Some people think that government should not spend money on sports stadium and building theatres. Instead it should spend more money on education. Do you agree or disagree?

Education is undoubtedly essential, it is important to invest in recreational and cultural spaces for the overall well-being and development of society. From my perspective, I firmly disagree with this statement that the authorities should not allocate money on sports stadium and building theatres
On the one hand, numerous benefits are prevalent in the investment in sports and cultural infrastructure. In other words, relaxation and leisure activities serve as a vital complement to education. Moreover, by engaging in recreational activities, such as sports and the arts, offer individuals a way to relieve the pressure that comes with academic pursuit. For instance, after long hours of studying, students can refresh their minds by attending a sports event or enjoying a theatre performance. This mental break not only helps them relax but also makes them more productive when they return to their work. Without these things, there may be an adverse effect on mental health and productivity
In addition, as we move forward integration and global development, having an open mindset and embracing diverse forms of investment is crucial. Initially, sports stadiums and theatres foster community engagement, promote cultural exchange and generate substantial economic benefits. For instance, countries that host international sports events or world-class cultural festivals such as the Euro 2024 football championship can gain significant recognition on the global stage, leading to further economic and social growth through ticket sales, tourism and increased spending in local business. Investing in such areas contributes to overall societal progress, beyond just the academic fields only.
In conclusion, while we cannot deny the importance of education, it is essential to maintain a balance between various aspects of societal development. Education alone cannot build a well-rounded community; investing in sports and cultural infrastructure plays a crucial role in ensuring holistic development for our society.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"it is important to invest" -> "it is crucial to invest"
Explanation: Replacing "important" with "crucial" strengthens the emphasis on the necessity of investment, aligning better with the formal tone of academic writing.
"From my perspective, I firmly disagree" -> "I strongly disagree"
Explanation: Removing "From my perspective" simplifies the phrase and enhances the directness and assertiveness of the statement, which is more suitable for academic discourse.
"the authorities should not allocate money on sports stadium and building theatres" -> "the authorities should not allocate funds to sports stadiums and the construction of theaters"
Explanation: "Allocate money on" is grammatically incorrect; "allocate funds to" is the correct phrasing. Also, "sports stadium" should be pluralized to "sports stadiums" and "theatres" should be Americanized to "theaters" for consistency in terminology.
"numerous benefits are prevalent" -> "numerous benefits are evident"
Explanation: "Prevalent" implies widespread existence, which may not be the intended meaning here. "Evident" better conveys that the benefits are noticeable or apparent.
"relaxation and leisure activities serve as a vital complement" -> "relaxation and leisure activities serve as essential complements"
Explanation: "Vital" can be replaced with "essential" to maintain a formal tone, and "complement" should be pluralized to "complements" to match the plural subject.
"offer individuals a way to relieve" -> "provide individuals with a means to alleviate"
Explanation: "Provide" is more formal than "offer," and "with a means to alleviate" is more precise and formal than "a way to relieve."
"after long hours of studying" -> "following extended periods of study"
Explanation: "Following extended periods of study" is more formal and precise than "after long hours of studying."
"adverse effect on mental health and productivity" -> "adverse impact on mental health and productivity"
Explanation: "Impact" is a more formal synonym for "effect," aligning better with academic style.
"as we move forward integration and global development" -> "as we move forward in integration and global development"
Explanation: Adding "in" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more coherent and formal.
"foster community engagement, promote cultural exchange and generate substantial economic benefits" -> "foster community engagement, promote cultural exchange, and generate substantial economic benefits"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "exchange" corrects the punctuation, improving readability and formality.
"countries that host international sports events or world-class cultural festivals" -> "countries hosting international sports events or world-class cultural festivals"
Explanation: Using the present participle "hosting" instead of the passive "that host" enhances the sentence structure and formality.
"can gain significant recognition on the global stage" -> "can gain significant global recognition"
Explanation: Removing "on the" simplifies the phrase and maintains the formal tone.
"beyond just the academic fields only" -> "beyond the academic sphere"
Explanation: "Beyond the academic sphere" is more concise and formal than "beyond just the academic fields only," which is redundant and informal.
"investing in such areas contributes to overall societal progress" -> "investing in these areas contributes to overall societal progress"
Explanation: Changing "such areas" to "these areas" uses a more precise and formal pronoun, enhancing clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the notion that government spending should be solely focused on education at the expense of sports and cultural infrastructure. The author articulates the benefits of investing in recreational spaces, which aligns with the requirement to discuss both sides of the argument. The mention of mental health and productivity, as well as economic benefits from hosting events, demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the essay could benefit from explicitly acknowledging the opposing viewpoint regarding the prioritization of education. A brief discussion of the potential merits of investing in education could provide a more balanced perspective and strengthen the argument against it.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing against the idea that government funds should be exclusively allocated to education. The use of phrases like "I firmly disagree" establishes a strong stance. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother to reinforce this position more effectively.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the author could use more explicit linking phrases to connect ideas and reinforce their stance. For instance, reiterating the importance of a balanced approach to funding at the beginning of each paragraph could help maintain focus on the central argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-supported ideas, such as the importance of recreational activities for mental health and the economic benefits of cultural investments. The examples provided, like the Euro 2024 football championship, effectively illustrate the points made. However, some ideas could be further developed to enhance their impact.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author could include more specific examples or statistics that quantify the benefits of sports and cultural investments. Additionally, elaborating on how these investments directly impact education could create a more compelling argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of investing in sports and cultural infrastructure. There are no significant deviations from the main argument. However, the introduction could be more focused on the prompt to ensure clarity from the outset.
- How to improve: To maintain topic relevance, the introduction should briefly summarize the opposing viewpoint before stating the author’s position. This would provide context for the argument and ensure that the reader understands the scope of the discussion right from the beginning.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates strong arguments and a clear position, incorporating a more balanced discussion of opposing views, enhancing the development of ideas with specific examples, and refining the introduction for clarity could elevate the overall effectiveness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that government spending should solely focus on education. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, and the body paragraphs logically follow, each discussing distinct aspects of the argument. For example, the first body paragraph emphasizes the mental health benefits of recreational activities, while the second discusses the broader societal and economic impacts of investing in sports and cultural infrastructure. This logical progression helps the reader follow the argument easily.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Investing in sports and cultural facilities is essential for mental well-being and productivity." This would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reinforces the thesis, which is a strong feature of the essay.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, consider ensuring that each paragraph contains a balanced mix of explanation, examples, and analysis. For example, the second body paragraph could benefit from a more detailed example of a specific event or festival, which would enrich the argument and provide a stronger connection to the points made.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand," "in addition," and "for instance," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay and allow for smooth transitions between points.
- How to improve: To further diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, using "furthermore," "moreover," or "conversely" can enhance the sophistication of the writing. Additionally, varying sentence structures and using pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help improve cohesion. For instance, instead of repeating "sports stadiums and theatres," you could refer to them as "these facilities" in subsequent sentences.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing ideas and using cohesive devices to guide the reader. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. Words and phrases such as "recreational and cultural spaces," "community engagement," and "cultural exchange" showcase the writer’s ability to articulate complex ideas. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the term "investment" is repeated multiple times, which could be replaced with synonyms like "allocation" or "funding" to enhance lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "investment," consider using phrases like "financial commitment" or "expenditure." Additionally, exploring more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enrich the essay further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "the authorities should not allocate money on sports stadium" should use "to" instead of "on." Furthermore, the sentence "having an open mindset and embracing diverse forms of investment is crucial" could be clearer; "diverse forms of investment" might be better expressed as "diverse investment opportunities" to convey the intended meaning more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should carefully proofread their work for prepositional errors and consider the context of their word choices. Using a thesaurus or vocabulary resources can help find more suitable terms that fit the context better. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and precision will also aid in this area.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is mostly accurate, with no glaring errors that detract from the overall understanding. However, the phrase "adverse effect" is correctly spelled but could be confused with "adverse affects," which is a common mistake. Ensuring that such terms are used correctly is essential for maintaining credibility.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, particularly with commonly confused words. Utilizing spell-check tools during the writing process can also help catch errors before finalizing the essay. Additionally, reading extensively can enhance familiarity with correct spelling and usage in context.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are opportunities for improvement in variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can elevate their lexical resource score in future IELTS essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "Moreover, by engaging in recreational activities, such as sports and the arts, offer individuals a way to relieve the pressure that comes with academic pursuit" effectively convey the relationship between ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "Without these things, there may be an adverse effect on mental health and productivity," showcases the writer’s ability to manipulate grammatical forms to express nuanced thoughts. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and minor errors, such as "the authorities should not allocate money on sports stadium and building theatres," where the parallel structure could be improved for clarity.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words to enhance coherence. For example, using phrases like "Furthermore," or "In contrast," could help in linking ideas more smoothly. Additionally, practicing the use of passive voice or inversion could add complexity to the writing. The writer should also focus on ensuring parallel structure in lists or comparisons to improve clarity and flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a strong command of grammar and punctuation. Most sentences are well-structured, and punctuation is used effectively to separate ideas. However, there are some grammatical inaccuracies, such as the phrase "the authorities should not allocate money on sports stadium and building theatres," which should be revised to "the authorities should not allocate money to sports stadiums and the building of theatres" to maintain grammatical consistency. Additionally, the use of commas could be improved; for example, the introductory clause in "Education is undoubtedly essential, it is important to invest in recreational and cultural spaces…" should be separated into two sentences or connected with a semicolon for better clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement and ensure that plural forms are used correctly (e.g., "stadiums" instead of "stadium"). Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common errors can also be beneficial. Furthermore, paying closer attention to punctuation, particularly with complex sentences, will help in clarifying meaning and improving the overall readability of the essay. Reading the essay aloud can also assist in identifying areas where punctuation may be lacking or where sentence structure could be refined.

