Some people think that certain old buildings are more worth preserving than other ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Some people think that certain old buildings are more worth preserving than other ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree

in this day of age some people think that certian old building are more worth than other one. In my opinoin yhat t tottaly agree with this statement due to some resons
In term of social, preserving certain old building brings many history value. For example, in Imperial Citadel Thang Long is a architectural works, which one of the largest heritage. Futhermore, there is a heritage dircectly related to many important event in the history. Over the several centaries, Thang Long Imperical Citadel has brought many items of historical value that cannot be meansured in money. In Thang Long Imperical Citadel architecture alway has the symbol of two dragons on the roof
In term of culture, mainting historic building keep the spirits. values for dweller. There is a saying that “we must know our country history “ and that why keep historic buildings cam spiritual encourangement. For instance, every year there will be an event organzed in acient building so that we can learn about history


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "day of age" -> "modern era"
    Explanation: "Day of age" is informal and colloquial. Replacing it with "modern era" maintains formality and clarity, enhancing the academic tone.

  2. "certian" -> "certain"
    Explanation: "Certian" is a misspelling of "certain." Correcting this error ensures accuracy and readability.

  3. "tottaly" -> "totally"
    Explanation: "Tottaly" is a misspelling of "totally." Using the correct spelling improves the overall professionalism of the essay.

  4. "yhat t" -> "that I"
    Explanation: "Yhat t" is a typographical error. Replacing it with "that I" corrects the mistake and improves readability.

  5. "resons" -> "reasons"
    Explanation: "Resons" is a misspelling of "reasons." Correcting this error ensures accuracy and clarity in the essay.

  6. "term of social" -> "in terms of social"
    Explanation: "Term of social" lacks grammatical correctness. Adding "in" before "terms" makes the phrase grammatically accurate and enhances readability.

  7. "history value" -> "historical value"
    Explanation: "History value" is not a standard phrase. "Historical value" is more precise and aligns better with academic language.

  8. "architectural works" -> "architectural masterpiece"
    Explanation: "Architectural works" is a vague term. Replacing it with "architectural masterpiece" adds sophistication and specificity to the description.

  9. "Futhermore" -> "Furthermore"
    Explanation: "Futhermore" is a misspelling of "Furthermore." Using the correct spelling maintains the formal tone of the essay.

  10. "dircectly" -> "directly"
    Explanation: "Dircectly" is a misspelling of "directly." Correcting this error ensures accuracy and clarity in the essay.

  11. "centaries" -> "centuries"
    Explanation: "Centaries" is a misspelling of "centuries." Using the correct term improves the professionalism of the essay.

  12. "Imperical" -> "Imperial"
    Explanation: "Imperical" is incorrect; the correct term is "Imperial" when referring to the Citadel. Using "Imperial" maintains accuracy and consistency.

  13. "cannot be meansured" -> "cannot be measured"
    Explanation: "Cannot be meansured" contains a typographical error. Using "measured" instead improves accuracy and clarity.

  14. "alway" -> "always"
    Explanation: "Alway" is a misspelling of "always." Correcting this error ensures accuracy and readability in the essay.

  15. "cam" -> "can"
    Explanation: "Cam" is a typographical error. Replacing it with "can" corrects the mistake and improves readability.

  16. "dweller" -> "dwellers"
    Explanation: "Dweller" should be pluralized to match the subject "values." Using "dwellers" ensures grammatical correctness.

  17. "acient" -> "ancient"
    Explanation: "Acient" is a misspelling of "ancient." Using the correct spelling improves accuracy and clarity in the essay.

