Some people think it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than the other workers in a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than the other workers in a company.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, elder superiors are thought that it is worthy to have significant quantities of salaries than the subordinates in an enterprise. From my perspective, I partially agree with this statement and reasons are elucidated in this essay.
On the one hand, the aged do not have acceptable health to work on the regular basic, which can lead to the reduction in productivity. For example, youngsters can work under pressure and more than 8 hours daily; Nevertheless, the senior bosses cannot do the same things as the young. Furthermore, it is unjustifiable that several managers do not perform as much as younger subordinates and earn higher salaries. For instance, director of Amazon, who not to do various things as the clerks; Nonetheless, he earns enormous number of salaries.
On the other hand, elder bosses contribute to success of the organizations. In addition, they have to address problems which need responsibilities. Numerous contracts can lead to success of the firms, therefore elder managers are more proper to be considered to do it. Moreover, the aged have various experiences that youngsters can learn from them. For instance, founding father of Apple, who contribute to development of technology nowadays. If there were not dwellers who work for the companies at the beginning, there would not be successful today. Hence, enormous quantities of salaries are worthy because the aged superiors have been working for a long time.
To conclude, senior directors earning numerous salaries than the other subordinates is acceptable. From my point of view, I partially agree with this statement.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"elder superiors" -> "senior executives"
Explanation: "Elder superiors" is an unusual and informal way to refer to individuals in higher positions with more experience. "Senior executives" is a more precise and formal term.
"it is worthy to have" -> "it is justifiable for them to receive"
Explanation: "It is worthy to have" is awkward and does not convey the intended meaning clearly. "It is justifiable for them to receive" is more formal and accurately expresses the idea of deserving higher salaries.
"significant quantities of salaries" -> "substantially higher salaries"
Explanation: "Quantities of salaries" is an incorrect and unnatural phrase. "Substantially higher salaries" is clearer and more appropriate in an academic context.
"the aged" -> "older employees"
Explanation: "The aged" is an overly simplistic and somewhat disrespectful term. "Older employees" is more respectful and specific.
"acceptable health to work on the regular basic" -> "adequate health to work on a regular basis"
Explanation: "Acceptable health to work on the regular basic" is awkward and contains a typo ("basic" instead of "basis"). "Adequate health to work on a regular basis" corrects these issues and sounds more natural.
"Nevertheless" -> "However,"
Explanation: While "Nevertheless" is not incorrect, starting a sentence with "However," followed by a comma, is more in line with academic style for contrasting ideas.
"unjustifiable" -> "inequitable"
Explanation: "Unjustifiable" is correct but "inequitable" is a more precise term in the context of fairness in compensation, enhancing the academic tone.
"director of Amazon" -> "the director of Amazon"
Explanation: The omission of the definite article "the" before "director of Amazon" makes the phrase grammatically incorrect. Adding "the" corrects this error.
"who not to do various things as the clerks" -> "who does not perform the same variety of tasks as clerks"
Explanation: "Who not to do various things as the clerks" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The suggested revision clarifies and corrects the sentence structure.
"enormous number of salaries" -> "an enormous salary"
Explanation: "Enormous number of salaries" is incorrect and unclear. "An enormous salary" is the correct term for indicating a large amount of money earned.
"contribute to success of the organizations" -> "contribute to the success of organizations"
Explanation: The omission of the definite article "the" before "success" is grammatically incorrect. Adding "the" corrects this error and improves readability.
"which need responsibilities" -> "which require significant responsibility"
Explanation: "Which need responsibilities" is awkward and vague. "Which require significant responsibility" is more precise and formal.
"more proper" -> "better suited"
Explanation: "More proper" is an unusual and informal way to express suitability. "Better suited" is more appropriate and formal.
"founding father of Apple" -> "co-founder of Apple"
Explanation: "Founding father" is an informal and somewhat grandiose term. "Co-founder" is the correct and formal term.
"dwellers who work for the companies" -> "individuals who worked for these companies"
Explanation: "Dwellers" is incorrect and informal in this context. "Individuals who worked for these companies" is more precise and appropriate.
