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Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

It is believed that competition in different aspects of daily life is beneficial, while some people argue that cooperation is more important. This essay will discuss both of these perspectives and provide my personal views in the conclusion.

To begin with, there are many convincing reasons why some people believe that being competitive in current phrases (Đây là ý gì) is vital. A survey has shown that individuals who try to compete with other people are more likely to achieve better results than those who do not have a competitive mindset. In particular, if a person tries to catch up with those who are more successful, they should be put into an environment which requires them to work harder and be their better version day by day. Moreover, competition can create higher productivity, as individuals who want to outperform others experience a significant boost in their knowledge acquisition. For instance, top students who compete to reach scholarships often have rigorous study routines and seek additional resources to the best performances compared to others.

On the other hand, there are arguments supporting the view that cooperation promotes healthy relationships and long-term success. Cooperative environments help individuals develop essential interpersonal skills, such as communication, conflict resolution. For instance, participating in a group for a discussion class or preparing a project can teach students how to express their opinion evidently, have different perspectives on one issue, which can upgrade their leadership skills. Beside that, cooperation creates sustainable success in the long term. In particular, having cooperation can boost knowledge sharing and being the key to a long lasting relationship and more opportunities to learn from other mistakes.

In conclusion, both competition and cooperation play crucial roles in our lives. We should keep these two phenomena in a balance in order to achieve better outcomes in the near future. Encouraging healthy competition while fostering collaboration with others can help individuals shape their personalities positively and build their best version.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "It is believed that" -> "It is widely acknowledged that"
    Explanation: "It is widely acknowledged that" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a general consensus, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.

  2. "different aspects of daily life" -> "various aspects of daily life"
    Explanation: "Various" is more specific and academically appropriate than "different," which can be vague and less precise in this context.

  3. "being competitive in current phrases" -> "being competitive in contemporary contexts"
    Explanation: "Contemporary contexts" is a more precise and formal term than "current phrases," which is unclear and informal.

  4. "is vital" -> "is essential"
    Explanation: "Is essential" is a more formal synonym for "is vital," aligning better with academic language standards.

  5. "try to compete with other people" -> "engage in competitive activities with others"
    Explanation: "Engage in competitive activities with others" is more specific and formal, avoiding the colloquial tone of "try to compete with other people."

  6. "are more likely to achieve better results" -> "are more likely to achieve superior outcomes"
    Explanation: "Superior outcomes" is a more precise and formal term than "better results," enhancing the academic tone of the statement.

  7. "be their better version day by day" -> "improve continuously"
    Explanation: "Improve continuously" is a more formal and succinct way to express ongoing self-improvement, avoiding the colloquial "be their better version day by day."

  8. "create higher productivity" -> "enhance productivity"
    Explanation: "Enhance" is a more precise and formal verb than "create" in this context, accurately describing the improvement in productivity.

  9. "top students who compete to reach scholarships" -> "high-achieving students who strive for scholarships"
    Explanation: "High-achieving students who strive for scholarships" is a more formal and precise description than "top students who compete to reach scholarships," which is somewhat informal and vague.

  10. "Beside that" -> "Furthermore"
    Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase than "beside that," which is informal and less appropriate for academic writing.

  11. "having cooperation" -> "cooperation"
    Explanation: "Cooperation" should be used as a noun, not a gerund, to maintain grammatical correctness and clarity.

  12. "being the key to a long lasting relationship" -> "being a key factor in long-term relationships"
    Explanation: "Being a key factor in long-term relationships" is more precise and formal, avoiding the awkward and informal construction "a long lasting relationship."

  13. "Encouraging healthy competition while fostering collaboration with others" -> "Promoting both healthy competition and collaboration"
    Explanation: "Promoting both healthy competition and collaboration" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea, avoiding the awkward phrasing of the original sentence.

  14. "shape their personalities positively" -> "positively influence their personalities"
    Explanation: "Positively influence their personalities" is a more formal and precise expression than "shape their personalities positively," which is awkwardly phrased.

