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Some people think that children should study all subjects at school, while others think they should only study subjects they are good at. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that children should study all subjects at school, while others think they should only study subjects they are good at. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is believed by some people that all subjects should be learned at school by children while others argue they should only study the subjects they are interested in. This essay aims to discuss both views before presenting my opinion over the matter.
On the one hand, it is undeniable that children should study all subjects for 2 main reasons. Firstly, being educated in all subjects at school provides children with a broad knowledge, therefore, they have more skills to deal with different problems in life. Secondly, when children learn all subjects, they will have more job opportunities. Because employers require employees to have flexibility and versatility in their work nowaday, so studying all the subjects at school is the short way to success.
On the other hand, I believe that children had better study the subjects they are interested in for 2 major justifications. To begin with, engaging in lessons children are good at or find interesting helps them remain motivated, this leads to a willing to actively learn and explore their areas of interest. As a result, they can develop their expertise and achieve better academics. Furthermore, learning what they want can satisfy their mental health, help them reduce their stress and not be pressured to study.
In conclusion, despite the seemingly sound reasons for learn all subjects, I gravitate to study subjects they are good at because of developing expertise and mental health.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is believed by some people that all subjects should be learned at school by children while others argue they should only study the subjects they are interested in." -> "Some individuals contend that children should be exposed to all subjects in school, while others argue in favor of focusing solely on their areas of interest."
    Explanation: The revised sentence introduces a more formal tone by replacing "It is believed by some people" with "Some individuals contend." Additionally, the phrase "should be learned" is replaced with "should be exposed to," and "they should only study" is rephrased to "focusing solely on," aligning better with academic style.

  2. "This essay aims to discuss both views before presenting my opinion over the matter." -> "This essay aims to examine both perspectives before presenting my stance on the matter."
    Explanation: The use of "discuss" is replaced with "examine," which is more in line with academic language. The phrase "presenting my opinion over the matter" is refined to "presenting my stance on the matter" for a more formal expression.

  3. "Firstly, being educated in all subjects at school provides children with a broad knowledge, therefore, they have more skills to deal with different problems in life." -> "Firstly, receiving education in all subjects at school equips children with a comprehensive knowledge base, thereby enhancing their ability to address diverse challenges in life."
    Explanation: The revised sentence replaces the informal "being educated" with "receiving education," and "they have more skills" is refined to "enhancing their ability," contributing to a more formal and precise expression.

  4. "Because employers require employees to have flexibility and versatility in their work nowadays, so studying all the subjects at school is the short way to success." -> "Given that employers demand flexibility and versatility from their employees in today’s workforce, studying all subjects at school is considered a shortcut to success."
    Explanation: The conjunction "because" is replaced with "Given that" for a more formal transition. The phrase "so studying all the subjects at school is the short way to success" is restructured for clarity and formality.

  5. "On the other hand, I believe that children had better study the subjects they are interested in for 2 major justifications." -> "On the other hand, I believe that children would be better off studying the subjects they are interested in, for two major justifications."
    Explanation: The phrase "children had better study" is replaced with "children would be better off studying" for a more formal expression. The numeral "2" is spelled out as "two" for academic formality.

  6. "To begin with, engaging in lessons children are good at or find interesting helps them remain motivated, this leads to a willing to actively learn and explore their areas of interest." -> "To begin with, engaging in lessons in which children excel or find interesting helps maintain their motivation, fostering a willingness to actively learn and explore their areas of interest."
    Explanation: The phrase "this leads to a willing to actively learn" is rephrased to "fostering a willingness to actively learn," providing a more formal and concise expression.

  7. "Furthermore, learning what they want can satisfy their mental health, help them reduce their stress and not be pressured to study." -> "Furthermore, pursuing subjects of their choice can contribute to their mental well-being, aiding in stress reduction and alleviating the pressure to study."
    Explanation: The term "satisfy their mental health" is replaced with "contribute to their mental well-being" for a more precise and formal expression. The phrase "help them reduce their stress and not be pressured to study" is streamlined for clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument, discussing the idea that children should study all subjects and the opposing view that they should only study subjects they are good at. However, there’s room for improvement in terms of depth and development. The explanation for each view could be more detailed, and the inclusion of specific examples or evidence would strengthen the response.
    • How to improve: To enhance the analysis, provide more specific examples or scenarios that illustrate the benefits and drawbacks of each approach. Additionally, ensure that the discussion of both views is balanced in terms of depth and coverage.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance in favor of children studying subjects they are good at. The position is maintained consistently throughout the essay, making it easy for the reader to understand the author’s viewpoint.
    • How to improve: Continue to maintain clarity and consistency in presenting your position. Consider reinforcing your stance with additional supporting arguments or examples to make the essay more persuasive.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on both sides but lacks in-depth development. It mentions reasons for studying all subjects and reasons for studying only those of interest, but there is room for further elaboration and support.
    • How to improve: Extend your ideas by providing more detailed explanations, examples, or anecdotes. Support your arguments with evidence or real-life situations to make the essay more convincing and engaging.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing both views on whether children should study all subjects or only those of interest. However, some sentences are slightly off-topic or could be more directly related to the main argument.
    • How to improve: Carefully review each sentence to ensure it directly contributes to the overall argument. Avoid including information that does not directly relate to the topic, as this can distract from the main points.

