Some people think it’s a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than other workers in the company. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often claimed that it is a good benefit for senior managers to have higher salaries than other employees in the business. While accepting that this viewpoint is somewhat unreasonable, I still completely agree and support the above opinion.
It is understandable why some propose that managers should get higher wages than other junior employees. The key rationale behind this thought is that in a highly competitive working environment, they are people who have the ability to lead others and have a lot of professional experience. Managers also know how to take advantage of opportunities to help their team develop. In addition to this, managers have a more creative mind than other persons and they can create a detailed plan to delegate parts for each person. As a result, all tasks will be carefully arranged by the senior managers.
This argument is further fortified by the fact that managers will be the person who takes the responsibilities for all risks occurring at work. Responsibility is an important trait that a manager must have. Because they will be the first to accept all blame and losses if things go wrong in the company. So they should be paid more than other workers because of what they contribute to the company.
In conclusion, It is reasonable and fair for managers and employees to have a salary difference.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"it is a good benefit" -> "it is advantageous"
Explanation: The phrase "it is a good benefit" is somewhat redundant since "benefit" inherently suggests something positive. "It is advantageous" is more concise and academically appropriate.
"higher salaries than other employees" -> "elevated compensation relative to other employees"
Explanation: The term "higher salaries" is clear but simplistic. "Elevated compensation" provides a more sophisticated way to discuss financial remuneration, and "relative to other employees" adds precision to the comparison.
"somewhat unreasonable" -> "potentially contentious"
Explanation: "Somewhat unreasonable" suggests a judgment that might not be appropriate in an academic context, where objectivity is valued. "Potentially contentious" neutrally acknowledges the debate without implying judgment.
"completely agree and support" -> "firmly concur with and endorse"
Explanation: "Completely agree and support" is somewhat informal and lacks the precision expected in academic writing. "Firmly concur with and endorse" elevates the formality and specificity of the statement.
"people who have the ability" -> "individuals possessing the capability"
Explanation: "People who have the ability" is a correct but plain way of expressing this idea. "Individuals possessing the capability" uses more formal vocabulary and a more sophisticated structure.
"know how to take advantage of" -> "understand how to leverage"
Explanation: "Know how to take advantage of" can carry a slightly negative connotation and is somewhat informal. "Understand how to leverage" is a more neutral and formal way to express the strategic use of opportunities.
"more creative mind than other persons" -> "greater creative acumen than their counterparts"
Explanation: "More creative mind than other persons" is informal and awkwardly phrased. "Greater creative acumen than their counterparts" is more formal and provides a clearer, more precise comparison.
"create a detailed plan to delegate parts for each person" -> "formulate comprehensive strategies for task delegation"
Explanation: "Create a detailed plan to delegate parts for each person" is verbose and informal. "Formulate comprehensive strategies for task delegation" condenses the idea into a more sophisticated and academically suitable expression.
"will be the person who takes the responsibilities" -> "will bear the responsibility"
Explanation: "Will be the person who takes the responsibilities" is unnecessarily wordy and informal. "Will bear the responsibility" is more concise and maintains a formal tone.
"Because they will be the first to accept all blame and losses" -> "Given their role in assuming accountability for any failures"
Explanation: Starting a sentence with "Because" in this context is informal and the phrase "accept all blame and losses" is overly simplistic. "Given their role in assuming accountability for any failures" is more formal and accurately reflects the responsibility without implying unnecessary blame.
"So they should be paid more than other workers" -> "Consequently, they warrant higher remuneration than their colleagues"
Explanation: "So" is too informal to start a sentence in academic writing, and "paid more than other workers" is a simplistic expression. "Consequently, they warrant higher remuneration than their colleagues" uses more formal language and provides a clear, logical connection between premise and conclusion.
"It is reasonable and fair" -> "It is both reasonable and equitable"
Explanation: "It is reasonable and fair" is correct but could be enhanced for academic writing. "It is both reasonable and equitable" employs a more sophisticated vocabulary, emphasizing the fairness aspect in a more formal manner.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the argument that senior managers should have higher salaries and presents a clear opinion agreeing with this perspective.
- How to improve: While the essay effectively responds to the prompt, enhancing the depth of analysis by considering potential counterarguments or exploring nuances of the issue could further strengthen the response. Encouraging the incorporation of opposing viewpoints would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance throughout, supporting the idea that senior managers deserve higher salaries due to their leadership abilities, experience, and responsibilities.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay could explicitly state the position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument with stronger language and providing more specific examples would bolster the persuasiveness of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately but lacks in-depth development and support. It briefly mentions reasons why senior managers deserve higher salaries, such as leadership skills and responsibility, but lacks detailed elaboration and concrete examples.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should expand on each supporting point with specific examples, anecdotes, or statistics. Additionally, providing counterarguments and refutations would demonstrate a more thorough understanding and strengthen the overall argumentation.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing whether senior managers should receive higher salaries compared to other workers. However, some parts could be more focused, such as the discussion on responsibility.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the central argument. Avoid tangential discussions and irrelevant details. Additionally, clearly connecting each supporting point back to the main thesis would enhance coherence and relevance.