright side of the former schooling," -> "However, I acknowledge the merits of the former educational approach,"
    Explanation: "Although" is more commonly used in spoken language. "However" is more suitable for academic writing. Additionally, replacing "I admit" with "I acknowledge" adds a more formal and objective tone.

  3. "setting a construct" -> "establishing a structured framework"
    Explanation: "Setting a construct" is vague and informal. "Establishing a structured framework" conveys the idea more precisely and aligns with academic language.

  4. "it is reasonable for some people to believe" -> "some argue"
    Explanation: "It is reasonable for some people to believe" is verbose. "Some argue" is a concise and academically appropriate alternative.

  5. "discipline environment" -> "disciplined environment"
    Explanation: "Discipline environment" is incorrect; the correct term is "disciplined environment," which is more formal and accurate.

  6. "To be more specific," -> "To elaborate,"
    Explanation: "To be more specific" is casual. "To elaborate" is a more formal and suitable transition in academic writing.

  7. "pupils are less likely to disrupt the class and cause distractions" -> "students are less prone to disrupting the class and creating distractions"
    Explanation: "Pupils" is a less formal term. "Students" is more appropriate. The revised sentence also uses more formal language.

  8. "they will achieve high scores in final exams by concentrating in class lessons." -> "they are likely to attain high scores in final exams through focused participation in class."
    Explanation: The original sentence is somewhat awkward. The suggested revision maintains clarity and formality.

  9. "there are many situations where people must respect and follow rules set by authority figures." -> "individuals frequently encounter scenarios where adherence to rules established by authority figures is essential."
    Explanation: The revision replaces casual language with a more formal and precise expression.

  10. "Being afraid of the teacher may prepare children for such situations and provide them with the opportunity to enhance the strictness in their lives." -> "Aversion to the teacher may prepare children for analogous situations, fostering an appreciation for discipline in their lives."
    Explanation: The revised sentence uses more formal language and conveys the idea more clearly.

  11. "despite the aforementioned advantages" -> "notwithstanding the aforementioned benefits"
    Explanation: "Despite" is somewhat informal. "Notwithstanding" is a more formal alternative.

  12. "I still hold my opinion" -> "I maintain my stance"
    Explanation: "I still hold my opinion" is slightly informal. "I maintain my stance" is a more formal expression.

  13. "children reap more advantages" -> "children derive greater benefits"
    Explanation: "Reap more advantages" is less formal. "Derive greater benefits" is a more appropriate choice.

  14. "by an approachable teacher" -> "with an approachable teacher"
    Explanation: "By an approachable teacher" is grammatically incorrect. "With an approachable teacher" is the correct phrase.

  15. "when they needed" -> "when they need"
    Explanation: "When they needed" is grammatically incorrect. "When they need" is the correct usage.

  16. "fear-based discipline may work in the short term, but it does not promote long-term positive behavior among students," -> "While fear-based discipline may be effective in the short term, it fails to foster sustained positive behavior among students."
    Explanation: The revision clarifies the temporal aspect and enhances formality.

  17. "so when children are not afraid of their teacher, they are mor bn e likely" -> "thus, when children are not afraid of their teacher, they are more likely"
    Explanation: The original phrase is a typographical error. The corrected version maintains formality and corrects the mistake.

  18. "struggle with my homeworks" -> "encounter difficulties with my assignments"
    Explanation: "Struggle with my homeworks" is incorrect. "Encounter difficulties with my assignments" is the grammatically accurate and more formal alternative.

  19. "create a positive learning environment that promotes discipline, respect, and comfort." -> "establish a conducive learning environment fostering discipline, respect, and comfort."
    Explanation: "Create" is replaced with "establish" for a more formal tone. "Conducive" is a more precise term than "positive."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both perspectives on whether students benefit more from a fearful or friendly relationship with their teachers. It discusses the advantages of a strict and disciplined environment and highlights the benefits of a positive and supportive relationship. Relevant sections from the essay are cited to support this analysis.
    • How to improve: To further enhance this aspect, the essay could provide a more balanced discussion by allocating equal attention to each perspective. Additionally, a clearer expression of the author’s own opinion in the introduction would strengthen the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, expressing a preference for a combination of both approaches. It consistently discusses the advantages of both fear-based and supportive relationships, providing specific examples.
    • How to improve: To improve clarity, the author could explicitly state their opinion in the introduction, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and supports ideas. Examples are provided to illustrate the benefits of both fear-based and supportive teaching approaches. However, some examples, such as personal experiences, lack specificity and could be further developed for a more robust argument.
    • How to improve: Enhance the essay by offering more specific examples and expanding on personal experiences to provide a deeper understanding of the advantages discussed.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the merits of both fearful and friendly teaching approaches. However, there are moments of slight deviation, such as the reference to the author’s struggles with homework, which, while relevant, could be more directly tied to the overall argument.
    • How to improve: Ensure a stronger connection between personal examples and the main argument, keeping the focus on how these examples relate to the impact of teacher-student relationships.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively explores both perspectives. To improve, the author should strive for greater balance in discussing each viewpoint, provide more specific examples, clarify their stance in the introduction, and maintain a more direct link between personal experiences and the central argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the two opposing views, and the body paragraphs discuss each viewpoint in turn. However, the transition between the introduction and the first body paragraph is abrupt. The ideas within paragraphs generally follow a logical sequence, but some sentences could be better connected for smoother flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider improving the transition from the introduction to the first body paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence, and use connecting phrases to create a smoother flow of ideas within and between paragraphs.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to present distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. However, there is room for improvement in the structure of individual paragraphs. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear delineation.
    • How to improve: Aim for clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main idea. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single point, providing sufficient explanation and examples. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones for better readability.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words ("On the one hand," "Moreover," "On the other hand," "Furthermore") and pronouns. However, the overuse of certain phrases, like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," can make the writing repetitive. Additionally, some transitions could be more sophisticated for a higher band score.
    • How to improve: Diversify your use of cohesive devices to include a broader range of linking words and phrases. Experiment with more advanced transitions to add sophistication to your writing. Avoid excessive repetition of certain phrases and consider using synonyms or alternative expressions to maintain variety.

