Some people think that governments should BAN dangerous SPORTS, while others think people should have freedom to DO ANY SPORTS OR ACTIVITY. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is an ongoing debate about whether governments should impose a ban on dangerous sports or allow individuals the liberty to engage in any sport activity they choose. While some advocate for the prohibition of perilous sports, I believe that individuals should have the freedom to participate in sports of their choice.
On the one hand, it is true that some people who are involved in extreme sports could face life-threatening risks, leading to severe injures or fatality. Some hazardous activities such as car racing, skydiving or mountain hiking pose a high probability that can strain healthcare systems and families emotionally and financially. Additionally, there is a valid concern that most partakers have the tendency to mimic these sports without any safety concerns, especially under-aged players, risking their lives and potentially causing accidents. For example, those adolescents who have the enthusiasm in car-racing would replicate risky behaviours on roads by surpassing high speed and weaving in and out, putting themselves and others at risks and even causing fatal consequences.
On the other hand, I firmly contend that players should have the autonomy to engage in sport activities. Initially, it is their personal independence to chose which sports to participate in. Therefore, banning people from chasing their passion seems unjustifiable and subjective, especially if they are fully aware of associated risks. Additionally, to those adrenaline junkies, taking part in such extreme sports gives them pleasure and a sense of happiness. According to some related articles, they has showed the advantages of taking sports through the reduction of stress and the release of dopamine inside the body. Moreover, every sport involves some level of risk, including some common sports like football. Imposing an outright ban on specific sports might seem arbitrary and unfair, especially when risks are subjective and can differ among individuals.
In conclusion, while there are concerns regarding the dangers associated with certain sports, I believe individuals should be given a full rein to engage in activities of their preferences as long as their actions that do not pose direct harm to others.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"dangerous sports" -> "high-risk sports"
Explanation: The term "high-risk sports" is more precise and academically appropriate than "dangerous sports," which can be vague and emotive.
"allow individuals the liberty to engage in any sport activity" -> "permit individuals to participate in any sport"
Explanation: "Permit" is more formal and precise than "allow," and "participate in" is a more formal phrase than "engage in any sport activity," which is somewhat redundant.
"perilous sports" -> "high-risk sports"
Explanation: Similar to the previous suggestion, "high-risk sports" is more specific and less emotive than "perilous sports," aligning better with academic style.
"some people who are involved in extreme sports could face life-threatening risks" -> "individuals engaging in extreme sports may face life-threatening risks"
Explanation: "Individuals engaging in" is more formal and precise than "some people who are involved in," and "may" is more appropriate than "could" in academic writing for expressing possibility.
"severe injures" -> "severe injuries"
Explanation: Corrects a grammatical error, ensuring the plural form "injuries" matches the context.
"most partakers have the tendency to mimic these sports" -> "many participants tend to emulate these sports"
Explanation: "Many participants tend to emulate" is more formal and precise than "most partakers have the tendency to mimic," which is awkward and less commonly used in formal writing.
"under-aged players" -> "minor participants"
Explanation: "Minor participants" is a more formal and precise term than "under-aged players," which is less commonly used in formal contexts.
"those adolescents who have the enthusiasm in car-racing" -> "adolescents enthusiastic about car racing"
Explanation: "Enthusiastic about" is more natural and formal than "have the enthusiasm in," which is awkward and grammatically incorrect.
"putting themselves and others at risks" -> "putting themselves and others at risk"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error from plural to singular, aligning with the singular noun "risk."
"chose which sports to participate in" -> "choose which sports to participate in"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "chose" to "choose," which is the correct form for the present tense in this context.
"has showed" -> "have shown"
Explanation: Corrects the verb tense to match the plural subject "articles," and "have shown" is the correct form for the past perfect tense.
"the release of dopamine inside the body" -> "the release of dopamine within the body"
Explanation: "Within" is more precise and formal than "inside," which is less commonly used in academic writing.
