some people think that ebing able to communicate with others online is beaking down geographical barriers enabling people, who normally never have the chance to meet, to communicate. What are the advantages of international communication online ? Are there any disavantages to this.

The internet has undeniably revolutionized the way individuals communicate with others, allowing people have a opportunity to chat and exchange the information regardless of geographical locations. This essay will explore the benefits and drawback of this trend.
There are many benefits of communication online can be given to explain why a significant number of people, especially children and adolescents graviate towards use the interent as tool to make friends. One of which can stems from study performance, internet will offers them a chance to encounter different person from various background, consequently improving their study effectively. For instance, people can support each other by making contact and solving difficult homework, perhaphs they give useful advice in order to gain confidence and motivation. Furthermore, the prevalence of communicating online is attributed to its relatively low cost, the cost of this trend is more affordable than traditional methods like international phone calls or physical mail, people can readily access to internet anytime without paying extra money.
Despite these advantages, international communication online also cause a numerous problems. Obviously, individuals with diffrent languages become barriers integrating will peers around you, which contribute to miscommunications. Another potential downside need to be considered is privacy and security, people normally share sensitive information about themselves online can pose a risks to privacy and security data , especially across international borders, they can be endangered due to disclosure of personal information and pave the way for the attack of cybercrime.
In conclusion, it can be said that communting online presents both benefits and drawback, its ability to exchange information and affordability help people expand relationship and enhance their skills, in contrast, it interaction on the internet also cause a plethora of obstacles like languages barriers and privacy can not be overlooked.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"allowing people have a opportunity" -> "enabling individuals to have opportunities"
Explanation: "Enabling individuals to have opportunities" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing, replacing the contraction "people have" with "individuals" and "opportunity" with "opportunities" to pluralize the verb to match the plural subject.
"drawback of this trend" -> "drawbacks of this trend"
Explanation: Changing "drawback" to "drawbacks" corrects the grammatical number agreement, as "drawbacks" is the plural form necessary when referring to multiple disadvantages.
"communication online can be given to explain why" -> "online communication can be cited as a reason why"
Explanation: "Cited as a reason why" is more precise and formal than "can be given to explain why," which is awkward and unclear in this context.
"graviate towards use the interent" -> "gravitate towards using the internet"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "internet" and changes "use" to "using" to maintain grammatical consistency and correctness.
"internet will offers" -> "the internet offers"
Explanation: Corrects the verb tense and removes the unnecessary "will" to make the sentence more direct and formal.
"people can support each other by making contact and solving difficult homework" -> "individuals can support one another by communicating and resolving challenging assignments"
Explanation: Replaces "people" with "individuals" for formality, "making contact" with "communicating" for clarity, and "difficult homework" with "challenging assignments" to use more precise academic terminology.
"perhaphs" -> "perhaps"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "perhaps" to maintain professionalism and accuracy.
"the cost of this trend is more affordable" -> "the cost of this trend is more affordable"
Explanation: Removes the unnecessary "more" to correct the redundancy and maintain the formal tone.
"people can readily access to internet anytime" -> "individuals can readily access the internet at any time"
Explanation: Corrects the preposition "to" to "the" and adds "at any time" for grammatical correctness and formality.
"international communication online also cause a numerous problems" -> "international online communication also causes numerous problems"
Explanation: Corrects the verb tense to "causes" for subject-verb agreement and changes "a numerous" to "numerous" for grammatical accuracy.
"individuals with diffrent languages become barriers integrating will peers around you" -> "individuals with different languages become barriers to integrating with peers around them"
Explanation: Corrects "diffrent" to "different," "become barriers integrating" to "become barriers to integrating," and "will peers around you" to "peers around them" for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"people normally share sensitive information about themselves online can pose a risks to privacy and security data" -> "people normally share sensitive information online, which can pose risks to privacy and security data"
Explanation: Adds a comma for clarity and corrects "can pose a risks" to "can pose risks" for grammatical accuracy and removes "to" before "privacy and security data" as it is not necessary.
"pave the way for the attack of cybercrime" -> "pave the way for cybercrime attacks"
Explanation: Removes "the" before "attack" to correct the phrase structure and make it more concise and formal.
"commuting online presents both benefits and drawback" -> "communicating online presents both benefits and drawbacks"
Explanation: Corrects "commuting" to "communicating" to match the context, and changes "drawback" to "drawbacks" for grammatical agreement with the plural subject.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the advantages of online communication, such as improved study performance and affordability, as well as the disadvantages, including language barriers and privacy concerns. However, the exploration of these points could be more balanced. The advantages are discussed in greater detail than the disadvantages, which may lead to an incomplete response to the prompt’s request for a comprehensive examination of both sides.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide a more equal treatment of both advantages and disadvantages. This could involve elaborating on the disadvantages with specific examples or statistics to provide a clearer picture of their impact. Additionally, ensuring that each point is fully developed will strengthen the overall argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that acknowledges both the benefits and drawbacks of online communication. However, the conclusion could be more definitive in summarizing the writer’s stance. Phrases like "it can be said that" introduce ambiguity, which detracts from the overall clarity of the position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use more assertive language in the conclusion. Instead of hedging, the writer could state a clear opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages or vice versa. This would provide a stronger closure to the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of making friends online and the affordability of communication. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For example, the mention of study performance improvement lacks specific examples or deeper exploration of how online communication facilitates this. The disadvantages are also mentioned but not sufficiently supported with examples or explanations.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to extend and support each idea with more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, discussing specific platforms or scenarios where online communication has led to academic success would strengthen the argument. Similarly, providing real-world examples of privacy breaches could make the disadvantages more tangible.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of online communication. However, there are moments where the language and phrasing detract from the main points, such as the phrase "a significant number of people, especially children and adolescents gravitate towards use the internet as tool to make friends," which could be more succinct and focused.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should strive for clarity and conciseness in their language. Avoiding overly complex sentences and ensuring that each sentence contributes directly to the main argument will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant points, it would benefit from deeper exploration of ideas, clearer positioning, and improved clarity and focus in language use.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits to the drawbacks is somewhat abrupt. The first body paragraph focuses on the advantages of online communication, but the connection to the drawbacks could be made clearer. The ideas within paragraphs are generally coherent, but some sentences lack clarity and logical progression, such as the sentence "One of which can stems from study performance," which is confusing and disrupts the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Using transitional phrases such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," can help signal shifts in focus. Additionally, clarifying the main point of each paragraph at the beginning can guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with a clear separation between the discussion of advantages and disadvantages. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. For example, the first paragraph discussing benefits could be broken down into smaller sections, each focusing on a specific advantage. The current paragraph is somewhat dense and could benefit from clearer topic sentences and supporting details.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should aim for one main idea per paragraph, supported by relevant examples. Starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point will help the reader follow the argument more easily. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph contains a mix of explanation and examples will enhance clarity and engagement.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for instance" and "despite these advantages," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some phrases are used incorrectly or awkwardly, such as "the cost of this trend is more affordable than traditional methods." This could be rephrased for clarity. Additionally, the use of pronouns and conjunctions is inconsistent, leading to occasional confusion about what is being referred to.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "consequently." Practicing the use of these devices in context can help improve fluency and coherence. Additionally, ensuring that pronouns clearly refer back to their antecedents will enhance clarity.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms such as "revolutionized," "communicate," "benefits," and "drawbacks." However, the use of phrases like "a opportunity" (which should be "an opportunity") and "grativiate towards use the interent" (which should be "gravitate towards using the internet") indicates a limited range and some awkward constructions. The phrase "a significant number of people, especially children and adolescents" shows an attempt to use more complex vocabulary, but overall, the vocabulary choices are somewhat repetitive and lack variety.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "communicate," alternatives like "interact," "connect," or "engage" could be employed. Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to technology and communication, such as "digital interaction" or "virtual networking," would elevate the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the cost of this trend is more affordable" which could be better expressed as "this method is more cost-effective." Additionally, "a numerous problems" should be "numerous problems," and "the attack of cybercrime" could be more accurately stated as "the threat of cybercrime." These inaccuracies can lead to confusion and detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on understanding the nuances of vocabulary. Using a thesaurus can help find more appropriate words, but it’s essential to ensure that the chosen words fit the context. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and specificity will also aid in this area.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "ebing" (should be "being"), "beaking" (should be "breaking"), "interent" (should be "internet"), "perhaphs" (should be "perhaps"), and "diffrent" (should be "different"). These errors can disrupt the reading flow and negatively impact the overall impression of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, perhaps using online tools or apps designed for this purpose. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or reading it aloud can help catch spelling mistakes before submission. Keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial for targeted practice.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at using vocabulary relevant to the topic, there are significant areas for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on expanding vocabulary, improving word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences follow a simple or compound format, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For example, the sentence "The internet has undeniably revolutionized the way individuals communicate with others" is a complex sentence, but it is followed by simpler constructions like "One of which can stems from study performance." This lack of variety in sentence structure reduces the overall effectiveness of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences and varied clause types. For instance, using relative clauses (e.g., "which allows them to…") or conditional sentences (e.g., "If people communicate online, they can…") can add depth. Practicing sentence combining exercises or reading more complex texts can also help in developing a broader range of structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, phrases like "allowing people have a opportunity" should be corrected to "allowing people to have an opportunity." Additionally, "internet will offers them a chance" contains subject-verb agreement errors. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect conjunction usage (e.g., "the cost of this trend is more affordable than traditional methods like international phone calls or physical mail, people can readily access to internet anytime without paying extra money"), lead to run-on sentences that confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, proper use of articles, and correct verb forms. Regular grammar exercises, particularly focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation and sentence structure can help identify and correct run-on sentences. Reading essays or articles with a focus on grammar can also aid in understanding correct usage.

