Some people think that employers should not care about the way their employees dress, because what matters is the quality of their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The debate of whether companies should be concerned about what their employees wear remains controversial in today's workplace. Some claim that employers should put more emphasis on job quality than on adherence to dress code, arguing that a person's ability to perform tasks should be the only indicator of competency. While emphasizing the quality of work is important, it is also essential to recognize how employees present themselves contributes to the overall professional environment.
On one hand, loose dress codes allowing to wear personal style and comfort can boost employee creativity and fasten their woking pace. Giving workers the freedom to express themselves through fashion can help create a more inclusive workplace that represents the range of cultures and ethnicities in the company. Furthermore, the time spent enforcing dress codes on employees should be invested in training and professional development programs instead.
On the other hand, standard dress code promotes a sense of professionalism. Customers and stakeholders are more likely to trust a corporation that maintains a consistent and courteous image. A well-defined dress code can also remove possible distractions, allowing staff members to concentrate on their work rather than their coworkers' wardrobe choices.
In conclusion, even though focusing the quality of work is crucial, companies should balance between allowing personal expression and holding a professional image by implementing dress codes that are flexible and allow employees to express themselves within certain limits.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"woking pace" -> "working pace"
Explanation: Correcting the typographical error "woking" to "working" maintains the formal and professional tone of the essay by using the accurate term.
"allowing to wear" -> "allowing them to wear"
Explanation: Adding "them" after "allowing" clarifies the sentence structure, making it more grammatically sound and suitable for formal writing.
"fasten their woking pace" -> "accelerate their work pace"
Explanation: Replacing "fasten" with "accelerate" and "woking" with "work" provides a more formal and precise description of how dress codes can impact employees’ productivity.
"well-defined dress code" -> "clear dress code"
Explanation: "Clear dress code" is a more concise and natural alternative that retains the academic tone and effectively conveys the idea.
"remove possible distractions" -> "eliminate potential distractions"
Explanation: "Eliminate potential distractions" is a more formal and precise phrase, aligning better with the academic style and enhancing clarity.
"express themselves within certain limits" -> "express themselves within defined boundaries"
Explanation: Replacing "certain limits" with "defined boundaries" maintains a formal tone and provides a more specific and precise expression of the concept.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7 – UNDER WORD
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. It discusses both sides of the argument – those who argue for a relaxed dress code and those in favor of a standard dress code – but it could provide a more balanced exploration of these viewpoints. There is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide a more comprehensive analysis of both perspectives, exploring the advantages and disadvantages of each in greater detail. Additionally, it should clearly state the writer’s own position on the matter.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in the introduction by stating that the emphasis on quality of work and dress code adherence are both important. However, the body paragraphs present arguments for both sides without a clear indication of the author’s stance until the conclusion.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the essay should clearly state the author’s position on the issue in the introduction and maintain this stance throughout the essay. This will help the reader better understand the writer’s perspective.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas and arguments but lacks depth in the exploration of these points. For instance, it mentions that a relaxed dress code can boost creativity and inclusivity but does not provide specific examples or evidence to support this claim.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes to substantiate its claims. This will make the arguments more convincing and engaging for the reader.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the issue of whether employers should care about the way employees dress. However, there are moments where the discussion deviates slightly, such as when it briefly mentions training and professional development programs without a clear connection to the dress code topic.
- How to improve: To stay on topic more effectively, the essay should ensure that all points made are directly related to the dress code debate. If discussing other topics, a strong connection to the central theme should be established.
Overall, while this essay shows an understanding of the topic and presents some valid points, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of perspectives, clearer positioning, deeper analysis with supporting evidence, and a stricter adherence to the central theme throughout. These improvements could help elevate the essay to a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information. It starts with an introduction that provides context and a clear thesis statement. The body paragraphs follow a coherent sequence, presenting arguments for and against the idea of dress codes in the workplace. Finally, the essay concludes by summarizing the main points and restating the thesis. This logical progression makes it easy for the reader to follow the author’s argument.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, the author could consider using transition words or phrases to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This would help create a smoother flow and make the essay even more coherent.
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure the content. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point or argument, and there is a clear separation between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This division helps the reader navigate the essay and understand the organization.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the author could ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence at the beginning, followed by supporting details and examples. This would make the essay even more structured and reader-friendly.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. For example, it employs transition words like "On one hand," "On the other hand," and "In conclusion" to signal shifts in the argument. Additionally, the pronouns "it" and "they" are effectively used to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, contributing to overall cohesion.
- How to improve: While the essay already uses cohesive devices effectively, the author could consider incorporating more advanced transitional phrases or synonyms to further enrich the essay’s vocabulary and coherence. This would add depth to the writing without compromising clarity.
Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 7. To enhance these aspects further, the author should focus on using advanced transitional language and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear structure with a well-defined topic sentence.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It uses a variety of words and phrases to express ideas but occasionally relies on common or repetitive terms. For example, it uses phrases like "quality of work," "dress code," and "express themselves" multiple times throughout the essay, which limits the variety of vocabulary.
- How to improve: To improve the use of a wide range of vocabulary, the writer should explore synonyms and alternative expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "quality of work," the writer can use phrases like "work performance" or "task excellence" to add diversity. Additionally, incorporating more precise vocabulary related to the essay topic can enhance the lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary precisely. It conveys ideas with clarity and minimal ambiguity. For instance, it effectively distinguishes between "loose dress codes" and "standard dress code" to illustrate different points of view. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "fasten their woking pace" may be considered imprecise due to the word "fasten," which does not accurately convey the intended meaning of increasing work speed.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should carefully select words that accurately convey their intended meanings. In the example mentioned, replacing "fasten" with "accelerate" or "enhance" would improve precision. Reviewing word choice for each idea presented in the essay can help ensure precision throughout.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally correct level of spelling accuracy. There are no glaring spelling errors that significantly impact readability or comprehension. However, there are a few minor spelling errors, such as "woking" instead of "working" and "fasten" instead of "faster." These errors do not severely hinder understanding but can be improved for a more polished essay.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, paying attention to common words and potential typos. Additionally, using spell-check tools or asking a peer to review the essay can help identify and correct any spelling errors before submission.
Overall, this essay demonstrates a reasonable level of lexical resource. To achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim for greater vocabulary diversity, enhanced precision in word choice, and improved spelling accuracy. Additionally, proofreading and revision are essential to address minor spelling errors and refine the essay’s overall lexical quality.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. It uses both complex and simple sentences, combining them effectively to convey ideas. For example, "Some claim that employers should put more emphasis on job quality than on adherence to dress code, arguing that a person’s ability to perform tasks should be the only indicator of competency" presents a complex sentence structure with an embedded clause. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further, especially by incorporating more compound and compound-complex sentences. This would enhance the overall fluency and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve the range of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound and compound-complex sentences. For instance, you could combine related ideas using coordinating conjunctions like "and," "but," or "or." Additionally, experiment with using introductory phrases or clauses to vary the sentence openings and create a smoother flow.
Use Grammar Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy. There are minor errors in some sentences, such as "fasten their woking pace" (working should replace "woking"), but these do not significantly hinder comprehension. Most sentences are well-constructed and free from major grammatical errors. It’s worth noting that the essay appropriately uses articles, verb tenses, and subject-verb agreement.
- How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy, proofread the essay carefully to catch and correct minor errors like the one mentioned above. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and word choice to ensure clarity and precision in your writing.
Use Correct Punctuation:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs correct punctuation, including commas, periods, and apostrophes. However, there are some areas that could benefit from improvement. For instance, "fasten their woking pace" contains a minor punctuation error; a comma should separate "fasten" and "their." Additionally, there is a missing comma in the sentence, "Furthermore, the time spent enforcing dress codes on employees should be invested in training and professional development programs instead," before "Furthermore." Such errors do not severely impact comprehension but can make the writing appear less polished.
- How to improve: To refine punctuation skills, practice using commas, semicolons, and other punctuation marks correctly. Pay attention to introductory phrases, clauses, and transitions, as these often require appropriate punctuation. Proofread your work carefully to spot and rectify such issues before finalizing your essays.
Overall, this essay demonstrates strong grammatical proficiency, with minor room for improvement in sentence structure variety and punctuation accuracy. With some refinements in these areas, it can reach an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.
Bài sửa mẫu
The debate over whether companies should be concerned about their employees’ attire remains a topic of discussion in today’s workplaces. Some argue that employers should prioritize the quality of work over strict adherence to a dress code, asserting that a person’s ability to perform their tasks should be the sole measure of competence. While emphasizing work quality is important, it is also vital to acknowledge how employees’ presentation contributes to the overall professional atmosphere.
On one hand, having a relaxed dress code that allows employees to wear clothing that reflects their personal style and comfort can enhance their creativity and accelerate their work pace. Allowing workers the freedom to express themselves through fashion can contribute to a more inclusive workplace that represents the diverse range of cultures and ethnicities within the company. Additionally, the time and effort spent on enforcing strict dress codes could be better invested in employee training and professional development programs.
On the other hand, a clear dress code promotes a sense of professionalism. Customers and stakeholders are more likely to have trust in a company that maintains a consistent and respectful image. A well-defined dress code can also help eliminate potential distractions, enabling staff members to focus on their work rather than being preoccupied with their colleagues’ clothing choices.
In conclusion, while it is crucial to prioritize the quality of work, companies should strike a balance between allowing personal expression and maintaining a professional image by implementing dress codes that are flexible and enable employees to express themselves within defined boundaries.