Some people think parents should read or tell stories to children. Others think parents needn't do that as children can read books or watch TV, or movies by themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think parents should read or tell stories to children. Others
think parents needn't do that as children can read books or watch TV, or movies
by themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The role of parents in the early development of children is a topic of ongoing debate, particularly when it comes to the practice of reading or telling stories. While some argue that parents should be actively involved in storytelling to foster a child's imagination and strengthen the parent-child bond, others believe that with the abundance of books, TV shows, and movies available, children can independently engage with stories and develop their literacy skills on their own. This essay will explore both perspectives before presenting a reasoned conclusion.

On the one hand, that children should tell or read stories on their own could play a pivotal role in the comprehensive development of a child. Children are creatures of curiosity, meaning that they are highly attracted to novel mental stimuli. Fortunately, with the advanced technology, books, films and documents are now created with easily accessible information that can help children discover as well as learn more about their favorite fields on their own. These correlations may lead to the manifestation of a clinical state of attraction among adolescents, causing them to self-develop without support from parents. In fact, in many cinemas in many parts of the world, there are a number of interesting cartoons, which were specifically created for self-developed children with a view to providing them with accessible and useful knowledge about the outer world.

On the other hand, that parents should have an influence on children's education by reading or telling them stories could also be the key factor that makes adolescents achieve a comprehensive development. Obviously, boys will be boys, so they need to be under their parents’ control with a view to developing in the right frame and reading or telling them stories, especially practical narratives that may be an excellent parenting skill that help children grow comprehensively. To be more specific, when supervisors offer their offspring with practical stories about the outer world, children will have a chance to experience the harsh as well as the imbalance of the society via their parent’s illustration, which makes adolescents have the right frame of mind to prepare before starting adulthood.

