Some people think most crimes are the result of circumstances like poverty and other social problems. Others believe that they are caused by people who are bad in nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

While some argue that socioeconomic factors such as poverty and societal issues are the primary causes of crime, others contend that criminal behavior stems from inherent moral flaws within individuals. It is my opinion that while external circumstances can certainly influence criminal activity, personal responsibility and individual choices also play a significant role.

There are two main reasons why it could be argued that crime is primarily the result of circumstances. Firstly, individuals living in impoverished communities may resort to criminal activities as a means of survival or due to limited opportunities for legitimate employment. This is primarily because economic deprivation can create environments where crime becomes a seemingly viable option for meeting basic needs. Secondly, social problems such as lack of access to education and healthcare can exacerbate feelings of hopelessness and alienation, increasing the likelihood of criminal behavior. This means that individuals growing up in such environments may face systemic barriers that perpetuate cycles of poverty and crime.

However, I would agree with those who believe that inherent character traits also play a significant role in driving criminal behavior. The reason behind this is that certain individuals may possess personality traits such as impulsivity, aggression, or lack of empathy, which predispose them to engage in antisocial or deviant acts. For example, research in psychology has identified a correlation between traits like psychopathy and criminal behavior, suggesting a biological basis for criminal tendencies. Another factor is the influence of peer groups and socialization processes, which can reinforce negative behaviors and attitudes towards authority and societal norms.

