Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems. To what extent do you agree?

Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems. To what extent do you agree?

It is argued that money should be spent on developing roads and motorways rather than on public transportation systems. Personally, I think both of them have vital roles to play in modern society, and therefore should be equally invested in.
On the one hand, the road upgrade will contribute to reducing traffic congestion. Wider lanes with distinct lane divisions will facilitate vehicle movement and reduce traffic bottlenecks. For example, three important roadways in the city core of Hanoi, Vietnam were widened by the government, which greatly reduced traffic during rush hour. Secondly, a nation's progress can be directly impacted by its infrastructure and the efficiency with which it can function. Many enterprises, both small and large, might suffer considerably in the absence of properly paved roads and motorways. For example, lorries transporting produce for our local stores and supermarkets rely on timely delivery of such commodities to remain operational and competitive.
Improved public transportation, on the other hand, benefits the environment and those who do not own a private automobile. In fact, several means of public transportation, such as subways, emit less pollutants than automobiles and other private vehicles. As a result, investing in public transportation will help to improve air quality and reduce pollution. Furthermore, for people who do not own a private vehicle, such as a motorcycle or a car, buses and subways are excellent options for daily transportation.
In conclusion, for the reasons above, I do believe money should be well-spent on not only roads but also public transport systems


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Personally, I think" -> "In my opinion,"
    Explanation: "Personally" is slightly informal for academic writing. "In my opinion" maintains the author’s viewpoint while adhering to a more formal tone.

  2. "both of them" -> "both"
    Explanation: "Both of them" is redundant; "both" alone suffices to convey the intended meaning.

  3. "equally invested in" -> "equally worthy of investment"
    Explanation: "Equally invested in" is somewhat colloquial. "Equally worthy of investment" maintains formality while expressing the same idea.

  4. "road upgrade" -> "road infrastructure improvement"
    Explanation: "Road upgrade" is a bit simplistic. "Road infrastructure improvement" is more precise and aligns better with academic language.

  5. "distinct lane divisions" -> "clearly delineated lanes"
    Explanation: "Distinct lane divisions" could be stated more clearly. "Clearly delineated lanes" conveys the same meaning in a more formal manner.

  6. "greatly reduced" -> "significantly alleviated"
    Explanation: "Greatly reduced" is acceptable but lacks specificity. "Significantly alleviated" enhances the precision of the statement.

  7. "enterprise" -> "businesses"
    Explanation: "Enterprise" can be overly formal. "Businesses" is a more common and appropriate term in this context.

  8. "suffer considerably" -> "experience significant setbacks"
    Explanation: "Suffer considerably" is a bit informal. "Experience significant setbacks" maintains formality while conveying the same meaning.

  9. "produced" -> "goods"
    Explanation: "Produce" in this context can be ambiguous. "Goods" clarifies that the transportation is for commercial products.

  10. "excellent options" -> "viable alternatives"
    Explanation: "Excellent options" is slightly informal. "Viable alternatives" is more academically appropriate.

