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Some people think if students are afraid of the teacher it is better. Others say that having a friendly relationship is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think if students are afraid of the teacher it is better. Others say that having a friendly relationship is better.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the context of education- based society, a school of thought assumes that teaching threateningly should be better for children, while others believe that students should be educated in a positive and calm tone in the classroom environment. Although, I admit the bright side of the former schooling, I still believe that setting a construct plays a crucial role in studying.
On the one hand, it is reasonable for some people to believe that teachers should teach children a strict discipline environment. Firstly, children who fear their teacher are more likely to follow rules and behave in class. To be more specific, pupils are less likely to disrupt the class and cause distractions, allowing the teacher to teach effectively. Hence, they will achieve high scores in final exams by concentrating in class lessons. Moreover, in the real world, there are many situations where people must respect and follow rules set by authority figures. Being afraid of the teacher may prepare children for such situations and provide them with the opportunity to enhance the strictness in their lives.
On the other hand, despite the aforementioned advantages, I still hold my opinion that children reap more advantages from being educated in a supportive environment by an approachable teacher. In reality, when children are not afraid of their teacher, it promotes a positive relationship based on trust and mutual respect. Evidently, students are more likely to feel comfortable asking questions and seeking help when they needed. Furthermore, fear-based discipline may work in the short term, but it does not promote long-term positive behavior among students, so when children are not afraid of their teacher, they are mor bn e likely to internalize the reasons behind rules and regulations and follow them willingly. For instance, when I have a struggle with my homeworks, I still connect with my school teacher in order to solve this problem effectively and have a positive connection with my teachers.
In conclusion, a fear-based relationship and students would enhance compliance in the classroom and equip students with the skills necessary to thrive in the future professional environment, whereas a harmonious one may help both teachers and students to enjoy better teaching and learning experience. In my view, pursuing a combination of second approach is needed to create a positive learning environment that promotes discipline, respect, and comfort.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "teaching threateningly" -> "employing a strict teaching approach"
    Explanation: The phrase "teaching threateningly" is too informal and lacks precision. Replacing it with "employing a strict teaching approach" maintains formality and provides a clearer description of the teaching method.

  2. "Although, I admit the bright side" -> "While I acknowledge the positive aspects"
    Explanation: The use of "Although, I admit the bright side" is overly informal. Replacing it with "While I acknowledge the positive aspects" adds formality to the expression of the author’s viewpoint.

  3. "setting a construct" -> "establishing a structured framework"
    Explanation: "Setting a construct" is unclear and informal. Using "establishing a structured framework" provides a more precise and academically appropriate description of the role of discipline in studying.

  4. "reasonable for some people" -> "justifiable for some individuals"
    Explanation: "Reasonable for some people" is too colloquial. Replacing it with "justifiable for some individuals" enhances the formality of the statement.

  5. "final exams by concentrating in class lessons" -> "perform well in final exams through focused engagement in class lessons"
    Explanation: The original phrase lacks precision and formality. The suggested alternative provides a more detailed and formal expression of the idea.

  6. "Moreover, in the real world" -> "Furthermore, in practical scenarios"
    Explanation: "Moreover, in the real world" is somewhat informal. Replacing it with "Furthermore, in practical scenarios" maintains formality and clarity in the transition between ideas.

  7. "when children are not afraid of their teacher, they are mor bn e likely" -> "when children do not fear their teacher, they are more likely"
    Explanation: The original phrase contains a typographical error ("mor bn e likely"). The suggested correction provides a grammatically accurate and more formal expression.

  8. "homeworks" -> "homework assignments"
    Explanation: "Homeworks" is not the standard term. Replacing it with "homework assignments" adheres to formal academic language.

  9. "combination of second approach" -> "combination of both approaches"
    Explanation: "Combination of second approach" is unclear. Using "combination of both approaches" clarifies the intended meaning and maintains formality.

  10. "students would enhance compliance" -> "students would exhibit enhanced compliance"
    Explanation: "Enhance compliance" is a bit informal. Replacing it with "exhibit enhanced compliance" adds formality while retaining clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does a commendable job in addressing all parts of the prompt. It discusses both perspectives, those who favor a strict approach and those advocating for a friendly relationship with the teacher. The inclusion of the writer’s own opinion is clear, providing a well-rounded response to the prompt.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, consider providing a more explicit preview of the main points in the introduction. This can serve as a roadmap for the reader, making the structure of the essay even clearer.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. The writer clearly states their preference for a combination of the two approaches in the concluding paragraph, supporting this stance with relevant arguments.
    • How to improve: No significant improvement needed in this aspect. However, ensuring that each body paragraph directly contributes to and supports the writer’s position can further strengthen the essay’s coherence.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are generally well-developed and supported. Specific examples and reasoning are used to argue both perspectives, and the writer shares a personal anecdote to support their own opinion.
    • How to improve: To enhance the essay’s depth, consider expanding on the real-world implications of both approaches. Providing more diverse and detailed examples could strengthen the overall argumentation.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the advantages of a fear-based approach and a friendly relationship with teachers. However, there are instances where the language is imprecise or convoluted, making it slightly challenging to follow the argument.
    • How to improve: Focus on expressing ideas more concisely and directly. Avoid overly complex sentence structures that may obscure the main message. Clear, straightforward language will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, this essay effectively addresses the prompt, maintains a clear stance, presents well-developed ideas, and generally stays on topic. To improve further, consider refining the introduction for a clearer preview, ensuring each body paragraph directly supports the central argument, expanding on real-world implications, and using more precise language for better clarity.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction introduces the topic but could be more concise. Body paragraphs present distinct arguments, first supporting the idea of a fear-based approach and then advocating for a positive and supportive environment. However, the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the advantages of a fear-based approach to the benefits of an approachable teacher could be more seamless.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider refining the introduction for conciseness. Also, work on improving transition sentences to create a more cohesive connection between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph logically follows the previous one, contributing to a smooth overall progression of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, but the structure within paragraphs could be refined for better effectiveness. Some paragraphs are quite lengthy and cover multiple points, making the overall organization less clear. There is a need for more effective topic sentences to guide the reader through the main ideas of each paragraph.
    • How to improve: Break down longer paragraphs into more focused ones, each addressing a specific point. Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea, aiding the reader in understanding the essay’s structure and argumentative flow.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices to a certain extent, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "Moreover," "Furthermore"). However, there is room for improvement in using a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance coherence. Additionally, some sentences lack clarity due to wordiness and complex structures.
    • How to improve: Explore a broader range of cohesive devices, including synonyms and pronouns, to improve the overall flow of ideas. Simplify complex sentences for clarity, ensuring that the reader can easily follow the progression of arguments. Strive for a balance between sentence variety and clarity to enhance overall cohesion.