Overall, while the essay presents some relevant ideas, the grammatical range and accuracy need significant improvement to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on diversifying sentence structures and correcting grammatical and punctuation errors will enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The internet has undeniably revolutionized the way individuals communicate with others, allowing people to have the opportunity to chat and exchange information regardless of geographical locations. This essay will explore the benefits and drawbacks of this trend.

There are many benefits of online communication that can explain why a significant number of people, especially children and adolescents, gravitate towards using the internet as a tool to make friends. One advantage stems from study performance; the internet offers them a chance to encounter different people from various backgrounds, consequently improving their study effectiveness. For instance, individuals can support one another by communicating and resolving challenging assignments; perhaps they give useful advice in order to gain confidence and motivation. Furthermore, the prevalence of online communication is attributed to its relatively low cost. The cost of this trend is more affordable than traditional methods like international phone calls or physical mail, and people can readily access the internet at any time without paying extra money.

Despite these advantages, international communication online also causes numerous problems. Obviously, individuals with different languages become barriers to integrating with peers around them, which contributes to miscommunications. Another potential downside that needs to be considered is privacy and security. People normally share sensitive information about themselves online, which can pose risks to privacy and security data, especially across international borders. They can be endangered due to the disclosure of personal information, which may pave the way for cybercrime attacks.

In conclusion, it can be said that communicating online presents both benefits and drawbacks. Its ability to exchange information and affordability helps people expand relationships and enhance their skills. In contrast, interactions on the internet also cause a plethora of obstacles, such as language barriers and privacy issues, which cannot be overlooked.