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some people think that history has little or nothing to offer, while others say the study of the past helps us understand the present. discuss both view and give your opinion

some people think that history has little or nothing to offer, while others say the study of the past helps us understand the present. discuss both view and give your opinion

In contemporary society, historical stories have become a broad issue in general public. While some claims that history is of a little practical value, there is a strong belief that historical events and patterns provide crucial insights into current issue. From my perspective, I partly agree that history plays a crucial role in understanding today’s world. Discussed below are several reasons supporting my opinion.
First and foremost, some people believe that historical stories are becoming outdated and not applicable. This is because the advancement in technology devices and present society. Therefore, people today should prioritize evolving in ways that benefit future generations, rather than focusing solely on history events. For instance, considering how modern technology and societal structures such as digital revolution, have no direct historical precedent which making past examples less relevant.
Conversely, those who support the value of history argue that there are various benefits among the past stories. One significant reason is that history teaches valuable lessons by highlighting past mistakes that should not be repeated. This means by learning the cause of the past conflicts help prevent similar issues in the present and future. a specific example of this is that studying the cause of the World War II can help creating strategies to avoid making same war today, thereby promoting a more peaceful and happiness world.
To conclude, both perspective have their merits, with some people may see history as irrelevant and others advocating that understanding the past is crucial for addressing the present. Personally, I believe that history not only teaches us valuable lessons from the past but also provide solutions for current issues.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "In contemporary society, historical stories have become a broad issue in general public." -> "In contemporary society, historical narratives have become a widespread concern among the general public."
    Explanation: "Historical stories" is vague and informal; "narratives" is more precise and formal. "A broad issue in general public" is awkward and unclear; "a widespread concern among the general public" is clearer and more appropriate for academic writing.

  2. "there is a strong belief that historical events and patterns provide crucial insights into current issue." -> "there is a strong belief that historical events and patterns offer crucial insights into current issues."
    Explanation: "Current issue" is grammatically incorrect and vague; "current issues" is the correct plural form. "Provide" is slightly informal; "offer" is more formal and suitable for academic writing.

  3. "From my perspective, I partly agree that history plays a crucial role in understanding today’s world." -> "From my perspective, I partially agree that history plays a crucial role in understanding the contemporary world."
    Explanation: "Partly" is less formal than "partially," and "today’s world" is informal; "the contemporary world" is more precise and formal.

  4. "This is because the advancement in technology devices and present society." -> "This is because of advancements in technology and societal developments."
    Explanation: "The advancement in technology devices" is grammatically incorrect and awkward; "advancements in technology and societal developments" is grammatically correct and more formal.

  5. "people today should prioritize evolving in ways that benefit future generations" -> "individuals today should prioritize evolving in ways that benefit future generations"
    Explanation: "people" is too informal; "individuals" is more formal. "Evolving" is vague; "developing" is more precise in this context.

  6. "history events" -> "historical events"
    Explanation: "History events" is grammatically incorrect; "historical events" is the correct term.

  7. "have no direct historical precedent which making" -> "have no direct historical precedent, making"
    Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect; the corrected version is grammatically correct and maintains the intended meaning.

  8. "This means by learning the cause of the past conflicts help prevent" -> "This means that learning the causes of past conflicts helps prevent"
    Explanation: "This means by learning" is awkward and grammatically incorrect; "This means that learning" is grammatically correct. "The cause of the past conflicts" should be "the causes of past conflicts" for plural agreement.

  9. "a specific example of this is that studying the cause of the World War II can help creating strategies" -> "a specific example of this is that studying the causes of World War II can help create strategies"
    Explanation: "The cause of the World War II" should be "the causes of World War II" for plural agreement. "Can help creating" is grammatically incorrect; "can help create" is correct.

  10. "thereby promoting a more peaceful and happiness world." -> "thereby promoting a more peaceful and happy world."
    Explanation: "Happiness" should be "happy" to agree with the adjective form. "World" should be "world" for grammatical correctness.

  11. "both perspective have their merits" -> "both perspectives have their merits"
    Explanation: "Perspective" should be pluralized to "perspectives" to agree with the plural context.

