Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress because what matters is the quality of their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that companies should not care about the clothes of their staff and they should pay attention to the productivity of their work. I am mostly against the proposal to let the employees choose their outfits freely and in the following essay, I will elaborate both on my perspective with rationale and examples.

On the one hand, there are two main reasons for my rationale for regulating uniforms in the workplace. To begin with, firms regulating their subordinates’ attire can foster a sense of professionalism and create a formal atmosphere in the office. As their costumes are similar and appropriate for this environment. This can also help avoid the circumstance of dressing informal by some worker. An illustrative example of this case is an employee who works for a large company in Vietnam, she wears shorts and a off shoulder shirt to work and it has caused a controversy about uniforms in workplaces. Furthermore, the office dress code can bridge the gap between the lower and the higher incomes as the big earners tend to purchase luxurious items, and the lower earners use normal ones. This disparity can cause differences and inharmonious in companies.

Some opponents might argue that we should concentrate on the quality of their work without paying attention to their dress as it could exhibit the innovation of the business. However, they might have to consider that similar clothing could help promote the professional image of the corporation in others’ eyes, which can help them achieve more goals and sign more contracts with other companies or partners. For example, the Grab agency regulated their employees to wear uniforms while doing their work and it received lots of good responses from the customers.

In conclusion, despite the apparent advantages of emphasizing work quality, I strongly believe that setting a regulation of dressing the uniform in the work environment can help the business become more professional and formal.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people think" -> "Some individuals believe"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "believe" is a more precise verb choice than "think" in academic writing.
"companies should not care about the clothes of their staff" -> "companies should not concern themselves with the attire of their employees"
Explanation: "Concern themselves with" is more formal and precise than "care about," and "attire" is a more formal term than "clothes."
"they should pay attention to the productivity of their work" -> "they should focus on the productivity of their work"
Explanation: "Focus on" is more specific and academically appropriate than "pay attention to," which is somewhat informal.
"I am mostly against" -> "I am largely opposed to"
Explanation: "Largely opposed to" is more formal and precise than "mostly against," which is somewhat colloquial.
"let the employees choose their outfits freely" -> "allow employees to select their attire freely"
Explanation: "Allow" and "select" are more formal than "let" and "choose," and "attire" is preferred over "outfits" in formal contexts.
"foster a sense of professionalism" -> "promote a sense of professionalism"
Explanation: "Promote" is a more formal synonym for "foster" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.
"As their costumes are similar and appropriate for this environment" -> "as their attire is uniform and suitable for this environment"
Explanation: "Uniform" and "suitable" are more precise and formal than "similar and appropriate," and "attire" is preferred over "costumes" in formal writing.
"avoid the circumstance of dressing informal by some worker" -> "prevent informal attire among some employees"
Explanation: "Prevent informal attire" is more direct and formal than "avoid the circumstance of dressing informal," and "employees" is more specific than "some worker."
"an illustrative example of this case is an employee" -> "an illustrative example of this is an employee"
Explanation: Removing "of this case" simplifies the phrase and maintains clarity and formality.
"it has caused a controversy about uniforms in workplaces" -> "it has sparked controversy regarding workplace uniforms"
Explanation: "Spark controversy" is a more precise and formal expression than "cause a controversy," and "regarding" is more formal than "about."
"the lower and the higher incomes" -> "lower- and higher-income groups"
Explanation: "Lower- and higher-income groups" is a more precise and formal way to refer to socioeconomic categories.