  11. "for the reasons above" -> "for these reasons"
    Explanation: "For the reasons above" is less precise. "For these reasons" refers directly to the points made in the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the prompt by discussing both the importance of spending money on roads and motorways and the significance of investing in public transport systems. It acknowledges the argument presented in the prompt and offers a balanced perspective, stating that both infrastructure components are crucial.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the response, consider providing more specific examples or statistics to support the points made. Additionally, ensuring that each aspect of the prompt is thoroughly explored can strengthen the overall argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, advocating for equal investment in both roads and public transport systems. This stance is evident from the introductory paragraph to the conclusion, providing consistency and coherence to the argument.
    • How to improve: While the position is clear, reinforcing it with stronger language or emphasizing the rationale behind the advocacy for balanced investment can enhance the persuasiveness of the argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, providing examples such as the impact of road upgrades on reducing traffic congestion and the benefits of public transportation for the environment and individuals without private vehicles. However, some ideas could be further extended or elaborated upon to strengthen the argument.
    • How to improve: To improve, consider expanding on the potential economic benefits of investing in both infrastructure sectors or delving deeper into the societal implications of improved transportation systems. Additionally, providing additional evidence or real-world examples can bolster the credibility of the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by addressing the importance of spending money on roads and motorways versus public transport systems as outlined in the prompt. However, there is a minor deviation in the introductory paragraph where the essay briefly mentions the importance of both roads and public transport without directly addressing the prioritization aspect of the prompt.
    • How to improve: To ensure strict adherence to the topic, it is advisable to directly address the prioritization aspect of the prompt from the beginning of the essay. This can help set a clear direction for the argument and avoid any ambiguity regarding the focus of the response.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively presents a balanced argument regarding the allocation of funds between roads and public transport systems. By providing more specific examples, reinforcing the clarity of the position, extending ideas, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic throughout, the essay could further enhance its overall effectiveness and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with a clear introduction that presents the topic and the writer’s stance. Each body paragraph discusses a different aspect of the argument, with one focusing on the benefits of road upgrades and the other on the advantages of investing in public transportation. The conclusion neatly summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer’s position.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow further, consider providing a smoother transition between paragraphs. While the essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument, ensuring that the transition between discussing roads and public transportation is seamless can improve coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is appropriately divided into paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction and conclusion are well-developed and serve their respective purposes effectively.
    • How to improve: While the paragraphs are logically structured, ensuring that each paragraph maintains a clear topic sentence and follows a coherent line of reasoning can further strengthen the essay’s organization. Additionally, varying sentence structures within paragraphs can enhance readability and engagement.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences and paragraphs. Examples include transitional phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which guide the reader through contrasting points. Additionally, pronouns such as "them" and "such" help maintain coherence by referring back to previously mentioned concepts.
    • How to improve: While cohesive devices are effectively used, incorporating a wider variety can enrich the essay’s coherence. Consider including conjunctions like "furthermore" and "however" to demonstrate relationships between ideas more explicitly. Additionally, using parallel structures in sentences can strengthen coherence by creating a consistent rhythm and flow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "contribute," "bottlenecks," "enterprise," "competitive," "emission," and "pollutants." These words are contextually appropriate and contribute to the clarity and sophistication of the argument presented.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more varied synonyms and idiomatic expressions. Additionally, integrating specialized terminology related to urban planning, transportation infrastructure, and environmental sustainability could elevate the lexical richness of the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The vocabulary usage in the essay is generally precise, effectively conveying the intended meanings. For instance, the term "traffic congestion" accurately describes the problem discussed, while "subways emit less pollutants" precisely communicates the environmental benefit of public transportation.
    • How to improve: While the essay demonstrates precise vocabulary usage overall, there are a few instances where more specific or nuanced language could be employed. For example, instead of "benefits the environment," consider specifying how public transportation reduces carbon emissions or mitigates air pollution. Similarly, replacing generic phrases like "improved public transportation" with specific modes such as "bus rapid transit" or "light rail systems" could enhance precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors detracting from comprehension. Spelling is consistently correct throughout the essay, enhancing the professionalism and readability of the text.
    • How to improve: To maintain this standard of spelling accuracy, continue practicing proofreading techniques and utilize spelling and grammar checkers as tools for error detection. Additionally, expanding exposure to written English through reading diverse materials can reinforce spelling conventions and improve overall language proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is effective use of transitional phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" to organize ideas. Additionally, the essay employs examples and comparisons to support arguments, showcasing versatility in expression.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the richness of expression, consider incorporating advanced structures such as conditional sentences, passive voice constructions, and participial phrases. Experiment with varied sentence lengths to maintain reader engagement and rhythm.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy. Sentences are well-constructed, with few errors observed. For instance, the essay effectively uses subject-verb agreement and maintains coherence through proper pronoun reference. Punctuation marks are appropriately placed to aid clarity and comprehension.
    • How to improve: While the essay showcases proficiency in grammar and punctuation, minor errors such as missing commas before introductory phrases and inconsistent capitalization could be addressed for further refinement. Proofreading meticulously and reviewing grammar rules related to punctuation can help in minimizing such errors.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical structures and punctuation conventions, contributing to its coherence and clarity. To continue improving, the writer can focus on expanding the variety of sentence structures and refining punctuation skills through consistent practice and attention to detail.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued that money should be spent on developing roads and motorways rather than on public transportation systems. In my opinion, both of them have vital roles to play in modern society and are equally worthy of investment.

On one hand, road infrastructure improvement will contribute to reducing traffic congestion. Clearly delineated lanes and wider roadways facilitate vehicle movement, significantly alleviating traffic bottlenecks. For instance, in the city core of Hanoi, Vietnam, three important roadways were widened by the government, which greatly reduced traffic during rush hour. Moreover, businesses, both small and large, rely on efficient road networks for timely delivery of goods to remain operational and competitive.

On the other hand, investing in public transportation benefits the environment and those without private automobiles. Various public transportation options, such as subways, emit fewer pollutants than private vehicles, thus improving air quality and reducing pollution. Additionally, for individuals without private vehicles, buses and subways offer viable alternatives for daily transportation.

In conclusion, for these reasons, I believe that funds should be allocated to both roads and public transport systems, recognizing their importance in modern society.

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