Some people think that being able to communicate with others online is breaking down geographical barriers and enabling people, who would normally never have the chance to meet, to communicate. What are the advantages of international communication online? Are there any disadvantages to this?

Some people think that being able to communicate with others online is breaking down geographical barriers and enabling people, who would normally never have the chance to meet, to communicate.

What are the advantages of international communication online? Are there any disadvantages to this?

In my opinion, being able to communicate with others online has both advantages and disadvantages. I will discuss the benefits of engaging in online communication. Imagine that you want to converse with someone who is far from your location; both you and that person would spend a long time traveling to meet in person—this presents a significant problem. You would waste too much time on transportation just to spend a short while with your friend. Why not opt for online communication platforms like Facebook, Zalo, or others when you can easily connect with friends using online meeting apps such as Google Meet in just a few minutes? This is why I am confident that being able to communicate with others online is breaking down geographical barriers and enabling people who would normally never have the chance to meet to connect.

On the other hand, using online apps can make you feel isolated due to the lack of face-to-face interaction with other people. If you engage in excessive online chatting, you may also encounter eye problems as a result of prolonged screen time.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In my opinion" -> "It is my belief"
   Explanation: "It is my belief" is a more formal expression suitable for academic writing, enhancing the tone of the essay by sounding more authoritative and less personal.

2. "being able to communicate with others online has both advantages and disadvantages" -> "online communication offers both benefits and drawbacks"
   Explanation: "Offers" and "benefits and drawbacks" are more precise and formal terms, which align better with academic style by avoiding the more conversational "has" and "advantages and disadvantages."

3. "I will discuss the benefits of engaging in online communication" -> "This essay will explore the advantages of online communication"
   Explanation: "This essay will explore" is a more formal way to introduce the topic, which is typical in academic writing, and "advantages" is a more precise term than "benefits."

4. "Imagine that you want to converse with someone who is far from your location" -> "Suppose you wish to converse with someone residing at a distant location"
   Explanation: "Suppose" and "residing at a distant location" are more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

5. "You would waste too much time on transportation just to spend a short while with your friend" -> "You would expend considerable time on transportation merely to spend a brief period with your friend"
   Explanation: "Expend considerable time" and "brief period" are more formal and precise, improving the academic tone and clarity of the statement.

6. "Why not opt for online communication platforms like Facebook, Zalo, or others" -> "Why not utilize online communication platforms such as Facebook, Zalo, or others"
   Explanation: "Utilize" is more formal than "opt for," and "such as" is more appropriate than "like" in formal writing.

7. "in just a few minutes" -> "in mere minutes"
   Explanation: "Mere minutes" is a more formal expression, fitting better in an academic context than the colloquial "just a few minutes."

8. "being able to communicate with others online is breaking down geographical barriers" -> "online communication is facilitating the breakdown of geographical barriers"
   Explanation: "Facilitating the breakdown" is a more precise and formal way to describe the action, aligning better with academic style.

9. "enabling people who would normally never have the chance to meet to connect" -> "enabling individuals who would otherwise not have the opportunity to meet to connect"
   Explanation: "Individuals" and "otherwise not have the opportunity" are more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

10. "using online apps can make you feel isolated" -> "the use of online apps may lead to feelings of isolation"
    Explanation: "The use of online apps may lead to feelings of isolation" is more formal and avoids the first-person singular "you," which is less appropriate in academic writing.

11. "due to the lack of face-to-face interaction with other people" -> "owing to the absence of face-to-face interaction with others"
    Explanation: "Owing to" is a more formal transitional phrase, and "others" is more inclusive and formal than "other people."

