Some people think news has no connection to people’s lives. So then it is a waste of time to read the newspaper and watch television news programs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is sometimes argued that some people think news has no connection to people's lives and people think that reading newspapers and watching television news programs will be time – consuming for our life. For my respectively, it is unjustifiable to disagree about this opinion.
To begin with, the option to news has any sort connection to everylife can be attractive disagreement because many news information in around the world life are the highest about the social, entertainment, sport, events will continuous updating and daily changes so people should following the news and update everyday. If uninformed citizens who do not watch the news can often make bad political decisions, what about the problem in the world. Updating news every day can help formulate policy that benefits society. This can be seen in case of easy to adopt coping mechanisms and knowing how to overcome the ongoing issues happening worldwide.

In addition, the idea of reading the newspaper and watching television news programs wastes a lot of time. Before technology was developed, people used newspapers more and watched television looking for the news and information, that is the fastest means of communication . As a result, this has formed a habit for human beings and it is difficult to change. They spend a significant amount of time searching for, watching, and reading about new and up-to-date information across various media platforms. Consequently, people's time – consuming or reading newspapers and watching television is the correct information and updating faster than using different devices. Moreover, means of communications are improved and modern but people don’t want to focus on technology because connecting with people can make a vibrant society.

In conclusion, for the reasons I have mentioned above I maintain that news is crucial to people's lives and time – wasting read about newspapers and watching television look up the information is deemed necessary.

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Errors and Improvements:

"It is sometimes argued that some people think news has no connection to people’s lives and people think that reading newspapers and watching television news programs will be time – consuming for our life."
-> "It is sometimes argued that news lacks relevance to individuals’ lives, and there is a perception that reading newspapers and watching television news programs consumes too much time."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks precision and clarity. The use of "some people think" and "our life" is overly general and lacks specificity. Replacing with "news lacks relevance to individuals’ lives" and "there is a perception" improves the academic tone and clarity of the sentence.
"For my respectively, it is unjustifiable to disagree about this opinion."
-> "From my perspective, it is untenable to disagree with this viewpoint."
Explanation: "For my respectively" is incorrect and awkward. Replacing it with "From my perspective" provides a more natural transition. Additionally, "unjustifiable" is overly strong; "untenable" is a more suitable term for expressing disagreement in an academic context.
"to news has any sort connection to everylife"
-> "to news having any sort of connection to everyday life"
Explanation: "everylife" is not a recognized term. Replacing it with "everyday life" corrects the error. Additionally, "connection to" should be followed by "everyday life" for grammatical correctness.
"can be attractive disagreement because many news information in around the world life are the highest about the social, entertainment, sport, events will continuous updating"
-> "can be subject to debate because much of the news information around the world pertains to social, entertainment, and sporting events, which undergo continuous updates."
Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and lacks coherence. Simplifying and restructuring it enhances clarity. "Attractive disagreement" is unclear; "subject to debate" is a clearer alternative. "News information in around the world life" is grammatically incorrect and unclear; "much of the news information around the world" is a clearer construction.
"people should following the news and update everyday."
-> "people should follow the news and update themselves daily."
Explanation: "following" should be changed to "follow" for grammatical correctness. "update everyday" should be "update themselves daily" for clarity and coherence.
"If uninformed citizens who do not watch the news can often make bad political decisions, what about the problem in the world."
-> "If uninformed citizens, who do not watch the news, can often make poor political decisions, what about addressing global issues?"
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and coherence. Separating the clause about uninformed citizens with commas improves readability. "Bad political decisions" can be replaced with "poor political decisions" for variety and precision. The latter part of the sentence is unclear; "what about addressing global issues?" provides a clearer alternative.
"This can be seen in case of easy to adopt coping mechanisms and knowing how to overcome the ongoing issues happening worldwide."
-> "This is evident in the ability to readily adopt coping mechanisms and address ongoing global issues."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and coherence. Simplifying and restructuring it enhances readability. "Easy to adopt coping mechanisms" is awkward; "readily adopt coping mechanisms" is clearer. "Knowing how to overcome the ongoing issues happening worldwide" is wordy and unclear; "address ongoing global issues" is a clearer alternative.
"In addition, the idea of reading the newspaper and watching television news programs wastes a lot of time."
-> "Moreover, the notion of reading newspapers and watching television news programs consumes significant time."
Explanation: "In addition" is replaced with "Moreover" for variety. "Wastes a lot of time" is replaced with "consumes significant time" for a more formal tone.
"Before technology was developed, people used newspapers more and watched television looking for the news and information, that is the fastest means of communication."
-> "Before the advent of technology, people relied more on newspapers and television for news and information, which were then considered the fastest means of communication."
Explanation: The original sentence is awkward and lacks clarity. Restructuring and simplifying it improves readability. "Looking for the news and information" can be replaced with "for news and information" for conciseness. "That is the fastest means of communication" is unnecessary; it is implied by the context.
"As a result, this has formed a habit for human beings and it is difficult to change."
-> "Consequently, this habit has become ingrained in human behavior, making it challenging to alter."
Explanation: The original sentence is verbose and lacks precision. Simplifying and restructuring it enhances clarity. "As a result, this has formed a habit for human beings" is convoluted and unclear; "Consequently, this habit has become ingrained in human behavior" is a clearer alternative. "It is difficult to change" is replaced with "making it challenging to alter" for a more formal tone.
"Moreover, means of communications are improved and modern but people don’t want to focus on technology because connecting with people can make a vibrant society."
-> "Furthermore, while communication methods have advanced and modernized, people are reluctant to prioritize technology over interpersonal connections, which are essential for fostering a vibrant society."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks coherence and clarity. Restructuring and simplifying it improves readability. "Means of communications" is awkward; "communication methods" is clearer. "But people don’t want to focus on technology" is overly colloquial; "people are reluctant to prioritize technology" is a more formal alternative. "Connecting with people can make a vibrant society" lacks specificity and coherence; "interpersonal connections, which are essential for fostering a vibrant society" is a clearer alternative.
"In conclusion, for the reasons I have mentioned above I maintain that news is crucial to people’s lives and time – wasting read about newspapers and watching television look up the information is deemed necessary."
-> "In conclusion, based on the aforementioned reasons, I contend that news plays a crucial role in people’s lives, and spending time reading newspapers and watching television for information is deemed necessary."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks coherence and clarity. Restructuring and simplifying it improves readability. "For the reasons I have mentioned above" is verbose and redundant; "based on the aforementioned reasons" is clearer. "Time – wasting read about newspapers and watching television look up the information" is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity; "spending time reading newspapers and watching television for information" is a clearer alternative.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address all parts of the question by arguing against the notion that news is disconnected from people’s lives and by asserting the importance of staying informed through newspapers and television news programs.
- How to improve: The essay would benefit from a clearer structure that explicitly addresses each aspect of the prompt. Additionally, providing more specific examples or evidence to support the argument would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by consistently arguing that news is essential for individuals and society.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph directly supports the main argument, and avoid any ambiguity in language or stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the importance of news but lacks coherence and cohesion in their development. There are instances where ideas are not fully elaborated or supported with sufficient evidence.
- How to improve: Strengthen the essay by providing more detailed explanations, examples, and evidence to support each point. Additionally, ensure a logical flow between ideas to improve coherence.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally stays on topic by addressing the importance of news, there are instances of unclear or irrelevant statements that detract from the overall focus.
- How to improve: Focus on directly addressing the prompt without veering off-topic. Avoid tangential discussions or irrelevant information that does not contribute to the main argument.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear stance on the importance of news, there is room for improvement in coherence, supporting evidence, and relevance to the prompt. Strengthening these aspects would elevate the response to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear and logical progression of ideas. The introduction attempts to paraphrase the question but does so ineffectively, leading to confusion about the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs discuss the relevance of news to daily life and the impact of technology on news consumption, but these ideas are not developed cohesively. The transition between paragraphs is abrupt, and within paragraphs, the flow of information is often disjointed. For example, the discussion on the importance of news in forming political decisions is not logically connected to the subsequent points about technological changes in news consumption.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow and structure, the writer should first clearly state their position in the introduction. Each body paragraph should focus on a single main idea, introduced by a clear topic sentence. Transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs should be smoother, using phrases that indicate the relationship between ideas (e.g., "Furthermore," "In contrast"). Ensuring each paragraph logically leads to the next will improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into paragraphs, but the internal structure of these paragraphs is weak. Paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and conclusive sentences, making it difficult for the reader to understand the main point of each paragraph. For instance, the first body paragraph merges several unrelated ideas without a clear focus, while the conclusion does not effectively summarize the essay’s main points or restate the writer’s stance in a compelling manner.
- How to improve: Effective paragraphing techniques involve starting each paragraph with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea of the paragraph. The subsequent sentences should provide evidence or examples to support this main idea, followed by a concluding sentence that wraps up the paragraph’s content. The writer should ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and that all sentences within the paragraph contribute to that central theme.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay makes an attempt to use cohesive devices ("To begin with," "In addition," "Consequently"), but their use is limited and sometimes inappropriate, which hinders the essay’s readability and coherence. For example, "In addition" is used to introduce a new argument but without properly concluding the previous one. Additionally, the misuse of phrases and awkward syntax ("for my respectively," "the option to news has any sort connection") further disrupts the flow of the essay.
- How to improve: The writer should expand their repertoire of cohesive devices beyond basic transition words to include synonyms, referencing (e.g., "this issue," "these developments"), and other discourse markers that signal contrasts, additions, examples, and conclusions. Additionally, it’s crucial to ensure that these devices are used appropriately to genuinely enhance the flow of ideas. Practicing sentence restructuring to avoid awkward phrasing will also contribute to a more cohesive and readable essay.

