Some people think movies should only be for entertainment. Others think that they should also have educational values. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some citizens believe that films should only be for entertainment. Others agree that they should also have a educational values. As far as i concerned, i believe that this opinion have both views
On the one hand, the benefit of movies about entertainment are varied. To begin with, movies help people to reduce their stress. After hard-working day, workers are exhauted as they have to solve heavy workload and they will become stress. Therefore, film is one of the best solutions for they to deal with it. Relaxing with a romantic movie or comedy movie will help them forget the pressure of deadline. Furthermore, going to the cinema or stay at home and watching movie is also a good way to spend time with friends. We will have a long period of time to talk about the movie, discuss the content of the movie. As a result,it is interestingly that we will know more about our friends view about the movie and know about their favourite type of film.
On the other hand, films are not just have the benefit of entertainment but also transmit to the audiences the message of life lesson. Movies are also a good way to transmit educational values to children. kungfu Panda is the typical instance for this point. Children can learn from that film a lessons of the united or human responsibility towards nature in Wall-E movie. Letting our children watching movie is also a good way to study not only at chool. Moreover, movie reflect common situations today. Tran Thanh, who live in Viet Nam, is an well-known actor and director, was successful in reflet most of common family situation at this present. Old father one of his movie talk about thinking and lifestyle of two generation and each pressure in their life. Though whatever the father in the movie still love his son in his way and so does his son.
In conclusion, movies should be used for both purpose, entertainment and education. Through movie people can relaxing after adressing work in workplace or have a good time with friends. However do not ignore the lessons that the movie transmit to you.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"have both views" -> "embrace both perspectives"
Explanation: "Have both views" is less formal. "Embrace both perspectives" elevates the language, aligning with a more academic tone.
"As far as i concerned" -> "In my opinion"
Explanation: "As far as I concerned" is grammatically incorrect. "In my opinion" is a formal alternative that retains clarity and professionalism.
"exhauted" -> "exhausted"
Explanation: "Exhauted" contains a typographical error. "Exhausted" is the correct spelling, maintaining formal language.
"they will become stress" -> "they experience stress"
Explanation: "They will become stress" lacks clarity and precision. "They experience stress" presents the idea more accurately and formally.
"Relaxing with a romantic movie or comedy movie" -> "Finding relaxation through romantic or comedic films"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence using more refined language enhances formality and clarity.
"stay at home and watching movie" -> "staying at home and watching a movie"
Explanation: Adding "a" before "movie" corrects the grammar, making the sentence more precise and grammatically sound.
"it is interestingly that we will know more" -> "It is intriguing to learn"
Explanation: Replacing "interestingly" with "intriguing" and rephrasing enhances the sophistication of the sentence.
"view about the movie" -> "perspective on the movie"
Explanation: "View about the movie" can be refined to "perspective on the movie" for greater precision and formality.
"have the benefit of entertainment" -> "solely provide entertainment"
Explanation: "Have the benefit of entertainment" is less precise. "Solely provide entertainment" offers a more specific and refined expression.
"transmit to the audiences" -> "convey to the audience"
Explanation: Using "convey to the audience" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea.
"a lessons of the united" -> "lessons in unity"
Explanation: "A lessons of the united" lacks clarity. "Lessons in unity" is more accurate and formal.
"at chool" -> "at school"
Explanation: "Chool" contains a typographical error. "At school" is the correct term.
"reflect common situations today" -> "reflect contemporary societal situations"
Explanation: Replacing "common situations today" with "contemporary societal situations" enhances precision and formality.
"was successful in reflet most of common family situation at this present" -> "successfully depicted prevalent family situations in the present"
Explanation: Rewording the sentence improves clarity and elevates the language.
"Though whatever the father in the movie still love his son in his way and so does his son" -> "Despite the father’s unique approach to love, he and his son share mutual affection."
Explanation: The suggested alternative enhances clarity and formality, avoiding ambiguity.
"Through movie people can relaxing" -> "Movies enable people to relax"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence improves readability and formality.
"adressing work in workplace" -> "addressing work at the workplace"
Explanation: "Adressing work in workplace" lacks proper grammar. "Addressing work at the workplace" is a more precise and formal expression.
"do not ignore the lessons that the movie transmit to you" -> "one should not overlook the lessons conveyed by the movie"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence improves formality and clarity, avoiding the use of the informal "ignore" and replacing it with "overlook".
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Quoted text: "Some citizens believe that films should only be for entertainment. Others agree that they should also have educational values. As far as i concerned, i believe that this opinion have both views."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction lacks clarity in presenting a clear position on the topic. It’s essential to have a concise and distinct thesis statement that states your opinion and previews the main points you’ll discuss. By clearly outlining your stance in the introduction, you set the tone for the entire essay and guide the reader on what to expect.
- Improved example: "While some advocate for movies purely as a means of entertainment, others argue for their educational value. In my opinion, films should serve both purposes to cater to diverse audience needs. This essay will explore how movies can entertain and impart valuable lessons simultaneously."
Quoted text: "Relaxing with a romantic movie or comedy movie will help them forget the pressure of deadline."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The idea presented here is relevant to the entertainment aspect of movies, highlighting how they can alleviate stress. However, the point lacks depth and development. To enhance this argument, consider providing an example or elaborating on the psychological impact of movies in alleviating stress. Moreover, connecting this idea more explicitly to the prompt’s educational aspect (if possible) could create a more holistic argument.
