Some people think that an enhanced quality of life can only be achieved with economic development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals claim that the quality of life can only be improved if the economy develops at an optimal rate. My opinion expresses a partial degree of alignment with this school of thought due to some major reasons that are explained in this essay.

An optimal quality of life can only be achieved if equality is virtually present among all socio-economic groups within a country, which can be manifested as having effortless accessibility to education and healthcare. When a nation is economically developed, it could have enough resources to ensure that such requirements are met effectively, helping citizens enjoy life with security and certainty. This is why many people believe that a high quality of life can only be accomplished if economic development is at an optimal state.

On the other hand, the notion that there is a mutually exclusive relationship between a high quality of living and optimal economic development may have notable flaws. Economic success can not solely determine a high quality of life, evidently in the case of China. This country has the second highest GDP across the globe, yet still reporting a high proportion of poverty and inequality. Besides, other factors such as environmental sustainability, social equity, and political governance also contribute to well-being. For instance, countries like Denmark and Norway consistently ranked high in global happiness indices due to their robust social support systems, even though they are not the largest economies. These countries prioritize work-life balance, environmental conservation, and social welfare, ensuring that their citizens enjoy a high quality of life.

To sum up, economic advancement significantly contribute to a high quality of living, however, there are some other aspects to ensure that all citizens achieve the security and prosperity.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some individuals claim" -> "Some scholars argue"
Explanation: Replacing "individuals claim" with "scholars argue" elevates the formality and specificity of the statement, aligning it better with academic discourse by implying a more informed and authoritative perspective.
"My opinion expresses a partial degree of alignment" -> "I partially concur"
Explanation: "I partially concur" is more concise and academically appropriate, avoiding the awkward construction of "expresses a partial degree of alignment," which is verbose and unnatural in academic writing.
"due to some major reasons" -> "due to several significant reasons"
Explanation: "Several significant reasons" is more precise and formal than "some major reasons," which is vague and informal.
"effortless accessibility" -> "unrestricted accessibility"
Explanation: "Unrestricted accessibility" is a more precise term that better conveys the idea of unhindered access, which is more suitable for formal academic writing.
"could have enough resources" -> "possesses sufficient resources"
Explanation: "Possesses sufficient resources" is more direct and formal, enhancing the academic tone by avoiding the conditional "could have," which is less definitive.
"a high quality of life can only be accomplished" -> "a high quality of life can only be achieved"
Explanation: "Achieved" is the correct term in this context, as it accurately describes the attainment of a goal, whereas "accomplished" is less commonly used in this sense in formal writing.
"optimal state" -> "optimal level"
Explanation: "Optimal level" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic discussions about economic development, enhancing clarity and formality.
"mutually exclusive relationship" -> "inherent relationship"
Explanation: "Inherent relationship" better captures the idea of a natural or fundamental connection between two concepts, which is more appropriate in academic analysis than "mutually exclusive," which implies a complete absence of overlap.
"Economic success can not" -> "Economic success cannot"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "cannot" to "cannot" addresses a basic grammatical error, ensuring the text adheres to standard English language conventions.
"reporting a high proportion of poverty and inequality" -> "experiencing significant poverty and inequality"
Explanation: "Experiencing significant poverty and inequality" is more precise and formal, emphasizing the direct impact on the population rather than just reporting statistics.
"other factors such as" -> "other factors including"
Explanation: "Including" is more formal and appropriate in academic writing than "such as," which can be seen as too casual and vague.
"robust social support systems" -> "strong social support systems"
Explanation: "Strong" is a more commonly used adjective in academic texts to describe social support systems, making the phrase more natural and precise.
"ensure that their citizens enjoy a high quality of life" -> "ensure that their citizens experience a high quality of life"
Explanation: "Experience" is a more precise verb in this context, as it directly relates to the subjective aspect of quality of life, aligning better with the academic style.
"economic advancement significantly contribute" -> "economic advancement significantly contributes"
Explanation: Correcting the verb agreement from "contribute" to "contributes" aligns with the singular subject "advancement," enhancing grammatical accuracy.
"however, there are some other aspects" -> "however, there are additional factors"
Explanation: "Additional factors" is more specific and formal than "some other aspects," which is vague and informal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the relationship between economic development and quality of life. The writer expresses a partial agreement with the notion that economic development is essential for improving quality of life, while also acknowledging other contributing factors. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit articulation of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The phrase "partial degree of alignment" is somewhat vague and does not clearly indicate the author’s position on the spectrum of agreement.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction, perhaps by indicating a specific percentage of agreement (e.g., "I agree to a certain extent, around 70%") and then reiterate this stance in the conclusion. This would provide a clearer framework for the reader to understand the author’s viewpoint.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that economic development is important for quality of life but also recognizes the significance of other factors. However, the transition between agreeing with the economic development argument and presenting counterarguments could be smoother. The phrase "may have notable flaws" introduces ambiguity and could lead readers to question the strength of the author’s position.
- How to improve: The author should aim for more assertive language when presenting their position. Instead of using phrases like "may have notable flaws," the writer could state that "while economic development is crucial, it is not the sole determinant of quality of life." This would strengthen the clarity and consistency of the position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the importance of equality in socio-economic groups and the role of other factors like environmental sustainability and social equity. The use of examples, particularly the comparison between China and Scandinavian countries, effectively supports the argument. However, some points could be further developed. For instance, the discussion on equality and access to education and healthcare could include more specific examples or statistics to reinforce the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should consider elaborating on key points with additional examples or data. For instance, citing specific programs or policies in Denmark and Norway that contribute to their high quality of life would provide a stronger foundation for the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the relationship between economic development and quality of life. However, the introduction could be more directly aligned with the prompt. The phrase "my opinion expresses a partial degree of alignment" could be more succinctly stated to directly reflect the prompt’s inquiry.