some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matters is the quality of their work. Discuss both views and give your own opinions

some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matters is the quality of their work.

Discuss both views and give your own opinions

Opinions are divided on whether people should pay attention to their appearances or focus only on the quality of their work. Although I understand the rationale of those advocating the latter option, I support the former.
Some believe that it is good for organizations to compel a high-quality flow of work and may base their position on the fact that it brings certain benefits. One advantage is that if people concentrate on their tasks, it will increase productivity, leading to the booming revenue of companies, which facilitates their working environment and makes them eligible for employee benefits. Another advantage is that there will be an advancement in their job promotions because of making efforts when being on duty, thus enhancing their successful career paths and improving their living standards.
However, my personal opinion is in favor of the first view. It is of paramount importance for employers to focus on their employee ‘s appearances. One benefit is that their staff tend to show a high respect to the recruiter or the parties involved. A case in point is that when two parties mutually sign a contract, dressing well, such as suits or formal clothing, is totally necessary to be respectful to one another, thus cementing their relationship. Another advantage is making a good impression with high-ranking positions, which means workers extremely prefer this occupation to others, increasing the chances of being offered a golden opportunity.
In conclusion, although some individuals claim that working quality is more important than employees’s appearances, I think that the facial and physical evidences far outweigh the results of work.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Opinions are divided" -> "Opinions are varied"
Explanation: "Opinions are varied" is a more precise and formal way to express the diversity of views, aligning better with academic style by avoiding the colloquial tone of "divided."
"pay attention to their appearances" -> "focus on their appearance"
Explanation: "Focus on their appearance" is more concise and appropriate for formal writing, as "appearances" is unnecessarily plural and can be simplified to "appearance" in this context.
"the latter option" -> "the alternative approach"
Explanation: "The alternative approach" is a more formal and precise term than "the latter option," which can be vague and less specific in academic writing.
"it is good for organizations" -> "it benefits organizations"
Explanation: "It benefits organizations" is a more direct and formal way to express the positive impact, avoiding the colloquial tone of "it is good for."
"compel a high-quality flow of work" -> "ensure a high-quality workflow"
Explanation: "Ensure a high-quality workflow" is a more precise and formal expression, replacing the less common and less clear "compel a high-quality flow of work."
"booming revenue" -> "increased revenue"
Explanation: "Increased revenue" is a more formal and accurate term than "booming revenue," which is an idiom that may be considered too informal for academic writing.
"makes them eligible for employee benefits" -> "entitles them to employee benefits"
Explanation: "Entitles them to employee benefits" is more precise and formal, clearly indicating the direct result of increased revenue.
"making efforts when being on duty" -> "exerting effort during duty hours"
Explanation: "Exerting effort during duty hours" is a more formal and precise way to describe the actions of employees, replacing the less formal "making efforts when being on duty."
"enhancing their successful career paths" -> "advancing their career prospects"
Explanation: "Advancing their career prospects" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "enhancing their successful career paths," which is redundant and informal.
"It is of paramount importance for employers to focus on their employee ‘s appearances" -> "It is crucial for employers to prioritize their employees’ appearance"
Explanation: "It is crucial for employers to prioritize their employees’ appearance" corrects the possessive error and uses "prioritize" for a more formal tone, replacing "focus on" which is somewhat vague.
"their staff tend to show a high respect" -> "their staff tend to demonstrate high respect"
Explanation: "Demonstrate high respect" is a more formal and precise expression than "show a high respect," aligning better with academic style.
"totally necessary" -> "essential"
Explanation: "Essential" is a more formal and succinct term than "totally necessary," which is colloquial and redundant.
"making a good impression with high-ranking positions" -> "making a favorable impression in high-ranking positions"
Explanation: "Making a favorable impression in high-ranking positions" is more precise and formal, replacing the less formal "making a good impression with."
"extremely prefer this occupation to others" -> "strongly prefer this occupation over others"
Explanation: "Strongly prefer this occupation over others" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "extremely," which is not typically used in academic writing.
"golden opportunity" -> "prestigious opportunity"
Explanation: "Prestigious opportunity" is a more formal and precise term than "golden opportunity," which is an idiom that may be considered too informal for academic contexts.
"the facial and physical evidences" -> "physical appearance"
Explanation: "Physical appearance" is a more precise and formal term than "the facial and physical evidences," which is awkward and unclear in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the importance of employee appearance versus the quality of work. The first part discusses the perspective that prioritizes work quality, citing benefits such as increased productivity and potential for promotions. However, the essay could have been more balanced by providing a more thorough exploration of the opposing view. For instance, while it mentions the advantages of focusing on work quality, it does not delve deeply into the potential downsides of neglecting appearance, such as the impact on company image or client perceptions.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim to provide a more comprehensive discussion of both perspectives. This could involve adding specific examples or statistics that illustrate the consequences of neglecting employee appearance, as well as the potential benefits of prioritizing work quality. A more balanced exploration would strengthen the argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that supports the importance of employee appearance. However, the transition between discussing the two views could be smoother. The phrase "my personal opinion is in favor of the first view" could be more effectively integrated into the discussion to reinforce the writer’s stance. Additionally, the conclusion reiterates the writer’s position but does so in a somewhat abrupt manner, which may confuse readers about the overall argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use transitional phrases that clearly indicate when they are shifting from one viewpoint to another. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument throughout the essay with consistent references to how each point relates back to the importance of appearance would help solidify the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the importance of employee appearance, such as respect and making a good impression. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with detailed examples. For instance, the point about dressing well during contract signings could benefit from a specific scenario or a more detailed explanation of how this impacts business relationships.