"differences and inharmonious in companies" -> "differences and disharmony within companies"
Explanation: "Disharmony" is a more specific term than "inharmonious," and "within" is more formal than "in."
"concentrate on the quality of their work" -> "focus on the quality of their work"
Explanation: "Focus" is a more formal synonym for "concentrate," aligning better with academic style.
"it could exhibit the innovation of the business" -> "it could demonstrate the innovation of the business"
Explanation: "Demonstrate" is more precise and formal than "exhibit" in this context, referring to showing or illustrating innovation.
"help them achieve more goals and sign more contracts" -> "assist them in achieving more goals and securing more contracts"
Explanation: "Assist" and "securing" are more formal and precise than "help" and "sign," respectively.
"setting a regulation of dressing the uniform" -> "establishing a uniform dress code"
Explanation: "Establishing a uniform dress code" is a clearer and more formal way to express the idea of implementing a uniform policy.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing whether employers should care about employees’ attire or focus solely on their work quality. The writer argues against the idea of allowing employees to choose their outfits freely, supporting the need for dress codes with reasons related to professionalism and equality. However, the response does not fully explore the opposing view or the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees, which is crucial for a comprehensive answer. For example, the essay mentions the benefits of dress codes but provides limited discussion on why work quality might be prioritized instead.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should more thoroughly explore both sides of the argument. It should clearly outline the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement and provide balanced arguments for both perspectives. Including a more detailed discussion on why some might prioritize work quality over attire and addressing this in relation to the writer’s stance would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is evident—they are against allowing employees to dress freely and support dress codes. However, the position is not always clearly maintained. The essay introduces the opposing viewpoint but does not robustly refute it, which leads to some ambiguity in the argument. The essay’s conclusion restates the position but could be stronger in summarizing the key reasons why the position is held.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should ensure that their stance is consistently reinforced throughout the essay. They should explicitly refute the opposing viewpoint and clearly link each argument back to their main position. Summarizing the key arguments in the conclusion and demonstrating how each point supports the overall stance will help clarify the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting dress codes, such as professionalism and reducing socioeconomic disparities. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the example about the employee in Vietnam is not clearly explained or linked back to the argument about professionalism. The support provided for the use of uniforms is somewhat limited and not always well-explained.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation, extension, and support of ideas, each point should be thoroughly developed with clear explanations and relevant examples. The writer should ensure that examples are directly related to the arguments and clearly illustrate the points being made. Developing each idea with more detail and providing well-explained examples will strengthen the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the impact of dress codes versus work quality. However, there are some deviations. For example, the discussion about socioeconomic disparities could be more tightly linked to how dress codes specifically impact professional environments. Additionally, the essay occasionally shifts to general statements about professional image without tying them back explicitly to the core argument.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the writer should ensure that every paragraph and argument is directly related to the prompt. It is important to keep the focus on the central issue of whether dress codes or work quality should be prioritized and avoid introducing unrelated points. Each idea should be clearly connected to the main argument and contribute directly to the discussion of the prompt.