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that the introduction clearly reflects the essay’s stance on the prompt. A more straightforward introduction that directly addresses the question would help set the tone for the rest of the essay. Additionally, avoiding overly complex phrases can help keep the writing clear and focused.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, clarity in position, further development of ideas, and a more direct alignment with the prompt would enhance the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the relationship between economic development and quality of life. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, indicating a partial agreement with the statement. The body paragraphs are organized to first support the idea that economic development is crucial, followed by a counterargument that highlights other factors affecting quality of life. However, the transition between these two perspectives could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing economic development to addressing the flaws in this notion could benefit from a more explicit linking sentence that prepares the reader for the change in focus.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate shifts in argument or perspective. For instance, phrases like "Conversely," or "In contrast," can help signal to the reader that a new point is being introduced. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea will help maintain focus and coherence throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in clarity. Each paragraph has a distinct focus, with the first discussing the importance of economic development and the second addressing the limitations of this view. However, the conclusion could be more robust, as it currently reiterates points without synthesizing the information presented in the body paragraphs effectively.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key arguments made in the essay and providing a final thought that ties back to the essay prompt. This could involve restating your position in a more definitive manner and suggesting implications or future considerations regarding the relationship between economic development and quality of life.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "On the other hand," and "For instance," which help to connect ideas and provide examples. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive. For example, the phrase "high quality of life" appears multiple times without variation, which can detract from the overall flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases that convey similar meanings. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "high quality of life," you could use terms like "enhanced living standards" or "improved well-being." Additionally, using a wider variety of linking words and phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "Moreover," "In addition," "Nevertheless") can enhance the fluidity of the essay and make connections between ideas more explicit.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving transitions, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "optimal," "manifested," "socio-economic groups," and "environmental sustainability." These words effectively convey complex ideas and contribute to the overall clarity of the argument. However, there are instances of repetition, particularly with phrases like "quality of life" and "economic development," which could be varied to enhance the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related phrases to avoid redundancy. For example, instead of repeatedly using "quality of life," alternatives like "standard of living" or "life satisfaction" could be employed. Additionally, varying the expression of "economic development" with terms like "economic growth" or "financial progress" would enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where the precision could be enhanced. For instance, the phrase "economic success can not solely determine a high quality of life" could be more effectively articulated. The term "determine" may imply a stronger causative relationship than intended, as it suggests that economic success is the only factor influencing quality of life.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer could consider rephrasing to reflect a more nuanced relationship. For example, "economic success is a significant factor but does not exclusively dictate the quality of life" would clarify the intended meaning. Additionally, ensuring that terms like "notable flaws" are backed by specific examples would strengthen the argument and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no evident errors in the text. Words such as "accessibility," "inequality," and "contribution" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a strong command of standard English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: While spelling is accurate, the writer should continue to practice by reading widely and engaging with various texts to reinforce spelling skills. Additionally, using tools like spell checkers or proofreading can help catch any inadvertent errors in future essays, ensuring consistent spelling accuracy.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource with a band score of 7. To achieve a higher score, the writer should focus on expanding vocabulary variety, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining the high standard of spelling accuracy already evident in their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "An optimal quality of life can only be achieved if equality is virtually present among all socio-economic groups within a country" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures ("if the economy develops at an optimal rate") adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a reliance on similar structures, particularly in the introductory and concluding paragraphs, which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance sentence variety, consider incorporating more compound and complex sentences that begin with different phrases. For example, starting sentences with adverbial clauses or using inversion can create a more engaging flow. Additionally, varying the length and rhythm of sentences can help maintain reader interest and improve the overall dynamism of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For example, the phrase "economic success can not solely determine a high quality of life" should be corrected to "cannot" as it is typically written as one word. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "however" in the concluding sentence. The use of articles is mostly accurate, but there are moments where their omission or incorrect usage slightly impacts clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread for common errors, such as the contraction "cannot" and the correct placement of commas. Practicing sentence diagramming can help in understanding complex structures and ensuring that all parts of the sentence are grammatically aligned. Additionally, reviewing rules regarding article usage can enhance clarity and precision in writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, but with focused efforts on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision, the score could potentially improve to a higher band.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals claim that the quality of life can only be improved if the economy develops at an optimal rate. I partially concur with this school of thought due to several significant reasons that are explained in this essay.

A high quality of life can only be achieved if equality is virtually present among all socio-economic groups within a country, which can be manifested as having unrestricted accessibility to education and healthcare. When a nation is economically developed, it possesses sufficient resources to ensure that such requirements are met effectively, helping citizens enjoy life with security and certainty. This is why many people believe that a high quality of life can only be accomplished if economic development is at an optimal level.

On the other hand, the notion that there is a mutually exclusive relationship between a high quality of living and optimal economic development may have notable flaws. Economic success cannot