Some people think that in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should make efforts in reducing environmental pollutions and housing problems. To what extent do you agree to disagree with this statement?

In recent times, the emergence of uncommon and new diseases has become a major concern for millions globally. Many argue that the key to overcoming these health challenges lies in improving environmental quality and resolving housing issues. I completely agree with this perspective.
It's clear that environmental pollution has now escalated to its highest levels, impacting not only humans but also animals and plants, with severe and sometimes irreversible consequences. Every day, environmental degradation claims numerous lives. For example, excessive use of pesticides and insecticides is common in agriculture, while many industrial operations continue to release toxic substances into our water sources. Curtailing these practices could prevent many diseases.
Furthermore, addressing housing shortages, particularly in crowded cities, is crucial in the fight against disease. The homeless, often forced to live in deplorable conditions, are exposed to and spread infectious diseases. Providing them with clean, safe housing would protect their health and that of the broader community. Some argue that governments should not invest heavily in combating environmental pollution, as industrial growth naturally entails some negative impacts. However, it would be impractical and harmful to allow these toxins to compromise public health.
In conclusion, I believe that by taking decisive and robust action to improve environmental and housing conditions, governments can prevent many of the modern plagues. It is my hope that our future generations will inherit a world free from disease.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"In recent times" -> "Recently"
Explanation: "In recent times" is slightly informal for academic writing. "Recently" is a more concise and appropriate alternative that maintains the time frame.
"uncommon and new diseases" -> "novel diseases"
Explanation: "Uncommon and new diseases" is a bit redundant. "Novel diseases" is a more precise and sophisticated term commonly used in academic contexts.
"It’s clear that" -> "Clearly,"
Explanation: "It’s clear that" is conversational; replacing it with "Clearly," maintains clarity and formality.
"escalated to its highest levels" -> "reached unprecedented levels"
Explanation: "Escalated to its highest levels" is redundant and lacks precision. "Reached unprecedented levels" conveys the idea more effectively in a formal tone.
"severe and sometimes irreversible consequences" -> "significant and occasionally irreversible repercussions"
Explanation: "Severe and sometimes irreversible consequences" can be improved by using "significant and occasionally irreversible repercussions," which sounds more formal and precise.
"For example" -> "For instance,"
Explanation: "For example" is fine, but "For instance," is slightly more formal and fits better in academic writing.
"excessive use of pesticides and insecticides is common" -> "widespread use of pesticides and insecticides"
Explanation: "Excessive use" is subjective and not precise. "Widespread use" is a more neutral and factual description suitable for academic writing.
"Curtailing these practices" -> "Limiting these activities"
Explanation: "Curtailing" is a bit formal; "limiting" is a more straightforward alternative that maintains formality.
"Furthermore" -> "Moreover,"
Explanation: "Furthermore" is acceptable, but "Moreover," is slightly more formal and appropriate for academic essays.
"often forced to live" -> "frequently compelled to reside"
Explanation: "Often forced to live" can be refined for formality by using "frequently compelled to reside," which sounds more academic.
"deplorable conditions" -> "inhumane conditions"
Explanation: "Deplorable conditions" is slightly informal. "Inhumane conditions" is a more precise and formal term.
"Some argue that" -> "It is argued that"
Explanation: "Some argue that" can be replaced with the more passive "It is argued that" for a more formal tone.
"as industrial growth naturally entails some negative impacts" -> "given that industrial growth inherently brings about adverse effects"
Explanation: The original sentence is a bit informal and vague. The suggested alternative is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"It would be impractical and harmful to allow these toxins to compromise public health." -> "Allowing these toxins to compromise public health would be impractical and detrimental."
Explanation: The revised sentence maintains the meaning but rearranges the structure for improved formality and clarity.
"In conclusion, I believe that" -> "In conclusion, it is believed that"
Explanation: Shifting from the first-person perspective to a more passive construction enhances formality and objectivity in academic writing.
"taking decisive and robust action" -> "implementing decisive and robust measures"
Explanation: "Taking action" is generic, while "implementing measures" is more specific and formal, suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all aspects of the question prompt. It acknowledges the argument presented ("Some people think that in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should make efforts in reducing environmental pollutions and housing problems") and clearly states the writer’s position, agreeing with the idea that improving environmental quality and addressing housing issues are essential for preventing illness and disease. The essay provides reasoning and examples to support this stance throughout.
- How to improve: The essay has successfully addressed all parts of the question. To further enhance clarity and comprehensiveness, it could explicitly mention the opposing viewpoint before presenting its own stance, providing a balanced approach to the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent stance throughout, asserting agreement with the statement that governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and addressing housing problems to prevent illness and disease. Each paragraph reinforces this position with coherent reasoning and relevant examples.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, the writer could consider explicitly restating their position in the introduction and concluding paragraphs, ensuring that the reader is consistently reminded of the essay’s standpoint.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports its ideas. It introduces the topic with a clear thesis statement and elaborates on each point with relevant examples and explanations. For instance, it discusses the impact of environmental pollution on human health, citing examples of pesticide use in agriculture and industrial pollution, and extends the argument to include the importance of addressing housing issues to prevent the spread of disease among the homeless population.
- How to improve: To further enhance the depth of analysis, the writer could delve into additional examples or provide statistical data to strengthen their arguments, adding more substance to their claims.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains focus on the topic throughout its entirety. It consistently discusses the relationship between environmental pollution, housing problems, and their implications for public health, without deviating into unrelated tangents.