In conclusion, the combination between two methods could be key to help children reach comprehensive development. Admittedly, each method has its own function serving the requirement for teenager’s development. However, if parents are willing to offer their offspring a chance to experience the combination of these methods they can help them improve themselves in many different fields. This is because with the support of parents, children can acquire knowledge but only based on their parents' view. However, with the combining with self-reading and self-studying it can offer children with more perspectives to opt based on their own opinion.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"children should tell or read stories on their own" -> "children should engage with stories independently"
Explanation: The phrase "engage with stories independently" is more precise and academically appropriate, avoiding the awkward and informal construction of "tell or read stories on their own."
"children are creatures of curiosity" -> "children are naturally curious"
Explanation: The phrase "naturally curious" is more concise and avoids the anthropomorphic and somewhat informal "creatures of curiosity."
"with the advanced technology" -> "with the advent of advanced technology"
Explanation: "With the advent of advanced technology" is a more formal and precise way to describe the introduction of new technology.
"books, films and documents" -> "books, films, and documents"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "films" corrects the grammatical structure, aligning with standard English punctuation rules.
"manifestation of a clinical state of attraction" -> "manifestation of a clinical attraction"
Explanation: Simplifying "a clinical state of attraction" to "a clinical attraction" removes redundancy and enhances clarity.
"self-developed children" -> "self-directed children"
Explanation: "Self-directed" is a more precise term that accurately describes children who are learning independently.
"interesting cartoons" -> "engaging cartoons"
Explanation: "Engaging" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "interesting" when describing the quality of cartoons.
"accessible and useful knowledge" -> "accessible and relevant knowledge"
Explanation: "Relevant" is more specific and academically suitable than "useful" in this context, implying a connection to the child’s needs.
"boys will be boys" -> "children will be children"
Explanation: The phrase "boys will be boys" is colloquial and gender-biased; "children will be children" is more inclusive and appropriate for academic writing.
"under their parents’ control" -> "under parental guidance"
Explanation: "Under parental guidance" is a more formal and respectful way to describe the role of parents in children’s development.
"practical narratives" -> "practical storytelling"
Explanation: "Practical storytelling" is a more specific and natural term than "practical narratives," which is less commonly used.
"help children grow comprehensively" -> "facilitate comprehensive growth in children"
Explanation: "Facilitate comprehensive growth in children" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea.
"the combination between two methods" -> "the integration of these methods"
Explanation: "The integration of these methods" is a more formal and precise term than "the combination between two methods."
"improve themselves in many different fields" -> "enhance their skills across various disciplines"
Explanation: "Enhance their skills across various disciplines" is more formal and specific, improving the academic tone.
"based on their parents’ view" -> "guided by parental perspectives"
Explanation: "Guided by parental perspectives" is more formal and avoids the awkward phrasing of "based on their parents’ view."
"with the combining with self-reading and self-studying" -> "through a combination of self-reading and self-study"
Explanation: "Through a combination of self-reading and self-study" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the role of parents in storytelling and the independent engagement of children with stories through books, TV, and movies. The introduction clearly outlines the two perspectives, and the body paragraphs explore each viewpoint. However, the discussion could be more balanced; the argument for independent engagement is somewhat stronger than the argument for parental involvement, which may leave the reader wanting more depth on the latter.
- How to improve: To enhance the balance, the writer could provide more specific examples and evidence supporting the benefits of parental storytelling. Additionally, addressing potential counterarguments to the independent engagement perspective could enrich the discussion and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in the conclusion that advocates for a combination of both methods. However, the position could be more consistently articulated throughout the essay. For instance, the phrase "boys will be boys" in the second body paragraph may detract from the seriousness of the argument and could be perceived as a stereotype.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to maintain a formal tone and avoid colloquial expressions that could undermine the clarity of their position. Additionally, reiterating the thesis statement in the body paragraphs could help reinforce the main argument and ensure that the reader understands the writer’s stance throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both perspectives, but the development and support of these ideas are uneven. The first body paragraph discusses independent engagement but lacks concrete examples or studies to substantiate the claims made about children’s curiosity and self-development. The second body paragraph touches on the benefits of parental storytelling but does not provide specific examples of how this can positively impact children.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should include specific examples or research findings that support their claims. For instance, citing studies that show the cognitive benefits of storytelling or the impact of media on children’s development would provide a more robust argument. Additionally, elaborating on how parental storytelling can foster emotional intelligence or critical thinking would enhance the support for that perspective.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the role of parents in children’s storytelling and the alternative of independent engagement. However, some phrases, such as "the harsh as well as the imbalance of the society," could be seen as vague or tangential, potentially distracting from the main argument.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the discussion of the prompt. Avoiding vague language and ensuring that all points made are clearly tied back to the central question will help maintain focus. A clearer connection between the examples provided and the main argument would also enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements can be made in the areas of balance, clarity of position, supporting evidence, and focus on the topic. By incorporating specific examples and maintaining a formal tone, the writer can elevate their essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by outlining both perspectives. However, the logical flow within the body paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first body paragraph begins with a somewhat convoluted statement about children reading or telling stories on their own, which could confuse readers. The transition between discussing children’s independent engagement with stories and the role of technology feels abrupt and lacks a clear connection.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the main argument of each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point flows smoothly into the next by using transitional phrases that guide the reader through the argument. For example, after discussing the benefits of independent reading, explicitly connect it to how it contrasts with parental involvement before introducing the opposing view.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct viewpoint, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the internal structure of the paragraphs could be refined. For example, the second body paragraph contains several ideas that could be better organized. The mention of "boys will be boys" and the subsequent discussion about parental control feels somewhat disjointed and could benefit from clearer connections.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Follow this with supporting sentences that elaborate on the topic, and conclude with a sentence that summarizes the paragraph’s main point or transitions to the next. This will help maintain clarity and coherence within each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some transitions feel forced or awkward. For instance, phrases like "these correlations may lead to the manifestation of a clinical state of attraction" are overly complex and may confuse readers rather than clarify the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "conversely," and "for instance." This will help create smoother transitions between ideas and enhance the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, consider simplifying complex phrases to improve clarity and readability.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced discussion, focusing on improving logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "foster a child’s imagination," "abundance of books," and "self-developed children." These expressions indicate an ability to use varied vocabulary to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetition and less sophisticated word choices, such as "interesting cartoons" and "useful knowledge," which could be enhanced to show more lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more advanced synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of "interesting cartoons," they could use "captivating animations" or "engaging narratives." Additionally, the writer could explore more academic or formal vocabulary related to child development and education to elevate the overall tone.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are also instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "clinical state of attraction" is unclear and does not effectively convey the intended meaning. Similarly, "the harsh as well as the imbalance of the society" could be more clearly articulated as "the harsh realities and inequalities present in society."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarifying their ideas. They could replace vague phrases with more specific terms that accurately reflect their intended meaning. For instance, instead of "clinical state of attraction," the writer might say "intense curiosity." Additionally, revising sentences for clarity and coherence will help ensure that vocabulary choices align with the intended message.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only minor errors present. However, the phrase "self-developed children" could be misinterpreted as "self-developing children," which might lead to confusion. Furthermore, "teenager’s development" should be corrected to "teenagers’ development" to reflect the plural possessive form accurately.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, paying close attention to plural forms and possessives. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that might be overlooked during the writing process. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can further enhance spelling proficiency.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with room for improvement in variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more sophisticated language, clarifying imprecise terms, and ensuring correct spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "while some argue that parents should be actively involved in storytelling to foster a child’s imagination" showcase the use of subordinate clauses effectively. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and unclear structure, such as "that children should tell or read stories on their own could play a pivotal role," which could confuse readers. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the manifestation of a clinical state of attraction" is overly complex and may detract from clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should focus on varying sentence beginnings and incorporating more transitional phrases to connect ideas smoothly. Simplifying overly complex phrases and ensuring that each sentence clearly conveys its intended meaning will improve overall clarity. Practicing the use of different sentence types (e.g., questions, exclamations) and ensuring that they serve to enhance the argument can also be beneficial.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "that children should tell or read stories on their own" lacks a clear subject and verb agreement, leading to confusion. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, can disrupt the flow of reading. The use of "with a view to" is repeated, which can make the writing feel redundant and awkward.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement rules and ensure that all clauses are properly structured. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common pitfalls, such as sentence fragments and run-on sentences, can be helpful. For punctuation, the writer should pay particular attention to the use of commas in complex sentences to clarify meaning. Reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where punctuation may be lacking or where sentences could be restructured for better clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents both sides of the argument, focusing on clarity and grammatical accuracy will enhance the effectiveness of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The role of parents in the early development of children is a topic of ongoing debate, particularly when it comes to the practice of reading or telling stories. While some argue that parents should be actively involved in storytelling to foster a child’s imagination and strengthen the parent-child bond, others believe that with the abundance of books, TV shows, and movies available, children can independently engage with stories and develop their literacy skills on their own. This essay will explore both perspectives before presenting a reasoned conclusion.