12. "you may also encounter eye problems as a result of prolonged screen time" -> "you may also experience eye strain due to prolonged screen exposure"
    Explanation: "Experience eye strain" and "screen exposure" are more precise and formal terms, suitable for an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of online communication. However, it primarily focuses on the advantages, providing a single paragraph dedicated to this aspect while only briefly mentioning disadvantages in the latter part of the essay. This imbalance suggests that not all parts of the question are adequately addressed, particularly the need for a more thorough exploration of the disadvantages.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay should ensure that both advantages and disadvantages are discussed in a balanced manner. Each point should be elaborated upon with specific examples and explanations. For instance, the writer could expand on the disadvantages by discussing issues such as the potential for miscommunication or the impact on mental health, providing a more comprehensive view of the topic.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay states a clear opinion at the beginning, indicating that online communication has both pros and cons. However, the position becomes somewhat muddled as the essay progresses, particularly because the advantages are presented more strongly than the disadvantages. This inconsistency can lead to confusion about the writer’s overall stance on the issue.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should restate their opinion in the conclusion, summarizing the main points discussed. Additionally, using transitional phrases can help clarify the relationship between the advantages and disadvantages, reinforcing the writer’s position throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the advantages of online communication, such as saving time and the convenience of connecting with others. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with sufficient detail. For example, while the essay mentions the ease of using platforms like Facebook or Google Meet, it does not explain why these platforms are beneficial or provide specific examples of how they enhance communication.
  • How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. For instance, discussing how online communication can foster relationships across cultures or allow for collaboration on projects could strengthen the argument. Additionally, using statistics or studies to support claims about the impact of online communication would add credibility.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on online communication. However, the brief mention of potential eye problems and feelings of isolation as disadvantages feels somewhat disconnected from the main discussion. This could lead to a perception that the essay lacks focus.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made are directly related to the advantages and disadvantages of online communication. It would be beneficial to elaborate on the disadvantages mentioned, providing a clearer connection to the overall topic. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates back to the prompt can help maintain coherence throughout the essay.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should aim for a more balanced exploration of both advantages and disadvantages, maintain a consistent position, provide detailed support for ideas, and ensure that all content remains relevant to the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction that outlines the writer’s opinion and a body that discusses both advantages and disadvantages of online communication. The first paragraph effectively introduces the benefits of online communication by providing a relatable scenario that illustrates the time-saving aspect of using online platforms. However, the transition to the disadvantages in the second paragraph feels abrupt and lacks a clear linking statement, which could enhance the logical flow between the two sections.
  • How to improve: To improve the logical organization, consider adding a transitional sentence at the end of the first paragraph that signals a shift to discussing disadvantages. For example, a sentence like "However, despite these advantages, there are notable drawbacks to consider" would create a smoother transition and help the reader follow the argument more easily.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with a clear distinction between the advantages and disadvantages of online communication. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, which aids in readability. However, the second paragraph could benefit from further development to provide a more balanced view, as it currently presents only two disadvantages without elaboration or examples.
  • How to improve: To enhance paragraph effectiveness, consider expanding the second paragraph by adding more disadvantages or providing examples to support the claims made. For instance, discussing the potential for miscommunication in online interactions or the impact of online communication on real-life relationships could provide a more comprehensive view of the topic.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the other hand" to contrast the advantages and disadvantages. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, which can affect the overall fluency and coherence of the essay. The use of phrases like "this is why" helps connect ideas but could be complemented with additional linking words or phrases to enhance cohesion.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases throughout the essay. For example, using "furthermore" or "in addition" when discussing advantages, and "conversely" or "however" when introducing disadvantages, can create a more sophisticated flow of ideas. Additionally, ensuring that each sentence logically connects to the previous one will strengthen the overall coherence.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially elevating the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "communicate," "geographical barriers," and "online communication platforms." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with the use of "communicate" and "online." For instance, the phrase "communicate with others online" appears multiple times without variation. This limits the lexical diversity that is expected at a higher band score.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "communicate," alternatives like "interact," "connect," or "engage" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "digital communication" or "virtual interaction" would add variety and depth to the vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "you may also encounter eye problems" is vague; it would be more effective to specify the type of eye problems, such as "digital eye strain" or "computer vision syndrome." This would provide clearer information to the reader.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to use specific terms that convey exact meanings. This could involve researching terminology related to the topic, such as "social isolation" instead of "feeling isolated," which would provide a more accurate depiction of the issue being discussed.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the words used. Terms like "transportation," "excessive," and "interaction" are spelled correctly, which reflects a solid understanding of English spelling conventions.
  • How to improve: While spelling is generally accurate, the writer should continue to practice spelling, particularly with more complex vocabulary that may be introduced in future essays. Regular reading and writing exercises can help reinforce correct spelling patterns and increase confidence in using a wider range of vocabulary.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score for Lexical Resource, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range, using more precise language, and maintaining their spelling accuracy. Engaging with diverse reading materials and practicing writing with varied vocabulary will significantly contribute to these improvements.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of conditional structures ("If you engage in excessive online chatting…") and the introductory phrase "Imagine that you want to converse with someone…" effectively create engaging openings. However, there is a tendency to rely on similar sentence patterns, particularly in the first paragraph, where several sentences begin with "you," which can limit the overall variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence beginnings and transitions. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "you," the writer could use passive constructions or introductory clauses. Additionally, integrating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses could enrich the text. For instance, "While online communication offers convenience, it may also lead to feelings of isolation" combines ideas more fluidly and demonstrates a higher level of grammatical sophistication.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "this presents a significant problem" is clear and correctly structured. However, there are some punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma before "who" in "enabling people who would normally never have the chance to meet." This could lead to confusion in longer sentences. Additionally, the phrase "using online apps can make you feel isolated due to the lack of face-to-face interaction" could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate clauses effectively.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation, the writer should focus on reviewing comma usage, particularly in complex sentences. Practicing the rules for using commas with non-defining relative clauses and coordinating conjunctions can be beneficial. Furthermore, reading the essay aloud can help identify areas where pauses are needed, indicating where commas should be placed. Engaging in exercises that emphasize punctuation in complex sentences may also strengthen this skill.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In my belief, being able to communicate with others online offers both benefits and drawbacks. This essay will explore the advantages of online communication. Suppose you wish to converse with someone residing at a distant location; both you and that person would expend considerable time on transportation merely to spend a brief period together—this presents a significant problem. You would waste too much time on travel just to enjoy a short visit with your friend. Why not utilize online communication platforms such as Facebook, Zalo, or others when you can easily connect with friends using online meeting apps like Google Meet in mere minutes? This is why I am confident that online communication is facilitating the breakdown of geographical barriers and enabling individuals who would otherwise not have the opportunity to meet to connect.

On the other hand, the use of online apps may lead to feelings of isolation owing to the absence of face-to-face interaction with others. If you engage in excessive online chatting, you may also experience eye strain due to prolonged screen exposure.

In conclusion, while online communication provides remarkable opportunities for connection across distances, it is essential to be aware of its potential downsides.