Some people think parents should read or tell stories to children. Others think parents needn’t do that as children can read books or watch TV, or movies by themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think parents should read or tell stories to children. Others think parents needn’t do that as children can read books or watch TV, or movies by themselves.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people argue that children should be read or told stories by their parents, while others say that the younger generation can entertain themselves. However, I firmly believe that the moments when families gather are extraordinarily precious and significant.

On one hand, living in a digital era experienced a significant impact on youngsters, fostering their independence and self-sufficiency. This is crucial for the development of their cognitive abilities, as it helps them avoid becoming overly reliant on their parents and becoming lazy or excessively demanding. A good example of this phenomenon is a valedictorian in China who relied on his mother immoderately and couldn't adapt to the campus and gradually lost
his position in society.

Nevertheless, the older generation must spend time confiding and representing narratives with their kids. The connection between two distinct generations comprehends valuable signification and power, called family bonds. For instance, Albert Einstein, subsequently becoming a mighty inventor, had the darkness in the past. And, the person help him get out of it, was his mother. By talking and encouraging, Einstein's mom has supported him to achieve many achievements.

In conclusion, deciding whether to talk to children or not, all have its advantages. Therefore, parents should combine two alternative solutions to relieve and develop the youth in
a thoroughly ultimate path.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "the younger generation can entertain themselves" -> "youngsters can entertain themselves"
   Explanation: Replacing "the younger generation" with "youngsters" is more concise and appropriate in academic writing. It maintains a formal tone while being more precise.

2. "living in a digital era experienced a significant impact" -> "living in a digital era has had a profound impact"
   Explanation: "Experienced a significant impact" is less formal. "Has had a profound impact" is more academic and direct.

3. "This is crucial for the development of their cognitive abilities" -> "This is essential for their cognitive development"
   Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and conciseness. "Cognitive development" is a more precise term.

4. "overly reliant on their parents and becoming lazy or excessively demanding" -> "overly dependent on their parents and prone to laziness or excessive demands"
   Explanation: "Reliant" can be replaced with "dependent" for a more formal tone. "Becoming lazy" can be rephrased as "prone to laziness."

5. "A good example of this phenomenon is a valedictorian in China who relied on his mother immoderately" -> "An illustrative case is that of a valedictorian in China who excessively depended on his mother"
   Explanation: "Immoderately" is less formal; "excessively" is a suitable replacement.

6. "gradually lost his position in society" -> "gradually lost ground in society"
   Explanation: "Lost his position" could be interpreted in various ways; "lost ground" is clearer and more formal.

7. "Nevertheless, the older generation must spend time confiding and representing narratives with their kids" -> "Nevertheless, older generations should engage in sharing personal stories and narratives with their children"
   Explanation: "Confiding" and "representing narratives" are unclear and informal. "Sharing personal stories" is more direct.

8. "comprehends valuable signification and power" -> "embody valuable significance and strength"
   Explanation: "Comprehends" is not used correctly here; "embody" is a more appropriate term.

9. "had the darkness in the past" -> "faced hardships in the past"
   Explanation: "Had the darkness" is unclear; "faced hardships" is more direct and appropriate.

10. "And, the person help him get out of it, was his mother" -> "His mother was the one who helped him overcome it"
    Explanation: Rewording for clarity and formality.

