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Some people think that famous people can help international aid organizations to draw attention to important problems. Others believe that the celebrities can make the problems seem less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that famous people can help international aid organizations to draw attention to important problems. Others believe that the celebrities can make the problems seem less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

On the one hand, some people argue that celebrities can help organizations draw attention to many severe issues through events. This is partly true because they are influential. In other words, they have a huge fanbase and supporters who are usually willing to listen and take action. For example, Chi Bao, a famous Vietnamese actor, represents the Understanding About the Heart fund, a philanthropic charity. Leveraging his reputation, he can help organizations raise funds by collecting money in different methods. He could motivate people to donate money, buy their books, and share information on social media. Clearly, the public will feel inspired to contribute to society under these celebrities’ influence. Another good aspect is that they can be a positive role model in contributing. In more detail, they can devote their effort to social campaigns to raise people’s awareness. Ha Anh Tuan, a famous Vietnamese pop star, and also a representative of Save Vietnam’s Wildlife, is a prime example. Through his actions for our environment through this volunteering program, people could imitate him and join hands to make a better world.
On the other hand, I would side with those who state that famous people can divert public attention. Specifically, they may outshine the event and draw people’s notice to themselves. For instance, if Ngoc Trinh, a model star, is invited to a charitable program, audiences may talk about her clothes and scandals instead of caring about social problems. As a result, it may do more harm than good. Obviously, we should consider wisely the celebrity who can help them to convey their message. Another drawback is that their negative publicity may affect the charity organization. To be more specific, their bad image might make the public turn their backs or boycott the operations. To illustrate, Thuy Tien, who has various anti-fans after the charity in the central area of Vietnam, doesn’t have any collaboration invitations from some famous brands. It seems that many have doubts and might stop supporting the firms if they use inappropriate celebrities.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "draw attention to many severe issues" -> "highlight significant societal issues"
    Explanation: Replacing "draw attention to many severe issues" with "highlight significant societal issues" provides a more formal and precise expression, enhancing the overall academic tone of the sentence.

  2. "In other words, they have a huge fanbase" -> "Additionally, they possess a substantial fanbase"
    Explanation: "In other words" can be replaced with "Additionally" for a smoother transition. "Possess" is a more formal term than "have," and "substantial" is a more sophisticated synonym for "huge," maintaining formality.

  3. "buy their books" -> "purchase their publications"
    Explanation: Using "purchase their publications" instead of "buy their books" adds a touch of formality and specificity, aligning with academic language.

  4. "Clearly, the public will feel inspired" -> "Evidently, the public will be motivated"
    Explanation: "Clearly" is replaced with "Evidently" for a more formal transition. "Motivated" is a more formal synonym for "inspired."

  5. "positive role model in contributing" -> "positive contributor and role model"
    Explanation: Restructuring the phrase to "positive contributor and role model" maintains clarity while presenting the idea more formally.

  6. "devote their effort to social campaigns" -> "dedicate their efforts to social initiatives"
    Explanation: "Devote their effort" is replaced with "dedicate their efforts," providing a more formal and nuanced expression.

  7. "pop star" -> "renowned pop artist"
    Explanation: "Pop star" is replaced with "renowned pop artist" for a more sophisticated and formal description.

  8. "draw people’s notice to themselves" -> "attract attention to themselves"
    Explanation: Replacing "draw people’s notice to themselves" with "attract attention to themselves" offers a more straightforward and formal wording.

  9. "clothes and scandals" -> "wardrobe and controversies"
    Explanation: "Clothes and scandals" is replaced with "wardrobe and controversies" for a more refined and formal representation.

  10. "make a better world" -> "contribute to societal betterment"
    Explanation: "Make a better world" is replaced with "contribute to societal betterment" for a more formal and elaborate expression of the idea.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "For example, if Ngoc Trinh, a model star, is invited to a charitable program, audiences may talk about her clothes and scandals instead of caring about social problems."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestion: This paragraph effectively highlights a potential downside of involving certain celebrities in charity events. However, to further strengthen this argument, consider elaborating on the type of celebrities who might be more suitable for such events. Discussing specific criteria or characteristics that make a celebrity an appropriate ambassador for a cause can reinforce your point. For instance, mentioning qualities like commitment to social causes, previous involvement in charity work, or a clean public image could solidify the argument.
    • Improved example: "For instance, when charitable events invite celebrities renowned for their commitment to social causes, such as active participation in previous charity work or clean public images free from controversies, the focus naturally shifts towards the cause itself. This underscores the importance of selecting ambassadors whose values align closely with the charitable organization’s mission, ensuring that the spotlight remains on the cause rather than personal aspects of the celebrity."
  2. Quoted text: "Another drawback is that their negative publicity may affect the charity organization."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestion: This point introduces a crucial aspect concerning the potential repercussions of negative publicity associated with celebrities. To enhance this, consider expanding on the strategies organizations can employ to mitigate the impact of negative publicity. Providing examples of successful campaigns that effectively navigated through celebrity-related controversies and managed to maintain public trust in the organization’s mission would further reinforce your argument.
    • Improved example: "Furthermore, while negative publicity linked to celebrities can undoubtedly pose risks to charity organizations, strategic crisis management and proactive communication play pivotal roles in mitigating these risks. For instance, examining successful campaigns where organizations transparently addressed and resolved controversies surrounding celebrity ambassadors, subsequently rebuilding public trust, demonstrates the significance of effective crisis management strategies."

