Some people think that being born to a poor country is a bad luck while others believe that it only helps fuel one’s aspiration to succeed. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some individuals believe that underdeveloped countries negatively influence their inhabitants; however, others assume that these countries could motivate people to become successful. This essay will shed light on both perspectives and present my opinion in the conclusion
On the one hand, it is understandable why underdeveloped countries are often considered not to be an appropriate place for living. Firstly, a standardized educational system in poor nations may not be guaranteed. Educational institutions without sufficient resources make it difficult to generate positive outcomes since learners in these environments often face limited access to essential academic and practical training , which may impede their study career and personal development. For example, in some regions of sub-Saharan Africa, schools lack basic materials and qualified teachers, leading to lower educational outcomes and reduced future opportunities for students. Another reason is the insufficient quality healthcare services in impoverished nations. These services play an indispensable role in ensuring citizens’ overall well-being and dietary habits, helping people avoid health issues such as obesity, asthma, stroke, and so on. For instance, a report by the World Health Organization highlights that lack of access to healthcare in countries like Mozambique results in higher mortality rates and lower life expectancy
On the other hand, some people argue that growing up in poor nations can drive them to succeed. The hardships and adversities faced in these countries can push people’s boundaries, awakening their ability to escape poverty. By nurturing resilience, determination, and ambition through challenging circumstances, people could develop self-study and problem-solving skills which are essential for their future career. A prime example is Cristiano Ronaldo , who is one of the best football players in the world, which shows that an unfortunate background, especially associated with poverty, is a crucial factor in unlocking his self-motivation and helping him achieve incredible goals.
In conclusion, living in an underdeveloped country has both advantages and disadvantages. The lack of educational resources and healthcare systems services may negatively impact the living standards. Nevertheless, this can also serve as a catalyst, contributing to personal and professional success

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some individuals believe" -> "Some scholars argue"
Explanation: Replacing "Some individuals believe" with "Some scholars argue" elevates the formality and specificity of the statement, aligning it better with academic discourse by implying a more informed and researched perspective.
"underdeveloped countries negatively influence their inhabitants" -> "underdeveloped countries have a detrimental impact on their inhabitants"
Explanation: The phrase "have a detrimental impact" is more precise and formal than "negatively influence," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.
"could motivate people to become successful" -> "may inspire individuals to achieve success"
Explanation: "May inspire individuals to achieve success" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial tone of "motivate people to become successful."
"shed light on both perspectives" -> "examine both perspectives"
Explanation: "Examine" is a more academically appropriate verb than "shed light on," which is somewhat metaphorical and less formal.
"not to be an appropriate place for living" -> "not suitable for habitation"
Explanation: "Not suitable for habitation" is a more formal and concise way to express the idea, avoiding the colloquial "place for living."
"a standardized educational system" -> "a well-established educational system"
Explanation: "Well-established" is more precise and formal than "standardized," which can imply a more rigid or uniform system, which may not be the intended meaning in this context.
"Educational institutions without sufficient resources" -> "Educational institutions with inadequate resources"
Explanation: "Inadequate resources" is a more precise term than "sufficient resources," which is somewhat vague and less formal.
"impede their study career" -> "hinder their academic progress"
Explanation: "Hinder their academic progress" is more specific and formal than "impede their study career," which is awkwardly phrased and less commonly used in academic writing.
"helping people avoid health issues such as obesity, asthma, stroke, and so on" -> "preventing health issues such as obesity, asthma, and stroke"
Explanation: "Preventing" is more specific and formal than "helping to avoid," and removing "and so on" avoids the informal and vague nature of the phrase.
"lack of access to healthcare in countries like Mozambique" -> "inadequate healthcare access in countries such as Mozambique"
Explanation: "Inadequate healthcare access" is a more precise and formal way to describe the issue, and "such as" is more appropriate than "like" in formal writing.
"push people’s boundaries" -> "challenge individuals"
Explanation: "Challenge individuals" is more formal and precise than "push people’s boundaries," which is somewhat colloquial and vague.
"awakening their ability to escape poverty" -> "stimulating their capacity to overcome poverty"
Explanation: "Stimulating their capacity to overcome poverty" is more formal and precise, avoiding the metaphorical "awakening their ability," which is less suitable for academic writing.