In conclusion, while there are some reasons to believe that socioeconomic factors and societal issues contribute to crime, my own view is that individual moral responsibility and character traits also play a significant role. Efforts to address crime should focus on addressing both systemic inequalities and promoting positive moral development and personal accountability. Only through comprehensive strategies that tackle both external circumstances and individual behavior can we hope to effectively reduce crime rates and create safer communities for all.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"While some argue" -> "While some contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "argue," which is often used in academic writing to denote a more formal debate or discussion.
"socioeconomic factors such as poverty and societal issues" -> "socioeconomic factors including poverty and societal issues"
Explanation: "Including" is more precise and formal than "such as," which can imply a non-exhaustive list, which is not the case here.
"It is my opinion" -> "I maintain"
Explanation: "I maintain" is a more assertive and academically appropriate way to express personal opinion in formal writing.
"certainly influence" -> "undoubtedly influence"
Explanation: "Undoubtedly" is more formal and emphatic than "certainly," which is somewhat informal and less precise in academic contexts.
"personal responsibility and individual choices" -> "personal accountability and individual decision-making"
Explanation: "Accountability" and "decision-making" are more specific and formal terms that enhance the academic tone of the essay.
"This is primarily because" -> "This is largely due to"
Explanation: "Largely due to" is a more formal and precise phrase that better fits the academic style.
"can create environments where crime becomes a seemingly viable option" -> "can create environments in which crime appears a viable option"
Explanation: "Appears a viable option" is more formal and precise than "seems a viable option," aligning better with academic language.
"This means that" -> "This implies that"
Explanation: "Imply" is a more formal synonym for "mean" and is commonly used in academic writing to suggest a logical connection.
"individuals growing up in such environments" -> "individuals raised in such environments"
Explanation: "Raised" is a more formal and precise term than "growing up," which is somewhat colloquial.
"certain individuals may possess" -> "certain individuals may exhibit"
Explanation: "Exhibit" is more specific and formal than "possess," which can be vague in this context.
"traits like psychopathy" -> "traits such as psychopathy"
Explanation: "Such as" is more appropriate when introducing a specific example, and "traits" should be plural to match the plural subject "traits."
"Another factor is the influence of peer groups" -> "Another factor is the influence of peer groups’"
Explanation: Adding an apostrophe after "groups" corrects the possessive form, which is necessary for grammatical accuracy.
"reinforce negative behaviors and attitudes towards authority and societal norms" -> "reinforce negative behaviors and attitudes towards authority and societal norms"
Explanation: This is a correction to ensure parallel structure and maintain the formal tone by avoiding the unnecessary comma after "behaviors."
"Only through comprehensive strategies that tackle both external circumstances and individual behavior" -> "Only through comprehensive strategies that address both external circumstances and individual behavior"
Explanation: "Address" is a more precise and formal verb than "tackle," which is somewhat colloquial for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the causes of crime. It presents the argument that socioeconomic factors, such as poverty and social issues, contribute significantly to criminal behavior. This is supported by examples of limited employment opportunities and systemic barriers. Conversely, the essay also discusses the perspective that inherent moral flaws play a role, citing personality traits and psychological research as evidence. The conclusion reiterates the importance of both views, aligning with the prompt’s requirement to discuss both sides and provide an opinion.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could delve deeper into the implications of each viewpoint. For instance, discussing specific policies or societal changes that could address socioeconomic factors or moral development would provide a more comprehensive analysis. Additionally, including counterarguments or acknowledging limitations of each perspective could strengthen the discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that both external circumstances and individual choices contribute to crime. This stance is consistently reflected throughout the essay, particularly in the introduction and conclusion. The author explicitly states their opinion and supports it with logical reasoning and examples, which helps to reinforce their viewpoint.
- How to improve: To further clarify the position, the author could use transitional phrases to signal shifts in focus between the two viewpoints. For example, explicitly stating "On the other hand" before discussing inherent character traits would enhance clarity. Additionally, reiterating the main argument in the body paragraphs could help maintain focus on the author’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas effectively, particularly in the discussion of socioeconomic factors and inherent character traits. Each point is backed by reasoning and examples, such as the correlation between psychopathy and criminal behavior. The structure is logical, with clear topic sentences that guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To further extend ideas, the author could incorporate more specific examples or statistics to substantiate claims. For instance, citing studies or real-world cases that illustrate the impact of poverty on crime rates would enhance the argument. Additionally, exploring the interplay between socioeconomic factors and individual choices could provide a more nuanced discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the prompt’s request to discuss both views on the causes of crime. There are no significant deviations from the main topic, and each paragraph contributes to the overall argument.
- How to improve: To ensure continued focus, the author could periodically refer back to the prompt within the body paragraphs, reinforcing the relevance of each point to the question at hand. This could be achieved by explicitly linking back to the prompt’s terminology, such as "As mentioned in the prompt, the role of personal responsibility is crucial when considering the causes of crime."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear and logical organization of ideas. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion by presenting both sides of the argument and stating the writer’s opinion. Each paragraph addresses a specific point, with the first two paragraphs focusing on the causes of crime related to circumstances and the inherent nature of individuals, respectively. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main arguments and reinforces the writer’s stance. For example, the transition from discussing socioeconomic factors to personal responsibility is smooth and well-structured.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit transitional phrases between paragraphs. For instance, at the beginning of the paragraph discussing individual traits, a phrase like "On the other hand" could reinforce the contrast between the two views. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence can further clarify the main point being discussed.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability and comprehension. Each paragraph is focused and contains a clear main idea, supported by relevant examples. The first paragraph introduces the topic, while the subsequent paragraphs delve into specific arguments, culminating in a well-rounded conclusion. The use of a clear structure helps guide the reader through the discussion.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is effective, the writer could enhance the depth of analysis within each paragraph. For example, the paragraph discussing socioeconomic factors could benefit from a more detailed example or case study to illustrate the argument. This would not only strengthen the argument but also provide a richer context for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "However," which help to connect ideas and maintain the flow of the argument. The use of phrases like "This means that" and "For example" effectively links ideas within paragraphs, enhancing clarity. The cohesive devices contribute to a coherent narrative that is easy for the reader to follow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of using "Firstly" and "Secondly" repeatedly, alternatives like "To begin with" or "In addition" could be employed. Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "In contrast" or "Conversely," could further enrich the essay’s cohesion and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a balanced discussion on the topic. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can enhance the coherence and cohesion even further, potentially achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing complex ideas related to crime and its causes. Phrases like "socioeconomic factors," "systemic barriers," and "moral responsibility" showcase a good command of relevant terminology. However, the vocabulary could be further diversified. For instance, the repeated use of "crime" and "individual" could be varied with synonyms or related terms to enhance lexical richness.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "crime," terms like "criminal activity," "offending behavior," or "delinquency" could be employed. Additionally, using more varied adjectives to describe the socioeconomic factors, such as "deplorable" or "detrimental," could enhance the essay’s overall lexical diversity.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, with phrases like "impulsive," "aggression," and "alienation" effectively conveying the intended meanings. However, there are instances where the precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "criminal behavior stems from inherent moral flaws" could be interpreted as overly simplistic, as it does not account for the complexity of human behavior.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, consider elaborating on complex ideas rather than using broad terms. For instance, instead of stating "inherent moral flaws," you might specify "deep-seated ethical deficiencies" or "fundamental character issues." This not only clarifies your argument but also demonstrates a deeper understanding of the nuances involved in the discussion.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "impoverished," "psychopathy," and "accountability" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong grasp of the language.
- How to improve: While spelling is accurate, to maintain this level of proficiency, it is advisable to engage in regular reading and writing exercises. Additionally, utilizing tools like spell checkers or writing software can help catch any potential errors in future essays. Practicing writing under timed conditions can also help reinforce spelling accuracy under pressure.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a Band Score of 7. By focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can further elevate their performance in future IELTS tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, conditional phrases, and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "While some argue that socioeconomic factors such as poverty and societal issues are the primary causes of crime" and "This means that individuals growing up in such environments may face systemic barriers" showcase effective use of subordinate clauses and transitional phrases, enhancing the flow of ideas. The essay also employs varied sentence openings, which helps maintain reader engagement.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, using participial phrases or adverbial clauses could add depth. Additionally, experimenting with inversion for emphasis (e.g., "Rarely do individuals consider…") could enhance the sophistication of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits strong grammatical accuracy with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "This is primarily because economic deprivation can create environments where crime becomes a seemingly viable option" is grammatically correct and effectively punctuated. However, there is a slight inconsistency in the use of commas, particularly in complex sentences. For instance, the sentence "However, I would agree with those who believe that inherent character traits also play a significant role in driving criminal behavior" could benefit from a clearer separation of clauses to enhance readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation, pay close attention to comma placement in complex sentences. Reviewing rules for comma usage, especially in lists and before conjunctions, can help. Additionally, consider revising sentences for clarity by breaking down overly long or complex structures into shorter, more digestible parts. This will not only enhance grammatical accuracy but also improve overall readability.

