Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crimes. Discuss both views

In these recent years , technological innovation and crime is contentious issue.Some individuals assume that technology advancement facilitates the reduction of crime ;however, the others support its development attracts more and more crimes.From my perspective, despite compelling evidence about a mentionable increase to crime because of advanced technology , I suppose that the technology becomes a vital role in prevention for crimes.
Proponents of technological innovation encouraging crimes suggest that cybercrime is a controversial issue which is increasingly common due to modern advancement. Such as 3D paintings, the technological tools enables fraudulent people to create fake documents as well as change personal profile which facilitate criminal activities become convenient and effortless.Moreover, in these trends, online business platforms is considered as a indispensable part of business industry.This creates a wide range of opportunities for crimes to misuse the hole of websites in order to hack banking accounts leading to financial scams.
On the other hand, technological advancement creates an excessive of necessary tools for prosecution processes.Taking CCTV cameras as an example, these identification mechanisms and facial recognition-based tools enables improvement of law enforcement and security measures.The law enforcement agencies would make use of these cutting-edge equipments in order to track suspects.Besides, these tools also fuels the opportunities to become necessary evidence resulting in the beneficial impact
in the court.Moreover, these technological innovations brings improvement of communication. Means of communication ,for instance police radios , enables law enforcement officers to contact and coordinate efforts to track down and capture suspects when identifying them. This helps police organizations share information more efficiently and conveniently resulting in a smooth flow in prosecution processes
While advanced technology deteriorates the criminal issue because of modern improvement, these state-of-the-art tools also facilitate efficiency of prosecution processes

