Some people think it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than the other workers in company. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people hold the view that the senior managers should be paid a high level of wage compared to other staffs in the organization. From my perspective, I totally agree with this statement and the essay below will include some reasons and examples for my view.

On the one hand, it is reasonable that senior managers are worth higher salaries. This is because they have more knowledge and experiences in their specializations. Specifically, they may have achieved a lot of qualifications such as bachelor, master or even doctor,.. and many practical activities in their field. This proves that they are excellent and might bring more effective results which support the aim of the company. For example, a person with the degree of master of finance and economics from famous universities such as Cambridge and Oxford may create some useful ideas for firms in investment or risk administration. Therefore, higher wages may be suitable for senior managers.

Furthermore, the senior managers in many companies may have more tasks to conduct and so, a high salary may be fittable. Because they were brilliant in their specialization, many managers were trusted by senior leaders such as the chairman to undertake various crucial duties. This leads to the fact that they have to spend more time and effort to finish these. Cite as an example, a senior manager of a marketing department usually takes over massive tasks from managed department personnel, comes up with ideas for an advertising strategy, to divide mini tasks for each staff and so on. In my opinion, the relationship between this and their salaries may be a trade-off: they allocate more time for their company and the company pays them a high income to compensate for that.
In conclusion, it is true that the senior managers are worth achieving a good wage which is higher than other workers in the company.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"other staffs" -> "other staff members"
Explanation: "Staffs" is an uncommon plural form; "staff members" is a more standard term used in formal writing.
"From my perspective" -> "In my opinion"
Explanation: "From my perspective" is slightly informal; "In my opinion" is a more common phrase in academic writing.
"totally agree" -> "fully agree"
Explanation: "Totally" is a colloquial intensifier; "fully" is more appropriate in academic writing.
"the essay below will include" -> "this essay will discuss"
Explanation: "Below" is unnecessary and informal; "discuss" is a more precise verb choice.
"On the one hand" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "On the one hand" is less direct; "Firstly" provides a clearer transition in academic writing.
"because they have more knowledge and experiences" -> "due to their extensive knowledge and experience"
Explanation: "Knowledge and experiences" lacks precision; "extensive knowledge and experience" is a more formal and specific phrase.
"such as bachelor, master or even doctor,.." -> "such as a bachelor’s, master’s, or even doctoral degree,"
Explanation: The original lacks parallel structure and proper punctuation; the revised version is grammatically correct and clearer.
"many practical activities" -> "considerable practical experience"
Explanation: "Practical activities" is vague; "considerable practical experience" is more precise and formal.
"This proves that they are excellent and might bring more effective results" -> "This indicates their excellence and potential to generate more effective results"
Explanation: The original sentence lacks precision and is overly wordy; the revised version is clearer and more concise.
"higher wages may be suitable for senior managers" -> "higher wages may be justified for senior managers"
Explanation: "Suitable" is vague; "justified" is more precise and formal.
"Furthermore" -> "Moreover"
Explanation: "Furthermore" is slightly informal; "Moreover" is a more formal transition word.
"may have more tasks to conduct" -> "often have additional responsibilities"
Explanation: "Tasks to conduct" is awkward; "additional responsibilities" is a clearer and more formal phrase.
"a high salary may be fittable" -> "a high salary may be warranted"
Explanation: "Fittable" is informal and not commonly used; "warranted" is more precise and formal.
"many managers were trusted by senior leaders" -> "many managers have gained the trust of senior leaders"
Explanation: The original lacks clarity and proper verb tense; the revised version is clearer and more grammatically correct.
"This leads to the fact that they have to spend more time and effort" -> "This results in their increased time and effort"
Explanation: "Leads to the fact that" is redundant; "results in" is a clearer and more concise phrase.
"Cite as an example" -> "For example,"
Explanation: "Cite as an example" is awkward; "For example," is a more standard introductory phrase.
"the relationship between this and their salaries may be a trade-off" -> "this may entail a trade-off between their time investment and compensation"
Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and lacks clarity; the revised version is more concise and precise.
"In conclusion" -> "To conclude,"
Explanation: "In conclusion" is slightly informal; "To conclude," is a more standard transition phrase in academic writing.
"it is true that" -> "it is evident that"
Explanation: "It is true that" is somewhat redundant; "it is evident that" is a more concise and formal phrase.