Bài sửa mẫu

Education is undoubtedly essential; however, it is crucial to invest in recreational and cultural spaces for the overall well-being and development of society. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with the notion that the authorities should not allocate funds to sports stadiums and the construction of theaters.

On the one hand, numerous benefits are evident in the investment in sports and cultural infrastructure. In other words, relaxation and leisure activities serve as essential complements to education. Moreover, engaging in recreational activities, such as sports and the arts, provides individuals with a means to alleviate the pressure that comes with academic pursuits. For instance, following extended periods of study, students can refresh their minds by attending a sports event or enjoying a theater performance. This mental break not only helps them relax but also enhances their productivity when they return to their work. Without these opportunities, there may be an adverse impact on mental health and productivity.

In addition, as we move forward in integration and global development, having an open mindset and embracing diverse forms of investment is crucial. Sports stadiums and theaters foster community engagement, promote cultural exchange, and generate substantial economic benefits. For instance, countries hosting international sports events or world-class cultural festivals, such as the Euro 2024 football championship, can gain significant global recognition. This recognition can lead to further economic and social growth through ticket sales, tourism, and increased spending in local businesses. Investing in these areas contributes to overall societal progress, beyond the academic sphere.

In conclusion, while we cannot deny the importance of education, it is essential to maintain a balance between various aspects of societal development. Education alone cannot build a well-rounded community; investing in sports and cultural infrastructure plays a crucial role in ensuring holistic development for our society.