Overall, your essay demonstrates a good understanding of both viewpoints and effectively presents arguments supporting each stance. To strengthen your position, consider expanding upon the criteria for selecting appropriate celebrities for charity events and delve deeper into strategies for organizations to handle negative publicity effectively. This will further enhance the depth and clarity of your arguments, solidifying your stance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas with clear progression throughout. It effectively uses cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to connect sentences and paragraphs. The introduction and conclusion contribute to the overall coherence. Each paragraph focuses on a central topic, enhancing the clarity of the essay’s structure. The examples provided, featuring Vietnamese celebrities, contribute to the essay’s overall coherence.

However, there is some underuse of cohesive devices, and certain transitions could be more explicit for smoother connections between ideas. The essay could benefit from a more consistent and varied use of linking words to strengthen the overall cohesion.

How to improve:

  1. Enhance Cohesive Devices: Increase the use of cohesive devices, such as pronouns and transitional words, to create stronger connections between sentences and paragraphs.

  2. Varied Transitions: Introduce a wider variety of transitional phrases to improve the flow and coherence of the essay.

  3. Explicit Connections: Ensure that the connections between ideas are explicit, guiding the reader more smoothly from one point to the next.

Overall, the essay is well-organized, but subtle improvements in the use of cohesive devices can elevate it to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, incorporating less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. There’s effective use of vocabulary to present ideas, albeit with occasional inaccuracies in word choice and some minor errors in word formation. The essay attempts to convey precise meanings and utilizes vocabulary that goes beyond basic terms.
How to improve: Work on refining word choice for more precise expressions, paying attention to the accuracy of less common vocabulary usage. Also, aim for more consistent accuracy in word formation and spelling to elevate the overall lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation throughout. There is a variety of sentence structures used, including both simple and complex sentences. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. The writer exhibits control over grammar and punctuation, with only a few minor errors that do not significantly impede understanding. Examples such as "they may outshine the event" and "it may do more harm than good" showcase the ability to use complex structures effectively.

How to improve:
To move to a higher band score, the writer can focus on refining the accuracy of complex sentence structures further. While the essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, a few instances can be improved for more precision. For instance, "Through his actions for our environment through this volunteering program" could be revised for clarity. Additionally, attention to word choice and vocabulary could elevate the essay’s sophistication. Overall, maintaining the current level of complexity and addressing minor errors will contribute to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

On one hand, advocates contend that celebrities can play a vital role in highlighting significant societal issues through various events. This holds merit due to their substantial influence. Notably, they possess a substantial fanbase and supporters who are inherently willing to listen and take action. For instance, Chi Bao, a renowned Vietnamese actor, serves as the ambassador for the Understanding About the Heart fund, a philanthropic charity. Utilizing his reputation, he can assist organizations in fundraising through diverse means. He could inspire people to donate money, purchase their publications, and disseminate information on social media. Evidently, the public will be motivated to contribute to societal betterment under the influence of these celebrities. Furthermore, they can serve as positive contributors and role models by dedicating their efforts to social initiatives. Ha Anh Tuan, a celebrated Vietnamese pop artist and representative of Save Vietnam’s Wildlife, exemplifies this by actively participating in environmental volunteering programs, motivating others to join hands for a better world.

On the other hand, I align with those who argue that celebrities might inadvertently divert public attention. Specifically, they may overshadow the intended cause, attracting attention to themselves instead. For instance, if Ngoc Trinh, a model star, participates in a charitable program, audiences may focus more on her wardrobe and controversies than the underlying social problems. This shift in focus may result in more harm than good. Therefore, it is crucial to carefully select celebrities who can effectively convey the organization’s message. Another potential drawback is the impact of negative publicity on the charity organization. In particular, the negative image of a celebrity might lead the public to turn away or boycott the operations of the charity. To illustrate, Thuy Tien, facing opposition from anti-fans after a charity event in central Vietnam, has not received collaboration invitations from certain famous brands. It appears that doubts may arise, causing a potential decline in support for firms associated with inappropriate celebrities.

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