"every sport involves some level of risk" -> "each sport carries some level of risk"
Explanation: "Each sport carries" is more formal and precise than "every sport involves," and "carries" is a more appropriate verb for conveying risk in this context.
"given a full rein to engage in activities of their preferences" -> "given full freedom to engage in activities of their choice"
Explanation: "Full freedom" is more formal and precise than "a full rein," which is incorrect in this context. "Of their choice" is also more formal than "of their preferences."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether dangerous sports should be banned or if individuals should have the freedom to participate in any sport. The author presents the viewpoint of those in favor of banning dangerous sports, citing risks and potential consequences, such as strain on healthcare systems and the influence on under-aged participants. Conversely, the author articulates a strong opinion in favor of personal freedom, emphasizing autonomy and the subjective nature of risk. However, while both perspectives are discussed, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the nuances within each viewpoint, particularly the potential for regulation rather than outright bans.
- How to improve: To enhance the response to all parts of the question, the essay could include a brief discussion on possible regulations or safety measures that could mitigate risks associated with dangerous sports. This would demonstrate a deeper understanding of the complexities of the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author maintains a clear position favoring individual freedom throughout the essay. The stance is consistently reinforced in both the introduction and conclusion, as well as in the body paragraphs. The use of phrases like "I firmly contend" and "I believe" underscores the author’s commitment to this viewpoint. However, the essay could be strengthened by more explicitly linking back to the central argument in each paragraph, ensuring that the reader is consistently reminded of the author’s position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the author could use transitional phrases that explicitly connect back to their main argument after discussing the opposing view. For example, after presenting the risks associated with dangerous sports, the author could reiterate how these risks do not justify a ban, thus reinforcing their stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas and supports them with relevant examples, such as the emotional and financial strain on families and the personal autonomy of individuals. The mention of "adrenaline junkies" and the psychological benefits of sports adds depth to the argument. However, some points could be further developed; for instance, the discussion about the risks of common sports like football is somewhat brief and could benefit from additional elaboration or examples.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples or statistics to support claims, particularly when discussing the benefits of engaging in sports. This could involve citing studies or providing anecdotal evidence that illustrates the positive impacts of sports participation.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic, discussing both sides of the argument and the author’s opinion. However, there are moments where the discussion of the risks associated with dangerous sports could be more tightly linked to the overall argument about personal freedom. For example, while the mention of under-aged players is relevant, it could be better integrated into the broader discussion about autonomy and responsibility.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly ties back to the central theme of personal freedom versus government regulation. This could involve framing examples within the context of individual choice and responsibility, thereby reinforcing the essay’s main argument throughout.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggested areas for improvement, the author could further enhance the clarity and depth of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The argument flows logically from the introduction to the conclusion. However, while the points are relevant, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the risks of extreme sports to the argument for personal freedom could be more explicitly linked to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis statement. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases such as "Conversely," or "In contrast," at the beginning of the second body paragraph can help signal the shift in perspective more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the second body paragraph could be further developed to ensure that each point is thoroughly explained and supported with examples. The conclusion is concise but could reiterate the main points more explicitly to reinforce the argument.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure that each point within a paragraph is fully developed with examples or explanations. For instance, in the second body paragraph, when discussing the benefits of extreme sports, providing specific examples or studies could strengthen the argument. Additionally, consider summarizing the key points in the conclusion to reinforce the main arguments presented.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which helps to differentiate between the two viewpoints. However, there is a reliance on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive. For example, phrases like "additionally" and "moreover" are used, but varying these with alternatives such as "furthermore" or "in addition" could enhance the writing’s fluidity.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, when introducing contrasting ideas, consider using "however," "nevertheless," or "despite this." Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms effectively can help maintain cohesion without repetition. For instance, instead of repeating "extreme sports," you could refer to them as "these activities" in subsequent mentions.