  15. "build their best version" -> "develop their optimal selves"
    Explanation: "Develop their optimal selves" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "build their best version," which is colloquial and vague.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both perspectives on competition and cooperation, providing a balanced discussion. The first body paragraph outlines the benefits of competition, citing a survey and examples of top students. The second body paragraph discusses the advantages of cooperation, emphasizing interpersonal skills and long-term success. However, the essay could have more explicitly stated the author’s opinion earlier in the introduction and reiterated it more clearly in the conclusion.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should clearly articulate their opinion in the introduction and summarize it in the conclusion. This could involve explicitly stating which approach they believe is more beneficial and why, thus ensuring that all parts of the question are thoroughly addressed.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position, suggesting that both competition and cooperation are important. However, the lack of a definitive stance can lead to ambiguity regarding the author’s personal opinion. While the conclusion suggests a balance between the two, it does not strongly favor one over the other, which may confuse readers about the author’s true perspective.
    • How to improve: The author should consider taking a more definitive stance on the issue. This could involve stating a preference for one approach in the introduction and reinforcing that preference throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. Clear transitions that indicate the author’s viewpoint can also help maintain clarity.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, with relevant examples illustrating the benefits of both competition and cooperation. The use of a survey and specific instances of student behavior effectively supports the argument for competition. Similarly, the discussion of interpersonal skills in cooperative settings is relevant and well-articulated. However, some points could be further developed, such as the implications of competition on mental health or the long-term effects of cooperation.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the author should aim to extend their ideas further. This could involve providing additional examples or elaborating on the consequences of each approach. For instance, discussing potential downsides of excessive competition or the impact of cooperation on workplace dynamics could provide a more nuanced view.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing competition and cooperation in various contexts. However, there are minor deviations, such as the phrase "current phrases," which appears unclear and could distract from the main argument. Additionally, the phrase "being their better version" could be more clearly articulated.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all phrases are clear and directly relevant to the topic. Avoiding vague expressions and ensuring clarity in language will help keep the reader engaged and focused on the main arguments. Proofreading for clarity and coherence can also help eliminate any potential distractions.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively engages with both sides of the argument. With some adjustments in clarity, depth of argumentation, and a more defined personal stance, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the topic and the writer’s intention to discuss both perspectives. The body paragraphs are organized to present arguments for competition first, followed by arguments for cooperation. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the other hand" signals a shift, but the connection between the two viewpoints could be more explicitly articulated to enhance logical flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that not only indicate a shift but also summarize the previous point. For example, after discussing competition, you could add a sentence that briefly reflects on its implications before introducing cooperation. This would create a more cohesive narrative.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct viewpoint. The first body paragraph discusses competition, while the second addresses cooperation. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that explicitly states the benefits of competition before diving into supporting details.
    • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence. This will help guide the reader and reinforce the main ideas. Additionally, consider using concluding sentences that summarize the key points of each paragraph, which can enhance clarity and coherence.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "moreover," "for instance," and "on the other hand." These devices help link ideas within and between paragraphs. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For example, the phrase "for instance" is used multiple times without variation, which may detract from the overall sophistication of the essay.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases. Instead of repeatedly using "for instance," you could use "for example," "such as," or "to illustrate." Additionally, varying sentence structures and incorporating more advanced cohesive devices, like "consequently" or "in contrast," can enhance the essay’s sophistication and fluidity.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "beneficial," "competitive mindset," and "interpersonal skills" effectively used. However, phrases such as "current phrases" are vague and unclear, which detracts from the overall quality. The use of "put into an environment which requires them to work harder" could be more succinctly expressed.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating more varied synonyms and phrases. For example, instead of "put into an environment," you might say "placed in a setting." Additionally, using more specific terms related to competition and cooperation could strengthen the argument, such as "collaborative efforts" or "competitive drive."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, "being competitive in current phrases" is unclear and could confuse readers. The phrase "upgrade their leadership skills" is also somewhat informal and could be replaced with "enhance their leadership abilities."
    • How to improve: Focus on clarity and specificity in word choice. Instead of vague terms, opt for more precise language that conveys your ideas clearly. For instance, replace "being competitive" with "maintaining a competitive edge" and "upgrade" with "enhance" or "develop."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no major errors that impede understanding. However, the phrase "the best performances" could be misinterpreted as "the best performance" to maintain singular consistency.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider proofreading your work or using spell-check tools. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing. Practicing writing exercises that focus on spelling can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of various sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "if a person tries to catch up with those who are more successful, they should be put into an environment which requires them to work harder." This showcases an ability to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting several sentences with "there are" or "competition can," which detracts from the overall variety.
    • How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, instead of repeatedly using "there are," try starting sentences with adverbial clauses or transitional phrases. This will not only improve the flow but also engage the reader more effectively.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that impact clarity. For example, the phrase "being competitive in current phrases" is unclear and seems to contain a typographical error ("phrases" should likely be "phases"). Additionally, the sentence "such as communication, conflict resolution" is missing a conjunction, which should be "such as communication and conflict resolution." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are places where commas could enhance readability, such as before "which can upgrade their leadership skills."
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for typographical errors and ensure that all lists are properly punctuated. Additionally, practicing the use of conjunctions in lists will help create clearer sentences. Engaging in exercises that focus on common grammatical structures and their correct usage can further solidify understanding and application.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely acknowledged that competition in various aspects of daily life can be beneficial, while some people argue that cooperation is more important. This essay will discuss both of these perspectives and provide my personal views in the conclusion.

To begin with, there are many convincing reasons why some people believe that being competitive in contemporary contexts is essential. A survey has shown that individuals who engage in competitive activities with others are more likely to achieve superior outcomes than those who do not adopt a competitive mindset. In particular, if a person strives to catch up with those who are more successful, they should be placed in an environment that encourages them to work harder and continuously improve. Moreover, competition can enhance productivity, as individuals who aim to outperform others often experience a significant boost in their knowledge acquisition. For instance, high-achieving students who strive for scholarships typically have rigorous study routines and seek additional resources to achieve the best performances compared to their peers.

On the other hand, there are arguments supporting the view that cooperation promotes healthy relationships and long-term success. Cooperative environments help individuals develop essential interpersonal skills, such as communication and conflict resolution. For instance, participating in a group discussion class or preparing a project can teach students how to express their opinions clearly and appreciate different perspectives on a single issue, which can enhance their leadership skills. Furthermore, cooperation fosters sustainable success in the long term. In particular, collaboration can facilitate knowledge sharing and is a key factor in building lasting relationships, providing more opportunities to learn from others’ mistakes.

In conclusion, both competition and cooperation play crucial roles in our lives. We should strive to maintain a balance between these two phenomena in order to achieve better outcomes in the future. Promoting both healthy competition and collaboration can positively influence individuals’ personalities and help them develop their optimal selves.

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