On the one hand, that children should tell or read stories on their own could play a pivotal role in the comprehensive development of a child. Children are naturally curious, meaning that they are highly attracted to novel mental stimuli. Fortunately, with the advent of advanced technology, books, films, and documents are now created with easily accessible information that can help children discover as well as learn more about their favorite fields on their own. These correlations may lead to the manifestation of a clinical attraction among adolescents, causing them to self-develop without support from parents. In fact, in many cinemas around the world, there are a number of engaging cartoons specifically created for self-directed children, providing them with accessible and relevant knowledge about the outer world.

On the other hand, parents should have an influence on children’s education by reading or telling them stories, which could also be a key factor in helping adolescents achieve comprehensive development. Obviously, children will be children, so they need to be under their parents’ guidance to develop in the right way. Reading or telling them stories, especially practical narratives, can be an excellent parenting skill that helps children grow comprehensively. To be more specific, when parents offer their offspring practical stories about the outer world, children will have a chance to experience the harsh realities and imbalances of society through their parents’ illustrations, which prepares them with the right mindset before starting adulthood.

In conclusion, the integration of these two methods could be key to helping children reach comprehensive development. Admittedly, each method has its own function serving the requirements for teenagers’ growth. However, if parents are willing to offer their offspring a chance to experience a combination of these methods, they can help them improve themselves in many different fields. This is because, with the support of parents, children can acquire knowledge based on their parents’ perspectives. However, through a combination of self-reading and self-study, children can gain more perspectives to choose from based on their own opinions.