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate the argument. Providing real-world scenarios or citing studies that support the claims would enhance the persuasive power of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate between employee appearance and work quality. However, there are moments where the connection between points could be clearer. For example, the mention of "high-ranking positions" and "golden opportunities" feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument about the importance of appearance in the workplace.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point directly relates back to the central argument. This can be achieved by explicitly linking each idea to the overall theme of the essay and avoiding tangential points that do not contribute to the main discussion. A clear outline before writing could help in organizing thoughts and ensuring relevance throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of focusing on work quality to the importance of appearance feels abrupt. The first body paragraph discusses the advantages of prioritizing work quality, but the connection to the second body paragraph, which shifts to the importance of appearance, is not smooth. This can confuse readers about how the two perspectives relate to each other.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two views. For example, after discussing the benefits of work quality, you could add a sentence that acknowledges the opposing viewpoint before transitioning to the importance of appearance. This would help create a more cohesive argument and guide the reader through your reasoning.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of the paragraph. The current topic sentence does not clearly indicate that the paragraph will focus on the importance of appearance, which may lead to confusion.
- How to improve: Start each body paragraph with a strong topic sentence that clearly states the main idea. For instance, in the second body paragraph, a topic sentence like "While some argue that work quality is paramount, I believe that employee appearance plays a crucial role in professional settings" would provide clarity and set the stage for the discussion that follows.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "although," "however," and "another advantage," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and the essay occasionally relies on repetitive phrases, which can detract from the overall flow. For example, the phrase "another advantage" is used multiple times without variation, which can make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "another advantage," you could use alternatives like "in addition," "furthermore," or "moreover." Additionally, using phrases like "on the other hand" when presenting contrasting views can enhance the essay’s cohesiveness and make the argument more engaging.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improving the logical flow, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will elevate the coherence and cohesion of the writing, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "high-quality flow of work," "booming revenue," and "successful career paths." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks variation. For instance, the terms "advantage" and "importance" appear multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions, which could enrich the text.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "advantage," alternatives like "benefit," "merit," or "positive aspect" could be employed. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives and adverbs could add depth to the arguments presented.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the booming revenue of companies" could be better articulated as "increased profitability" to convey a clearer meaning. Furthermore, the phrase "facial and physical evidences" is awkward; "evidence" is typically uncountable in this context.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that accurately convey the intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing vocabulary choices and ensuring they fit the context. For example, replacing "evidences" with "evidence" and using "financial success" instead of "booming revenue" would enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "employee ‘s" (should be "employees’") and "individuals’s" (should be "individuals’"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully or use spelling and grammar checking tools. Practicing spelling of commonly used words and phrases in academic writing can also help. Additionally, reading the essay aloud may help catch errors that are easily overlooked during silent reading.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy will contribute to achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For instance, phrases like "Although I understand the rationale of those advocating the latter option" and "One advantage is that if people concentrate on their tasks, it will increase productivity" showcase the use of subordinate clauses effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structure, particularly in the way advantages are introduced (e.g., "One advantage is that…" and "Another advantage is that…"). This can make the writing feel formulaic.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider using different methods to introduce points. For example, instead of consistently starting with "One advantage is that…", try varying the structure by using phrases like "A significant benefit of this approach is…" or "An important consideration is…". Additionally, incorporating more compound-complex sentences could further enrich the essay’s grammatical range.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, the phrase "employee ‘s appearances" contains an incorrect space and an unnecessary apostrophe, which should be corrected to "employees’ appearances" to indicate possession correctly. Additionally, the phrase "the facial and physical evidences" is awkward; "evidence" is an uncountable noun and should not be pluralized. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are some areas where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "thus" in "thus cementing their relationship."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully, focusing on common errors such as apostrophe usage and noun forms. Additionally, practicing the use of uncountable nouns and their correct forms can help prevent similar mistakes. For punctuation, consider reviewing rules regarding comma placement, especially in complex sentences, to ensure clarity and fluidity in writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the identified weaknesses will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some believe that it is good for organizations to ensure a high-quality workflow and may base their position on the fact that it brings certain benefits. One advantage is that if people concentrate on their tasks, it will increase productivity, leading to increased revenue for companies, which facilitates their working environment and entitles them to employee benefits. Another advantage is that there will be advancements in their job promotions because of exerting effort during duty hours, thus enhancing their successful career paths and improving their living standards.

However, my personal opinion is in favor of the first view. It is crucial for employers to prioritize their employees’ appearance. One benefit is that their staff tend to demonstrate high respect for the recruiter or the parties involved. A case in point is that when two parties mutually sign a contract, dressing well, such as in suits or formal clothing, is totally necessary to show respect to one another, thus cementing their relationship. Another advantage is making a favorable impression in high-ranking positions, which means workers strongly prefer this occupation over others, increasing the chances of being offered a prestigious opportunity.

In conclusion, although some individuals claim that work quality is more important than employees’ appearances, I think that the physical appearance and facial evidence far outweigh the results of work.