"enormous quantities of salaries" -> "substantially higher salaries"
Explanation: As previously mentioned, "quantities of salaries" is incorrect. Repeating the correction to "substantially higher salaries" for consistency and clarity.
"senior directors earning numerous salaries" -> "senior executives receiving significantly higher salaries"
Explanation: "Earning numerous salaries" is incorrect and unclear. "Receiving significantly higher salaries" corrects this and aligns with formal academic language.
"From my point of view, I partially agree with this statement." -> "In conclusion, I find myself in partial agreement with this assertion."
Explanation: The original sentence is repetitive ("From my point of view" and "I") and informal. The suggested revision is more formal and avoids redundancy.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question by presenting arguments both in agreement and disagreement with the notion of senior managers receiving higher salaries. It discusses reasons supporting the idea, such as health limitations and experience, as well as opposing views regarding productivity and fairness.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, ensure that each argument is fully developed with specific examples and explanations. Additionally, consider addressing counterarguments to strengthen the overall analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, indicating partial agreement with the statement. However, the clarity of the stance could be improved with more precise language and consistent terminology.
- How to improve: Clarify the position by explicitly stating the degree of agreement or disagreement and using consistent language to reinforce the stance. This will enhance coherence and make the argument more persuasive.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth in their development and support. While it offers examples to support each argument, they are somewhat superficial and could be further elaborated to strengthen the analysis.
- How to improve: Extend the ideas by providing more detailed explanations, examples, and logical reasoning. Use evidence to support claims and consider exploring each point in greater depth to enhance the overall persuasiveness and coherence of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the issue of senior managers’ salaries. However, there are instances of minor deviation, such as tangential discussions about productivity and fairness.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that every point made directly relates to the topic of senior managers’ salaries. Avoid introducing tangential arguments or examples that detract from the central theme, thereby strengthening the coherence and relevance of the essay.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents coherent arguments, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, clarity of position, and focus. By incorporating these suggestions, the essay can further enhance its persuasiveness and effectiveness in addressing the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some effort to organize information logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs presenting arguments, and a conclusion. However, the essay’s structure could be improved for better coherence. For example, the introduction could provide a clearer thesis statement outlining the author’s stance, and the body paragraphs could be more effectively organized to present contrasting viewpoints in a more structured manner.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider restructuring the essay to have a clearer introduction that states your position clearly, followed by body paragraphs that present arguments for and against the idea of senior managers having higher salaries. Each body paragraph should focus on one main idea and be supported by examples or evidence. Finally, the conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your stance.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does use paragraphs, but the structure and organization of these paragraphs could be improved. Some paragraphs are overly long and cover multiple ideas, while others lack coherence in transitioning between ideas.
- How to improve: Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and use topic sentences to introduce each paragraph’s main point. Additionally, use transition words and phrases to create a smoother flow between paragraphs and ideas. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve readability and organization.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices, such as ‘nevertheless’, ‘furthermore’, ‘on the one hand’, and ‘on the other hand’, but these are used inconsistently and do not always effectively connect ideas.