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed and supported arguments. By enhancing the depth of analysis, incorporating specific examples, and maintaining focus, the essay could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt to organize information logically. The introduction sets up the argument, the body paragraphs present reasons supporting the viewpoint, and the conclusion restates the position. However, there are instances of repetition and lack of depth in the argumentation, which could be improved for better coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, focus on developing each argument in more detail. Provide specific examples or scenarios to illustrate the points made and ensure that each paragraph contributes directly to the overall argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs adequately to separate different ideas. However, the paragraphs lack clear topic sentences, and some are overly long, which affects readability and coherence.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea. Additionally, aim for shorter paragraphs to improve readability and organization.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices such as "while," "in addition to this," and "furthermore" to link ideas. However, there is a lack of variety in cohesive devices, and some transitions are not used effectively, leading to a somewhat choppy flow.
- How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices used (e.g., "moreover," "on the other hand," "consequently") to create a smoother flow between ideas. Ensure that each transition is used appropriately to connect ideas logically.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an attempt at coherence and cohesion, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of argumentation, paragraph structure, and variety of cohesive devices used. Strengthening these aspects will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "competitive working environment," "professional experience," "delegate," "fortified," and "responsibility." However, there is room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of vocabulary used. For instance, synonyms or related terms could be employed to enrich the expression and demonstrate a deeper grasp of language.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more diverse and advanced vocabulary. Utilize synonyms, antonyms, idiomatic expressions, and academic vocabulary to articulate ideas more precisely and eloquently. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "managers," you could vary your word choice with terms like "executives," "administrators," or "supervisors." Additionally, expand your vocabulary related to the topic, such as terms like "remuneration disparity," "hierarchical compensation," or "leadership remuneration differential."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with moderate precision, effectively conveying ideas. For instance, terms like "competitive working environment" and "responsibility" are used appropriately. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "a lot of professional experience" could be refined to specify the nature or duration of experience for greater clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision in word choice to convey ideas with clarity and accuracy. Instead of using broad terms like "a lot of professional experience," provide specific details or quantify the experience where possible. For instance, specify the years of experience, types of projects handled, or industries worked in. Additionally, be mindful of nuances in meaning and context when selecting vocabulary to ensure alignment with the intended message.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates satisfactory spelling accuracy, with minimal errors observed. Common words are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall readability of the essay. However, there are a few minor errors present, such as "fortified" instead of "further bolstered" and "In conclusion," where the initial letters should be capitalized.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, continue practicing proofreading techniques to identify and correct errors. Pay close attention to words that may have irregular spellings or commonly confused spellings. Additionally, utilize spell-check tools and seek feedback from peers or educators to refine spelling skills. Consistent practice and attention to detail will contribute to improved spelling accuracy over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, there are instances of complex sentences such as "While accepting that this viewpoint is somewhat unreasonable, I still completely agree and support the above opinion," showcasing a blend of clauses and phrases. Additionally, varied sentence beginnings are employed throughout the essay to maintain reader engagement.
- How to improve: To enhance the richness of expression, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as compound-complex sentences and parallel structures. Additionally, strive for greater diversity in sentence lengths to create a more dynamic flow in the essay. For instance, intersperse longer sentences with shorter, punchy ones for emphasis and variety.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates proficient grammar and punctuation usage. However, there are a few instances where errors occur, such as the incorrect use of "It is reasonable and fair for managers and employees to have a salary difference," where the verb tense and subject agreement could be improved ("It is reasonable and fair for managers to receive higher salaries than employees").
- How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency throughout the essay. Additionally, review punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas and conjunctions to ensure clarity and coherence in your writing. Proofreading carefully before submission can help catch these errors and refine the overall quality of your essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is often suggested that senior managers should receive significantly higher salaries compared to other employees within the company. While acknowledging that this viewpoint may seem contentious, I firmly concur with and endorse this perspective.

It is advantageous for senior managers to receive elevated compensation relative to other employees due to their extensive professional experience and leadership capabilities. They possess the capability to lead and guide others effectively in a competitive work environment. Additionally, they understand how to leverage opportunities to foster team development.

Furthermore, senior managers typically exhibit greater creative acumen than their counterparts, enabling them to formulate comprehensive strategies for task delegation. Consequently, they will bear the responsibility for any failures that occur within the company. Given their role in assuming accountability, it is both reasonable and equitable for them to warrant higher remuneration than their colleagues.

In conclusion, the salary disparity between managers and other employees is justifiable, considering the invaluable contributions and responsibilities shouldered by senior managers within the organization.