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In these recent years" -> "In recent years"
Explanation: The phrase "In these recent years" is redundant. Simplifying it to "In recent years" maintains the intended meaning while adhering to more concise and formal academic language.
"technological innovation and crime is contentious issue" -> "technological innovation and crime is a contentious issue"
Explanation: Adding "a" before "contentious issue" corrects the grammatical error and ensures proper noun usage in formal writing.
"the others support its development attracts more and more crimes" -> "others argue that its development attracts more and more crimes"
Explanation: Replacing "the others support its development attracts" with "others argue that its development attracts" corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the passive voice, enhancing readability and formality.
"a mentionable increase to crime" -> "a notable increase in crime"
Explanation: "A mentionable increase" is incorrect; "a notable increase" is the correct phrase, and "in" is used instead of "to" for prepositional correctness.
"the technology becomes a vital role" -> "technology plays a vital role"
Explanation: "Becomes a vital role" is incorrect; "plays a vital role" is the correct idiomatic expression, enhancing clarity and formality.
"Such as 3D paintings" -> "For example, 3D printing"
Explanation: "Such as" is too informal and vague; "For example" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing. Also, "3D paintings" is incorrect; "3D printing" is the correct term.
"the technological tools enables" -> "the technological tools enable"
Explanation: "Enables" should be in the singular form "enable" to agree with the singular subject "tools."
"online business platforms is considered as a indispensable part" -> "online business platforms are considered an indispensable part"
Explanation: "Is" should be "are" to agree with the plural subject "platforms," and "considered as" should be "considered an" for grammatical correctness.
"the hole of websites" -> "the vulnerabilities of websites"
Explanation: "The hole of websites" is incorrect; "the vulnerabilities of websites" is the correct term, providing a precise and formal description.
"an excessive of necessary tools" -> "an abundance of necessary tools"
Explanation: "An excessive of" is grammatically incorrect; "an abundance of" is the correct phrase, enhancing clarity and formality.
"these cutting-edge equipments" -> "these cutting-edge equipment"
Explanation: "Equipments" is plural, but "equipment" is the correct singular form when referring to the general category.
"fuels the opportunities to become necessary evidence" -> "facilitates the provision of necessary evidence"
Explanation: "Fuels the opportunities to become necessary evidence" is awkward and unclear; "facilitates the provision of necessary evidence" is clearer and more formal.
"these technological innovations brings improvement of communication" -> "these technological innovations bring improvements in communication"
Explanation: "Brings" should be "bring" to agree with the plural subject "innovations," and "improvement of" should be "improvements in" for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"Means of communication,for instance police radios" -> "means of communication, such as police radios"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "communication" corrects the punctuation, and "for instance" is less formal; "such as" is more appropriate in academic writing.
"enables law enforcement officers to contact and coordinate efforts" -> "enables law enforcement officers to communicate and coordinate efforts"
Explanation: "Contact" is too vague; "communicate" is more specific and appropriate for the context of law enforcement coordination.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the impact of technology on crime, presenting arguments for both the belief that technology encourages crime and the belief that it decreases crime. The first half discusses how technology enables cybercrime, providing examples such as 3D printing and online business platforms. The second half argues that technology aids law enforcement through tools like CCTV and communication systems. However, the discussion could be more balanced, as the arguments for the negative impact of technology on crime are less developed compared to those for its positive impact.
- How to improve: To enhance the balance of the essay, the writer should aim to elaborate more on the arguments supporting the idea that technology decreases crime. This could involve providing additional examples or statistics that illustrate the effectiveness of technology in crime prevention. Furthermore, ensuring that both sides are given equal weight in terms of detail and analysis will strengthen the overall response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer presents a clear position in favor of the idea that technology plays a vital role in crime prevention. However, the transition between discussing both views and the writer’s own perspective could be smoother. The position is somewhat overshadowed by the detailed exploration of the negative aspects of technology, which may confuse the reader about the writer’s ultimate stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint at the beginning and reinforce it throughout the essay. Using phrases like "In my opinion" or "I believe" can help clarify the writer’s stance. Additionally, summarizing the position in the conclusion can help reinforce the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly regarding how technology contributes to both crime and crime prevention. However, some ideas lack sufficient development and supporting evidence. For instance, the mention of "3D paintings" and "fake documents" could be expanded with more specific examples or statistics to illustrate the extent of the issue. Similarly, while the essay mentions CCTV and police radios, it does not delve deeply into how these technologies have concretely reduced crime rates.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include more detailed examples and data to back up their claims. This could involve citing studies or statistics that demonstrate the effectiveness of technology in preventing crime or the rise of specific types of cybercrime. Additionally, ensuring that each idea is fully developed before moving on to the next will enhance clarity and depth.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the relationship between technology and crime. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly when discussing the tools used by law enforcement without directly linking them back to the central argument about technology’s dual role in crime. For example, the phrase "this helps police organizations share information more efficiently" could be more explicitly tied to how that efficiency translates into crime reduction.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by consistently linking examples back to the central thesis and reiterating how each point supports the discussion of technology’s impact on crime. A clear structure with topic sentences that reflect the essay’s main argument can also help keep the discussion on track.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure by discussing both views regarding technology’s impact on crime. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are organized around the two opposing perspectives. However, the logical flow between ideas could be improved. For example, the transition from discussing the negative impacts of technology to its positive aspects lacks smoothness, which can confuse the reader. The conclusion attempts to summarize the discussion but does not clearly restate the main points or provide a strong closing argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, employing transitional phrases (e.g., "Conversely," "In contrast," "Furthermore") can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. A more definitive conclusion that reiterates the main arguments and provides a personal stance would also strengthen the overall structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for readability. However, some paragraphs are overly long and contain multiple ideas that could be more effectively communicated if broken down further. For instance, the paragraph discussing the negative aspects of technology combines several examples without clear separation, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument.