In summary, while the essay adequately addresses the prompt and maintains a clear position, improvements can be made in terms of depth, development, and relevance. Strengthening the analysis with specific examples and refining the focus on the main topic will enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs presenting contrasting views, and a concluding statement expressing the writer’s opinion. However, there’s room for improvement in the development of ideas within paragraphs. For instance, the second paragraph could better explain the link between a broad education and increased job opportunities, providing more specific examples or elaborating on the concept.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider providing more detailed explanations and examples within each paragraph. Ensure that each idea flows logically to the next, creating a smooth progression of thoughts throughout the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs, but there is some inconsistency in the structure and effectiveness. While the introduction and conclusion are well-structured, the body paragraphs lack consistent topic sentences and clear development of ideas. For instance, the second paragraph could benefit from a clearer topic sentence and better transitions between ideas.
    • How to improve: Strengthen paragraphing by including clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument and provides sufficient supporting details. Improve transitions between paragraphs to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transition words (e.g., "firstly," "secondly," "on the other hand," "furthermore"). However, there is room for improvement in the variety and effectiveness of these devices. Some transitions between ideas are abrupt, affecting the overall flow.
    • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. Ensure smooth transitions between sentences and ideas, making the progression from one point to the next more cohesive. Consider using pronouns and synonyms to maintain coherence without repetitive language.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonably good level of coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 7. To improve, focus on providing more detailed explanations, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices for a smoother flow of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It incorporates a mix of general and somewhat specific terms related to the topic. Examples include "broad knowledge," "job opportunities," "flexibility," and "versatility." However, the vocabulary could be more varied and nuanced to enhance the depth of expression.
    • How to improve: To improve this aspect, consider incorporating more precise and varied vocabulary. Instead of using common phrases, explore synonyms or more specific terms. For instance, instead of "broad knowledge," consider phrases like "comprehensive understanding" or "diverse expertise." This can add sophistication to your language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay tends to use vocabulary in a generally precise manner. However, there are instances where the phrasing could be more specific. For example, the use of "short way to success" might benefit from a more precise expression, such as "a shortcut to success" or "an expedited path to success."
    • How to improve: Work on refining your choice of words. Aim for precision by selecting terms that accurately convey your intended meaning. Consider consulting a thesaurus for alternative words that might fit more precisely in the context.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate. However, there are a few instances where minor errors are present, such as "nowaday" instead of "nowadays." While these errors do not significantly impact overall comprehension, attention to such details enhances the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, proofread your essay carefully. Pay close attention to common words and phrases that might be prone to spelling errors. Additionally, consider using spelling and grammar checking tools to catch any overlooked mistakes.

Overall, while the essay exhibits a reasonable command of vocabulary and spelling, there is room for improvement to elevate the lexical resource to a higher band score. Focus on incorporating more varied and precise vocabulary while ensuring meticulous attention to spelling details.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is an attempt to use complex sentences, such as "This essay aims to discuss both views before presenting my opinion over the matter." However, there is a tendency to rely on simple sentence structures throughout the essay, limiting the variety. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing that affect the overall fluency.

    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with varied lengths. For instance, use a combination of simple, compound, and complex sentences to create a more engaging and sophisticated writing style. Be mindful of the clarity and coherence of sentences to ensure a smoother flow of ideas.

  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a range of grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "because employers require employees," where the singular "employer" does not match the plural "employees." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in "this leads to a willing to actively learn," also impact the clarity of the sentence.

    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Proofread the essay to identify and correct punctuation errors, ensuring proper comma usage and sentence boundaries. Consider seeking feedback on specific grammatical issues to address them systematically.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt to address the essay prompt and present a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in both the variety of sentence structures and grammatical accuracy. Focusing on incorporating diverse sentence constructions and refining grammar and punctuation skills will contribute to a more polished and effective essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals argue that children should be exposed to all subjects in school, while others advocate focusing solely on their areas of interest. This essay aims to examine both perspectives before presenting my stance on the matter.

On the one hand, it is believed by some that children should study all subjects at school for two main reasons. Firstly, being educated in all subjects provides children with a broad knowledge base, enhancing their ability to address diverse challenges in life. Secondly, employers demand flexibility and versatility from their employees in today’s workforce, so studying all subjects at school is considered a shortcut to success.

On the other hand, I believe that children would be better off studying the subjects they are interested in, for two major justifications. To begin with, engaging in lessons in which children excel or find interesting helps maintain their motivation, fostering a willingness to actively learn and explore their areas of interest. Furthermore, pursuing subjects of their choice can contribute to their mental well-being, aiding in stress reduction and alleviating the pressure to study.

In conclusion, despite the seemingly sound reasons for learning all subjects, I gravitate toward studying subjects children are good at because it aids in developing expertise and promoting mental health.

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