- Improved example: "For instance, engaging in a romantic or comedy movie after a taxing workday has been shown to reduce stress levels significantly. Psychological studies indicate that laughter triggered by comedy films releases endorphins, offering a temporary escape from work-related stress. Additionally, certain movies subtly embed educational messages within their plots, offering viewers stress relief while imparting valuable life lessons."
Quoted text: "Children can learn from that film a lessons of the united or human responsibility towards nature in Wall-E movie."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The point discusses the educational value of movies for children, citing examples like "Kung Fu Panda" and "Wall-E." However, the explanation lacks specificity and depth. It would be more persuasive to elaborate on how these movies convey educational messages and their impact on children’s learning. Providing specific instances or scenes from these movies and their relevance to real-life lessons could strengthen this argument.
- Improved example: "For instance, movies like ‘Kung Fu Panda’ impart essential life lessons about unity and resilience, teaching children the value of teamwork and perseverance through the character’s journeys. Similarly, ‘Wall-E’ illustrates human responsibility towards nature and the consequences of environmental degradation, fostering ecological awareness among young audiences. These cinematic narratives serve as powerful educational tools by embedding crucial messages within engaging storylines, influencing children’s perspectives and values positively."
Overall, while the essay addresses both views and attempts to balance entertainment and educational values in movies, it could benefit from deeper explanations, specific examples, and a clearer stance established in the introduction. Expanding on the educational aspects of movies and providing vivid examples would enhance the essay’s persuasiveness and depth of argumentation.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion. The introduction sets the stage by presenting both views, and each body paragraph discusses one viewpoint. However, there are instances of faulty cohesion within and between sentences. For example, the phrase "have both views" in the introduction is unclear and disrupts the flow. Additionally, there are some issues with paragraphing, such as the abrupt transition between discussing the benefits of entertainment and educational values in the second paragraph.
The use of cohesive devices is effective to some extent, but there are instances of mechanical or faulty usage. For example, the phrase "As far as i concerned" contains a grammatical error and disrupts the overall coherence. There is also a lack of clear referencing and substitution, making the essay somewhat repetitive.
Despite these issues, the essay does have an overall progression of ideas. Each paragraph has a central topic, and the writer attempts to present arguments coherently. The conclusion restates the main idea effectively.
How to improve:
- Ensure clarity in sentence structure and grammar to avoid disruptions in coherence.
- Pay attention to paragraphing to ensure a logical flow between ideas.
- Use cohesive devices more judiciously, ensuring their accurate and appropriate application.
- Work on referencing and substitution to minimize repetition.
- Edit for language errors to enhance overall cohesion and coherence.
Overall, the essay shows potential but needs refinement in sentence structure, cohesive device usage, and paragraphing to achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. There are instances of inaccurate word choice and word formation, but these errors do not significantly impede communication. The essay presents ideas in a reasonably organized manner, though there are areas where the expression could be more refined for clarity. The use of punctuation needs improvement for better coherence.
How to improve:
- Enhance vocabulary by incorporating more precise and varied terms.
- Pay attention to word choice and collocation to reduce inaccuracies.
- Improve punctuation for better sentence structure and coherence.
- Develop a more sophisticated expression of ideas to enhance overall essay quality.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. It occasionally attempts complex structures, but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences. There are frequent grammatical errors and punctuation issues throughout the essay, causing some difficulty for the reader. The essay lacks consistent control over grammar and punctuation, impacting the overall clarity and coherence of the content.
How to Improve:
- Grammar and Punctuation: Focus on mastering basic grammar rules and punctuation. Proofread the essay to identify and correct errors before submission.
- Sentence Structure: Aim for a more balanced mix of simple and complex sentences. Practice constructing complex sentences accurately to enhance fluency.
- Clarity and Coherence: Ensure your ideas are expressed clearly. Organize thoughts logically to improve coherence and readability.
To reach a higher band score, strive for greater accuracy in grammar and punctuation while refining your sentence structures for clarity and precision.
Bài sửa mẫu
Some individuals argue that films should solely serve as a source of entertainment, while others contend that they should also impart educational values. In my opinion, both perspectives hold merit.
On the one hand, the merits of movies purely for entertainment are manifold. Initially, films offer a means for individuals to alleviate stress. Following a strenuous workday, employees find themselves fatigued from tackling heavy workloads, resulting in stress. Consequently, movies emerge as a prime solution, allowing them to unwind. Engaging with a romantic or comedic film aids in temporarily shelving the pressures of impending deadlines. Additionally, whether at the cinema or in the comfort of one’s home, watching a movie provides an excellent opportunity to spend quality time with friends. Extended discussions about the film’s content not only make the experience enjoyable but also deepen our understanding of our friends’ perspectives on movies and their preferred genres.
On the other hand, films offer more than mere entertainment; they serve as conduits for life lessons. Movies provide a valuable medium to instill educational values in children. The movie “Kung Fu Panda” serves as a prime example, imparting lessons about unity. Similarly, the film “Wall-E” teaches children about human responsibility towards nature. Allowing our children to watch movies contributes to their education beyond the confines of the school curriculum. Furthermore, movies mirror contemporary societal situations. Tran Thanh, a renowned actor and director in Vietnam, successfully portrays common family dynamics in his works. For instance, his movie “Old Father” delves into the thoughts and lifestyles of two generations, revealing the pressures each faces. Despite their differences, the father and son in the movie harbor genuine love for each other.
In conclusion, movies should fulfill a dual purpose—entertainment and education. Films offer a means for individuals to unwind after a demanding day at work or to enjoy leisure time with friends. However, it is crucial not to overlook the valuable lessons that movies can impart.