These changes help to refine the vocabulary and structure of the essay, making it more suitable for academic writing while preserving clarity and natural language flow.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question by presenting a clear stance (agreeing with the idea of senior managers earning higher salaries) and supporting it with reasons and examples. It acknowledges the opposing viewpoint ("Some people think…") and responds to it by presenting arguments in favor of higher salaries for senior managers.
- How to improve: To further enhance the response, the essay could explicitly acknowledge the opposing viewpoint in the introduction and provide a brief counterargument before presenting the main argument in favor of higher salaries for senior managers. This would demonstrate a deeper engagement with the complexity of the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing in favor of senior managers receiving higher salaries. The position is evident from the introduction to the conclusion, and each paragraph contributes to reinforcing this stance.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, the essay could use more explicit transition phrases to guide the reader through the argumentative structure, ensuring that each paragraph clearly builds upon the previous one to support the central thesis.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports its ideas with relevant examples and reasoning. It elaborates on the qualifications and responsibilities of senior managers to justify why they deserve higher salaries.
- How to improve: To further enhance idea development, the essay could delve deeper into the potential counterarguments against higher salaries for senior managers and provide more nuanced rebuttals to strengthen the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by discussing the issue of senior managers’ salaries and providing reasons and examples to support the argument. However, there are minor instances where the focus could be tighter.
- How to improve: To maintain a sharper focus, the essay could avoid tangential discussions or examples that are only loosely related to the main topic. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph directly contributes to supporting the central argument would help in staying closely aligned with the topic.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents a coherent argument in favor of senior managers receiving higher salaries and demonstrates strong task response, there is room for improvement in terms of acknowledging counterarguments, enhancing clarity, delving deeper into idea development, and maintaining a tighter focus on the topic throughout. By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear and logical organization throughout. Each paragraph presents a distinct idea, with the introduction clearly stating the author’s position, followed by two body paragraphs elaborating on reasons supporting the viewpoint. The use of transition words and phrases, such as "On the one hand," "Furthermore," and "In conclusion," effectively guides the reader through the essay’s structure.
- How to improve: While the essay maintains logical organization, enhancing coherence can further strengthen the overall clarity. Consider refining the introduction to provide a more concise overview of the main points to be discussed. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the main argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to structure and present ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, with clear topic sentences and supporting details. The paragraphs transition smoothly from one to the next, maintaining coherence and cohesion.
- How to improve: To further enhance paragraphing, consider varying sentence structure within paragraphs to add depth and complexity to the analysis. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph maintains a consistent focus on the main argument without straying into unrelated tangents.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and enhance coherence. Transition words and phrases, such as "on the one hand," "furthermore," and "in my opinion," effectively link sentences and paragraphs, facilitating a smooth flow of information. Additionally, cohesive devices like pronouns ("they," "this") maintain coherence by referencing previously mentioned concepts.
- How to improve: While the essay incorporates cohesive devices effectively, diversifying the range of connectors can further enrich the essay’s coherence. Consider integrating a wider variety of transition words and phrases to introduce contrasting viewpoints or emphasize relationships between ideas. Additionally, pay attention to the consistency of pronoun usage to avoid ambiguity and ensure clarity in reference.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, with a variety of words and phrases used to convey ideas. Examples include "specializations," "qualifications," "effective results," "crucial duties," and "trade-off." However, there is room for improvement in showcasing a broader spectrum of vocabulary, particularly at the phrase and idiomatic level.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, consider incorporating more advanced vocabulary and idiomatic expressions where appropriate. For instance, instead of using common phrases like "many people," opt for synonyms such as "a multitude of individuals" or "a substantial portion of society." Additionally, explore nuanced vocabulary choices to add depth and sophistication to your arguments.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision. However, there are instances where word choice could be more precise to convey intended meanings accurately. For instance, the phrase "may have more tasks to conduct" could be replaced with "may be tasked with additional responsibilities," enhancing clarity and specificity.
