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Some people think news has no connection to people’s lives, so it is a waste of time to read news in the newspaper and watch news programs on television . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think news has no connection to people’s lives, so it is a waste of time to read news in the newspaper and watch news programs on television . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

One can neglect the power of news claiming that it is nothing more than a futility. However, my experience with news displays an utterly converse opinion, attributed to these two reasons.

Information from news can be beneficial to its audiences' work. Dwelling in this expeditiously developing era, every aspect of life is being taken into account for modification, eradication, or replacement in just a blink of an eye. Therefore, irrespective of what you are doing, in order to pursue accomplishments, staying up-to-the-minute is a must. News from television and newspapers is by far the most valid and eligible source to assist you in such a task.

Notwithstanding boosting your work efficiency, news can also be served for recreational purposes. Nowadays, dispatch is not broadcasted in as rigid manner as the former days; but in a more flexible way, adding salt to every story told with humor and appropriate sarcasm. This innovative strategy provokes the habit of binging the news everyday, setting up an amusing atmosphere and some ice-breakers to commence a great time with my loved ones.

Honestly, with all the mentioned reasons, I cannot ask for more from the news. A single compilation of information that can fulfill both your occupational and entertaining objectives is undoubtedly worth the time I spent.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "One can neglect the power of news claiming that it is nothing more than a futility." -> "Some may dismiss the significance of news, arguing that it is merely futile."
    Explanation: Replacing "One can neglect" with "Some may dismiss" adds a touch of formality and avoids the use of overly casual language. "Claiming that it is nothing more than a futility" is refined to "arguing that it is merely futile" for a more precise expression.

  2. "However, my experience with news displays an utterly converse opinion, attributed to these two reasons." -> "Nevertheless, my experience with news reveals a diametrically opposed perspective, attributed to two key reasons."
    Explanation: "Utterly converse opinion" is replaced with "diametrically opposed perspective" for a more formal and precise expression. The phrase "attributed to these two reasons" is streamlined to "attributed to two key reasons" for conciseness.

  3. "every aspect of life is being taken into account for modification, eradication, or replacement in just a blink of an eye." -> "every facet of life is subject to rapid modification, eradication, or replacement."
    Explanation: The phrase "taken into account for modification, eradication, or replacement in just a blink of an eye" is refined to "subject to rapid modification, eradication, or replacement" for a more concise and formal expression.

  4. "staying up-to-the-minute is a must." -> "remaining abreast of the latest developments is imperative."
    Explanation: The phrase "staying up-to-the-minute is a must" is replaced with "remaining abreast of the latest developments is imperative" to enhance formality and precision.

  5. "News from television and newspapers is by far the most valid and eligible source to assist you in such a task." -> "Information from television and newspapers constitutes the most reliable and suitable source to aid in such endeavors."
    Explanation: "News" is replaced with "Information" for a more formal tone. "Valid and eligible" is refined to "reliable and suitable" to convey the idea more precisely.

  6. "Notwithstanding boosting your work efficiency, news can also be served for recreational purposes." -> "In addition to enhancing work efficiency, news can also serve recreational purposes."
    Explanation: "Notwithstanding" is replaced with "In addition to" for a smoother transition. The phrase is also slightly restructured for clarity and formality.

  7. "dispatch is not broadcasted in as rigid manner as the former days;" -> "news is not broadcasted as rigidly as in the past;"
    Explanation: "Dispatch" is replaced with "news" for clarity. "In as rigid manner as the former days" is refined to "as rigidly as in the past" for conciseness and formality.

  8. "adding salt to every story told with humor and appropriate sarcasm." -> "infusing humor and appropriate sarcasm into every story."
    Explanation: The phrase "adding salt to every story told with humor and appropriate sarcasm" is simplified to "infusing humor and appropriate sarcasm into every story" for a more direct and formal expression.

  9. "This innovative strategy provokes the habit of binging the news everyday," -> "This innovative approach fosters the habit of regularly consuming the news,"
    Explanation: "Provokes the habit of binging" is refined to "fosters the habit of regularly consuming" for a more formal and precise expression.

  10. "setting up an amusing atmosphere and some ice-breakers to commence a great time with my loved ones." -> "creating an enjoyable atmosphere and providing conversation starters for quality time with my loved ones."
    Explanation: "Setting up an amusing atmosphere and some ice-breakers to commence a great time" is replaced with "creating an enjoyable atmosphere and providing conversation starters for quality time" for a more formal and detailed expression.

  11. "Honestly, with all the mentioned reasons, I cannot ask for more from the news." -> "In conclusion, considering all the aforementioned reasons, I find no further expectations from the news."
    Explanation: "Honestly" is replaced with "In conclusion" for a more formal transition. "I cannot ask for more" is refined to "I find no further expectations" for a more sophisticated expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by presenting reasons supporting the importance of news in people’s lives. However, it falls short in fully exploring the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The response lacks depth in its consideration of opposing views or nuances related to the topic.
    • How to improve: To enhance task response, the writer should ensure a more comprehensive analysis of the prompt, offering a nuanced perspective. This can be achieved by addressing potential counterarguments or exploring the limitations of the argument presented.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a clear position in support of the significance of news. However, there are instances where the author’s stance could be more explicitly stated, especially in the introduction and conclusion. A more precise declaration of the author’s position would enhance the overall clarity.
    • How to improve: To strengthen clarity, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This will provide a clear framework for the reader to follow throughout the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the usefulness of news for work efficiency and entertainment. However, these ideas lack development and specificity. The examples provided are somewhat generic and could benefit from more elaboration and concrete details to strengthen the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance idea presentation, the writer should offer more specific examples and elaborate on how news contributes to work efficiency and recreation. Adding real-life instances or statistical evidence would bolster the persuasive power of the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but has a tendency to provide somewhat generic statements without delving into specific details. There is a need for more focused and concrete discussion related to the prompt.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should avoid generalizations and strive for specificity. Providing concrete examples and details related to the impact of news on people’s lives would make the essay more compelling and directly relevant to the prompt.