11. "By talking and encouraging, Einstein’s mom has supported him to achieve many achievements" -> "Through conversation and encouragement, Einstein’s mother supported him in achieving numerous accomplishments"
    Explanation: Restructured for clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument but falls short in providing a comprehensive analysis. While it acknowledges the two opposing views – the importance of parents reading or telling stories to children versus the belief that children can entertain themselves – it lacks depth in discussing the nuances and implications of each perspective. Additionally, the essay fails to clearly articulate the writer’s own opinion on the matter.
  • How to improve: To enhance task response, the essay should delve deeper into the rationale behind each viewpoint, considering factors such as the cognitive and emotional benefits of storytelling versus the potential advantages of fostering independence in children. Furthermore, it is essential to clearly express the writer’s stance on the issue and provide logical reasoning to support it.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to maintain a clear position throughout the discussion. While it initially seems to lean towards advocating for parental involvement in storytelling, the stance becomes somewhat ambiguous towards the end. The lack of a consistent viewpoint undermines the overall coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity of position, the writer should clearly state their opinion in the introduction and reaffirm it in the conclusion. Throughout the essay, each paragraph should support the chosen stance with relevant arguments and evidence, avoiding contradictory statements or ambiguous language.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on both sides of the argument but lacks sufficient development and support. Examples provided, such as the valedictorian in China and Albert Einstein, are somewhat vague and fail to effectively illustrate the points being made. Furthermore, there is limited elaboration on how these examples relate to the broader discussion.
  • How to improve: To enhance idea presentation, the writer should provide more detailed and relevant examples that directly support the arguments presented. Additionally, each idea should be expanded upon with clear explanations and analysis to strengthen the overall coherence and persuasiveness of the essay.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to address the topic of parental involvement in storytelling, it occasionally veers off track with tangential discussions, such as the impact of living in a digital era and the anecdote about Albert Einstein. These deviations detract from the clarity and focus of the essay.
  • How to improve: To stay on topic, the writer should maintain a clear focus on the central issue of whether parents should read or tell stories to children. Avoiding tangential discussions and irrelevant anecdotes will help streamline the argument and ensure coherence throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at organizing information logically. It begins with a clear introduction that outlines the two contrasting views and the writer’s opinion. However, the body paragraphs lack coherence due to abrupt shifts in focus and weak transitions between ideas. For example, the transition from discussing the impact of the digital era on children’s independence to the importance of family bonds is somewhat abrupt and could be smoother.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea related to the topic. Transitions between paragraphs should be clear and smooth, guiding the reader through the essay’s argumentation effectively. Additionally, consider using topic sentences to introduce each paragraph’s main point, providing a roadmap for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness are inconsistent. Each paragraph should ideally contain a single main idea supported by relevant examples or arguments. However, some paragraphs in this essay contain multiple ideas without clear delineation. For instance, the paragraph discussing the impact of the digital era on children’s independence combines arguments about cognitive development and avoiding over-reliance on parents.
  • How to improve: Focus on developing each paragraph around a central theme or argument. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details or examples. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve readability and clarity.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices to connect ideas, but their effectiveness is limited. Cohesive devices such as conjunctions (e.g., however, nevertheless) are used sporadically, leading to choppy transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, some cohesive devices are misused or redundant, such as "Nevertheless" at the beginning of a paragraph without a clear contrast to the preceding idea.
  • How to improve: Increase the use of cohesive devices throughout the essay to improve coherence and cohesion. Use a variety of cohesive devices, including conjunctions, transitional phrases, and pronouns, to establish connections between ideas and create a smooth flow of thought. Ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately and effectively to enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Consider revising sentences and paragraphs to strengthen the logical connection between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There are instances of varied word choice, such as "self-sufficiency," "cognitive abilities," "reliance," "excessively demanding," "confiding," "narratives," "signification," and "ultimate path." However, the range could be further expanded to include more sophisticated and contextually appropriate vocabulary.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer could incorporate more nuanced synonyms and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "youngsters," they could interchangeably use terms like "juveniles," "adolescents," or "youth." Additionally, employing more idiomatic expressions or advanced vocabulary related to the topic would enrich the essay’s lexical resource.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally communicates its ideas, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that could be refined for clarity and coherence. For instance, the phrase "deciding whether to talk to children or not" could be more precisely articulated to convey the idea of whether parents should engage in storytelling or reading activities with their children. Furthermore, the expression "thoroughly ultimate path" is somewhat ambiguous and could benefit from clearer wording.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should strive for clarity in their word choice and expressions. Instead of using ambiguous phrases, they should opt for more specific language that conveys their intended meaning directly. Consulting a thesaurus or engaging in vocabulary-building exercises could aid in selecting the most appropriate words for conveying ideas accurately.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some spelling errors, such as "immoderately" (should be "excessively"), "comprehends" (should be "comprehends"), and "signification" (should be "significance"). While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, they detract from the overall polish and professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: Employing spelling and grammar checkers, proofreading meticulously, and actively practicing spelling through exercises or quizzes can help mitigate these errors. Additionally, developing a habit of revising written work carefully before submission can contribute to improved spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt to utilize a variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, there is an effective use of complex sentences such as "Living in a digital era experienced a significant impact on youngsters, fostering their independence and self-sufficiency." This contributes to coherence and depth in the expression of ideas.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures consistently throughout the essay. Introducing conditional sentences, relative clauses, and participial phrases can add sophistication and nuance to the writing, thus elevating the overall quality of expression.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that affect clarity and precision. For example, "A good example of this phenomenon is a valedictorian in China who relied on his mother immoderately and couldn’t adapt to the campus and gradually lost his position in society." Here, the use of "immoderately" is awkward, and the sentence structure could be improved for better clarity.
  • How to improve: Focus on refining grammatical accuracy by paying attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and appropriate word choice. Additionally, review sentence structures to ensure coherence and clarity. Proofreading the essay thoroughly for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing before submission can significantly enhance its overall quality.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals advocate for parents to read or tell stories to their children, while others argue that youngsters can entertain themselves. Nonetheless, I firmly believe that the moments when families come together are exceptionally precious and important.

On one hand, living in a digital era has had a profound impact on youngsters, fostering their independence and self-sufficiency. This is essential for their cognitive development, as it helps them avoid becoming overly dependent on their parents and prone to laziness or excessive demands. An illustrative case is that of a valedictorian in China who excessively depended on his mother and gradually lost ground in society.

Nevertheless, older generations should engage in sharing personal stories and narratives with their children. The connection between generations embodies valuable significance and strength, known as family bonds. For example, Albert Einstein, who later became a mighty inventor, faced hardships in the past, and his mother was the one who helped him overcome it. Through conversation and encouragement, Einstein’s mother supported him in achieving numerous accomplishments.

In conclusion, both perspectives on whether parents should read or tell stories to children have their merits. Therefore, parents should combine both alternatives to nurture and develop the youth in a well-rounded manner.