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments. By focusing on enhancing logical transitions, developing paragraphs more thoroughly, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could achieve a higher band score in coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "perilous," "autonomy," "hazardous," and "adrenaline junkies" effectively conveying the writer’s ideas. The use of phrases like "life-threatening risks" and "high probability" shows an ability to articulate complex concepts. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "sports" and "activities" could be diversified with synonyms such as "athletic pursuits" or "recreational activities."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "sports," consider using "athletic endeavors" or "physical activities" to avoid redundancy and enrich the text.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, but there are some imprecise usages. For example, the phrase "the tendency to mimic these sports without any safety concerns" could be clearer. The term "mimic" might imply imitation rather than participation, which could confuse the reader. Additionally, "to those adrenaline junkies" could be better expressed as "for those who thrive on adrenaline," which would clarify the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should review word choices and consider their connotations and contexts. Using a thesaurus can help find more suitable words that convey the intended meaning more clearly. Furthermore, ensuring that phrases accurately reflect the intended action or concept will enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "injures" instead of "injuries" and "has showed" instead of "have shown." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools in word processors can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary and terms related to the topic can enhance overall spelling skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with a band score of 7, there are opportunities for improvement in the range, precision, and spelling of vocabulary used. By diversifying word choice, ensuring precise usage, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences such as "While some advocate for the prohibition of perilous sports, I believe that individuals should have the freedom to participate in sports of their choice." This showcases the writer’s ability to use introductory clauses effectively. Additionally, the use of conditional structures is noted in sentences like "as long as their actions that do not pose direct harm to others." However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of more sophisticated structures, such as inversion or varied clause placements.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex grammatical forms, such as using participial phrases (e.g., "Having considered the risks, some argue that…") or employing inversion for emphasis (e.g., "Never has the debate been more relevant…"). Additionally, varying the length and rhythm of sentences can create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, the phrase "leading to severe injures or fatality" should use "injuries" instead of "injures." In the sentence "to those adrenaline junkies, taking part in such extreme sports gives them pleasure and a sense of happiness," the phrase "to those adrenaline junkies" could be better integrated into the sentence for clarity. Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in the list of activities ("car racing, skydiving or mountain hiking" should include a comma before "or" for clarity).
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread for common errors, such as pluralization and subject-verb agreement (e.g., "they has showed" should be "they have shown"). Practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding lists and clauses, will also enhance clarity. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify and rectify these issues before finalizing the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is an ongoing debate about whether governments should impose a ban on dangerous sports or allow individuals the liberty to engage in any sports or activities they choose. While some advocate for the prohibition of high-risk sports, I believe that individuals should have the freedom to participate in sports of their choice.

On the one hand, it is true that some individuals engaging in extreme sports may face life-threatening risks, leading to severe injuries or fatalities. Some hazardous activities, such as car racing, skydiving, or mountain hiking, pose a high probability of accidents that can strain healthcare systems and affect families emotionally and financially. Additionally, there is a valid concern that many participants tend to emulate these sports without any safety precautions, especially among minor participants, risking their lives and potentially causing accidents. For example, adolescents enthusiastic about car racing may replicate risky behaviors on the roads by exceeding speed limits and weaving in and out of traffic, putting themselves and others at risk and even causing fatal consequences.

On the other hand, I firmly contend that individuals should have the autonomy to engage in sports activities. Initially, it is their personal independence to choose which sports to participate in. Therefore, banning people from pursuing their passions seems unjustifiable and subjective, especially if they are fully aware of the associated risks. Additionally, for those adrenaline junkies, taking part in such extreme sports provides pleasure and a sense of happiness. According to some related articles, they have shown the advantages of participating in sports through the reduction of stress and the release of dopamine within the body. Moreover, each sport carries some level of risk, including common sports like football. Imposing an outright ban on specific sports might seem arbitrary and unfair, especially when risks are subjective and can differ among individuals.

In conclusion, while there are concerns regarding the dangers associated with certain sports, I believe individuals should be given full freedom to engage in activities of their choice, as long as their actions do not pose direct harm to others.