- How to improve: Focus on selecting vocabulary that precisely reflects the intended meaning of your statements. Consider using synonyms or alternative phrases to avoid ambiguity and ensure that your ideas are communicated effectively. Proofreading your work for precision and clarity can also help identify areas where vocabulary can be refined.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally maintained throughout the essay, with few noticeable errors. Examples such as "staffs" instead of "staff," "fittable" instead of "fitable," and "managers" instead of "mangers" demonstrate a need for improvement in spelling accuracy.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spelling and grammar checkers to identify and correct errors. Additionally, proofreading your writing carefully before submission can help catch spelling mistakes and ensure clarity and professionalism in your work. Developing a habit of reviewing spelling rules and common spelling pitfalls can also contribute to improved accuracy over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. It effectively employs coordination and subordination to convey ideas with clarity. For instance, it utilizes relative clauses ("who were brilliant in their specialization"), conditional sentences ("If a person has achieved a master’s degree"), and parallel structures ("they have more knowledge and experience"). These structures contribute to the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance the sophistication of the essay, consider integrating more advanced structures such as inverted sentences, passive voice, and rhetorical devices like appositives or polysyndeton. Additionally, ensure that the variety of structures is utilized consistently throughout the essay to maintain engagement and demonstrate linguistic proficiency.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally high level of grammatical accuracy, with few notable errors. Most sentences are grammatically correct, and punctuation is used appropriately to demarcate clauses and separate ideas. However, there are a few instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inconsistencies. For instance, in the sentence "many managers were trusted by senior leaders such as the chairman to undertake various crucial duties," the use of "were trusted" could be revised to "are trusted" for conciseness and accuracy. Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors, such as missing commas before introductory phrases ("Because they were brilliant in their specialization") and inconsistent capitalization ("master of finance and economics").
- How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and the correct usage of articles and prepositions to minimize grammatical errors. Review each sentence for punctuation accuracy, ensuring consistent use of commas, periods, and other punctuation marks to enhance readability and clarity. Utilize proofreading techniques, such as reading the essay aloud or seeking feedback from peers, to identify and correct any remaining errors in grammar and punctuation. Additionally, consider consulting grammar guides or online resources to reinforce grammatical concepts and improve overall proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals believe that senior managers should receive substantially higher salaries compared to other staff members within a company. From my perspective, I fully support this notion, and the following essay will outline reasons and examples to justify my stance.

Firstly, it is reasonable for senior managers to command higher salaries due to their extensive knowledge and experience in their respective fields. They often hold advanced qualifications such as bachelor’s, master’s, or even doctoral degrees, alongside practical expertise garnered over years of professional involvement. This indicates their excellence and potential to deliver more impactful results, thereby advancing the company’s objectives. For instance, a senior manager with a master’s degree in finance and economics from esteemed institutions like Cambridge or Oxford might propose invaluable insights for firms in areas such as investment or risk management. Consequently, offering higher wages to senior managers seems justified.

Moreover, senior managers typically shoulder a heavier workload, justifying their higher remuneration. Their exceptional competence in their domain earns them the trust of top executives, who delegate crucial responsibilities to them. Consequently, they devote considerable time and effort to fulfill these obligations. For instance, a senior marketing manager may oversee numerous tasks within the department, including devising advertising strategies and assigning tasks to staff members. In my opinion, this correlation between increased responsibilities and higher salaries reflects a fair exchange: senior managers dedicate more of their time and expertise to the company, and in return, the company compensates them accordingly.

In conclusion, it is evident that senior managers merit higher salaries compared to other employees within the company, considering their expertise, experience, and the substantial responsibilities they undertake.