Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
Competition in the workplace, school, or life in general is considered by some to be highly beneficial. However, others argue that instead of creating opponents among peers, we should be more inclined to work together harmoniously.
Firstly, fostering competition can motivate individuals to perform better. It is common knowledge that few people prefer to feel inferior to others. Therefore, competition provides an incentive to pursue goals with higher quality. Furthermore, achieving set goals can bring great satisfaction and motivate individuals to improve in future endeavors. For instance, an athlete may never become professional if they do not see other contestants as challenges to surpass for recognition.
On the other hand, maintaining rapport and cooperation can expedite the completion of tasks. At our core, humans are social creatures, meaning we survive and thrive by depending on one another. This idea remains relevant today. Without the company of others, we not only lose productivity but also become more susceptible to obstacles and failures. A prime example of the importance of cooperation can be seen in the construction of skyscrapers worldwide; no one can single-handedly build such structures; it requires teams of hundreds of professionals.
In conclusion, while competition can motivate individuals to surpass their peers and improve themselves, cooperation and companionship enable us to pursue greater, more ambitious, and challenging tasks.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Competition in the workplace, school, or life in general" -> "Competition in various domains, including the workplace, educational institutions, and personal life"
Explanation: The phrase "in general" is vague and informal. Replacing it with "including the workplace, educational institutions, and personal life" provides specificity and a more formal tone suitable for academic writing. -
"highly beneficial" -> "significantly beneficial"
Explanation: "Highly beneficial" is somewhat informal and imprecise. "Significantly beneficial" is more formal and quantifies the extent of the benefit, enhancing the academic tone. -
"we should be more inclined to work together harmoniously" -> "it is advisable to foster harmonious collaboration"
Explanation: "We should be more inclined" is conversational and subjective. "It is advisable to foster harmonious collaboration" is more objective and formal, aligning better with academic style. -
"fostering competition can motivate individuals to perform better" -> "promoting competition can enhance individual performance"
Explanation: "Fostering competition" is a bit vague; "promoting competition" is more precise and formal. "Enhance" is also more academically appropriate than "motivate," which can imply emotional influence. -
"few people prefer to feel inferior to others" -> "many individuals tend to avoid feeling inferior to others"
Explanation: "Few people prefer" is too informal and imprecise. "Many individuals tend to avoid" is more formal and accurately reflects the common human tendency. -
"achieving set goals can bring great satisfaction" -> "achieving set goals can yield significant satisfaction"
Explanation: "Bring great satisfaction" is somewhat informal and vague. "Yield significant satisfaction" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style. -
"an athlete may never become professional" -> "an athlete may not attain professional status"
Explanation: "Become professional" is somewhat informal and imprecise. "Attain professional status" is more formal and specific. -
"maintaining rapport and cooperation" -> "maintaining rapport and collaborative efforts"
Explanation: "Cooperation" is a broad term; "collaborative efforts" specifies the type of cooperation, enhancing the precision and formality of the statement. -
"humans are social creatures" -> "humans are inherently social beings"
Explanation: "Social creatures" is somewhat colloquial. "Inherently social beings" is more formal and academically appropriate. -
"we not only lose productivity but also become more susceptible to obstacles and failures" -> "we not only experience decreased productivity but also become more vulnerable to obstacles and failures"
Explanation: "Lose productivity" and "become more susceptible" are somewhat informal and vague. "Experience decreased productivity" and "become more vulnerable" are more precise and formal. -
"A prime example of the importance of cooperation can be seen in the construction of skyscrapers worldwide" -> "A paradigmatic example of the significance of cooperation is evident in the construction of skyscrapers globally"
Explanation: "A prime example" is somewhat informal and less precise. "A paradigmatic example" is more formal and academically appropriate, and "globally" is preferred over "worldwide" for a more formal tone. -
"no one can single-handedly build such structures" -> "no individual can construct such structures alone"
Explanation: "Single-handedly" is informal and slightly colloquial. "Construct such structures alone" is more formal and precise.
These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding competition and cooperation, providing arguments for each. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of the implications of each perspective. For example, while it mentions the benefits of competition in motivating individuals, it does not delve into potential downsides, such as stress or unhealthy rivalry. Similarly, while cooperation is discussed, the essay does not explore scenarios where it might lead to complacency or lack of initiative. The conclusion briefly summarizes the points but does not explicitly state the author’s own opinion, which is a crucial part of the task.
- How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the essay should include a more balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of both competition and cooperation. Additionally, the author should clearly state their own opinion in the conclusion, explicitly indicating which approach they favor and why.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a somewhat clear position, advocating for both competition and cooperation. However, it lacks a definitive stance, which can confuse readers about the author’s true opinion. The conclusion suggests that both approaches are valuable, but it does not clarify which one is preferred or under what circumstances one might be more beneficial than the other.