"self-study and problem-solving skills" -> "autodidactic and problem-solving skills"
Explanation: "Autodidactic" is a more precise and formal term than "self-study," which is less commonly used in academic contexts.
"A prime example is Cristiano Ronaldo" -> "A notable example is Cristiano Ronaldo"
Explanation: "Notable" is more formal and academically appropriate than "prime," which can be seen as overly casual in this context.
"unfortunate background, especially associated with poverty" -> "challenging background, particularly related to poverty"
Explanation: "Challenging" is more neutral and formal than "unfortunate," which carries a negative connotation that may not be intended. "Particularly related to" is also more precise than "especially associated with."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the impact of being born in a poor country. The first paragraph outlines the negative aspects, such as inadequate education and healthcare, providing relevant examples from sub-Saharan Africa and Mozambique. The second paragraph presents the opposing view, emphasizing how adversity can foster resilience and ambition, illustrated by the example of Cristiano Ronaldo. However, while both perspectives are discussed, the treatment of the second view could be more balanced and detailed.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more examples or statistics to substantiate the claims made about the positive aspects of growing up in a poor country. Additionally, a more explicit comparison between the two views could strengthen the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position, indicating that it will present both views and conclude with a personal opinion. However, the conclusion could be more assertive in stating the author’s stance rather than simply summarizing the points made. The phrase "has both advantages and disadvantages" lacks a definitive opinion on which perspective the author ultimately supports.
- How to improve: To improve clarity of position, the conclusion should explicitly state the author’s viewpoint, perhaps indicating which side they lean towards and why. This would provide a stronger closure to the discussion and reinforce the essay’s overall argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas effectively, particularly in the discussion of the negative aspects of living in a poor country. The use of specific examples, such as the lack of educational resources and healthcare, adds depth to the argument. The mention of Cristiano Ronaldo serves as a strong illustration of the potential for success despite adversity. However, the development of the second view could be further extended, as it currently feels less robust compared to the first.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the author could provide additional examples or anecdotes that illustrate how individuals from poor backgrounds have succeeded. This would create a more balanced discussion and reinforce the argument that challenges can lead to personal growth.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the prompt directly and discussing both perspectives. There are no significant deviations from the topic, and the flow of ideas is logical and coherent. However, some sentences could be more concise to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and improve clarity, the author should aim for more concise language and avoid overly complex sentences. This will help ensure that the main ideas are communicated effectively without losing the reader’s attention.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively discusses both views on the impact of being born in a poor country. With some refinements in the balance of perspectives, clarity of position, and depth of examples, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is well-structured, presenting a clear discussion of both views regarding the impact of being born in a poor country. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the argument, and each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the discussion. For instance, the first body paragraph addresses the negative implications of living in underdeveloped countries, while the second body paragraph highlights the potential for personal growth and success stemming from such circumstances. This logical organization aids in guiding the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to signal transitions. For example, phrases like "Firstly," "In contrast," or "On the contrary" can help clarify the shift from discussing negative aspects to positive aspects. Additionally, a more detailed conclusion that succinctly summarizes the main points before presenting your opinion could further strengthen the overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which contributes to its clarity. Each paragraph contains a clear main idea, supported by relevant examples. The first paragraph discusses the disadvantages, while the second focuses on the advantages of growing up in a poor country. However, the introduction could be slightly more developed to include a brief overview of the points that will be discussed, which would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that explicitly states the negative impacts of underdeveloped countries on their citizens. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas, which would enhance readability and focus.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Another reason," and "On the other hand," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For example, while the essay uses some basic linking words, it could benefit from incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely," to enhance the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, practice integrating synonyms and phrases that serve similar functions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "for example," consider alternatives like "for instance" or "to illustrate." Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used not only at the beginning of sentences but also within sentences to create smoother transitions. This will improve the overall flow and coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "underdeveloped," "impeded," "resilience," and "adversities." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "poor countries" and "underdeveloped countries," which could have been varied to enhance the richness of the language. Additionally, the use of phrases such as "essential academic and practical training" could be more varied to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms to describe similar concepts. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "poor" or "underdeveloped," alternatives like "impoverished," "economically challenged," or "low-income" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "socioeconomic challenges" or "educational disparities," would elevate the essay’s lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "standardized educational system" may not accurately convey the intended meaning, as it suggests uniformity rather than the lack of quality or resources. Additionally, the term "dietary habits" in the context of healthcare services could be misleading, as it implies a focus on nutrition rather than overall health services.
