Some people think it is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think it is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In contemporary social, it is vital for individuals saving money for their future, as well as adolescents. I completely agree with this view of points, this is a right investment for whole their life’s.
First and foremost, one of the best financial habits you can build for yourself is an effective spending and saving plan. Building savings habits help you be financially secure when you are young, as well as protect you when something unfortunate happens, such as losing a job or getting sick. As can be seen nowadays with the global economic crisis, Vietnam is also one of the countries affected. Many companies must close, workers to be laid-off. Furthermore, spending money helps stimulate the economy, and young people’s spending can support businesses and economic growth. For instance, during the Covid-19 pandemic, things have become difficult and dangerous. If most people have savings, it also means that the burden on the government can be reduced. That is why creating a habit of saving is extremely useful for their-self.
Besides that, people also feeling financial independence through saving, allowing young people to make independent decisions about their lives and careers. For example, they are always ready for major milestones in life: marriage, having children, moving house, changing work units. These important situations are easier to manage if you have savings available. Another reason that, starting to save money at a young age helps inculcate good financial habits, which can be beneficial throughout life. It can prevent young people from falling into debt, especially in situations where they need to make large purchases or cover emergencies.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that it is crucial for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. This is not only related to financial balance but also helps people to be better prepared for major events in life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In contemporary social" -> "In contemporary society"
   Explanation: "Contemporary social" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Contemporary society" is the correct phrase, providing a clear and formal context for the discussion.

2. "saving money for their future, as well as adolescents" -> "saving money for their future, including adolescents"
   Explanation: The phrase "as well as adolescents" is awkward and unclear. "Including adolescents" is more precise and natural in academic writing, emphasizing the inclusion of young people in the discussion.

3. "I completely agree with this view of points" -> "I fully support this perspective"
   Explanation: "View of points" is an awkward and unclear phrase. "Perspective" is a more appropriate term that enhances clarity and formality in academic writing.

4. "this is a right investment for whole their life’s" -> "this is a sound investment for their entire lives"
   Explanation: "Right investment" is vague and informal. "Sound investment" is more precise and formal, and "their entire lives" corrects the grammatical error in "whole their life’s" to "their entire lives".

5. "Building savings habits help you be financially secure" -> "Building savings habits helps you become financially secure"
   Explanation: "Help you be" is grammatically incorrect. "Helps you become" is grammatically correct and more formal, suitable for academic writing.

6. "protect you when something unfortunate happens" -> "protect you from unforeseen events"
   Explanation: "Something unfortunate happens" is vague and informal. "From unforeseen events" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone.

7. "workers to be laid-off" -> "workers being laid off"
   Explanation: "Workers to be laid-off" is grammatically awkward. "Workers being laid off" is the correct form, improving the sentence structure and clarity.

8. "spending money helps stimulate the economy" -> "spending money stimulates the economy"
   Explanation: "Helps stimulate" is less direct and less formal. "Stimulates" is a more direct and academically appropriate verb form.

9. "young people’s spending can support businesses and economic growth" -> "young people’s spending can support businesses and foster economic growth"
   Explanation: "Foster" is a more precise and formal term than "support" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.

10. "people also feeling financial independence" -> "people also feel financial independence"
    Explanation: "Feeling" should be "feel" to correct the verb tense consistency, aligning with the present tense of the sentence.

11. "extremely useful for their-self" -> "extremely beneficial for themselves"
    Explanation: "Their-self" is incorrect. "Beneficial" is a more formal synonym for "useful," and "themselves" is the correct possessive form.

12. "people also feeling financial independence" -> "people also feel financial independence"
    Explanation: Same correction as before, ensuring verb tense consistency and formality.

13. "starting to save money at a young age helps inculcate good financial habits" -> "starting to save money at a young age helps instill good financial habits"
    Explanation: "Inculcate" is correct but less common in this context. "Instill" is more commonly used in academic writing to describe the process of teaching or developing habits.

14. "can be beneficial throughout life" -> "can be advantageous throughout life"
    Explanation: "Beneficial" is correct but "advantageous" is a more precise and formal term in this context, enhancing the academic tone.