- How to improve: The author should establish a clear position early in the essay and maintain it throughout. This can be achieved by explicitly stating their opinion in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. Using phrases like "In my opinion" or "I believe" can help clarify the author’s stance.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both competition and cooperation, supported by examples. However, the examples provided are somewhat general and lack depth. For instance, the reference to an athlete is relevant, but it could be strengthened by discussing specific scenarios or studies that illustrate the impact of competition on performance. Similarly, the example of skyscraper construction is valid but could benefit from more detail about how cooperation specifically enhances productivity.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the author should provide more specific examples and elaborate on them. Including statistics, studies, or real-life case studies can lend credibility to the arguments and make them more compelling.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing competition and cooperation as requested. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and some sentences seem slightly off-topic or repetitive. For example, the phrase "we should be more inclined to work together harmoniously" could be better integrated into the discussion rather than appearing as a standalone statement.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the author should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main question. Using topic sentences that directly address the prompt can help guide the reader and keep the discussion on track. Additionally, avoiding redundancy in phrasing will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
Overall, to improve the essay’s score, the author should aim for a more comprehensive exploration of the prompt, a clearer personal stance, more specific and detailed examples, and improved coherence throughout the text.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views on competition and cooperation. Each body paragraph effectively addresses one viewpoint, with the first paragraph focusing on the benefits of competition and the second on the advantages of cooperation. The logical progression from one idea to the next is smooth, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points while providing the writer’s opinion. However, while the organization is generally strong, the transition between the two viewpoints could be slightly more explicit to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of the second body paragraph, such as "Conversely" or "In contrast," to clearly signal the shift from discussing competition to cooperation. Additionally, incorporating a brief sentence that connects the two viewpoints could help reinforce the relationship between them.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas. Each paragraph has a clear focus, with the first discussing competition and the second addressing cooperation. The introduction and conclusion are also distinct, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, the body paragraphs could benefit from more internal structure, such as topic sentences that clearly state the main idea of each paragraph.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by beginning each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, the first body paragraph could start with, "One significant advantage of competition is that it drives individuals to excel," which would provide a clear focus for the subsequent sentences.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Furthermore," "On the other hand," and "In conclusion," which help guide the reader through the argument. There is a good balance of cohesive devices that contribute to the overall flow of the essay. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied; for instance, the essay primarily relies on basic connectors and could benefit from more complex structures.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a mix of conjunctions, such as "Moreover," "In addition," or "Nevertheless," and referencing words like "this" or "such" to create links between ideas. Additionally, using synonyms or paraphrasing can help avoid repetition and enhance the richness of the text. For example, instead of repeating "competition," you could use "rivalry" or "contest" in different contexts.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their writing.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms like "fostering competition," "motivate," "incentive," and "expedite." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety in expression. For example, the phrase "competition can motivate individuals" is used without exploring synonyms or alternative phrases that could enhance the richness of the text.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "motivate," alternatives like "inspire," "drive," or "encourage" could be utilized. Additionally, using phrases such as "foster collaboration" or "cultivate teamwork" could diversify the language.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, but there are moments where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "feel inferior to others" could be interpreted as overly simplistic or vague. Instead, a more precise term like "experience a sense of inferiority" might convey the intended meaning more effectively.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should consider the nuances of word choice. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building resources can help identify more specific terms that convey the intended meaning more accurately. For instance, instead of "obstacles and failures," the writer could specify "challenges and setbacks," which adds clarity.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no glaring errors that detract from the overall readability. However, there is a slight inconsistency in the use of hyphenation, as seen in "highly beneficial" versus "high-quality." The latter should be hyphenated as "high-quality" when used as a compound adjective.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, paying attention to compound adjectives and other commonly miswritten terms. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing writing exercises focused on commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and ensuring consistent spelling, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in this criterion.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences, such as "It is common knowledge that few people prefer to feel inferior to others," effectively conveys nuanced ideas. Additionally, the writer employs conditional structures, as seen in "if they do not see other contestants as challenges to surpass," which adds depth to the argument. However, there is a tendency to rely on similar sentence beginnings, particularly in the first few paragraphs, which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "It is common knowledge" or "On the other hand," the writer could use participial phrases or adverbial clauses, such as "Recognizing the competitive spirit can…" or "While some argue for competition, others emphasize cooperation." This would enhance the essay’s dynamism and engagement.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "we should be more inclined to work together harmoniously" is well-constructed, and punctuation is generally correct throughout the essay. However, there is a slight inconsistency in the use of commas, particularly in the sentence "Without the company of others, we not only lose productivity but also become more susceptible to obstacles and failures." The comma before "but" is unnecessary in this context.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, the writer should review the rules regarding comma usage, especially in compound sentences. A helpful strategy would be to read the essay aloud to identify any awkward pauses or places where punctuation may be misused. Additionally, practicing sentence combining exercises can help reinforce correct punctuation usage in complex sentences.
Overall, the essay is well-structured and effectively communicates the arguments. By diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation, the writer can achieve an even higher level of grammatical range and accuracy.
Bài sửa mẫu
Competition in the workplace, educational institutions, and daily life is considered by some to be significantly beneficial. However, others argue that instead of creating opponents among peers, it is advisable to foster harmonious collaboration.
Firstly, promoting competition can enhance individual performance. It is common knowledge that many individuals tend to avoid feeling inferior to others. Therefore, competition provides an incentive to pursue goals with higher quality. Furthermore, achieving set goals can yield significant satisfaction and motivate individuals to improve in future endeavors. For instance, an athlete may not attain professional status if they do not view other contestants as challenges to surpass for recognition.
On the other hand, maintaining rapport and collaborative efforts can expedite the completion of tasks. At our core, humans are inherently social beings, meaning we survive and thrive by depending on one another. This idea remains relevant today. Without the company of others, we not only experience decreased productivity but also become more vulnerable to obstacles and failures. A paradigmatic example of the significance of cooperation is evident in the construction of skyscrapers globally; no individual can construct such structures alone; it requires teams of hundreds of professionals.
In conclusion, while competition can motivate individuals to surpass their peers and improve themselves, cooperation and companionship enable us to pursue greater, more ambitious, and challenging tasks.