  18. "organzed" -> "organized"
    Explanation: "Organzed" is a misspelling of "organized." Using the correct spelling improves the professionalism of the essay.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the importance of preserving certain old buildings over others. It mentions historical and cultural significance as reasons for prioritizing preservation.
    • How to improve: The essay could improve by providing a clearer structure and more developed arguments. It should explicitly discuss why certain old buildings are more worth preserving than others, addressing both perspectives presented in the prompt.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay expresses agreement with the statement that certain old buildings are more worth preserving than others. However, the clarity of this position is somewhat obscured by grammatical errors and lack of coherence in the arguments.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay should begin with a clear thesis statement stating the position on the issue. Each paragraph should then support this position with well-developed arguments and examples.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas about the historical and cultural value of preserving old buildings, but these ideas lack depth and coherence. Examples are provided, but they are not thoroughly analyzed or connected to the main arguments.
    • How to improve: To improve, the essay should develop each idea more fully, providing specific examples and analyzing their significance in relation to the central argument. Additionally, connections between ideas should be made clearer to ensure coherence.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to discuss the preservation of certain old buildings, it occasionally deviates from the topic. For instance, the discussion about events organized in ancient buildings is somewhat tangential to the main argument.
    • How to improve: To stay on topic, the essay should maintain a clear focus on the importance of preserving certain old buildings and avoid introducing unrelated ideas or examples. Each paragraph should directly contribute to the overall argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:
    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of logical organization by presenting two main points: the social significance and the cultural value of preserving old buildings. However, the development of these points lacks coherence, as the essay jumps between ideas without clear transitions. For example, the shift from discussing the historical value of the Imperial Citadel Thang Long to the cultural significance of maintaining historic buildings feels abrupt and could confuse the reader.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the essay could benefit from a clearer structure. Consider starting with an introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed, followed by separate body paragraphs focusing on social and cultural aspects. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Transitions between paragraphs should be used to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
  • Use Paragraphs:
    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs to separate different ideas, but the structure is inconsistent. The first paragraph lacks coherence, containing multiple ideas without clear breaks. The second paragraph, discussing the cultural value of preserving historic buildings, is more organized, with a clear topic sentence and supporting details.
    • How to improve: Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and follows a clear structure. Start with a topic sentence that introduces the central point of the paragraph, followed by supporting details and examples. Use transitions between paragraphs to maintain coherence and guide the reader through the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices to connect ideas, but there is limited variety and effectiveness. Basic cohesive devices such as "for example" and "for instance" are used, but transitions between ideas are often abrupt, leading to a choppy flow.
    • How to improve: Increase the variety and effectiveness of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between ideas. Utilize a wider range of connectors such as "furthermore," "moreover," and "in addition" to link sentences and paragraphs more effectively. Additionally, pay attention to pronoun references and use cohesive devices to clarify relationships between ideas for the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, although there is room for improvement. Some varied vocabulary is utilized, such as "preserving," "architectural works," "heritage," "centuries," and "spiritual encouragement." However, there is repetition of certain words and phrases, such as "historic" and "history," which could be diversified to enhance lexical resource.
    • How to improve: To further enhance lexical resource, strive for greater diversity in vocabulary. Instead of frequently repeating words like "historic" and "history," explore synonyms or alternative expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "historic," consider using terms like "ancient," "heritage," "antique," or "historical." Additionally, incorporate specialized vocabulary related to the topic, such as specific architectural terms or terminology related to preservation and heritage.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys meaning, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "certian old building" lacks specificity and could be more precise. Furthermore, there are grammatical errors and misspellings throughout the essay, such as "certian," "opinoin," and "resons," which detract from precision.
    • How to improve: Aim for greater precision in vocabulary selection to convey ideas more accurately. Instead of using vague terms like "certian old building," specify the types of buildings being referred to. For instance, instead of "certian old building," consider phrases like "historical landmarks," "ancient structures," or "heritage sites." Additionally, focus on improving grammar and spelling accuracy through proofreading and practice. Utilize resources like spell checkers and grammar guides to identify and correct errors effectively.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "certian" (certain), "opinoin" (opinion), and "meansured" (measured), which hinder clarity and detract from overall effectiveness. While some words are spelled correctly, consistent errors affect the essay’s readability and professionalism.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, adopt strategies such as proofreading carefully before submitting essays. Consider reading the essay aloud or asking a peer to review it for spelling errors. Additionally, practice spelling commonly misspelled words and utilize spell-checking tools to identify and correct errors efficiently. Building a habit of double-checking spelling during the writing process can significantly enhance overall accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences follow a simple subject-verb-object pattern, with occasional deviations. For instance, "In term of social, preserving certain old building brings many history value" and "In term of culture, mainting historic building keep the spirits. values for dweller" both follow this basic structure without much variation. While there are attempts to introduce complex structures such as subordination, they are not consistently applied throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and effectiveness of the essay, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures. Experiment with complex sentences involving subordination, coordination, and relative clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly using simple sentences, try combining ideas to create more sophisticated structures. Additionally, vary sentence beginnings and lengths to maintain reader engagement and convey ideas more effectively.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes that impact clarity and coherence. For instance, "in this day of age" should be "in this day and age," "certian" should be "certain," "yhat" should be "that," "totally" is misspelled, "resons" should be "reasons," "Imperial" is misspelled, "dircectly" should be "directly," "centaries" should be "centuries," "meansured" should be "measured," "Imperical" should be "Imperial," "alway" should be "always," "cam" should be "can," and "acient" should be "ancient." Additionally, there are issues with punctuation, such as missing commas after introductory phrases ("In term of social," "In term of culture,") and inconsistent capitalization ("Imperial Citadel Thang Long" vs. "thang Long Imperical Citadel").
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully and revise for errors. Review basic grammar rules, particularly regarding subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence structure. Additionally, pay close attention to punctuation guidelines, including the use of commas, periods, and capitalization. Consider using grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers or teachers to identify and correct mistakes effectively. Practice writing sentences correctly to reinforce proper grammar and punctuation usage.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the modern era, some people believe that certain old buildings hold more value than others. In my opinion, I totally agree with this assertion due to several reasons.

In terms of social significance, preserving certain old buildings carries immense historical value. Take, for example, the Imperial Citadel Thang Long, an architectural masterpiece and one of the largest heritage sites. Furthermore, this heritage site is directly linked to many pivotal events in history. Over the centuries, the Thang Long Imperial Citadel has preserved numerous items of historical value that cannot be measured solely in monetary terms. Notably, the architecture of the Thang Long Imperial Citadel always features the symbolic depiction of two dragons on its roof.

Regarding cultural significance, maintaining historic buildings sustains the spirits and values of the dwellers. There’s a common saying that “we must know our country’s history,” emphasizing the importance of preserving historic buildings for their cultural significance. For instance, annual events are organized in ancient buildings to facilitate learning about history and to keep the cultural heritage alive.

In conclusion, the preservation of certain old buildings is essential, not only for their historical and cultural value but also for maintaining a connection to our past.

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