Overall, the essay displays a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, but improvements in transition, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices can contribute to a more polished and cohesive piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While some variety is present, there is room for improvement in terms of incorporating a more diverse and nuanced vocabulary. For example, the repeated use of phrases like "fear of the teacher" could be replaced with alternative expressions or synonyms to enhance lexical richness.
    • How to improve: To widen the range of vocabulary, consider exploring synonyms and using more sophisticated language. For instance, instead of consistently using "fear," experiment with words like "apprehension," "dread," or "intimidation" where contextually appropriate. This will contribute to a more diverse and engaging language usage.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay tends to use vocabulary adequately, but there are instances of imprecise word choices. For instance, in the sentence "I still believe that setting a construct plays a crucial role in studying," the term "setting a construct" is unclear and could be replaced with a more precise phrase.
    • How to improve: Strive for precision by selecting words that precisely convey your intended meaning. In this case, consider using terms like "establishing a framework" or "structuring an environment." This clarity will enhance the overall coherence and effectiveness of your expression.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where minor spelling errors, such as "homeworks" instead of "homework," are present. These errors do not significantly hinder comprehension but can be addressed for a more polished presentation.
    • How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to spelling details during the proofreading stage. Utilize spelling and grammar check tools to catch inadvertent mistakes. Additionally, make a conscious effort to review commonly misspelled words to enhance overall spelling precision.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary and maintains overall spelling accuracy, there is room for improvement in terms of expanding the range of vocabulary and refining the precision of word choices. Implementing these suggestions will contribute to a more sophisticated and polished expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. It employs both simple and complex sentences, contributing to overall coherence. For example, the introductory sentence is complex, combining two contrasting ideas. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying structures further. The essay tends to rely on straightforward sentence structures, and there is a scope to incorporate more complex constructions such as compound-complex sentences and varied sentence lengths for enhanced fluency and sophistication.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, consider incorporating a mix of sentence structures. Integrate complex sentences to convey ideas more intricately. For instance, vary sentence lengths to avoid monotony and employ more compound-complex structures for nuanced expression.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are instances of minor errors. For instance, there is a typographical error in the sentence, "I still hold my opinion that children reap more advantages from being educated in a supportive environment by an approachable teacher," where "mor bn e" seems to be a typographical error. Additionally, there are some issues with subject-verb agreement, such as in "students would enhance compliance," where the plural subject should agree with the plural verb "enhance."
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, proofread the essay carefully to catch typographical errors. Pay particular attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring consistency in pluralization. Utilize tools like spell-checkers and grammar-checkers to identify and rectify minor errors. Also, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors for additional insights into areas of improvement.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competency in grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for refinement in diversifying sentence structures and addressing minor errors for a more polished presentation.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the context of an education-focused society, there is a prevailing belief that employing a strict teaching approach benefits children, while others advocate for a positive and friendly relationship between teachers and students. Though I acknowledge the merits of the former educational approach, I still maintain that establishing a structured framework plays a crucial role in the learning process.

On one hand, it is reasonable for some to argue that teachers should create a disciplined environment for children. Firstly, students who fear their teacher are more likely to adhere to rules and maintain proper behavior in class. To elaborate, pupils are less prone to disrupting the class and creating distractions, allowing the teacher to teach effectively. Consequently, they are likely to attain high scores in final exams through focused participation in class. Moreover, individuals frequently encounter scenarios where adherence to rules established by authority figures is essential. Aversion to the teacher may prepare children for analogous situations, fostering an appreciation for discipline in their lives.

However, notwithstanding the aforementioned benefits, I maintain my stance that children derive greater benefits when educated in a supportive environment by an approachable teacher. In reality, when children are not afraid of their teacher, it promotes a positive relationship based on trust and mutual respect. Evidently, students are more likely to feel comfortable asking questions and seeking help when they need. While fear-based discipline may be effective in the short term, it fails to foster sustained positive behavior among students. Thus, when children are not afraid of their teacher, they are more likely to internalize the reasons behind rules and regulations and follow them willingly. For instance, when I encounter difficulties with my assignments, I connect with my school teacher to solve the problem effectively and establish a conducive learning environment fostering discipline, respect, and comfort.

In conclusion, a fear-based relationship between teachers and students may enhance compliance in the classroom and equip students with the skills necessary to thrive in the future professional environment. However, a harmonious relationship may help both teachers and students enjoy a better teaching and learning experience. In my view, pursuing a combination of the two approaches is needed to create a positive learning environment that promotes discipline, respect, and comfort.

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