By addressing these points, the essay can further improve its coherence and cohesion, leading to a more refined and well-organized response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory range of vocabulary, with varied expressions and terms employed to convey ideas. For instance, the use of phrases like "school of thought," "construct," and "harmonious" demonstrates an attempt to incorporate diverse vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To further enhance vocabulary, consider introducing more nuanced terms and expressions. Instead of using common phrases like "bright side" and "real world," explore synonyms or delve into more specific vocabulary related to the context.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, there are instances where words could be more precisely chosen. For example, in the sentence "a school of thought assumes that teaching threateningly should be better," the term "threateningly" might be replaced with a more precise word such as "authoritatively."
    • How to improve: Focus on selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Utilize a thesaurus to explore synonyms and choose terms that capture the nuances of your ideas more accurately. Pay attention to the specific connotations of words in different contexts.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an overall acceptable level of spelling accuracy, but there are notable instances of misspelled words, such as "homeworks" instead of "homework" and "mor bn e" instead of "more likely."
    • How to improve: Carefully proofread your essays to catch spelling errors. Consider using spelling and grammar check tools to enhance accuracy. Additionally, focus on common words that are frequently misspelled, and practice their correct spellings regularly.

In summary, the essay has successfully employed a reasonable range of vocabulary but could benefit from a more precise selection of words. Spelling accuracy, while generally adequate, could be improved through thorough proofreading and ongoing practice. Keep refining your vocabulary choices and paying attention to spelling details to elevate the lexical resource aspect of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. There is an attempt to use transitional phrases to connect ideas, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: While the essay demonstrates a commendable effort in utilizing different sentence structures, it would benefit from incorporating more sophisticated sentence patterns. Consider integrating advanced structures such as conditional sentences, parallelism, or inverted sentences to further diversify and elevate the writing style.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a good command of grammar, with accurate usage of tenses, subject-verb agreement, and pronouns. However, there are instances of grammatical errors, such as the phrase "construct plays a crucial role" which seems unclear. Punctuation is generally used correctly, though there are a few places where it could be improved for greater clarity.
    • How to improve: Review the essay for ambiguous or unclear phrases, ensuring that the intended meaning is conveyed. Pay close attention to punctuation, especially in complex sentences, to enhance readability. Additionally, proofread carefully to catch any minor grammatical errors and improve overall precision.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical structures and punctuation. To enhance the score further, focus on refining sentence structures for greater sophistication and eliminating minor grammatical errors for a more polished and precise expression.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the realm of educational philosophy, some argue that adopting a strict teaching approach is more beneficial for students, while others advocate for a positive and friendly teacher-student relationship. Although I acknowledge the merits of the former perspective, I maintain that establishing a structured framework is pivotal for effective learning.

On one hand, it is understandable that some individuals support the idea of instilling discipline through a strict teaching environment. The rationale behind this is that students who fear their teacher are more likely to adhere to classroom rules and exhibit appropriate behavior. Specifically, pupils are less prone to causing disruptions, enabling teachers to convey lessons more effectively. Consequently, students may perform well in final exams by engaging attentively in class lessons. Furthermore, in practical scenarios, there are situations in life where individuals must respect and comply with rules set by authority figures. The fear instilled by a teacher may prepare children for such situations, fostering a sense of discipline in their lives.

On the other hand, despite the advantages mentioned earlier, I firmly believe that students benefit more from being educated in a supportive environment by an approachable teacher. In reality, when children do not fear their teacher, it cultivates a positive relationship built on trust and mutual respect. Notably, students are more inclined to feel at ease asking questions and seeking assistance when needed. Moreover, while fear-based discipline may yield short-term compliance, it does not foster long-term positive behavior. When children are not afraid of their teacher, they are more likely to internalize the reasons behind rules and regulations, willingly adhering to them. For instance, when facing difficulties with homework assignments, I still connect with my school teacher to effectively resolve the issue and maintain a positive connection.

In conclusion, a fear-based approach may enhance compliance in the classroom and equip students with skills for the future professional environment. Conversely, a harmonious relationship may contribute to a more enjoyable teaching and learning experience for both teachers and students. In my view, a combination of both approaches is necessary to create a positive learning environment that promotes discipline, respect, and comfort.

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