In summary, while the essay effectively conveys the importance of news, it could benefit from a more thorough analysis of the prompt, a clearer expression of the author’s stance, more developed ideas with specific examples, and a focus on concrete details to strengthen the overall argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization. It begins with a clear thesis statement, and each subsequent paragraph introduces and develops a distinct reason supporting the idea that news is valuable. The progression of ideas is coherent, with a smooth transition between the two main points.
    • How to improve: To further enhance logical flow, consider incorporating a stronger concluding paragraph that succinctly reinforces the main points and restates the thesis. Additionally, ensure that the connections between sentences within paragraphs are explicit, creating a seamless narrative.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is adequately paragraphed, with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs presenting distinct arguments, and a conclusion. However, the second body paragraph is longer and could benefit from breaking down into smaller, more focused paragraphs for improved readability.
    • How to improve: Break down the second body paragraph into smaller paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. This not only enhances readability but also helps in maintaining a clear structure and coherence.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words ("However," "Notwithstanding") and cohesive phrases ("in just a blink of an eye," "by far the most valid and eligible source"). These contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: While cohesive devices are generally used effectively, consider incorporating more diverse transitions and synonyms to avoid repetition. This can add sophistication to the language and maintain the reader’s engagement.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles. By refining the organization, paragraph structure, and incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, possibly moving towards an 8 band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderately wide range of vocabulary. Phrases like "expeditiously developing era," "taken into account for modification," and "valid and eligible source" showcase a level of lexical diversity. However, there is room for improvement as some ideas are expressed using common phrases like "worth the time I spent," which could be enriched with more varied vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To enhance the lexical range, consider incorporating more specific and nuanced vocabulary. Instead of relying on common phrases, experiment with synonyms and explore alternative expressions to convey your ideas.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision. For instance, phrases like "rigid manner" and "adding salt to every story" are effective in conveying specific meanings. However, there are instances where more precise vocabulary could be employed, such as in the phrase "blink of an eye," which could be replaced with a more vivid expression like "in an instant" for greater impact.
    • How to improve: Aim for precision by carefully selecting words that precisely capture the intended meaning. Replace general terms with more specific ones where possible, ensuring a sharper and more accurate portrayal of your ideas.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. There are no glaring spelling errors that significantly detract from the overall readability. However, a few minor issues, such as "dispatch" instead of "news," could be addressed for an even higher level of precision.
    • How to improve: Continue to prioritize meticulous proofreading to catch and correct minor spelling errors. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from others or utilizing spell-check tools to further enhance spelling accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with some room for refinement. By incorporating more varied vocabulary, precision, and ensuring consistent spelling accuracy, the lexical resource can be elevated to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, such as complex sentences ("Dwelling in this expeditiously developing era, every aspect of life is being taken into account for modification, eradication, or replacement in just a blink of an eye") and compound-complex sentences ("Notwithstanding boosting your work efficiency, news can also be served for recreational purposes"). The use of varied structures enhances the overall quality of expression.
    • How to improve: To further enrich sentence variety, consider incorporating more compound sentences or utilizing different introductory phrases to add complexity. Additionally, experiment with rhetorical devices, such as parallelism or inversion, to add nuance to your writing.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy with only minor errors. For instance, there is a slight issue with subject-verb agreement in the sentence "A single compilation of information that can fulfill both your occupational and entertaining objectives is undoubtedly worth the time I spent." ("are" instead of "is"). However, these errors do not significantly impede comprehension.
    • How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to subject-verb agreement, ensuring that they align correctly. Proofreading carefully can help identify and rectify such errors. Consider seeking feedback from others to catch any grammatical nuances that might be overlooked.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally used correctly, enhancing clarity and readability. However, there is a slight issue with the punctuation in the sentence "Dispatch is not broadcasted in as rigid manner as the former days; but in a more flexible way, adding salt to every story told with humor and appropriate sarcasm." The semicolon should be replaced with a comma.
    • How to improve: Continue utilizing punctuation effectively, but be cautious about the proper usage of semicolons. Review the rules governing semicolon use, and consider practicing with various sentence structures to enhance your mastery of punctuation.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, with minor areas for improvement. Keep refining your sentence structures, paying close attention to grammatical details, and polishing punctuation to further elevate your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

While some may dismiss the significance of news, arguing that it is merely futile, my experience with news reveals a diametrically opposed perspective, attributed to two key reasons.

Every facet of life is subject to rapid modification, eradication, or replacement. Remaining abreast of the latest developments is imperative. Information from television and newspapers constitutes the most reliable and suitable source to aid in such endeavors.

In addition to enhancing work efficiency, news can also serve recreational purposes. News is not broadcasted as rigidly as in the past; instead, infusing humor and appropriate sarcasm into every story. This innovative approach fosters the habit of regularly consuming the news, creating an enjoyable atmosphere and providing conversation starters for quality time with my loved ones.

In conclusion, considering all the aforementioned reasons, I find no further expectations from the news. It serves both occupational and entertaining objectives in a single compilation of information, undoubtedly worth the time spent.

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