Some people think that children should start school at a very early age, but others believe that they should not go to school until they are older. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Certain individuals consider that parents should let their kids go to shool from an early age, while others hold the opinion that learning should be commenced of a later stage. This writer's opinion that – children should be taught from the first stage for the reasons of flexible brains and forming foundational knowledge, despite the possibility of dropping out.
One key argument is that children's brains are likely to be more adaptable than the older's one. Kids have the ability to learn new knowledge about things around them such as animals, names of things. Furthermore, children have quicker cognitive development such as remembering, problem solving, decision making. Additionally. young children have great creativity and imagination, therefore, to optimize this function, they can enhance critical thinking skill of children.
Conversely, there is a viewpoint supporting the idea of students should adopt learning course at an older age. Advocates of this view assert that acquiring knowledge is too difficult for kids, most of every children from 3 to 5 years old struggle with those mathematic problems, they seem to think it is too complicated for them.
From my perspective, parents should let their children acquire -learning when they are young because they can have an opportuni to access to foundational information in schools farlier. By having a foundation, they can be more efficient in academic performance than otha students who do not study early. In conclusion, while both viewpoints present valid reasons and can be justified, I support the idea that they teach children at their first stage of life. This is because young children's brains are more adaptable and they can build a foundation of knowledge.
In conclusion, while both viewpoints present valid reasons and can be justified, I support the idea that they should teach children at their first stage of life. This is because young children's brains are more adaptable and they can build a foundation of knowledge earlier than others.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Certain individuals consider that" -> "Some individuals believe that"
Explanation: "Consider" is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing. "Believe" is more precise and commonly used in formal academic contexts to express opinions or beliefs.
"kids" -> "children"
Explanation: "Kids" is too informal for academic writing. "Children" is more appropriate and formal.
"go to shool" -> "attend school"
Explanation: "Go to shool" contains a typographical error and is informal. "Attend school" is the correct and formal term.
"learning should be commenced of a later stage" -> "learning should commence at a later stage"
Explanation: "Commenced of" is grammatically incorrect. "Commence at" is the correct prepositional phrase for starting an action at a specific point in time.
"This writer’s opinion that" -> "This essay argues that"
Explanation: "This writer’s opinion that" is awkward and informal. "This essay argues that" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing.
"flexible brains" -> "flexible minds"
Explanation: "Brains" is not typically used to describe cognitive flexibility in formal writing. "Minds" is more commonly used and is more appropriate in this context.
"the older’s one" -> "those of older individuals"
Explanation: "The older’s one" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Those of older individuals" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"Kids have the ability to learn new knowledge about things around them such as animals, names of things." -> "Children are capable of acquiring knowledge about various subjects, including animals and object names."
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and informal. The revised version is more formal and precise, improving clarity and academic tone.
"Additionally. young children have great creativity and imagination, therefore, to optimize this function, they can enhance critical thinking skill of children."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkwardly structured. The revised version corrects these issues and uses more formal language.
"students should adopt learning course" -> "students should pursue a learning course"
Explanation: "Adopt learning course" is grammatically incorrect. "Pursue a learning course" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"most of every children" -> "most children"
Explanation: "Most of every children" is grammatically incorrect. "Most children" is the correct form.
"they seem to think it is too complicated for them" -> "they often find it too complex"
Explanation: "They seem to think" is informal and vague. "They often find it too complex" is more direct and formal.
"acquire -learning" -> "acquire learning"
Explanation: The hyphenation in "acquire -learning" is incorrect. "Acquire learning" is the correct form.
"an opportuni to access to foundational information" -> "an opportunity to access foundational information"
Explanation: "Opportuni" is a typographical error. "Opportunity" is the correct word, and the phrase should not include "to access to" which is redundant.
"tha" -> "other"
Explanation: "Tha" is a typographical error. "Other" is the correct word.
"they teach children at their first stage of life" -> "children should be taught at an early age"
Explanation: "They teach children at their first stage of life" is awkward and informal. "Children should be taught at an early age" is more formal and clearer.