Overall, while the essay attempts to address the prompt, the weaknesses in coherence and cohesion significantly impact its effectiveness. By focusing on developing a clearer argumentative structure, improving paragraphing techniques, and employing a wider range of cohesive devices correctly, the writer can enhance the coherence and cohesion of their essay, aiming for a higher band score in these criteria.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 9

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable breadth of vocabulary, incorporating diverse terms such as "unjustifiable," "updating," "formulate policy," "coping mechanisms," and "vibrant society." These lexical choices contribute to a rich and nuanced discussion of the topic.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases an impressive range of vocabulary, ensuring the precise usage of each term is essential. Instead of phrases like "everylife" and "ongoing issues happening worldwide," opting for more precise expressions such as "everyday life" and "global challenges" would enhance clarity and coherence.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with reasonable precision. However, there are instances where imprecise wording occurs, such as "some people think that reading newspapers and watching television news programs will be time-consuming for our life." Here, the phrase "for our life" could be replaced with "in our lives" for greater accuracy.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, carefully consider the context in which each word or phrase is used. Prioritize clarity and specificity to convey ideas accurately. For instance, instead of using broad terms like "everylife," opt for more precise language such as "daily existence" or "individual experiences."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits satisfactory spelling accuracy, with most words spelled correctly. However, there are several instances of misspellings, such as "everylife" (every life), "time – consuming" (time-consuming), and "look up" (look up) which detract from the overall professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: Employing proofreading techniques such as reading the essay aloud, using spell-check tools, and seeking feedback from peers can help identify and rectify spelling errors. Additionally, dedicating time to review and edit written work before submission is crucial for maintaining spelling accuracy and overall coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there’s room for improvement in terms of variety and complexity. For instance, while some complex sentences are present, they could be more varied in their structures to enhance coherence and fluency. For example, "Before technology was developed, people used newspapers more and watched television looking for the news and information, that is the fastest means of communication" could be rephrased to incorporate a more diverse structure.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex structures such as conditional sentences, relative clauses, and passive constructions. Additionally, varying sentence lengths and types can improve the overall flow and engagement of the essay. Utilizing techniques such as inversion or employing rhetorical devices like parallelism can also add sophistication to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mix of grammatical accuracy. While some sentences are grammatically correct, there are instances of errors in subject-verb agreement, article usage, and awkward phrasing throughout the essay. For example, "people think that reading newspapers and watching television news programs will be time – consuming for our life" contains a subject-verb agreement error ("will be" should be "are") and awkward phrasing ("for our life" could be "in our lives").
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it’s crucial to review basic grammar rules, especially regarding subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and article usage. Additionally, proofreading the essay carefully can help identify and correct errors in punctuation, such as missing commas or incorrect usage of dashes. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to identify and rectify grammatical errors effectively.

Overall, while the essay effectively communicates the writer’s viewpoint, further development in both sentence structure variety and grammatical accuracy can elevate the clarity and coherence of the writing. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their essay and potentially achieve a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some argue that news lacks relevance to individuals’ lives, and there is a perception that reading newspapers and watching television news programs consumes too much time. From my perspective, it is untenable to disagree with this viewpoint.

To begin with, the relevance of news to everyday life can indeed be debated because much of the news information around the world pertains to social, entertainment, and sporting events, which undergo continuous updates. Hence, people should follow the news and update themselves daily. If uninformed citizens, who do not watch the news, can often make poor political decisions, what about addressing global issues? This is evident in the ability to readily adopt coping mechanisms and address ongoing global issues.

Moreover, the notion that reading newspapers and watching television news programs consumes significant time holds true. Before the advent of technology, people relied more on newspapers and television for news and information, which were then considered the fastest means of communication. Consequently, this habit has become ingrained in human behavior, making it challenging to alter. Furthermore, while communication methods have advanced and modernized, people are reluctant to prioritize technology over interpersonal connections, which are essential for fostering a vibrant society.

In conclusion, based on the aforementioned reasons, I contend that news plays a crucial role in people’s lives, and spending time reading newspapers and watching television for information is deemed necessary.