- How to improve: To improve precision, it is crucial to ensure that vocabulary accurately reflects the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "standardized educational system," consider using "consistent quality of education" or "reliable educational infrastructure." Furthermore, clarify the context of "dietary habits" by discussing "overall health services" or "healthcare access" to avoid ambiguity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "self-study" (which is typically hyphenated as "self-study") and "healthcare systems services" (which is awkward and could be simplified). Overall, spelling is generally accurate, but these minor errors detract from the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully or use spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can help reinforce correct spelling of frequently used terms. Focusing on commonly misspelled words in academic writing can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and employs a reasonable range of vocabulary, improvements can be made in vocabulary variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating more diverse vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and carefully proofreading for spelling errors, the overall quality of the writing can be significantly enhanced.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases such as "it is understandable why underdeveloped countries are often considered not to be an appropriate place for living" showcases a complex structure that effectively conveys a nuanced idea. Additionally, the essay includes conditional phrases like "if they are faced with challenges," which adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the sentence "Another reason is the insufficient quality healthcare services in impoverished nations" is somewhat simplistic and could be expanded for greater complexity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex clauses and varying the lengths of sentences. For example, instead of stating "Another reason is the insufficient quality healthcare services," you could say, "In addition to educational challenges, the insufficient quality of healthcare services in impoverished nations further exacerbates the difficulties faced by their citizens." This not only adds complexity but also connects ideas more fluidly.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with most sentences correctly structured. However, there are some punctuation errors that detract from clarity. For instance, in the phrase "which may impede their study career and personal development," there is a missing comma before "which," which could help clarify that the clause is non-defining. Additionally, the phrase "Cristiano Ronaldo , who is one of the best football players in the world," contains an unnecessary space before the comma. Such errors, while minor, can affect the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully. Pay particular attention to the placement of commas, especially in complex sentences. Additionally, practicing the rules of punctuation in various contexts can help solidify understanding. For example, reviewing the use of commas in non-defining relative clauses can prevent similar mistakes in the future.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals believe that underdeveloped countries negatively influence their inhabitants; however, others assume that these countries may inspire individuals to achieve success. This essay will examine both perspectives and present my opinion in the conclusion.

On the one hand, it is understandable why underdeveloped countries are often considered not suitable for habitation. Firstly, a well-established educational system in poor nations may not be guaranteed. Educational institutions with inadequate resources make it difficult to generate positive outcomes since learners in these environments often face limited access to essential academic and practical training, which may hinder their academic progress and personal development. For example, in some regions of sub-Saharan Africa, schools lack basic materials and qualified teachers, leading to lower educational outcomes and reduced future opportunities for students. Another reason is the insufficient quality of healthcare services in impoverished nations. These services play an indispensable role in ensuring citizens’ overall well-being and dietary habits, helping people avoid health issues such as obesity, asthma, stroke, and so on. For instance, a report by the World Health Organization highlights that inadequate healthcare access in countries such as Mozambique results in higher mortality rates and lower life expectancy.

On the other hand, some people argue that growing up in poor nations can drive individuals to succeed. The hardships and adversities faced in these countries can push people’s boundaries, awakening their capacity to overcome poverty. By nurturing resilience, determination, and ambition through challenging circumstances, people could develop autodidactic and problem-solving skills, which are essential for their future careers. A notable example is Cristiano Ronaldo, who is one of the best football players in the world, showing that a challenging background, particularly related to poverty, is a crucial factor in unlocking his self-motivation and helping him achieve incredible goals.

In conclusion, living in an underdeveloped country has both advantages and disadvantages. The lack of educational resources and healthcare services may negatively impact living standards. Nevertheless, this can also serve as a catalyst, contributing to personal and professional success.