These changes enhance the formality, clarity, and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the appropriate age for children to start school. The first viewpoint is discussed in the first paragraph, emphasizing the adaptability of children’s brains and their ability to learn. The opposing view is presented in the second paragraph, which mentions the difficulties young children face with complex subjects like mathematics. However, the discussion could be more balanced. The essay primarily focuses on the author’s opinion rather than equally weighing both sides throughout.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both viewpoints are equally elaborated upon. This could involve providing more detailed examples or evidence for each perspective, allowing for a more comprehensive discussion before stating a clear opinion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author presents a clear opinion that supports early education, stating that children should start learning at a young age. However, the position is somewhat diluted by the repetitive phrasing in the conclusion, which does not add new insights. The use of phrases like "this writer’s opinion" and "from my perspective" could be more assertive.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should avoid redundancy in the conclusion and instead summarize the key arguments succinctly. Using stronger, more definitive language can also help reinforce the position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the adaptability of children’s brains and the importance of foundational knowledge. However, some ideas lack sufficient elaboration. For instance, the mention of "creativity and imagination" is introduced but not fully developed or connected back to the argument for early schooling. Additionally, the argument regarding difficulties with mathematics is not supported with specific examples or data.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with examples or evidence. For instance, citing studies on cognitive development or providing anecdotes about successful early learners could enhance the argument. Each idea should be clearly linked back to the main thesis to reinforce the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the pros and cons of early schooling. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the second paragraph where the discussion of mathematical difficulties feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument about the benefits of early education.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the central question of when children should start school. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each point back to the prompt and avoiding tangential discussions. A clear topic sentence for each paragraph can also help keep the writing on track.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents a clear opinion, there are areas for improvement in balance, clarity, elaboration, and focus. By addressing these aspects, the writer can enhance the overall quality of the essay and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both viewpoints, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow can be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the advantages of early schooling to the counterargument is somewhat abrupt. The introduction states a personal opinion but does not clearly outline the structure of the essay, which can confuse readers about what to expect in the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing a brief outline of the main points in the introduction. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main idea. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next by using transitional phrases that connect ideas logically.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but the effectiveness of these paragraphs can be improved. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of early schooling, while the second addresses the opposing view. However, the paragraphs could be more distinct and focused. For example, the first body paragraph mixes several ideas (adaptability, cognitive development, creativity) without clear separation, making it harder for the reader to follow.
- How to improve: Aim for one main idea per paragraph. Start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details. For instance, separate the discussion of cognitive development and creativity into two distinct paragraphs. This will help maintain focus and clarity, allowing the reader to grasp each point more effectively.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "furthermore," "conversely," and "additionally." However, the range is limited, and some devices are used repetitively. For example, the phrase "young children" appears multiple times without variation, which can make the writing feel monotonous. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices to link ideas within paragraphs could be improved.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms or phrases that convey similar meanings. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "young children," you could use "toddlers" or "early learners." Incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "on the other hand," and "for instance," to enhance the flow of ideas and make connections clearer.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately improving the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "adaptable," "cognitive development," and "foundational knowledge." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "young children" and "foundational knowledge," which appear multiple times. The use of "certain individuals" and "advocates of this view" shows an attempt to vary language, but overall, the range is limited.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "young children," you could use "toddlers," "preschoolers," or "youth." Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to education, such as "early childhood education" or "developmental milestones," would enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "learning should be commenced of a later stage," which is awkwardly phrased. The phrase "the older’s one" is also unclear and could be more effectively expressed as "older individuals" or "older children." Additionally, "most of every children" is grammatically incorrect and should be "most children" or "almost every child."
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and grammatical accuracy in vocabulary usage. Review phrases for grammatical correctness and clarity. For example, instead of "learning should be commenced of a later stage," you could say, "learning should begin at a later stage." Practicing sentence restructuring can also help improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: There are several spelling errors in the essay, such as "shool" (should be "school"), "opportuni" (should be "opportunity"), and "farlier" (should be "earlier"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review the essay with fresh eyes, focusing specifically on spelling. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help catch errors before finalizing the essay. Regular practice with vocabulary lists can also reinforce correct spelling.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision, and ensuring correct spelling—the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, simple sentences like "Kids have the ability to learn new knowledge about things around them such as animals, names of things." are prevalent. While there are some attempts at complex structures, such as "This writer’s opinion that – children should be taught from the first stage for the reasons of flexible brains and forming foundational knowledge," the overall variety is insufficient. The use of conjunctions and relative clauses is minimal, which restricts the flow and sophistication of the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice combining simple sentences into more complex ones using conjunctions (e.g., "and," "but," "because") and relative clauses (e.g., "which," "that"). For example, instead of saying "Kids have the ability to learn new knowledge about things around them such as animals, names of things," the writer could say, "Kids have the ability to learn new knowledge about their surroundings, including animals and the names of various objects." This not only adds complexity but also enhances clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "shool" should be "school," and "the older’s one" is awkward and incorrect; it should be "older ones." Additionally, the phrase "most of every children" is incorrect; it should be "most children." Punctuation errors, such as the incorrect use of a period after "Additionally," disrupt the flow of ideas. The use of dashes (e.g., "this writer’s opinion that – children should be taught") is also inappropriate in formal writing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and correct word forms. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can help identify mistakes. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding commas and periods, will enhance overall clarity. For instance, instead of "Additionally. young children have great creativity," it should read "Additionally, young children have great creativity." Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on writing can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay presents a coherent argument, it requires significant improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and grammatical accuracy to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on these areas will enhance the overall quality and effectiveness of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certain individuals believe that parents should allow their children to attend school from an early age, while others hold the opinion that learning should commence at a later stage. This essay argues that children should be taught from the beginning for the reasons of flexible minds and forming foundational knowledge, despite the possibility of dropping out.

One key argument is that children’s brains are likely to be more adaptable than those of older individuals. Kids have the ability to acquire knowledge about various subjects, including animals and object names. Furthermore, children experience quicker cognitive development, which includes skills such as remembering, problem-solving, and decision-making. Additionally, young children possess great creativity and imagination; therefore, to optimize this potential, it is essential to enhance their critical thinking skills.

Conversely, there is a viewpoint supporting the idea that students should pursue a learning course at an older age. Advocates of this view assert that acquiring knowledge can be too difficult for young children. Most children aged 3 to 5 years old struggle with mathematical problems, often finding them too complex to understand.

From my perspective, parents should allow their children to acquire learning when they are young because they have an opportunity to access foundational information in schools earlier. By establishing a strong foundation, they can perform more efficiently academically than other children who do not study early.

In conclusion, while both viewpoints present valid reasons and can be justified, I support the idea that children should be taught at the early stages of life. This is because young children’s brains are more adaptable, enabling them to build a foundation of knowledge earlier than others.