- How to improve: Aim to keep paragraphs focused on a single main idea. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. If a paragraph contains multiple examples or points, consider splitting it into two or more paragraphs to enhance clarity and coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "Moreover," "On the other hand," and "Besides," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some transitions feel forced or repetitive. For example, the phrase "these technological innovations" is used multiple times in close proximity, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the text.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases (e.g., "In addition," "Consequently," "As a result"). Additionally, varying sentence structures can help improve cohesion; for example, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can reduce repetition and enhance the flow of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary related to technology and crime, such as "technological innovation," "cybercrime," and "law enforcement." However, the range is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in phrases like "technological advancement" and "technological tools." The use of terms like "fraudulent people" and "indispensable part of business industry" shows some awareness of vocabulary, but these phrases could be more varied and sophisticated.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more complex expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "technological advancement," they could use "technological progress," "digital evolution," or "technological breakthroughs." Additionally, including more descriptive adjectives and adverbs can enrich the text, such as "sophisticated cybercrime techniques" or "critical role in crime prevention."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the technology becomes a vital role in prevention for crimes" is awkward and unclear; it would be more precise to say "technology plays a vital role in crime prevention." Similarly, "the hole of websites" is a confusing phrase that likely intends to refer to "vulnerabilities of websites." These inaccuracies can lead to misunderstandings and detract from the overall clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: Writers should focus on clarity and precision in their word choices. It is advisable to review sentences for awkward phrasing and replace vague terms with more specific ones. For example, instead of "facilitates the reduction of crime," one could say "contributes to a decrease in crime rates." Regular practice with vocabulary exercises and reading academic texts can also help in developing a more precise vocabulary.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "indispensable" (spelled as "indispensable"), "equipments" (which should be "equipment"), and "hole" (which should be "holes" or "vulnerabilities"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading of their work, ideally reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing writing exercises that focus on spelling can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and attempts to use a range of vocabulary, there are notable areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as the use of complex sentences ("Despite compelling evidence about a mentionable increase to crime because of advanced technology, I suppose that technology becomes a vital role in prevention for crimes"). However, there is a tendency to rely on simpler sentence constructions, which limits the overall range. For instance, phrases like "Such as 3D paintings" and "Moreover, in these trends" indicate a basic level of sentence variety but do not fully exploit the potential for more complex or varied structures.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses and varied conjunctions. For example, instead of saying "Moreover, in these trends," the writer could use "In addition to these trends, it is important to note that…" This not only adds variety but also improves the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "technological innovation and crime is contentious issue" should be "technological innovation and crime are contentious issues," correcting both subject-verb agreement and article usage. Additionally, punctuation errors are evident, such as the incorrect use of commas and semicolons, which disrupt the flow of sentences. For example, "facilitates the reduction of crime ;however, the others support its development attracts more and more crimes" should be revised to "facilitates the reduction of crime; however, others support the view that its development attracts more and more crimes."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, proper article usage, and correct punctuation. Reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing with exercises focused on these areas could be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that sentences are correctly structured will enhance clarity and coherence.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant discussion on the topic, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will significantly improve the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, technological innovation and crime is a contentious issue. Some individuals assume that technological advancement facilitates the reduction of crime; however, others argue that its development attracts more and more crimes. From my perspective, despite compelling evidence about a notable increase in crime because of advanced technology, I believe that technology plays a vital role in the prevention of crimes.

Proponents of technological innovation encouraging crimes suggest that cybercrime is a controversial issue that is increasingly common due to modern advancements. For example, 3D printing and other technological tools enable fraudulent individuals to create fake documents as well as change personal profiles, which facilitates criminal activities becoming convenient and effortless. Moreover, in these trends, online business platforms are considered an indispensable part of the business industry. This creates a wide range of opportunities for criminals to misuse the vulnerabilities of websites in order to hack banking accounts, leading to financial scams.

On the other hand, technological advancement creates an abundance of necessary tools for prosecution processes. Taking CCTV cameras as an example, these identification mechanisms and facial recognition-based tools enable improvements in law enforcement and security measures. Law enforcement agencies would make use of these cutting-edge equipment to track suspects. Besides, these tools also fuel the opportunities to provide necessary evidence, resulting in a beneficial impact in court. Moreover, these technological innovations bring improvements in communication. Means of communication, such as police radios, enable law enforcement officers to contact and coordinate efforts to track down and capture suspects when identifying them. This helps police organizations share information more efficiently and conveniently, resulting in a smooth flow in prosecution processes.

While advanced technology may exacerbate the criminal issue due to modern improvements, these state-of-the-art tools also facilitate the efficiency of prosecution processes.