These changes refine the essay’s language to meet the standards of academic writing, ensuring clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating the author’s agreement with the importance of saving money for the future. The introduction sets a strong foundation by affirming the view, and the body paragraphs provide relevant reasons supporting this stance. For example, the author discusses financial security, independence, and the development of good financial habits, which are all pertinent to the topic. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint, which would enhance the depth of the argument.
  • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, consider briefly discussing potential counterarguments. For instance, mention that some people might prioritize immediate spending over saving and provide a rebuttal to that perspective. This would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that saving money is essential for everyone, including young people. This stance is consistently reinforced throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, there are moments where the phrasing could be clearer, such as "this is a right investment for whole their life’s," which could confuse readers regarding the intended meaning.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that all statements are grammatically correct and clearly articulated. Avoid awkward phrasing and ensure that each sentence logically follows from the previous one. For example, rephrase unclear sentences and ensure that the position is explicitly stated in each paragraph.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-supported ideas, such as the importance of financial security and independence. The use of real-world examples, like the impact of the Covid-19 pandemic, strengthens the argument. However, some points could be developed further. For instance, while the essay mentions that saving can reduce the burden on the government, it does not elaborate on how this occurs or why it is significant.
  • How to improve: To effectively present and extend ideas, consider providing more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. For instance, when discussing financial independence, elaborate on how having savings can lead to better decision-making in life choices. This will add depth to the argument and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of saving money. However, there are instances where the connection to the main argument could be clearer. For example, the mention of spending money stimulating the economy seems somewhat tangential to the primary focus on saving.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each point directly relates back to the importance of saving. If discussing spending, clarify how it connects to the overall argument about saving. Consider using topic sentences that explicitly link each paragraph back to the main thesis, reinforcing the relevance of each point made.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. With some refinements in clarity, depth of analysis, and focus, it could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of saving money for the future, structured around several key points. The introduction effectively states the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs follow with supporting ideas. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition from discussing the importance of savings to the economic context feels abrupt. The connection between personal savings and broader economic implications could be more explicitly articulated.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis statement. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Moreover," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs, but their structure could be more effective. Each paragraph contains relevant information, yet some ideas within paragraphs feel somewhat disjointed. For example, the second paragraph mixes the benefits of savings with economic implications without a clear separation of ideas. This can confuse the reader about the main point of each paragraph.
  • How to improve: Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details that elaborate on that idea. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple concepts. This will help maintain clarity and focus throughout the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost" and "besides that," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be stronger. For example, the phrase "that is why" is used, but it would benefit from further elaboration to clarify how the previous point leads to the conclusion.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "furthermore," "in contrast," or "as a result" to create clearer connections between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can enhance the flow and cohesion of the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to an improved band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "financial habits," "economic growth," and "financial independence." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks variation. Phrases like "saving money" and "financially secure" are used multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions, which limits the lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "saving money," alternatives like "accumulating funds," "setting aside resources," or "financial reserves" could be employed. Additionally, using more sophisticated vocabulary, such as "fiscal responsibility" or "monetary prudence," would elevate the lexical quality.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the essay. For example, the phrase "this is a right investment for whole their life’s" is awkward and unclear. The use of "their-self" is incorrect; the proper term would be "themselves." Additionally, the phrase "people also feeling financial independence" lacks grammatical structure and precision.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity. For example, revising the sentence to "people also feel financial independence" would correct the grammatical error. Furthermore, ensuring that phrases are complete and coherent will enhance the overall clarity. The writer should also consider using phrases that clearly convey the intended meaning, such as "financial independence allows individuals to make autonomous decisions."

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "adolescents" being replaced with "adolescents," and "their-self" instead of "themselves." Additionally, "to be laid-off" should be "to be laid off," as it is not a compound word in this context. These errors can distract the reader and undermine the credibility of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or online tools that provide exercises. Additionally, proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help catch and correct spelling mistakes. Reading more extensively can also improve spelling through exposure to correctly spelled words in context.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. By incorporating varied vocabulary, ensuring grammatical accuracy, and focusing on spelling, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of "Building savings habits help you be financially secure when you are young" showcases a complex structure that effectively conveys a cause-and-effect relationship. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors, such as "this is a right investment for whole their life’s," which detracts from the overall effectiveness. The use of phrases like "as well as" and "besides that" indicates an attempt to connect ideas, but the transitions could be smoother.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, instead of starting sentences with "Besides that," try using participial phrases or adverbial clauses to create more complex sentences. Additionally, ensure that all sentences are grammatically correct to avoid confusion. Practicing sentence combining exercises can help in achieving this.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors that affect clarity. For example, "individuals saving money for their future" should be "individuals to save money for their future" to maintain proper verb form and clarity. Punctuation errors, such as the comma splice in "I completely agree with this view of points, this is a right investment for whole their life’s," disrupt the flow of the text. The phrase "for whole their life’s" is also grammatically incorrect; it should be "for their whole lives."
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review subject-verb agreement and the correct use of possessive forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises focused on common errors can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that each sentence is complete and correctly punctuated will improve overall clarity. Utilizing tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying and correcting mistakes.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of grammatical range and accuracy, potentially increasing the overall band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, it is vital for individuals, including adolescents, to save money for their future. I fully support this perspective, as this is a sound investment for their entire lives.

First and foremost, one of the best financial habits you can build for yourself is an effective spending and saving plan. Building savings habits helps you become financially secure when you are young and protects you from unforeseen events, such as losing a job or experiencing health issues. As we can see nowadays with the global economic crisis, Vietnam is also one of the countries affected. Many companies have had to close, resulting in workers being laid off. Furthermore, spending money stimulates the economy, and young people’s spending can support businesses and foster economic growth. For instance, during the Covid-19 pandemic, circumstances became difficult and precarious. If most people have savings, it also means that the burden on the government can be reduced. That is why creating a habit of saving is extremely beneficial for themselves.

In addition, people also feel financial independence through saving, allowing young people to make independent decisions about their lives and careers. For example, they are always ready for major milestones in life: marriage, having children, moving houses, or changing jobs. These important situations are easier to manage if you have savings available. Another reason is that starting to save money at a young age helps instill good financial habits, which can be advantageous throughout life. It can prevent young people from falling into debt, especially in situations where they need to make large purchases or cover emergencies.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that it is crucial for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. This is not only related to financial balance but also helps people be better prepared for significant events in life.