  12. "some people may see history as irrelevant and others advocating that understanding the past is crucial for addressing the present." -> "some people may view history as irrelevant, while others advocate that understanding the past is crucial for addressing the present."
    Explanation: "Advocating" is a gerund and should be used with a comma after "others" for clarity and grammatical correctness. "View" is more formal than "see," and "advocate" is more precise than "advocating."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the value of history. The first viewpoint is presented with an argument that history is outdated and less applicable due to technological advancements. The second viewpoint highlights the importance of learning from past mistakes. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both perspectives, as the discussion of the first viewpoint is somewhat less developed than the second.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should ensure that both views are equally explored. This could involve providing more examples or elaboration on the first viewpoint, perhaps discussing specific historical events that some might consider irrelevant today. Additionally, a clearer distinction between the two views in separate paragraphs could improve clarity.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear personal opinion that history is valuable for understanding the present. However, the phrase "I partly agree" introduces some ambiguity regarding the writer’s stance. The position could be interpreted as indecisive, which may confuse readers about the writer’s true belief.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. Instead of "partly agree," the writer could choose a more definitive stance, such as "I strongly believe" or "I fully support the view that history is essential." This would help maintain a consistent and clear position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas and supports them with examples, particularly in the discussion of the benefits of studying history. The example of World War II is relevant and effectively illustrates the point. However, the first viewpoint lacks a similarly strong example, which weakens the overall argument.
    • How to improve: To improve this area, the writer should aim to provide specific examples for both viewpoints. For instance, when discussing the belief that history is outdated, the writer could reference a specific technological advancement that illustrates this point. Additionally, expanding on the reasons behind each viewpoint with further explanation or examples would enhance the depth of the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt effectively. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the discussion of the first viewpoint. The phrase "considering how modern technology and societal structures such as digital revolution, have no direct historical precedent" could be more clearly connected to the argument about the irrelevance of history.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all statements directly relate to the main argument. It may be helpful to explicitly link the examples back to the main point being made. Additionally, using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader and reinforce the relevance of the discussion to the overall topic.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a clear opinion, improvements can be made in balancing the discussion of both viewpoints, clarifying the position, providing stronger examples, and maintaining focus throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are organized to discuss both perspectives, which is essential for addressing the prompt. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from the first body paragraph to the second could be smoother; the connection between the two arguments is not explicitly stated, which can leave the reader feeling somewhat disoriented. Additionally, the conclusion summarizes the points but lacks a strong restatement of the thesis.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to the thesis and that transitions between paragraphs are more explicit. For example, using phrases like "On the other hand" or "In contrast" can help signal shifts in perspective. Furthermore, reiterating the main argument in the conclusion while summarizing the key points can provide a more cohesive ending.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific viewpoint, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, the first body paragraph could be further divided to enhance clarity. The introduction of the counterargument in the second body paragraph feels slightly abrupt, indicating that a clearer distinction between the two viewpoints might be beneficial.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer could consider breaking the first body paragraph into two distinct sections: one focusing on the argument against the relevance of history and the other on the reasons supporting its importance. This would allow for a more thorough exploration of each viewpoint and improve clarity.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "conversely," and "to conclude," which help guide the reader through the text. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "This means by learning the cause of the past conflicts help prevent similar issues in the present" lacks clarity and could benefit from a more precise connector.
    • How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a broader range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "for instance," and "however." Additionally, ensuring that each cohesive device is used correctly will enhance clarity. For example, revising sentences to ensure grammatical correctness and clarity will strengthen the overall cohesion of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices can elevate the overall coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "contemporary society," "historical events," and "digital revolution." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "historical stories" and "current issue." This limits the lexical variety and can detract from the overall quality of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "historical stories," alternatives such as "historical narratives," "accounts of the past," or "historical events" could be employed. Additionally, using more sophisticated vocabulary, such as "chronicles" or "historical context," could elevate the essay’s tone.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the advancement in technology devices" which could be more clearly expressed as "advancements in technology." Furthermore, phrases like "the cause of the past conflicts" are vague and could benefit from more specific language. The phrase "creating strategies to avoid making same war today" is also awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity.
    • How to improve: The writer should focus on using precise vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For example, instead of "creating strategies," the writer could say "developing strategies." Additionally, ensuring grammatical correctness, such as saying "avoiding the same war today," would enhance clarity. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can help in selecting more precise terms.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "issue" instead of "issues," "perspective" instead of "perspectives," and "happiness" instead of "a happier." These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spelling and grammar checking tools. Regular practice with spelling exercises and reviewing commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, taking the time to revise and edit the essay before submission can help catch these errors.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, using language more precisely, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the writer uses simple sentences ("This is because the advancement in technology devices and present society.") alongside more complex structures ("For instance, considering how modern technology and societal structures such as digital revolution, have no direct historical precedent which making past examples less relevant."). However, the complexity is often undermined by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors, such as "which making" instead of "which makes." The use of varied structures is present but lacks sophistication and fluidity, which affects the overall coherence of the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice combining sentences and using more complex clauses. For example, instead of "This means by learning the cause of the past conflicts help prevent similar issues in the present and future," the writer could use a more complex structure: "By learning about the causes of past conflicts, we can help prevent similar issues from arising in the present and future." Additionally, incorporating more transitional phrases and varying sentence openings can improve the flow and engagement of the essay.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, "some claims that history is of a little practical value" should be "some claim that history has little practical value." The phrase "the advancement in technology devices and present society" lacks a verb, making it incomplete. Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as the missing comma in "digital revolution, have no direct historical precedent," lead to confusion in the reader’s understanding. The use of lowercase letters at the beginning of sentences, such as "a specific example of this is that studying the cause of the World War II can help creating strategies," also indicates a lack of attention to detail.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and sentence completeness. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation and capitalization errors before submission can help catch mistakes that may otherwise go unnoticed. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also provide insights into areas that need attention.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, there are clear areas for improvement. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical precision, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing, potentially achieving a higher band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, historical narratives have become a broad issue in the general public. While some claim that history has little practical value, there is a strong belief that historical events and patterns provide crucial insights into current issues. From my perspective, I partially agree that history plays a crucial role in understanding today’s world. Discussed below are several reasons supporting my opinion.

First and foremost, some people believe that historical narratives are becoming outdated and not applicable. This is because of advancements in technology and present society. Therefore, people today should prioritize evolving in ways that benefit future generations, rather than focusing solely on historical events. For instance, considering how modern technology and societal structures, such as the digital revolution, have no direct historical precedent, makes past examples less relevant.

Conversely, those who support the value of history argue that there are various benefits to studying past narratives. One significant reason is that history teaches valuable lessons by highlighting past mistakes that should not be repeated. This means that learning the causes of past conflicts helps prevent similar issues in the present and future. A specific example of this is that studying the causes of World War II can help create strategies to avoid making the same mistakes today, thereby promoting a more peaceful and happy world.

To conclude, both perspectives have their merits, with some people viewing history as irrelevant and others advocating that understanding the past is crucial for addressing the present. Personally, I believe that history not only teaches us valuable lessons from the past but also provides solutions for current issues.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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