- How to improve: Use cohesive devices more consistently and appropriately to improve the coherence of your essay. Ensure that these devices are used to clearly connect ideas and show the relationship between different parts of your argument. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to add variety and depth to your writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates some effort to organize ideas logically and use cohesive devices, there is room for improvement in these areas. Focus on structuring your essay more effectively, using paragraphs to organize ideas clearly, and using a wider range of cohesive devices to improve coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a range of vocabulary, though there are instances where word choice could be improved for clarity and precision. For example, the phrase "elder superiors" could be substituted with "senior managers" for clearer communication. Additionally, there are instances of repetitive language use, such as "enormous number of salaries," which could be replaced with a more varied vocabulary to enhance the richness of expression.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, aim for a broader range of vocabulary while ensuring accuracy and relevance. Instead of repeating phrases like "enormous number of salaries," consider using alternatives like "substantial remuneration" or "generous compensation." Additionally, strive for precision in word choice to convey ideas more effectively. For instance, replacing "elder superiors" with "senior managers" would improve clarity and conciseness.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use vocabulary; however, there are instances of imprecise word choice that detract from the clarity of expression. For example, the phrase "elder bosses" could be replaced with "senior managers" for more precise communication. Additionally, some vocabulary choices could be improved for accuracy, such as using "contracts" instead of "numerous contracts" to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: Strive for precision in vocabulary usage to convey ideas more accurately and effectively. Replace vague or imprecise terms with more specific ones to enhance clarity. For instance, instead of using "elder bosses," opt for "senior managers" to clearly denote the intended meaning. Additionally, avoid unnecessary repetition or redundancy to maintain conciseness and coherence in expression.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mixed level of spelling accuracy. While some words are spelled correctly, there are notable instances of spelling errors throughout the text, such as "worthy" instead of "worthwhile," "dwellers" instead of "individuals," and "basic" instead of "basis." These errors, although not pervasive, impact the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing strategies such as proofreading carefully before submission, using spell-check tools, and expanding vocabulary through reading and writing practice. Additionally, pay attention to common spelling patterns and irregularities to minimize errors. Developing a habit of reviewing written work for spelling accuracy can significantly improve the quality and effectiveness of communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some attempt at varied sentence structures, although the range is limited. There is evidence of compound and complex sentences, albeit inconsistently. For instance, the essay uses complex structures such as "For example, youngsters can work under pressure and more than 8 hours daily; Nevertheless, the senior bosses cannot do the same things as the young." However, simpler structures dominate, with frequent use of simple sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and variety of sentence structures, strive for more consistent incorporation of complex sentences, including relative clauses, conditional sentences, and participial phrases. Additionally, employing a mix of sentence lengths and types can improve readability and engagement.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair level of grammatical accuracy, although errors are noticeable throughout the text. Issues include subject-verb agreement ("elder superiors are thought" should be "elderly superiors are thought"), article usage ("the aged" should be "elderly"), tense consistency ("elder bosses contribute" should be "elderly bosses contribute"), and punctuation errors (missing commas before conjunctions, misuse of semicolons).
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and verb tense consistency. Proofreading for punctuation errors, especially regarding comma placement and proper semicolon usage, is crucial. Reviewing grammar rules and practicing writing with a focus on error correction can help improve accuracy over time. Additionally, seeking feedback from peers or instructors can provide valuable insights into areas for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, there has been a growing belief that senior executives should receive substantially higher salaries compared to their junior counterparts within a company. From my perspective, I partially agree with this notion, and I will outline my reasons in this essay.

On one hand, it is justifiable for senior executives to receive substantially higher salaries due to their age-related limitations. Older employees may not have adequate health to work on a regular basis, which can result in reduced productivity. For instance, while younger employees can work under pressure for more than 8 hours daily, senior executives may not be able to sustain such demands. Additionally, it seems inequitable when some managers do not perform the same variety of tasks as younger employees yet earn significantly higher salaries. Take, for example, the director of Amazon, who does not perform the same variety of tasks as clerks but receives an enormous salary.

On the other hand, senior executives play a crucial role in contributing to the success of organizations. They are often tasked with handling responsibilities that require significant experience and expertise. For instance, they are better suited to address complex issues and negotiate important contracts, which are essential for the success of the company. Furthermore, older employees bring a wealth of experience that younger colleagues can learn from. For instance, consider the co-founder of Apple, whose contributions to technology have shaped the modern world. Without the contributions of individuals who worked for these companies, success would not have been possible. Therefore, it is reasonable for senior executives to receive substantially higher salaries given their extensive contributions and experience.

In conclusion, I find myself in partial agreement with the assertion that senior managers should have much higher salaries than other workers in a company. While there are valid reasons for this, such as age-related limitations and extensive contributions to organizational success, it is important to ensure that compensation remains fair and equitable within the workplace.