- How to improve: To ensure continued relevance to the topic, the writer could consider refining their transitions between paragraphs to maintain a seamless flow of ideas, thereby reinforcing the essay’s coherence and unity.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the key components of the prompt and presents a coherent argument, incorporating minor refinements such as explicitly acknowledging opposing viewpoints, restating the position throughout the essay, enriching the analysis with additional examples or data, and refining transitions can further enhance its overall effectiveness and clarity.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a clear and logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction that introduces the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by two well-developed body paragraphs discussing the importance of addressing environmental pollution and housing problems to prevent illness and disease. Each paragraph presents a distinct argument supported by relevant examples and transitions smoothly to the next point. Finally, the essay concludes by summarizing the main points and restating the writer’s opinion.
- How to improve: While the logical organization is generally strong, one area for improvement could be enhancing the coherence between the body paragraphs by explicitly linking the ideas presented in each paragraph. This can be achieved by using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one point to the next more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure the discussion. Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, allowing for clarity and coherence in the presentation of arguments. The introduction and conclusion paragraphs serve their respective purposes well, framing the discussion and summarizing key points.
- How to improve: To further improve paragraphing, the writer could consider varying the lengths of the paragraphs to create a more dynamic rhythm and to emphasize important ideas. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence would enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and enhance coherence. Transition words and phrases such as "Furthermore," "For example," and "In conclusion" are used effectively to signal shifts between paragraphs and to introduce supporting evidence. Additionally, pronouns and demonstrative adjectives are used appropriately to refer back to previously mentioned concepts.
- How to improve: While the essay demonstrates competency in using cohesive devices, further diversification and sophistication in their usage could elevate the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay. Encouraging the writer to experiment with a wider range of transition words and incorporating cohesive devices such as parallel structure or repetition would enrich the connectivity between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary throughout. There’s evidence of varied lexical choices such as "emergence," "escalated," "curtailing," "deplorable," "plagues," etc. These words are used appropriately and contribute to the overall coherence and clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider incorporating more nuanced vocabulary where appropriate. For instance, instead of using "common," opt for alternatives like "prevalent" or "ubiquitous" to add depth to your expression.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision. Phrases like "improving environmental quality," "addressing housing shortages," and "industrial growth naturally entails some negative impacts" indicate a clear understanding and accurate usage of vocabulary. However, there are a few instances where more precise vocabulary could be utilized. For example, instead of "severe and sometimes irreversible consequences," consider using "catastrophic" or "irreparable" to convey a stronger sense of the impact.
- How to improve: To refine vocabulary precision, carefully consider the context in which words are used and aim for the most fitting terms. Utilize synonyms and related terms to convey shades of meaning more precisely. Additionally, actively expand your vocabulary through reading a diverse range of texts.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally high, with no glaring errors observed. Words are spelled correctly throughout the essay, enhancing readability and professionalism.
- How to improve: To maintain this level of spelling accuracy, continue to practice proofreading your work carefully. Utilize spelling and grammar checkers as well as seek feedback from peers or educators to identify and rectify any potential errors. Additionally, reading extensively can help reinforce correct spelling patterns and familiarize you with commonly misspelled words.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resources, with a wide range of vocabulary utilized effectively to convey ideas. By further refining vocabulary precision and consistently maintaining spelling accuracy, the essay can achieve an even higher level of linguistic sophistication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. It employs simple, compound, and complex sentences effectively to convey ideas. For instance, there are instances of complex sentences such as "Every day, environmental degradation claims numerous lives," which add depth to the argument. Additionally, the use of participial phrases, such as "excessive use of pesticides and insecticides is common in agriculture," enhances the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To further enrich the range of structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as conditional sentences (e.g., "If governments prioritize environmental conservation, the future will be healthier"), or rhetorical devices like parallelism (e.g., "Not only does environmental pollution affect human health, but it also jeopardizes biodiversity"). Introducing these structures can elevate the essay’s coherence and lexical resource.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are a few instances where subject-verb agreement could be improved, such as "Every day, environmental degradation claims numerous lives," where "claims" should agree with the plural subject "degradation." Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors, like missing commas in compound sentences, such as "Many argue that governments should not invest heavily in combating environmental pollution as industrial growth naturally entails some negative impacts."
- How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement throughout the essay, ensuring that verbs correspond correctly with their subjects in number and tense. Moreover, revise sentences to ensure proper comma usage, particularly in compound sentences where coordinating conjunctions (e.g., "and," "but," "while") connect independent clauses. For instance, in the sentence mentioned earlier, adding a comma before "as" would enhance readability: "Many argue that governments should not invest heavily in combating environmental pollution, as industrial growth naturally entails some negative impacts." Additionally, a careful proofreading session focusing on punctuation can help eliminate any overlooked errors and enhance the overall clarity of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Recently, the emergence of uncommon and new diseases has become a major concern for millions globally. Many argue that the key to overcoming these health challenges lies in improving environmental quality and resolving housing issues. I completely agree with this perspective. It’s clear that environmental pollution has now escalated to its highest levels, impacting not only humans but also animals and plants, with severe and sometimes irreversible consequences. Every day, environmental degradation claims numerous lives. For example, excessive use of pesticides and insecticides is common in agriculture, while many industrial operations continue to release toxic substances into our water sources. Curtailing these practices could prevent many diseases. Furthermore, addressing housing shortages, particularly in crowded cities, is crucial in the fight against disease. The homeless, often forced to live in deplorable conditions, are exposed to and spread infectious diseases. Providing them with clean, safe housing would protect their health and that of the broader community. Some argue that governments should not invest heavily in combating environmental pollution, as industrial growth naturally entails some negative impacts. However, it would be impractical and harmful to allow these toxins to compromise public health. In conclusion, I believe that by taking decisive and robust action to improve environmental and housing conditions, governments can prevent many of the modern plagues. It is my hope that our future generations will inherit a world free from disease.