By addressing these points, the essay can achieve a higher band score by demonstrating a more comprehensive and coherent response to the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 9

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 9

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is organized in a logical sequence that effectively presents the argument. The introduction clearly states the writer’s stance on the topic, outlining the points that will be discussed. The body paragraphs are well-structured, with each paragraph presenting a distinct argument related to the central thesis. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of uniform regulations, such as fostering professionalism and reducing socioeconomic disparities. The second body paragraph addresses counterarguments and reinforces the importance of a professional image. This logical flow helps readers easily follow and understand the writer’s position.
- How to improve: Although the organization is strong, the essay could benefit from more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly signal the main idea of each section. This would enhance clarity and ensure that the reader immediately grasps the focus of each paragraph. Additionally, ensuring that each point made is fully elaborated with clear links back to the central thesis can further improve coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different aspects of the argument. The introduction sets up the essay’s direction, and the body paragraphs address distinct arguments and counterarguments. However, the transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to improve the overall cohesion of the essay. For instance, the shift from discussing the advantages of dress codes to counterarguments is somewhat abrupt, which can momentarily disrupt the flow of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and that each idea within the paragraph is fully developed before moving to the next point. Using transitional phrases or sentences at the end of paragraphs can help bridge ideas more smoothly and maintain a continuous flow. For example, phrases like "In contrast" or "On the other hand" can be used to better signal shifts in perspective or argumentation.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices such as conjunctions and transitional phrases ("On the one hand," "However," "For example"). These devices help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, contributing to the overall coherence of the text. However, there is some redundancy and occasional awkwardness in the use of these devices, which slightly impacts the smoothness of the reading experience.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a broader range of transitional phrases and linking words to connect ideas more effectively. For example, using phrases like "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "Consequently" can enhance the flow of information and argumentation. Avoid repetitive use of the same cohesive devices and strive for a more varied and natural integration of these elements to maintain reader engagement and clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in vocabulary but relies on common terms and phrases. For instance, terms like "companies," "employees," and "workplace" are used repetitively.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, incorporate synonyms and less common expressions. For example, instead of repeating "employees," consider using "staff members," "workers," or "personnel." This would showcase a broader vocabulary and avoid redundancy.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: Some word choices are imprecise or incorrect. For example, “costumes” should be “attire” or “clothing,” and “informal” should be “informally dressed.” Also, "inharmonious" is used incorrectly; "disharmony" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: Pay attention to context and choose words that best fit the situation. For example, replace “costumes” with “attire” for a more professional tone. Regular practice with vocabulary in different contexts and reviewing word usage will aid in precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate, but there are a few errors such as “a off shoulder” (should be “an off-shoulder”) and “dressing informal” (should be “dressing informally”).
- How to improve: Proofread carefully to catch spelling and grammatical errors. Using spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify mistakes that may be overlooked during writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay primarily employs simple sentence structures with some use of complex sentences. Examples include “Some people think that companies should not care about the clothes of their staff and they should pay attention to the productivity of their work” and “To begin with, firms regulating their subordinates’ attire can foster a sense of professionalism and create a formal atmosphere in the office.” While there is an attempt at complexity, such as using conditional structures, these are often not fully developed or varied.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, practice incorporating a wider variety of sentence forms, such as compound-complex sentences and using different subordinate clauses. Experiment with different ways to combine ideas, and ensure that complex sentences are grammatically accurate and add clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: There are several grammatical errors and punctuation issues throughout the essay. For example, “As their costumes are similar and appropriate for this environment” is grammatically incorrect, and “an employee who works for a large company in Vietnam, she wears shorts and a off shoulder shirt to work” contains comma splices and incorrect article usage. Additionally, “a off shoulder shirt” should be “an off-shoulder shirt,” and “the lower earners use normal ones” is unclear and awkwardly phrased.
- How to improve: Focus on correcting grammatical errors such as article usage and verb tense consistency. Practice avoiding comma splices by breaking sentences into appropriate clauses and using correct punctuation. Reviewing grammar rules and doing targeted exercises can also help in improving accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some people think that companies should not care about the clothes of their staff and should pay attention to the productivity of their work. I am largely opposed to the proposal to allow employees to choose their attire freely, and in the following essay, I will delve into my perspective with rationale and examples.

On the one hand, there are two main reasons for my stance on regulating uniforms in the workplace. To begin with, firms regulating their subordinates’ attire can foster a sense of professionalism and create a formal atmosphere in the office. As their attire is uniform and suitable for this environment, it helps avoid the circumstance of informal dressing by some employees. An illustrative example of this is an employee who works for a large company in Vietnam; she wears shorts and an off-shoulder shirt to work, which has sparked controversy regarding workplace uniforms. Furthermore, the office dress code can bridge the gap between lower- and higher-income groups, as higher earners tend to purchase luxurious items, while lower earners use more standard ones. This disparity can lead to differences and disharmony within companies.

Some opponents might argue that we should concentrate on the quality of work without paying attention to dress, as it could demonstrate the innovation of the business. However, they might have to consider that similar clothing could help promote the professional image of the corporation in others’ eyes, which can assist them in achieving more goals and securing more contracts with other companies or partners. For example, the Grab agency regulated their employees to wear uniforms while working, and it received positive responses from customers.

In conclusion, despite the apparent advantages of emphasizing work quality, I strongly believe that establishing a uniform dress code in the work environment can help the business become more professional and formal.