In summary, while the essay is strong in both grammatical range and accuracy, there is always room for refinement. By diversifying sentence structures and honing punctuation skills, the writer can elevate their writing to an even higher level of sophistication.

Bài sửa mẫu

While some contend that socioeconomic factors, including poverty and societal issues, are the primary causes of crime, others believe that criminal behavior arises from inherent moral flaws within individuals. I maintain that while external circumstances undoubtedly influence criminal activity, personal accountability and individual decision-making also play a significant role.

There are two main reasons why it could be argued that crime is primarily the result of circumstances. Firstly, individuals living in impoverished communities may resort to criminal activities as a means of survival or due to limited opportunities for legitimate employment. This is largely due to economic deprivation, which can create environments in which crime appears a viable option for meeting basic needs. Secondly, social problems such as lack of access to education and healthcare can exacerbate feelings of hopelessness and alienation, increasing the likelihood of criminal behavior. This implies that individuals raised in such environments may face systemic barriers that perpetuate cycles of poverty and crime.

However, I would agree with those who believe that inherent character traits also play a significant role in driving criminal behavior. The reason behind this is that certain individuals may exhibit personality traits such as impulsivity, aggression, or lack of empathy, which predispose them to engage in antisocial or deviant acts. For example, research in psychology has identified a correlation between traits like psychopathy and criminal behavior, suggesting a biological basis for criminal tendencies. Another factor is the influence of peer groups, which can reinforce negative behaviors and attitudes towards authority and societal norms.

In conclusion, while there are valid reasons to believe that socioeconomic factors and societal issues contribute to crime, my own view is that individual moral responsibility and character traits also play a significant role. Efforts to address crime should focus on tackling both systemic inequalities and promoting positive moral development and personal accountability. Only through comprehensive strategies that address both external circumstances and individual behavior can we hope to effectively reduce crime rates and create safer communities for all.